Rest, Wisdom, Roots, and Worship

Hello All,


It has been quite a while since I last updated, and so much has happened! To start, in the end of July we had a team of ten people from Hedgesville, West Virginia, including some of my former high school students from student teaching, two other teachers, and my facilitating teacher, Nancy. It was so wonderful to have them here. I was so proud of how they represented my state and me because they were such a great example of what I hope for teams to be when they come. I think the thing that they did that made the biggest difference to me was purposefully desiring to include Honduran teenagers in their everyday activities. Some teams are great about including and interacting with Hondurans who happen to be around during projects and the like, but the Hedgesville Hope for Honduras team was the first to ask Alvin to purposefully include some Hondurans their own age to build lasting, deeper relationships. I recognize that this isn’t always easy for other teams because of the language barrier, but that was the other blessing of the kids of Hedgesville—they all had had at least some Spanish education and were willing to practice their skills even knowing they were going to make mistakes. As a teacher and a missionary, it was so amazing to watch the kids connecting and participating in the culture and really acquiring the language more and more every day. While they were here, they visited an elementary school and the government-run centers, Casitas Kennedy and 21 de Octubre. They also painted Feeding Center #1 which also involved building a scaffold to reach the highest places. They visited the hospital to give donations to the poor, new mothers, and they had collected and brought SO MANY items that their donations touched every facet of the ministry with even some overflow to help other ministries. They also did street ministry and visited the dump, taking sandwiches and water to the people working there in the hot sun. Their most exemplary quality as a group was their attitude. They were so eager to jump in even when it meant exiting their comfort zones. They danced with the dance team girls at church (I’ve never seen any team ever do that before). They tried Honduran food and were the first team to accompany Raúl and me on a Sunday to visit his mom’s restaurant. They looked the people at the dump in the eyes and were so laid back in doing street ministry. They talked with the boys at 21 de Octubre and let the adolescent girls at Casitas Kennedy play with/fix their hair. When we had an accident while painting Feeding Center #1 that involved Orlin getting a head injury, they jumped to action administering first aid and cradling and comforting Orlin like one of their own. They also included and paid for their new Honduran friends in their recreational beach trip which everyone enjoyed. I know that reading this it may not seem like that big of a difference, but so many things that they willingly took part in within a new culture and immersed in a different language are things that I’ve never seen other teams do.



I, personally, was so blessed that they came. On the Sunday they were here, I was just overcome with tears to recognize God’s faithfulness. Sometimes, in the daily grind of life and in mounting difficult circumstances, it’s easy to feel like God has forgotten our hearts’ desires or that He’s not working on our behalf or that we’ll never see the fruition of seeds we’ve planted. But, having my students here was such an encouragement. God led me to Hedgesville High School to student teach my last semester of college in 2011. God spoke to Nancy and asked her to accept me as her student teacher, and even though it was unorthodox, she allowed me to teach a lengthy unit about Honduras. It was amazing to me then (and even more amazing to me now) that at the beginning of the unit, the students wrote in their journals that they didn’t get the point of learning about the poverty and the culture of Honduras but by the end of the unit, some of them felt some kind of connection with the people in Honduras. At times, it felt like I was wasting my breath, and I was so exhausted during student teaching with creating everything to teach about Honduras from scratch. I could have just done enough to get by, to graduate, and get out. But, God had given me such a beautiful opportunity in Nancy’s willingness and had placed such a love in my heart for Hondurans and for my students, that I knew that I couldn’t waste it. It was worth every minute of lost sleep, getting a terrible bout of the flu after spending four years of college never being sick, and putting off my senior project to be conquered after my first student teaching stint. When I left, Nancy had already mentioned coming to Honduras at some point, but what blessed and surprised both of us was that the students approached her about coming with her. They worked so hard to raise money and to collect items to bless the people here. Words cannot express how proud I am of them, how happy I am that they want to come back, and how encouraged I am that God is absolutely able to work through our planted seeds and faithfulness in His way and timing. If you'd like to check out the students' thoughts on their blog, go to http://hopeforhonduras.tumblr.com/.

Ashley with lots of little boys we visited at a school

Nancy making friends as usual

Orlin painting Feeding Center #1

The girls (Ashley and Clara Beth) teaching Mayra how to paint

Christian (with Kaci and Michelle) not even pretending to look busy ;)

Aaron, Matt, and Señor Chip helping with the scaffold

  

One of the ladies with her grandchild during street ministry

Street ministry

Kaci talking with Alvin and Michael

Matt and Clara Beth visiting with the kids from the streets while handing out drinks

Michael and Antonio

Me and Jeffery--this kid is SO SMART!

Beach day!

We even tricked Raúl into coming to relax and have a good time with us--we had him drive one of the cars!

The baby and me

The whole crew--vikingo, gringos, and catrachos

After the team left, Michael left about a week later. I was so sad to see him go. He has been such a good friend to me in a time when I really needed it most. With his leaving, I felt a bit like I was going to go back to the loneliness of before. He and Mathias had been here six months of my near year here, so they had become a staple of my everyday life. But, God is faithful always, and I am happy to say that even as we left Michael at the airport, a very old school Jaci Velazquez song (that I didn't even have) echoed in my head, "I will rest in You, I will rest in You." As friends come and go, I am blessed that I can always rest in Him. I am also so proud and excited for Michael as the next part of his adventure has taken him to Canada where he's meeting lots of new, friendly people and still finding time to Skype with me occasionally.

 To update you on some of the other characters in my ongoing story here, I can say that we’re always learning the rhythms of God’s grace. As you may remember from past updates, Orlin and Estiven were two young men who had worked with Raúl who were doing their best to exit their old lifestyles of drugs and to commit their lives to God. While the team was here, Orlin was one of the ones who spent lots of time getting to know the kids and practicing Spanish. He and Nancy, especially, had a special mother/grandmother/son connection. He was doing pretty well when I first got back, and as I mentioned, I enjoyed taking him under my wing and encouraging him.




