It Is Time: April and May 2021 Updates

Photo by Marcos Ferreira


 Hello All,

The months since we got back from the US and especially the last couple of months have been a whirlwind. The pace of life has felt overwhelming at times, and this month was no exception.

Since we have been back in Honduras, Raúl has had a lot of construction going on at his business which has made for very long working hours and very late dinners for us. In addition to that added stress, he has also been studying for the citizenship test, usually getting up very early in the morning to do so. His demanding schedule often throws my schedule off, and it's been a trying time in regard to maintaining some boundaries for family time. 

Meanwhile, I have continued with teaching English classes and with some one-on-one pastoral counseling/discipleship in addition to some educational sponsorships and tending to some physical needs in our community as they arise. As always, ministry continues to be very relational, and I have been grateful for the times when I have already been able to put things I am learning in grad school into practice.

Last month, I finished up a class that was really time-demanding--diagnostics and treatment planning. I had daily hours of reading about various mental disorders and many treatment plans to complete over the course of the class. This month, I am beginning a new class related to furthering my counseling skills. The workload is significantly less, which is a welcome respite, but we have role plays, which are simply a different kind of challenge. 

This month, we also received word that Raúl's citizenship interview/test has been scheduled for the end of July. Thus, we will be heading to the US again next month to ensure that Raúl has enough time without distractions to study hard, to have enough time to do mandatory quarantine before his appointment, and to hopefully get vaccinated. The logistics of everything related to this interview, to our travel, to our stay (and my continued classes) in the US, and to leaving our household and ministry set-up appropriately is very overwhelming. I am doing my best to take things one assignment at a time, one household chore at a time, and one document at a time. We are pursuing citizenship precisely because we do intend to continue to be missionaries in Honduras. The provision under which we applied is made for people in our position, living overseas. Without the permanence of citizenship, Raúl's residency is at the mercy of legal limbo and whoever fields his passport whenever we enter the country because he spends more time in Honduras than in the US, which is frowned upon as a US resident. The desire is to be able to have the legal immigration foundation to be together wherever the Lord leads us and has us as a family both now and in the future.  

In my personal reflections with the Lord, I can't escape that this is a transition time. My birthday is coming up just next week, and this age feels more pivotal than any other age of the last decade. It feels like the closing of one chapter in order to open a new one. I think that also coincides with this being my tenth year of living in Honduras. This counseling program has simultaneously left me more excited than ever to minister in Honduras because I feel I am being equipped to meet a desperate need in new ways and also more aware of the toll missions has also taken on me over the years. The phrase I hear over and over from God is, "It is time." I'm not sure what all it is time for, and I'm sure that there are numerous things He is orchestrating that I cannot see. But, on my end, I am feeling the conviction that it is time to take better care of my temple--my physical body that often gets put on the backburner, my emotional being that hasn't really processed the last 10 years well, and my spirit that needs to get back in touch with the truth that relationship with Father God is always and has to be the most fulfilling aspect of life, much more so than even ministry. The title of "missionary" can be such a loaded word that carries cultural expectations both in the US and in Honduras that can feel heavy--sometimes too heavy. As I enter into a new decade of life (well, two years in already) and a new season of ministry, I want to learn well from the last season and remember God's faithfulness. But, I also feel like it's time to leave behind many pressures that I put on myself to be enough, to do enough, and to give enough. I was recently encouraged by something one of my professors said. I had been sharing how the reading for the class was causing me to realize that I am in a place where I can cognitively imagine how someone else feels, but I often struggle with actually feeling what someone else feels. In many ways, I think that's because of the intensity of emotions that occurred early on in my life as a missionary because I used to readily feel what others were feeling. As a counselor, ethical expectations and boundaries related to treatment are much clearer than they are for a missionary. You live where you work. You love the people you minister to, and in many ways, the desire is for relationships to reach an egalitarian place rather than causing an "us and them" dependency. You don't stop having emotional needs just because you live on foreign soil. However, we've also had to field many a sad story that was concocted specifically to manipulate. Emotions in many ways have felt weaponized at times to extort, and we've had to learn to be moved by the Holy Spirit more so than by our emotions. The desperation behind the manipulation is real. The needs--both conscious and unconscious--are real. The hurts and life experiences that have led to manipulation are worth caring about and caring for. But, broken people tend to break relationships just as healed people tend to heal relationships. We want to keep ourselves in a humble and healed place, but sometimes that ongoing path feels filled with landmines. All that to return to what my professor said. Basically, she encouraged me to give myself and the Holy Spirit time to do restorative work. It's not that I am not learning counseling skills. It's not that I'm not growing in empathy. I've simply been through a lot in the last 10 years and am simply on the Lord's time table. In many ways, I have felt like the Lord has had me on the bench in ways that have been very uncomfortable. I can tend to want to hide behind the doing rather than facing the real state of my emotional energy levels. But I am dedicated to His leading, and I am finding His kindness in being my great Counselor. He knows what I need better than I know. He knows what I need to bear fruit again. 