That is usually my heart in how I interact with people—I always want to believe the best about everyone. This, in general, can be a good quality, but it can also make me blind, sometimes, to reality or make me act in such a way that does not demonstrate wisdom. Growing up, I never understood and was even somewhat bothered by the verse in Matthew 10 that says, “Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be as shrewd as serpents and as innocent as doves.” The Message even uses the word “cunning” instead of “shrewd,” and the fact that the Bible usually connects serpents to evil also made me confused by this verse. But, after living here, I know the truth that this message holds. Now, more so than ever, I see the absolute necessity that we have for not only wisdom but the Body of Christ, for each other.



A prime example deals with Orlin. I’m the kind of person who gives all or nothing. I am so 100% that I find it difficult to hold back, and I end up letting everything I feel show which others can sometimes use to their own advantage. Before the team came, Orlin called me upset because he had fallen—he was at the dumpster past Raúl’s business, and he was high for the first time since he had made the choice to live for God. He was very upset and didn’t know what to do, so I told him to get himself out of the situation and away from the guys who were going to tempt him to do more. I told him to go to Raúl’s business, but he insisted that he didn’t want to do that because Raúl didn’t have any work for him to do and ignored him. So, I told him I’d go to him. It’s a bit of a walk from the house down to Raúl’s business and farther to the dumpster, so by the time I reached Raúl’s, it was pouring the rain. Raúl asked me what I was doing, and I explained about Orlin’s phone call. Raúl’s response was, “Sarah, you can do whatever you want, but please don’t go down there. All of those guys are high, and even though all of them know me and know you’re my friend, so I don’t think anything would happen to you, they’re going to say vulgar stuff to you, and I just don’t want that. Please don’t go down there. I just don’t see it being a good situation.”



Well, for any of you who know me personally, you probably also know that I’m relatively fearless and stubborn. So, while I appreciated his desire to protect me, I didn’t really see myself as being in any danger, and I had told Orlin that I was going to come to him. I wasn’t worried about anything those guys were going to say to me. Thus, when the rain let up, without saying a word to Raúl, I started walking down there. He yelled after me, “Sarah! Where are you going?” That was a dumb question because he knew where I was going, but I stopped because he’d started running after me. By the time he reached me, I was half way to the dumpster. “Sarah, please don’t go down there. It’d be different if I was with you, but please? Don’t trust Orlin, Sarah. Look, he’s right there. He can see that you’re here. You’ve already walked all the way from the house. He should be man enough to walk to the business and not make you go there.” He was right—I could see Orlin from where I was standing, and he clearly saw me. So, I agreed to go back to the business with Raúl, who continued, “Sarah, why did he call you? You’re a woman. He could’ve called me. He could’ve called Nahum or Papi. Why did he call you?” He was right. Sometimes, I get so caught up in wanting to rescue someone and feeling like I’m needed that I miss when the other person is using me or putting me in dangerous situations. I explained that Orlin thought that Raúl ignored him, and Raúl explained, “I don’t ignore him. You’ve been at the business enough to know what it gets like when we have a lot of customers. I don’t have time to stop and chat when we’re only two guys working here with four cars waiting.” He’s right, and as far as not having any work to give Orlin, he’s already employing/helping two other drug addicts and only has so much that he can spread around in terms of salaries. Raúl has never “run off” any of those boys whether they show up high or sober, hateful or tranquil, hungry or full. Even after so many of them lie to him, steal from him, and talk badly about him to others, he still lets them spend time with him at the business and even goes so far to give them his own lunch when they’re hungry. Just as it is with the girls from the Eagle’s Nest, the fact that they still come around is evidence enough that their own negative words simply aren’t true.



Orlin did eventually come to me at the business, and I persuaded him to walk back up to the house. The whole way home, the only thing he had to say was how he had more bad friends than good friends, and how terrible of a person Raúl was. There was no responsibility taken for his own actions in choosing to do drugs again. Internally, I had to laugh because he picked the absolute worst person to be talking badly to about Raúl and because, in his attitude, I could see that Raúl was right. That isn’t to say that Raúl and I don’t believe that God is completely capable of changing Orlin’s life, healing his past, and helping him escape a life of drugs. We never want to write anyone off as being beyond God’s reach. We want to believe for them all. But, there is the necessity to love others not because of their bad stories or because of pity or even because of Christian obligation but simply because Jesus loves them, and there is a great necessity to constantly seek God as to how that love looks rather than making assumptions. That is why once I stopped being stubborn, I was so grateful for Raúl’s protection because he was able to see an aspect of the situation that I was missing and was able to counsel me and remind me to seek God in how to love Orlin rather than making my own assumptions based on feeling needed.



Orlin has had a rough life. His mom died from cancer when he was around 11. He’s lived and worked at the dump. He’s done lots of drugs. He’s grown up with older siblings who sometimes seem to care about him and sometimes don’t. He has very low self-esteem and has extreme difficulty in being anything but a follower of those who lead him to trouble. But, we don’t love Orlin because he’s had a bad life. The fact is, lots of kids here have learned that they can use their bad life stories to manipulate others to give them what they want (which in the long run isn’t helping them). We love Orlin because Jesus loves Orlin. We believe in Orlin because Jesus died for Orlin and because Jesus’ blood and His grace is enough to free him and make him clean. But, we must love with wisdom and give according to the leading of the Holy Spirit—no more and absolutely no less even when we feel like we’re at the end of our ropes.



After the team left, we had some problems with Orlin and Bladimir, Alvin’s foster son who I’ve known since I first came to Honduras, that involved drugs and stealing and death threats and lots of those kinds of situations that leave us feeling like we’re at the end of our ropes. But, in the process, we’re learning those rhythms of God’s grace. We’re learning when to hold on and when to let go, when to give mercy and when to give discipline, when to stick our necks out for someone else and when to let them learn from their mistakes alone. It’s not easy, but with a constant desire to obey and seek God outweighing our desire to see results or to rescue everyone or to be needed, all things are possible.

Orlin

I am happy to say that after much struggling and ups and downs, Alvin took Orlin to his final interview to go to a Christian rehab facility today. Provided that he doesn’t show up at our house or at Raúl’s later today, it is our belief that he’s been taken directly to the center to begin the process of getting clean and being discipled to be the man of God he’s called to be. God has great things for Orlin, but He can only move as far as Orlin’s own belief of his value allows. Please join with us in praying for Orlin. He is a precious child that God created who needs love and needs healed of his orphan spirit, and that’s a work that only God can do.

Bladimir

Please also join us in praying for Bladimir and Estiven. Bladimir is going to turn 15-years-old in October. He is a little boy who has a sweet heart and who has a gift for helping and giving to other people. He is a true orphan whose mother died years ago. Although he’s very smart (and often very bored in school for that reason), he’s not gone past fourth grade, being expelled by numerous schools after usually no more than two years. Following some problems with stealing and getting into trouble in our neighborhood while living with Alvin and Nelly, he had been living in a center for boys called Manuelito. As is rather typical, his behavior was sometimes very good and other times quite terrible—enough so that he was given a warning that he was on his last chance. After some further bad behavior, he was sent to 21 de Octubre where he arrogantly told the workers that he could do whatever he wanted because his Papi Alvin was going to come get him. He ended up escaping from 21 with a friend, robbing a house, and then coming back to the house at Alvin and Nelly’s decision. He wasn’t here for long before we started having the same problems as before—stealing, lying, and worse. So, after some very disrespectful behavior, Alvin brought him before the juvenile court (which was necessary anyway since we didn’t have legal custody), and he was sent back to 21, but Alvin is trying to get him sent to Alteva, a juvenile correctional farm where the boys can learn a trade and can really excel if they so choose.

This is Sherlley, Estiven's one and a half-year-old daughter. While it doesn't look like it in this picture where she's asleep with a kitten, she's a live wire who chases after her Tio "Aul" (Raúl) and Tia "Sita" (me) with so much energy! She has completely stolen my heart just as if she were really my niece.

Estiven is also in need of prayer. He is currently living with Raúl and learning the trade at Raúl’s business while Raúl helps him and his family financially. He is in such a valley of decision. Some days, he wants to move forward in his relationship with God, marry his common law wife, and be a good father to his daughter. Other days, he wants to illegally go to the US to escape the mundane, everyday routine (not realizing that he’ll find even more of that there). And other days, he struggles to accept God’s grace in the midst of temptations to do drugs again. Needless to say, keeping track of all of these boys keeps me and Raúl on our toes and reminded constantly of our need to open our spiritual eyes. Without the point of view of Jesus, we don’t have enough compassion and strength to keep giving of ourselves. Without the wisdom and direction of the Holy Spirit, we don’t know when we’ve reached that point where we’ve given enough and if we keep giving will become an unhealthy crutch. So, I guess what I’m saying in mentioning this, is please pray for us too. While we’re both young and don’t have near the responsibilities that Alvin and Nelly have (please pray for them too!), we have our own situations that are teaching us and maturing us by experience. The battles are truly all spiritual, and the work is truly the Lord's. We just desire to be obedient.

Meanwhile, Quendy’s baby is due next month (I know I keep saying that in every blog update…apparently even babies are on Honduran time here), so it seems as if I’ll be a tia (aunt) yet again. She is living with a relative of her second live-in boyfriend (he’s not the father), and she still shows up from time to time to visit and go to church. We’ll see what the next month holds and how God leads us to help Quendy.




Mayra is doing very well. I love having her in the house. She’s possibly going to be starting sewing classes soon, and meanwhile, she’s doing her best to learn Danish and English as she’s decided she’s bound to marry a foreigner. She is hilarious, and I love to watch her confidently talk to the groups who pass through our home—a direct result of the Hedgesville team who came and visited so much with her. I love watching her grow more every day, and I am so blessed by her innocence in the midst of so much deceit from others we work with. Continue to keep her in your prayers. There are still elements of her life and past that need healed. She was sharing with our small group the other day some of the things she went through in her childhood—how she never met her mother, how she was treated like a slave when she ran away, and how she doesn’t know so many of her siblings. She cried as she told us her story which may not seem like a shock given what she’s been through, but after hearing so many different parts of Mayra’s story on various occasions in the past, I can tell you that that was the first time I’d ever seen her cry about any of it. God is softening her heart. It’s a beautiful thing to watch and be a part of.

Our small group has still been meeting every Friday, and things are going well. God always knows who is supposed to be there, and I am so blessed by the unexpected ways in which He's been moving. I am encouraged to see various people in the group, including Raúl, being healed and moving forward in their walks with God. It's amazing how easy it is to talk oneself out of the plans of God, seeing as God laid it on my heart to start this group months before I was actually obedient. It's even more amazing how God can move through obedience (even in the second chances He gives us) to impact the lives of others. It's such a privilege to be a part of His perfect work.