As we move forward into May and June, we would really appreciate your prayers especially for this citizenship process. We pray that God would keep us healthy before having to travel, that He would help us prepare all the necessary avenues before traveling, that He would cause the logistics to fall into place for each detail, that He would grant us traveling mercies, that He would aid Raúl in studying efficiently, that He would calm Raúl's nerves before and during the interview, that we would find grace with each person connected to the process, and that this time in the US would be restorative especially for Raúl who has been running himself ragged. 

We so appreciate your ongoing care, support, and friendship.

Sarah

People Helping People: March 2021 Update

Photo by Bob Dmyt

Hello All,

The theme of this month was people helping people and the power of community. On a regular basis, I am reminded that each person is a gift and has so much to offer the world, and on a regular basis, I benefit from the people around me freely being themselves. I benefit from the wisdom, kindness, grace, encouragement, and help from those around me and those with whom I have contact even if they aren't in close proximity. 

One major draw of my master's in counseling program is that it utilizes the cohort model which means that I will have the majority of my classes with the same group of people. Additionally, the Townsend Institute goes the extra mile in starting with a kickoff conference to try to forge relationship among classmates--something so vital when everything takes places online. If it weren't for that initial design (even with its virtual format), there's no way that I would have such a great support system of classmates with whom I'm regularly in communication about homework but also about life. As is the case with so many aspects of life, the people are really what makes an experience special. I really have felt God's guiding hand in the people I have been blessed to meet and continue to get to know through my master's program. 

In the same regard, we had a lot of community members helping one another in our NGO community here in Honduras. We want to love one another well and part of that means supporting one another both in physical needs and in ministry endeavors. Developing a community support system is what our focus is for this year as an NGO, and I've been blessed to see that progressing in ways only the Lord could orchestrate. This past month, we had the privilege of welcoming a new little one into the world by banding together as a community to support a young family. One of the areas in which Raul and I connect in terms of values is loyalty, and so many of our NGO members are the same. Even if we haven't seen a member of our community or a young person that we have sponsored for a while, we still consider each person as valuable and worthy continuing to seek out. This past month was sweet in being able to collaborate to bless a young family with both donations of used baby items in good condition from a sweet Honduran and donations of funds from us and a fellow missionary to purchase diapers, wipes, formula, and food. I will be honest in saying that it's a special joy for me to be able to show love to someone who hasn't asked for it. And the joy of this particular situation was seeing people collaborate and truly be the Body of Christ. We have been around in missions long enough to have learned that we don't want to lead people to a dependency on us, so it's so much sweet when the Body of Christ works together to be generous. 

Another way that our NGO has been developing new connections of supporting one another has been through volunteer opportunities with a fellow missionary's ministry, Fundación Elisheva. Last year, when we celebrated the anniversary of our NGO, this missionary, Kelley, and her husband, Abner, lent us their mission house in order to have our anniversary celebration (before COVID). Little did we know how the Lord was connecting us. A month or so later, Lindsey and I met with Kelley and Abner just because we wanted to share our heart for worship and community, and we wanted to hear their heart and glean from their wisdom. To this day, we don't know how God is connecting us fully, but we've been able to support one another day by day. Abner has been a friend to Raúl, someone who has really blessed my husband. And Kelley regularly checks in and asks how our hearts are. They are in the process of discerning the purposes for two missions houses that they have been renovating. Last year, Raúl had some opportunities to take some volunteers from our NGO community to do some painting and other work. This year, Kelley has starting hosting some trainings for new volunteers, and some of our NGO members have gone to those trainings. I love being able to connect people from different spheres of my world. Lindsey was instrumental in renovating a prayer room at Kelley and Abner's mission houses, and she is now much more available and active in their development as a ministry because she's in close proximity. One of the parts of the Kelley and Abner's vision is healing and restoration of children and families. For this reason, Kelley has been researching opening a Celebration Place--the children's branch of the support program, Celebrate Recovery. Recently, Kelley hosted an online training for Celebrate Recovery/Celebration Place, and I was privileged to be able to attend. 