Meanwhile, Alvin is headed to the States in just a few days and will be there the entire month of September. I know it'll be a good time of filling and refreshing for him, and it'll also be an interesting time for me. I'm rarely extremely busy. I'm rarely busy, period, but my life has a way of taking drastic turns and changing in surprising ways when Papi isn't here. I'm not really sure why, but in the midst of waiting and hoping for things God has planned and has promised, I'm excited for whatever my celestial Papi has in mind. ;)

In just a couple weeks, I will have lived in Honduras for a full year. While I may do a more thorough blog recap closer to my actual anniversary, I will say for now that I can't lie--there have been times where I have wanted to run away, times when I've questioned if I really had the patience and endurance to continue here. What has rescued me every time has been the very deep knowledge that it is God's will for me to be here and an unshakeable desire to obey God at any cost. I am so glad that I've stayed. I would have missed so many beautiful lessons (through suffering) and would have missed so many fulfilled promises from my Father (they've only just begun to come to fruition). It's been worth it to pass through the fire of testing. The reward truly is more than just.

My plant that is growing!

In the beginning of July, I went with Nelly to buy some plants. This woman LOVES her plants! I had no intentions of buying anything, but I went for the heck of it. While there, I decided to buy a single plant just to give my apartment a little bit of life. This unexpected excursion happened in the middle of one of those times where I was desperately crying out to God and feeling like I was at the end of my rope. I kept reminding Him, "This is my entire life! I've entrusted my entire life to You! I don't have a plan B. Please, don't let me be put to shame." It was a time where I was reminded of my desire for roots and permanence in Honduras which had so echoed in my spiritual ears while I was in Mexico. I wasn't thinking spiritually when I bought the plant, but as soon as I got in the car, God reminded me that as a child of God, every little thing done is holy. He reminded me of my desire for roots and permanence and of Isaiah 54:
"Sing, barren woman, you who never knew a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband," says the Lord. "Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strenthen your stakes. For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants will dispossess nations and settle in their desolate cities. "Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame..."

You don't get roots and permanence in one shot. It comes about by the planting of a seed. It comes about from commitment. It's as it says in Isaiah 60: They are the shoot I have planted, the work of my hands, for the display of my splendor. The least of you will become a thousand, the smallest a mighty nation. I am the Lord; in its time I will do this swiftly. It comes about through daily watering and a daily choice to nurture something growing. It comes about through faithfulness in the little things and a choice to wait for the roots to take hold and the fruit to spring forth. God has known what the plant of my life was going to be and how it was going to grow since before I was born. He planted seeds that He has been bringing to fruition year after year since my birth. Life is like a treasure hunt to find what He's hidden for me.

The greatest lesson I've been learning since I last updated has just been to rest in Him. Sometimes, I reach a point where I'm telling God, "I'm so exhausted. Oh Daddy, I am so empty. There is just nothing left. I'm so tired." And His loving yet direct response is, "So, rest, Sarah. It's not that difficult." It's easy in ministry and life in general to reach a place where we feel like we are stuck under the thumb of someone else, that we have to keep giving even when there is nothing left because someone "needs" us. I have learned that there are times when I go to God exhausted, and He fills me up, giving me the compassion, patience, and mercy to keep giving even when I've reached the end of myself. But, there are other times when I go to God, and He says, "Sarah, you've given this person or this situation enough. You have served enough. Right now, you need to let it go and rest." And, if I continue to force help, if I continue to give out of obligation or out of people pleasing or because I somehow believe I'm so special that the person must need me, I am completely out of the will of God and am not only exhausting myself further but also am becoming the obstacle for the growth of that person. I have to rest.

Something that struck me about the book, The Supernatural Ways of Royalty, was a lesson from the story of Lot's wife. The author explains that God let him know that Lot and his family were the salt preserving Sodom and Gomorrah. They had a mantle of intercession for those cities and that people. Their holiness as children of God preserved those cities for a time. But, when God was done, and God was ready to judge and show His glory through the destruction of a disobedient people, He called Lot and his family to physically leave and to give up that mantle of intercession and preservation. When Lot's wife turned around, she was disobediently refusing to let go of the ministry that God had given her for a time. Her refusal to let go of that ministry killed her, and she turned into a prophetic symbol of what she had been--salt, preserving a wicked people.

Oftentimes, especially for pastors and missionaries, a love of the ministry can take the place of our first love--God. The love of our own call can cause us to lose sight of the priority of seeking God and His presence first. The love of our own call can cause us to miss the opportunity to release others into their calling or can cause us to miss the truth (just as my friendship with Raúl teaches me on a daily basis) that we need the rest of the Body of Christ. And the result of this type of idolatry can be tragic. Yes, God does call us to be missionaries and to be salt and to be light--but He calls us first to be intimate with Him. He is the Vine. We are the branches. How can we be useful as branches if we are not connected deeply to the Vine and abiding in the presence of God and submerged in the movements of the Holy Spirit? There is a time for everything, and this is a time when I'm learning what it says in Exodus 14:14: The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

And in the midst of being still, there is always worship. Regardless of how we feel--whether we feel worthy or capable or lazy or whatever, God is always worthy to be honored and worshipped. The greatest way we can move forward in our spiritual walk when we're in a time of rest or a time when we've reached the end of ourselves is to take the step of faith to worship. It's as Bill Johnson indicates in the book I'm currently reading, Hosting the Presence:
The people who are people of worship, regardless of circumstances, will become fruitful in ways beyond reason. Anyone can get happy after the miracle has come. Show me someone who celebrates before the answer, and I'll show you someone who is about to experience the answer. This is the nature of faith--it looks ahead and lives accordingly. (125-126).
All my love,
Sarah

The Promises of Isaiah

My baby brother and I--we probably could be twins.

  

My mama and I




My sister, Naomi, and I waiting at the airport



My daddy and I



My best friend/cousin, Gabrielle, and I--I so enjoyed having time with her.