As I have been learning more about treatments for things like trauma and drug addiction, the more I recognize that some of my fatigue as a missionary has come from a lack of resources. It's so sad and frustrating when a kid living on the streets or battling drug addiction asks for help, and I know that I don't have a ready place or the resources to offer them. The compassion is there, but the resources often are not. So many ministries and missionaries are doing the best they can, just as I have in many seasons of ministry. But, with time and experience also comes more wisdom. I don't just want to do something for the sake of doing something. I want to be responsible in utilizing the wisdom I've gleaned over the years to do something well. Kelley has been a missionary in Honduras for many years and has worked with many different populations. She and Abner have been taking their time to be led by the Lord. Oftentimes, we missionaries can get very overwhelmed with needs and can feel driven by the needs around us. It's an honest intention, but it often can lead to burnout because the needs often never seem to be relieved. Something I really respect about Kelley and Abner's approach is that they're taking the time to educate themselves, to fortify their family, to build a strong foundation of community, and to consult with professionals who have experience in trauma. I don't know what my role could be in their ministry and how the Lord is unfolding it, but I want to champion the resources they are seeking to develop. They are the kind of resources and community that are so desperately lacking, the kind I wish I would have had when I had my kids living with me. God is building something. He is connecting people. He is encouraging us through community. But He is also doing it one day at a time. I often have felt like I've had many false starts as a missionary, but I wouldn't trade the things I've learned or the people and relationships I've collected along the way for anything. The Lord wastes nothing. We are still turning our hearts and our ears toward Him with an expectant "What's next?"

On a family note, I had the joy of being included via Zoom in my grandmother's 84th birthday celebration. As vaccinations are taking place, and most of my family has now been vaccinated, they were able to experience some closeness that had been absent for a year. It was bittersweet to not be physically present and also know that Raul and I are lagging behind in that vaccinations aren't available here right now. But, it was special to see my extended family enjoying each other's company and celebrating such a special lady--my Nannie. 

One final thought--I'm currently reading Brene Brown's book, Rising Strong. In it, she has a whole section relaying a struggle that she had with the question of whether everyone is truly doing the best that they can. In the midst of pandemic protocols and daily loss and work from home fatigue, I think sometimes the humans of society have been at each other's throats. When we see racism and COVID deaths and mask-wearing conflicts or feel our freedom is being threatened or politics are disappointing, despair can come creeping in, and we can begin to live with a bitter, suspicious eye and a mind that's quick to judge others as selfish or fearful. In the midst of Brene Brown's wrestling with this question, she realized that there is so much judgment to go around, when in reality, we all need grace. We may find ourselves superior to others in one area, but it's a guarantee that those people likely find us sorely lacking in some other area. I appreciated Brene Brown's husband's stance the most. He said something to the effect that he doesn't truly know if everyone is doing the best they can all the time, but his life is better when he chooses to give the benefit of the doubt that they are. I am not always great at this, but I want to mindfully improve in giving the benefit of the doubt. It's so easy to take offense or to use one mistake (or what we perceive as a mistake) as a reason to write off someone entirely. Humans are more complex than that. Story proves that to us time and time again. It'll be better for our relationships and for our own health if we could choose to believe that everyone is doing the best they can. I know I want other people to extend that benefit of the doubt to me, so I should extend it to others. 

Thank you for the grace, prayers, and loyalty you extend to us. You are part of our community too, and we're so grateful for that fact.

Sarah 

The Value of Wisdom and a Listening Ear: February 2021 Update

 Hello All,



Even avoiding unnecessary trips out or group socialization, this past month was very busy. January and February are always full of administrative tasks, and this year is no exception. I am happy to report, however, that I'm ahead of schedule and starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel in that regard. During the last month, I have also been juggling grad school assignments focused on counseling skills. 
It has felt like a tough class for a variety of reasons, but I have been encouraged by the ability to put some of the things I'm learning into practice with my husband and also within our community of loved ones. I've had some privileged opportunities to be able to offer a listening ear or a piece of advice to some dear friends, and the feedback I've received from them has been life-giving. Many many years ago, when I first came to Honduras and was visiting Alvin Anderson's ministry, I remember clearly his saying that oftentimes what is lacking in a person's (especially a young person's) life is trustworthy relationship with mature people who can offer sound advice. We focus on money or employment or other material resources, but wisdom and direction are priceless. I am in my tenth year (crazy, isn't it?!) of living in Honduras, and I whole-heartedly agree with that statement. There's a reason that Solomon chose wisdom instead of material wealth or fame or even opportunity as his greatest prize. I have been reminded often recently of how much need there is around me in the realm of mental and emotional health. Suicide, areas of great hurt and betrayal, domestic violence, and even just COVID stress and anxiety are present in the people around me, but resources for processing hard emotions and hard situations are very, very scarce. People are desperate for the listening ear of someone trustworthy to be able to vent their burdens, and people also feel frozen and stuck for lack of guiding wisdom. Most of the counsel that takes place in many populations in Honduras comes from pastors who haven't been trained in counseling, who often haven't had healthy parental figures themselves, and who often have a personal stake in the state of the person being counseled because of their involvement in the pastor's ministry. Many pastors do the best that they can just as many missionaries do the best they can, myself included. But, I found many times when I was encountering really serious issues in the lives of people seeking me out for advice that I didn't feel educated and equipped to handle. There will always be times when the Holy Spirit will lead, but I am also grateful for the opportunity to fill my toolbox in such a way as to be much more of a blessing to others. I think the Holy Spirit can lead us to formal education as well. 

Meanwhile, one way we sought to offer support in the form of community this past month was virtually in our annual assembly for the NGO here. It was such a blessing to hear everyone share where God was leading them and see ways that God is knitting our community together through unique talents meeting unique needs. Hondurans and North Americans serving one another and serving others together.

In February, I had the opportunity to speak at an online women’s conference alongside Lindsey. It was organized by Kelley, a fellow missionary who has become a special part of our ministry community. The theme centered on women realizing their God-given value. Women here are very rarely taught their value, how to discover their gifts, and how to live out their callings. Most women here define themselves by their spouses or children. It was a special time, and I felt that many of the women in our discussion groups were sponges, hoping for even more.  

An Update on Marvin
Some of you may remember Marvin, the young man who lived in my home many years ago. He has been in prison for robbery for around 3 years and has some time to go. At the end of last year, he contacted us and has since been in regular communication. He is serving the Lord within the prison and recently asked us for discipleship materials to continue leading others in their group of inmates in spiritual growth. While Marvin’s road has been long, I am grateful that the seeds planted are still growing. Please join us in praying for him and for his future. 

Thank you all for reading, for your prayers, and for your support!
Sarah

A Time to Be Mindful: January 2021 Update

 
At the beginning of every year, I like to have a plan and idea of our ministerial goals for the year. As I write this, I have been back in Honduras for a few days after a couple months to ponder those questions, and I still feel at a loss because of COVID. The medical system in Honduras is under great strain, and I have found myself comparing notes with other missionaries as we wrestle the ethical questions of how to love others well without contributing to COVID deaths and the burden on medical professionals. There are no easy or convenient answers.

Every year, I also ask the Lord to give me one word to serve as a theme to God’s leading for the year. This year, my word is “time.” I don’t know how God will utilize that word throughout this year, but I am increasingly feeling that God is inviting me to surrender my concepts of productivity and planning as they relate to time. Proverbs 16:9 says, “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” We had a lot of plans for 2020, but 2020 didn’t look the way anyone expected it to.

The word “unprecedented” was thrown around a lot in 2020 in relation to US politics, hurricanes in Honduras, and COVID-19. In my counseling classes, I have been learning that the human brain is wired for anticipation. We utilize our past experiences to predict the ways that we should behave. Much of the stress of 2020 and going into 2021 comes from those “unprecedented” circumstances. Our brains are grasping at straws trying to regain a sense of control which is why people are responding very differently to the same circumstances.

It can be tempting to feel like this season is a loss because it is keeping us from normalcy, but God created our markers of time and said they were good. In Ecclesiastes, it says that there is a time for everything; thus, time is not meant to be our enemy. God sees time as good, even this time during COVID and other trying circumstances is full of purpose and redemption even in spite of suffering. During these unprecedented times, I believe God is giving us an opportunity to grasp what it truly means to enter into His Sabbath rest, to abide in His sense of time, and to partner with Him in redeeming time. Rather than the striving question of “Am I doing enough?”, I want to be able to answer “Am I doing and being what God is asking of me for this season?” without making assumptions based on my own insecurities. I have no idea what 2021 will hold, but I am committed to stopping for the One and also deepening my intimacy with God to know how to respond to each person, situation, idea, and need that appears. We can get so focused on what we are working toward in the present, for the future, that we can forget how to be loving, godly, surrendered people today. We can become so focused on fear of the future or how long our circumstances will persist that we can forget to fully live in our current reality. Dr. Curt Thompson, Christian psychiatrist, encourages us to take a cue from Psalm 13 and learn to delight daily in who God is. We can trust that this time is not wasted and that He is utilizing this time for His Kingdom’s benefit and our benefit. The best way that we can partner with God to redeem this time is to align ourselves with His will and character every day. 

So often in missions we can hide behind agendas or mission statements. We certainly need boundaries and cannot meet every need, so having plans and defined goals helps us to know what is purposeful and what may be a good thing but not the best thing. However, missions still start in the heart of our character more so than in our geographic location or our chosen population to minister to. I don't want to hide behind the justification that I distributed food today, so I can ignore my husband's need for patience as he does his English lessons. I don't want to be in such a hurry to check off my to do list that I miss the opportunity to attentively listen to someone whose tone of voice on the phone tells me that they're at a breaking point. I have long believed that missions has to be rooted in intimacy with God, to know His heart, to know the calling He has on our lives, and to make decisions that line up with His vantage point of eternity. This year, probably more than ever before, I feel an invitation to return to that simplicity because of the ethical dilemmas presented by COVID. Right now, I think if we try to apply blanket approaches to our situations, we're going to miss so many opportunities for healing, restoration, and hope. It's uncomfortable to have to make so many decisions with patience and a continually inclined ear toward the Lord, but it's the only place of safety for me. 