The clouds during my plane ride home

 Hello All,


While I’ve only been back to Honduras for a little over two weeks, I have so much to update about. As always, life goes on here whether or not I’m here to keep up with it. When Raúl picked me up from the airport, I hit the ground running and jumped right back into la vida catracha.

Mayra

Eagle’s Nest Girls Update

One of the biggest surprises when I came home was finding that little Mayra who had lived with me in the Eagle’s Nest had returned. After running away with Claudia and Blanca, she had lived for a while with Claudia’s family until they kicked her out. Then she lived with a lady who treated her like a slave and regularly slapped her across the face. She showed up at Raúl’s business first, telling him that she was repentant because the lady treated her like a slave while Papi and Mami and all of us in the ministry had treated her like a princess. Raúl, who has always had a special brother-sister relationship with Mayra, counseled her to talk to Alvin and repent, and she did. At this time, she has her own room in the house, and we hope to have her start sewing classes soon as she can’t enter high school in the middle of a school year. I love having her home as she chatters on in the fastest Spanish I’ve ever heard. She is so passionate about God and has become quite the little preacher to all of us, including me and Raúl. I am so grateful that God, indeed, is capable of bringing prodigal children home even when it hurt us so much to have to let her go and trust that she was in God’s hands.



Quendy has also recently been to the doctor, and it would seem that she is due next month. She says she has left her most recent live-in boyfriend, but it’s kind of hard to tell with that child. Alvin wants her to start sewing classes as well. We really are at a loss right now as to how to help Quendy. She’s going to need a form of income and a way of caring for herself and her child since she isn’t working anywhere right now. Raúl and I have both offered to help her (she’s already named he and I as the godparents), but we don’t just want her to rely on hand-outs. The problem that we’d have with having Quendy live here is that she still carries that desperation to get attention from any man. She might only be with us for a while before running off with a new boyfriend. Thus, please keep her and us in prayers as we want to do our best to help her according to God’s will. Meanwhile, she comes to visit nearly every day, and it warms my heart to see Mayra and Quendy together again. They were two of the girls who lived together in the Eagle’s Nest the longest, and they have a special sister-like bond (with Mayra, the youngest, acting like the big sister to Quendy).


This past Sunday, we had a rare occasion where nearly all of our girls were together again. Blanca is living in Casa Alianza, a home for troubled youth, and she and a group of girls from the home came to visit the church. Kimberli also was in church as she is back living with her family but at least is studying. God is so capable of working with children that we have to let go of. For those of us with adopting hearts and parenting spirits, it’s difficult to let our “kids” go, but as God is faithfully showing right now, He is the ultimate Father who holds each of our children in His hands.


The Promises of Isaiah


I am back to reading in Isaiah, and I have been reminded of the numerous things God showed me through this precious book, especially while I was in Mexico. For a while I forgot or willingly chose not to think of the things that God had promised because it seemed as if my life was going only going in directions that didn’t seem to be leading to the fulfillment of God’s promises even though I was doing my best to be obedient. It hurt too much to see the circumstances and remember those old dreams. But now, I find myself taking hold of them again and speaking life to them once more even as if it seems like the winding trails of my life aren’t so far from demonstrating the promises God has given me. One of the promises comes from Isaiah 48:18:

‘Lift up your eyes and look around; all your children gather and come to you. As surely as I live,’ declares the Lord, ‘you will wear them all as ornaments; you will put them on, like a bride.’ In the midst of our girls wandering home, I have also been so blessed to see the way that God is working in the lives of some of “my boys” (well, really, Raúl’s boys) as well.


Two young men who have been friends with Raúl for a long time, who Raúl has given work, has counseled, has witnessed to, and has mercifully been there for even in the midst of the times that they’ve treated him badly, stolen from him, etc., have dedicated their lives to the Lord. One young man, Orlin, is 19-years-old and has worked with Raúl off and on since I moved here. He used to smoke marijuana, be involved in some small gang activity, and was also the one who wandered around on the streets with our girls when they ran away. He has a good heart, and much of his struggle has been in the painful life that he’s led. It’s that classic orphan spirit. When I talked to Raúl while I was in the States, he and I discussed some difficulties that were going on with Orlin. While Raúl is one of the strongest people I know, he also has one of the softest hearts. He gives mercy until the well within him runs dry, and he was just about dry when I talked to him. But, in expressing how he couldn’t help but give Orlin more mercy even when people in his family and various other individuals thought he was crazy, I agreed with him, and told him, “God is going to use your merciful kindness to touch Orlin’s heart. You’re doing the right thing, bebé.” What a blessing it was to return from the US only weeks later to find Orlin working with Papi, serving the Lord, and doing his best to leave his past vices behind. I have had such joy in sitting with him in the mornings talking about various parts of the Bible that he wants to understand or having him show up at my house to get some advice from me and Raúl when he’s in the middle of temptation.


The other young man, Estiven, is someone I met two years ago and has been friends with Raúl for a long time. At the age of 19, he has a daughter and a common law wife. He also has such a good heart, but in the midst of poverty and unemployment and just getting caught up in the wrong crowd, he started doing drugs and got addicted to crack. At four in the morning, his 17-year-old wife would leave their daughter with her sister and search the streets looking for her husband and hoping that he was still alive. Estiven finally consented to go to rehab. He was there for a month, and while there, Raúl took his family to go visit him a few times. He cried every night for his wife and his daughter, and after a month of being in rehab, getting clean, and already gaining favor with the leaders, he left (not at their recommendation or even with their knowledge). While I don’t know that this was the right decision, he is now living back with his wife and daughter, is clean of drugs, and Raúl has given him a job at the tire/oil business. Just this past Sunday, Estiven and his wife, Raúl, and I went to church together and spent the afternoon together.


Raúl has spent the past several months just dealing with some hurts that have gone on in his life that left him devastated. He’s struggled to move forward in his walk with God and has often expressed that he feels like he has nothing to give anyone. Yet, I look at the lives of Orlin and Estiven, and I see seeds that Raúl planted. I see mercy that he extended. I see love that he gave even when it cost him much pain. I give so much thanks to God for his life and for the truth that even when he has felt like he had nothing to give, God was working through his character and his actions to touch the lives of these young men. This is only the beginning. God isn’t finished with Raúl yet. His complete healing is coming. He isn’t finished with Orlin or Estiven yet either.



Another promise of Isaiah comes from Isaiah 61:1-4:

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. The will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations.

The time I spent in the US was exactly what I needed to be restored myself. God showed me that I had been denying who I really am and who He called me to be. He showed me that I had tried to run away from my culture in the US and immerse myself in a new culture because I was ashamed of who He made me to be. Unlike Alvin, the fact that I am a gringa is inescapable. With my blonde hair, blue eyes, and light skin, I attract way more attention than I ever want. Because of hurts and damage done from past church conflicts, I had developed not only a healthy fear of God and of stealing glory that only belongs to Him but also an unhealthy fear of moving in His calling over my life. I wanted to hide because I was afraid of failing Him. I wanted to stay in the background because I didn’t want to be vulnerable and hurt like before. But, in the process, I was denying the very love that God has placed in my heart for all people—whether from the US or from Honduras. I had been keeping others at an arm’s length because the closer I am to people, the more I love them. The more I love them, the more I feel responsible for them. The more I feel responsible for them, the more I know I will have to worship God by loving people in spirit and in truth, which if I’m obedient to God, can often make waves that causes others to reject me, which hurts. But, living in a country like Honduras as a blatant gringa and as someone with much love to give, hiding was becoming quite difficult. In returning, I felt free to be who God has called me to be and feel some of the old flame of excitement for what God can and will do through my life. (Much of the encouragement I needed came from the book, The Supernatural Ways of Royalty by Kris Vallotton and Bill Johnson. If you get a chance to read it, I highly recommend it.) Now, I feel such a passion for God that nothing can hold me back. It’s a day-by-day process and choice, but I feel like I have a new sense of what it means to delight in the Lord. I want to be fully yielded to Him, and I want to be fearless in carrying out even His most subtle suggestions in loving and ministering to others.


It is for this reason that I was finally able to be obedient about something that God put in my heart months ago. During my time here, Raúl and I both (being broken people) seem to effortlessly attract other broken people. They flock to us completely unprompted. At any given point in time, there are numerous boys who just show up to spend time with Raúl at the business, and, like a father, he teaches them the trade, jokes with them, counsels them, and feeds them. Because Raúl and I are friends, his boys become my boys as well, coming with him to eat at my house. But I have my own following from time to time. Quendy comes to visit and just spend the days with me cooking or baking. Mayra also comes to listen to music with me, and as those of you may remember from reading, I tend to attract young neighbor children as well. Everywhere I turn, I come across people who perhaps are in church or aren’t in church but are craving real fellowship and real relationships with other believers. I, too, know that desire well. Because of all of the people that I was encountering (including Raúl) who needed restoration and fellowship, God laid it on my heart to start a small group at my house. Up until this point, I wasn’t brave enough to do so. But, God is merciful, and He once again prompted me to do so when I got home. We just had our first meeting last week. While I hadn’t planned on making it a weekly thing, everyone’s first question was, “So what day of the week are we going to meet every week?” It felt a bit like a Field of Dreams situation—“If you build it, they will come.” Thus, every Friday we plan to meet. I don’t have an agenda other than letting the Holy Spirit have control and letting every person have equal opportunity to share and to be obedient to the leading of the Holy Spirit. Most of what I feel like God wants to do through this meeting at this time is restore—to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom from the captives of past hurts and memories, to comfort all who mourn, and to give beauty, joy, and praise. We may be a bunch of broken ragamuffins, but I can’t help but be excited about what God can do in and through us to rebuild, restore, and renew others.


Yuscarán

Since I’ve been back, I’ve had the opportunity to go to Yuscarán again. I am always amazed by the warmth of the two families who go as well as the acceptance of the families who live there. There is something very healing about being in that place and among those people who are so childlike and innocent in their faith. Being a part of that group and that ministry is so precious to me, and I am excited to become more involved in it. The last time we were there, Hermano Nati shared a testimony which I’ll share with you because it’s one of those stories that every missionary wants to share to spark a flame in the people who live back in the home country:


Hermano Nati has occasionally had problems with is neighbors. For whatever reason, the family, specifically the father, who lives on the other side of Nati’s family, has some kind of problem with Nati and his family. Nati lives in a neighborhood of the city where his neighbors are close by. Nati was trying to rest in the early morning hours, and the neighbor children were kicking a soccer ball loudly against the wall. Nati left his home to ask them politely to stop and quiet down. He returned to his home only to find that they had gotten louder. When he exited his home again, the father was outside encouraging the children’s noisy behavior. Nati politely confronted the neighbor and asked what the problem was, but the guy refused to talk to him. Instead, the neighbor guy used his connections (he has family members who are policemen) to have Nati hauled to jail on false charges that he had hit a child. Nati ended up spending the night in prison. When he first arrived, friends were frantically calling connections and trying to figure out how to get Nati out. In this country, you are guilty until proven innocent, so you never know what could happen within our judicial system. Alvin has friends who are judges, so Nati was confident that his papi was going to get him out. Instead, Alvin told those who were frantic to leave the situation alone because this was a situation that God was going to use to impact Nati’s life. He was right. Mami Nelly sent Nati a Bible along with some other items, Martha, Nati’s wife brought him. Upon reading Isaiah 43 (more Isaiah promises!), he began to weep as he recognized that God had not abandoned him. At this softening of his heart, he began to see his purpose in being there and began to form relationships with various men in the prison. He preached, and various people listened, were touched, became Christians, and overall felt the love of Jesus. When he was release the following day, the Lord had placed such a burden on his heart for these people (some of which were falsely accused just like he was) that he had a difficult time leaving them. Now, Hermano Nati wants to return to spend nights with the prisoners there because God has put a compassion in his heart that wasn’t there before.