Thus, my plan for this year boils down to being mindful and patient to discern with God every day what it is that He is asking me to do--to scoop up serendipitous moments that weren't on my time table, to take the time to be aware of my deeper motivations for both precautions and calculated risks, and to be sensitive to the needs around me with the guiding light of God's perspective of eternity. That's a tall order, and I know there will be times when I miss it. Yet, I feel that I may just look back at this season of missions as being one of the most pivotal. 

With all of that said, January and February are inevitably a time to focus on administrative tasks such as tax preparation and NGO reports for the Honduran government. It's also a time to get our fingers on the pulse of what the greatest needs are within our community and relationships. This year, that is likely going to involve a lot of innovation in order to also keep people safe and to be responsible for any ripple effect our actions may have. As I have been saying, we so need prayers for wisdom. Even with limitations, I feel hope and a certain excitement for this year. One of my counseling professors says, "The obstacle is the way out," and I am holding onto that as we consider new ways of ministering. It's possible that some of the ways we innovate in this season could be a new divine direction toward God's strategy. Thus, I am trying not to see circumstances as disappointing but rather inviting. God is creative, and He gives us the ability to be creative as well. We are committed to still being good stewards and still loving others well, and we're also willing to seek the Lord and be patient to discern what that looks like. 

If there are ways that your ministry, your business, your church, or your family have been innovating in COVID times that are working for you, I'd love to hear about them and learn from you! Feel free to send me an e-mail at sarah.crickenberger@gmail.com . In the mean time, thank you as always for your support, for keeping up with us, and for your prayers. 

All of my love,
Sarah 

Hurricane Eta and Hurricane Iota: (Belated) November Update

 

Hello All,

This update is long overdue. To be truthful, I have been overwhelmed and at a loss for exactly what to say, and November was a perfect storm of travel, hurricanes, heavy homework load, immigration issues, and Thanksgiving. 

To begin, the week we were scheduled to fly out of Honduras, Hurricane Eta made landfall. All of the newscasters were comparing Hurricane Eta to Hurricane Mitch, which hit Honduras in 1998 and left the nation destitute. Just earlier that week I had talked to a young man who had been left homeless as a child as a result of Mitch. In the national history, there is a before Mitch and an after Mitch. When I compared Doppler footage from Mitch and Eta, they looked very similar and scary. We had no way of knowing how bad the devastation would be because it wasn't so much about wind as it was about rainfall--same as Mitch. Flooding and landslides were the primary concern. Our home sits on a hill leading to a mountain top, but because our house was placed in a cleft where the hill was dug out, it sits in the pathway of water flowing downward. This concerned me, so we prepared by digging trenches, emptying our cistern when it filled, and keeping an eye on water buildup. I can say that if we had not had a rock retaining wall behind our house, our house would have filled with water and mud because mudslides behind our house happened before they built the retaining wall. Thankfully, our house was fine, and most of Tegucigalpa was spared though there certainly were some homes that fell victim to isolated flooding and landslides. The rest of the nation experienced widespread flooding with devastating results. The airport was closed the day before we were set to fly out, so we packed but didn't know if we would make it out or not. We did. 

Upon arriving in the US, we received a great victory--we had no issues entering the border despite Raul's having been out of the country for more than a year. We also didn't have to pay a waiver. This was a huge relief and the product of months of prayer. 

Just a few days later, Honduras was facing yet another hurricane--Hurricane Iota. People had been trapped on roofs for days following Eta. Numerous people were living on the streets because they were displaced and couldn't return to their homes since they were under water. People were missing, and temporary shelters were packed. The government had acted slowly in evacuating people for Eta because it fell in a week that the government had declared a holiday week in an effort to bolster the tourism industry that was suffering greatly due to COVID restrictions that had been in place since March. For Hurricane Iota, however, the government began evacuating early. It was another slow-moving storm though a Category 5. Nicaragua and some parts of Honduras got hit with the brunt of the winds. The rest of the country suffered with the rain. The storm was much larger than Hurricane Eta and enveloped the entire nation. Once again, Tegucigalpa was largely spared, but the areas that were hit the hardest by Hurricane Eta were hit again. 

Because I don't have firsthand pictures, I'm choosing not to publish what isn't mine on this platform, but the pictures that emerged on social media were absolutely devastating. The airport we are set to fly into in January still has standing mud inside as it was underwater. Many people can't even return to their homes to try to salvage anything because the water hasn't fully receded yet. US news hasn't covered the damage nearly at all since I have been here, so you really would have to look to find footage, but you will find it if you search for it. I have seen it estimated recently that it will take a decade or longer for Honduras to recover. For most of the nation, the double damage of Hurricane Eta and Hurricane Iota was a repeat of Mitch. People who worked their whole lives to build a small home or to establish even a meager livelihood lost everything in a matter of weeks. Just to give you an idea of how impactful these events were, here are some statistics published by a national newspaper in Honduras:

1.7 million people were affected
More than 8000 families lost everything
37,000 are in temporary shelters (in the ongoing midst of COVID)
59,406 were evacuated
28,039 people were rescued from the water

A governmental report assessing damage after the first hurricane stated that:

10,326 people are now displaced
46 known landslides occurred
7,556 were either destroyed, flooded, or damaged
79 rivers overflowed
39 roads were blocked

Can you imagine what was added to that during the second hurricane? There are whole communities of people who cannot return to their homes because landslides washed the roads away. There are communities that were cut off from major commercial routes that bring food because bridges were destroyed. 