Mathias


New Visitors and Difficult Goodbyes


This week, one of my Danish “sons”/brothers is leaving us. Mathias has been such a joy to have around, and I have so enjoyed getting to know him. I look forward to seeing what else God has in store for his life and how He is going to work through his experiences here to make him into the man of God he is called to be. Michael, our other Danish volunteer, will also be leaving soon (although the date is yet to be determined, so we get to keep him around a while longer). I love my boys very much and have so appreciated their friendship during a time when I was lonely and trying to find my place here. They have been a comfort and a comic relief through many difficult situations, and I can’t thank them enough. I wish Mathias all the best as he leaves us, and I hope he will return someday soon.


We will soon be having at least two more Danish visitors coming soon. (This house never seems to be empty!) So, I look forward to having two more boys to take care of, pick on, and treat like my brothers.

Among the new visitors who are coming, my students from my student teaching days at Hedgesville High School will be coming in just a matter of a little over a week. I am ecstatic. I had the privilege of helping them with a spaghetti dinner they were putting on as a fundraiser while I was in the States. I was so proud of all of their hard work and how much of themselves they’ve put into collecting items, raising awareness, and preparing for their trip. I can’t wait for them to be here. In the same way that Raúl has been exhausted but his fruit is becoming evident, the fact that my students are coming is one of those evidences of God’s faithfulness. I was so exhausted during student teaching and probably wouldn’t have made it if it wasn’t for knowing it was something I could pour myself totally into temporarily, having a wonderful cooperating teacher, and teaching amazing students. Nancy Ryan, my cooperating teacher, allowed me the liberty of teaching a lengthy unit about Honduras that included “meeting” various people from here via photos and hearing their stories and even having a Skype phone call between Bessy (from our church) and my students. Now, some of those very same students will get to meet her in person. That is something that warms my heart and is something that I know only God could have accomplished. I look forward to what else God wants to do in their lives and in the lives of the Hondurans that they touch.



I am so excited to see what God has in store next in my life, and I am so grateful for all of you who keep up with my reading and by keeping me in your prayers. Please continue to keep the ministry here in your prayers.



All of my love,

Sarah



BIRTHday and Back to the US

Hello All,


Greetings from the US! I have now been here nearly two weeks, but before I update you on how the trip home has been thus far, I wanted to backtrack to tell you about the amazing last week I had before leaving Honduras.


Birthdays

As you can see from the pictures and as previously mentioned in the last post, we celebrated Raúl’s 24th birthday on May 24th and my 23rd birthday on May 26th. I think we tried to out-do each other in birthday surprises. I’m wondering if this isn’t going to be a trend every year even though I suggested that we spend our birthdays next year celebrating together but resting. I got up really early on the morning of his birthday to decorate his business before he got there. I made two cakes and collaborated all week with his family and friends to plan a surprise birthday party. We had lots of food, friends, and family gathered at his mom’s house in Tatumbla for a good surprise. They all gathered before us, and it was my job to make sure that he drove us both out to Tatumbla when everyone was ready, but he sure made persuading him to go (given that it’s the rainy season, and we were going to be on a motor bike) very difficult. It was a great surprise, and we had a wonderful time giving him birthday prayers, birthday speeches, and trying to shove his face in his cake (a Honduran tradition). Overall, I think he felt very loved which was a sufficient birthday gift for me.


However, he outdid himself in everything he did for my birthday. While this may seem off-topic, for those of you who have been reading this blog for a while, you might remember that when I was in Honduras in 2009, when asking God what I was doing there at that time, God led me to the story of Elizabeth when she was pregnant with John the Baptist. He made it clear that, as The Message puts it, I was “relishing a pregnancy.” I kind of forgot about this word and thought perhaps it finished when I was in Honduras in 2010 simply because of how much time had passed, but really, I never felt closure about it. But, I forgot about it—until the night before my birthday. Bessy and Carlitos and Hermana Sandra from our church had been house sitting for Alvin and Nelly while they were in Denmark, so Raúl and I were sitting at the table talking with them about birthdays, the days and times we were born, etc. Even though I can’t really explain it, even in that moment even though I was surrounded by other people, I felt a deep loneliness coming on. As mentioned in the last post, I had just been so spiritually exhausted and lonely leading up to that point. Hermana Sandra looked at me and was talking about giving birth, and she said something that, while she might not have known at the time, I knew was very prophetic. She said, “Right before you have a baby—the night before—an unspeakable sadness comes over you. It’s hard to explain, but it’s just a deep sadness. By the next day, though, you have this new baby, and you’re just full of joy. But, the night before is long and dark.” What she said stuck with me, and I was immediately reminded of that “relishing a pregnancy” word from 2009. That evening, as Raúl was leaving, he pulled me aside and said, “Hey, I’m getting ready to leave. Are you okay? You going through something? You look like something’s going on.” At that moment, while I could feel the sadness, I couldn’t really explain why I was sad, so I brushed it off, not wanting to bother him as he was getting ready to leave. But, I went to my apartment and just started to cry. Like I said, I can’t fully explain it. Since I’ve lived in Honduras, I have been continuously reminded of just how introverted I tend to be. I often find it so difficult to trust people and truly let them in, and it often takes me a long time to let my guard down to build real friendships. It’s funny because I can tell myself that I’m just waiting for a friend to come along and that there just isn’t anyone when often, I am the one walling others out. Thus, that sadness that Hermana Sandra talked about came over me in a way I can’t explain. I sobbed much of the night and didn’t sleep. I kept telling God, “There’s nothing left. I am so exhausted. I am so empty. I can’t carry all of this on my own any more. I need love and some relief.” I told God I just wanted Him to knock me out when I got to the US because I was so exhausted, and I begged Him for an encounter with Him on my birthday because I just couldn’t see myself functioning without His presence. I was so desperate. But, as always, God is so faithful.