The Honduran Foreign Minister updated the previous statistics by saying that:

276,000 people were evacuated between the two hurricanes
123,000 people were rescued from the water
130,000 people are now living in shelters
35,000 homes were destroyed or damaged
37 bridges were destroyed
57 bridges were damaged 

According to the UN, of the 9.1 million people in Honduras, there are 2.3 million people in need. It is estimated that $69.2 million dollars will be needed to meet that need in a country where corruption is rampant. Those estimates were made BEFORE the damage of the second hurricane. (All of the above statistics were facilitated by posts from fellow missionaries.) COVID lockdowns were lifted following the hurricanes and have not been reinstated thus far. The nation had been under lockdown since March. Honduras is now experiencing an uptick in COVID cases. 

If you would like to see footage of the devastation in Honduras due to flooding, you can watch these videos:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Q4ve0ZidNs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLhVb1J_oUo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KO3vfX3lK_8

One of the reasons why this update is so belated is that it is so heartbreaking that I don't know what to say. Watching interviews with the people of Honduras who lost everything makes me cry, and there have been many nights when I've been awake at night asking the question over and over, "Where do we go from here?" I don't have easy answers for that as a nation or even as a ministry. The need is great, but it's mostly concentrated in areas that we do not frequent. We don't have close connections or relationships with the communities most affected, and in the midst of COVID, I still have not discerned what the appropriate response is for us personally. We want to love well, and we also want to do no harm. What I know that we can do and will continue to do while we are Stateside is to funnel funds to missionary friends who are on the ground in those communities cleaning homes, distributing food and clothing, and being the hands and feet of Jesus. If you would like to make a donation to those relief efforts of our trusted friends, you can go to www.godsendinc.org to make a tax-deductible donation via PayPal (please just include a note that it is for hurricane relief), or you can send a check to Godsend, Inc. at:
1608 Boulder Road
Buckhannon, WV 26201
(please also include a note that it is for Honduras hurricane relief)

I still can't wrap my head around the need or our role in filling it once we get back to Honduras, but I will continue to pray and seek God's discernment. I would appreciate your prayers for that discernment. 

Since we have been in West Virginia, COVID cases have been incredibly high (as has been the case throughout most of the US). It seems that every week someone else I know has it, is hospitalized with it, or has a loved one who has passed away because of it. We have just been home with my parents, and we thankfully did not contract COVID during our travels. We so appreciated your prayers for our protection, and we will again ask for them for our return trip in January.

One major battle that we faced just last week was accomplishing the fingerprinting needed for Raúl's citizenship application to be processed. For anyone who feels the strong conviction that immigration should be done legally, I hear you, and I also sincerely hope that you have done your homework to know what a challenge that is. I won't get into the details of how difficult it was and how truly truly frustrating the system is for me, but if you'd like to have a better understanding of how hopeless it can be to navigate the system, please send me a message. I wish that more Christians would educate themselves on the matter. Suffice it to say that it was an absolute miracle (after months of prayer) and two kind souls that made it possible for his fingerprinting to be completed. I had called and called the national hotline and had received no help. In fact, two days after I called and received no help, our deadline was inexplicably moved up from February 2 to December 30, or his case would be closed. Now, I feel like I can breathe again, and we settle into the studying portion of the process. USCIS is backed up with cases due to COVID, so while it is estimated that Raúl will have to return in June in order to take his citizenship test, it is hard to know if that estimation is accurate or not. Either way, we appreciate your prayers for his studying endeavors and the process in general. 

One additional praise report and joy for this month was that our sponsored student Estefanny received her high school diploma and also got married to Brayan (another student we have sponsored). It took a year of hassle, dead ends, lies, and frustrations for her high school to finally give her the diploma she earned. This cost her a year of college studies, but we are so grateful to have it in hand at last. I am proud of her perseverance to continue knocking on the door. This month she and Brayan also got married after many years of dating. Brayan is an excellent young man who loves God, and I have been blessed by the way they have honored God in their relationship and in preparing for marriage. I have known Estefanny since she was 13-years-old and was able to witness the way God has transformed her life and the lives of her family members. I wonder what 13-year-old Estefanny (who was so full of hurt and looking for relief in places that wounded more) would have thought about the life she now leads. I don't think she would have believed it was possible. I am so proud of her and Brayan.  



November was a fight or flight month. God proved Himself faithful to us every time, but I still feel like my soul doesn't know how to process all of the grief. Hurricane grief. COVID grief. Grief for my brothers and sisters who find themselves just doing the best they can and wondering if it is enough. As we enter December, I am trying to give myself permission to feel what I need to feel. I hope you'll do the same. Feeling the reality of grief never lessens the faithfulness or power of the Father. We cannot be comforted if we refuse to mourn. 

All of my love, 
Sarah 

Leaning and Depending: October Update

Photo by Dimitri Houtteman

Hello all,

A common sense among churches and, in some cases, missionaries alike is that October is a heavy month spiritually whether that seems to come about through spiritual warfare in circumstances or is simply a heavy blanket of oppression that hovers over Honduras. It seems like every year I remember at the beginning of the month to be vigilant, and by the end of the month, I've forgotten and am wondering why everything seems so full of despair and devastation. Someday, I will wise up the whole month. All of that to say--it's a good idea to be praying for missionaries this month. My little community here has seemed to take so many hits recently that I have found myself wondering how to hold so much suffering.

Recently, I found myself preaching to myself as I encouraged a friend. We were processing grief in general, and I was just struck by the reminder from the Holy Spirit that we're supposed to be dependent. Through various inputs, I have felt so burdened by the state of the world in so many respects, and I've wondered now in our seventh month of lockdown if there is ever an end in sight. While I want to be able to fully sooth and take away the pain of loved ones and the injustice that comes from a sin-filled world, I am left feeling vastly inadequate. Yet, this is the point. I cannot find hope apart from my Creator. I cannot be a source of life for others if I'm not willing to be dependent on God myself first. We were always meant to be needy and to have to rely on God and others for support. It's not my calling to hold all of the suffering of the world or to know all of the answers to the hard "why" questions. It's merely my job to lean into Him--even when angry, even when questioning, even when I'm struggling to hold onto hope. And, choosing to be present in the suffering of others is what it means to take up our cross and follow Jesus. It's the very thing that He modeled for us. He contended with Father God in the Garden, but He ultimately chose to be the Savior. I cannot ease all of the pain of others as I am not the Savior, but I can be present to walk with them through it even when I'm unsure and stumbling myself.

This month, we applied for Raúl's US citizenship. Our intention is to continue to do missions work here in Honduras, so our reasoning for proceeding with citizenship is because there is no convenient provision in the law for our current status. Every time we go to the States, he is at risk of someone questioning why he has residency but isn't residing in the US full-time. Additionally, as a multicultural, multi-country family, we want the security that our family will always be able to be together legally. Applying for US citizenship is something Raúl and I talked about since we got married, but it took us a long time to save up enough money to apply. And, he had to have US residency first. This, however, does not change the fact that we are still missionaries in Honduras for the foreseeable future. I have to be honest--anything related to bureaucracy and government departments makes me nervous because we've had so many negative experiences in both of our countries. I struggle with anxiety because everything feels so threatening, and I feel I have to cover all of my bases and not make any tiny error in the process while we've already suffered at the hands of authorities who have made careless errors that have cost us needless money and time. I have to remind myself often that there is a Kingdom above all kingdoms, and I reside in it and that there is Someone holding us and our process in hands greater than any system. I would ask for your prayers. While it will take months for his application to be processed, and we still have an issue of getting an appointment for fingerprinting, Raúl will have to pass an English writing and reading test, an interview, and a US civics test in English. It's a test that would be difficult for the average US citizen much less for someone who very minimally operates in English as a second language. He started studying when we got married, stopped for a while, and has since started again. Academics have never been an area where he feels confidence, so we're also up against some self-esteem and self-confidence obstacles. I want to see this situation as an opportunity for God to instill some new self-worth in my husband and unravel many years of painful words from teachers and others who told him he would never amount to anything. It just feels like a lot is at stake, and we are so in need of God's grace and divine favor.

In a matter of weeks, we will be traveling to the US. This will be the first time I will see my family in almost a year. I am so excited to see them while I know that life there and this trip in general is going to look very different from how it normally does. We appreciate your prayers for safe travels and health in the process. We're used to taking precautions because Honduras has been a lot stricter than the US in many respects. But, as always, there is risk involved.

Before we go, we will be distributing one more round of provision bags to bring the total to around 310. Businesses have re-opened for the most part, and the need related to COVID in our community is lessening though the country has taken a drastic economic hit throughout the pandemic that will impact poverty levels for years to come.

Meanwhile, I just finished my second class in my master's program. I have reiterated over and over again just how astounded I am by God's faithfulness and provision in allowing me to study during this time because I feel so grateful. But, this month especially, lockdown has been wearing me down, and I have felt quite clearly that having assignments and class and this reason to get up in the morning that is tied to learning, community, and hope for the future has been a lifeline for keeping me sane. Human beings are so geared for purpose, and most of my purposes have been stripped or greatly renegotiated. Yet, counseling has continued through friendship, giving advice, and being supportive through limited meetings, phone calls, and messages. Thus, I feel blessed to be able to operate in and already put into practice the things that I'm learning in an area that has been an ongoing need now more than ever.

We are so appreciative of you and so aware of our dependency on our community. You lift us up when we're struggling, and you are woven deeply into our story.

All of my love,
Sarah

Steady: September Update

                                            Photo by Austin Neill

This past month marked nine years of living in Honduras and six months of being on lockdown. I can hardly believe either of those things. I honestly feel like the lockdown time is getting to me. If I didn't have so much of my time occupied by grad school, I think I would be feeling a lot more desperate for more fresh air and space and feelings of freedom. Things are beginning to open back up again, but we are still only allowed to go out on certain days based on our ID numbers. Yet, celebrating nine years of living in Honduras has also served to put all of life into perspective. God has been good and faithful for so long, and it is outstanding the things I have lived through in the last nine years. If He has carried me this long, this season is no different. It has felt a bit like being on a ship in the middle of the ocean. I don't know what is going to emerge on that horizon. It could be tumultuous or it could be saving grace. Regardless, I feel oddly steady in the midst of the uncertainty. I have to believe He will navigate me through this as well. 

Immigration Testimony
We have great news! The exact same day that I wrote my last update asking for prayer that Raúl would receive his US residency card soon, it arrived! Some new missionaries offered to bring it down to us, and it is now in hand. Since it has already been too long for Raúl to have been out of the US, we have to make a trip and will be doing so for the Thanksgiving/Christmas holidays with some added quarantine time in November. Traveling during this season is a bit daunting, but having a unique immigration situation also paints you into many unexpected corners. We would ask for your prayers for our protection and also for favor with Border Control. The US Embassy is still closed, so filing returning visa paperwork for Raúl would have been impossible. We are asking God for His favor in not having to pay a hefty waiver upon entry as a result. The other aspect of travel that is a challenge is that I will still be in grad school classes, and figuring out how and where to have reliable internet in rural West Virginia can be an adventure. Honestly, though, I am so ready to see my family for the first time this year, and I am eager to be able to breathe in some fresh air outside of the four walls of my house. 

COVID and Provision Update
While businesses are now fully opened, a full-time curfew is still in effect in Honduras which means we are still only allowed to leave our houses once every ten days unless we obtain a special permission (which is not easy to get…we’ve tried!). So, at this point, ministry still looks like food distribution as we are up to 266 provision bags total, and it looks like maintaining relationships as much as we can. 

Longstanding Relationships
Some of those relationships we are taking care of are those with my kids. Josuan is living nearby and working with Raúl, and Marvin has started calling me from prison. He is supposed to be released soon. He has been involved in a group of Christians within the prison and an inmate pastor took him under his wing. Jorge recently celebrated a birthday, and his mother could use some prayers as she was hit by a car and is recovering from her injuries. Meanwhile, Stef and I still communicate, and God has given some good opportunities to share life together. A lot of my recent interactions--virtual and otherwise--have reinforced my decision to study counseling. Giving advice, listening, and being a dependable presence is something that I've already been doing. I don't know what ministry is going to hold in the aftermath of COVID. I don't know how much longer it will be before we actually enter into the aftermath part of the story. It seems like we're still in it, so it's hard to tell what life is going to look like. What I can say is that I've been noticing how many businesses appear to be closed for good and how many more people are on the streets asking for financial help to buy food. Poverty was already an issue before COVID, but I don't really know what the damage is going to be and what my home is going to look like as we emerge from this. I want to be wise and sensitive as a missionary to discern what God's strategies are along with the shifting circumstances. Meanwhile, we continue prayer and worship. And I continue my grad school classes. I am enjoying what I am learning, and so far, it is going well. 

Personal Update
This season of COVID has presented a lot of stress for everyone, myself included. I am trying to keep in tune with how I am doing and be pro-active in self-care. That has been challenging at times with periods of insomnia and other stress-related ailments. So, all of that to say, I am looking forward to some time in the States. I know that the entire world isn't really normal right now, so going to the US isn't an escape from reality. But, I am eager for a change of scenery and a feeling of refuge with my family and the hills of West Virginia. 

I am so grateful for the ways God has blessed me here in Honduras, led me, and allowed me to be a vessel of His love to those around me. I don’t know what the future holds here in Honduras especially with COVID, but my desire is to remain faithful and to discern how the Holy Spirit continues to lead. Thank you so much for sticking with us in your prayers and support all of this time. Nine years is truly a celebration that includes you since I wouldn’t have been able to last here so long if it wasn’t for the support system of the Body of Christ both in Honduras and in the US. We love you all dearly!

Sarah