At 3:30 AM, I heard guitar music outside of my apartment door. I opened the door to find Raúl; Nahum; Carlitos; Bessy; Raúl’s brother, Walter; my Danish boys; and two friends of Raúl’s from Tatumbla playing guitars. I was astounded. They sang birthday songs before coming into my home to sing some more and do birthday prayers. Hermana Sandra came down and led the direction of praying. She had Nahum start, and after only a few of his words, I started crying—sobbing, ugly crying, etc. As mentioned, I was so desperate. So Hermana Sandra told everyone that he or she needed to take a turn hugging me and praying over me because I had needed to receive that love for a long time. She was right. Being someone who (if you’ve read Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages, you’ll understand) receives love through quality time and physical touch, I can’t express what that physical closeness from those embraces meant to me. Nearly all of the prayers—from Raúl and Carlitos, Hermana Sandra and Walter—talked of letting God ease my loneliness, receiving encouragement from the Holy Spirit, not allowing the enemy to beat me down, and to begin to walk in the fullness of the gifts that God has given me. I don’t know what all God was doing in those moments during those prayers and during the worship that followed, but there were tears that weren’t just my own, and God’s presence was there. God gave me my only birthday wish—an encounter with Him—and much sooner than I expected. After encouraging and loving birthday speeches, we had a breakfast of pancakes and sweet bread. I learned later that Raúl planned it all. When he left after asking me how I was, he went to Tatumbla to pick up the two guys (who had to work that day after so little sleep—Hondurans are so amazingly generous and kind to strangers). Then he wandered around at midnight looking for sweet bread to feed us. He didn’t sleep. Before leaving for work, he invited me out for the evening. I felt so bad for the baby because I knew he had to be exhausted, and he was working hard all day.


But, he showed up right on time. He took me to a mall and said, “I’m really complicated, and I had no idea what to get you. So, you can go in any of these stores and pick out whatever you want. It doesn’t matter what it costs.” While it was very sweet, it was also one of the worst ideas for someone who hates shopping (especially with other people) and who is terrible about making small decisions under pressure. The excursion ended with him picking something out for me anyway. After some ice cream and stopping to buy some eggs (I’m not too bright), we headed home. He said he figured he was going to go to sleep, and I was glad because I knew he was so tired, but then he invited me to talk to him on the porch where another surprise was waiting. The whole porch was decorated, and friends were waiting to celebrate with cake and pizza that he bought. We played games, and I was given the traditional Honduran baptism in birthday eggs to round out the evening. Overall, I was so overwhelmed by everything that he and the rest of my special friends did to make my birthday special. It was one I will not soon forget because God made His love for me so real through so many precious people, especially the kindness of Raúl.


I don’t know what exactly happened within me in that early morning encounter with God, but something just broke. It’s as if the walls I’d had up all that time came down to allow myself to really receive love from my Honduran friends and family, and it changed my interactions and level of closeness with them. I think for the first time since moving, I allowed myself to fully feel like I belonged and to recognize that not only did I feel called to Honduras and want to be there out of obedience, but that my life was having some kind of an impact on those around me enough for Hondurans to want me to be there too.


Leaving Honduras

In the days that followed, Raúl continued to out-do himself, taking me and other friends to Tatumbla for lunch at his mom’s business, planning a delicious going-away meal for me, and taking a whole vanload of us out to dinner the night before I flew out. (If you know much about Hondurans or Raúl, it’s not surprising that all of that involved food. Ha ha.) I think what meant the most to me was his willingness to just be in close proximity and to spend quality time with me before I left, especially in little things like walking home with me from his business. After waiting for such a long time to feel like I really had a close friend, my developing friendship with Raúl was such a blessing and made leaving Honduras more difficult (or perhaps easier to want to come back to).


I had a send-off at the airport by Bessy, Quendy, and Waldina (Raúl’s sister) along with Raúl who drove us. I think this may be the first time since my very first time leaving Honduras that I didn’t cry in the airport. (The first trip in 2007, I didn’t cry until I got to Miami.) After two flights and some waiting, I was met by my brother and my dad after not seeing them for nine months.


Life in the US

I won’t lie—every time I’ve ever come back to the US from Honduras, I typically spend a period of time (usually 3 to 6 months) in culture shock and in a devastated sense of restlessness and homesickness for Honduras. This trip was no exception in terms of culture shock even though I now live in Honduras, and my life and sense of home are fully there. The first week I was here, I struggled with feeling overwhelmed—from listening to people’s conversations in Houston airport, from not being able to find plantains at the local grocery store, from feeling disconnected from loved ones in Honduras, from being under time pressure, and from feeling like I live in two different worlds that in many ways contradict each other. I am a person of intense loyalty, so that disconnect between those two worlds initially left me feeling torn. It took some time of seeking God to help me realize that I don’t have to pick or be loyal to one or the other, that I can be a part of God’s culture and His Kingdom and simply love people of both countries and cultures right where they are. It’s difficult, and I’m not great at it, but that release was so what I needed. I still so desire for my two worlds to be more connected in terms of my family and close friends getting to meet my Honduran family and friends. And in terms of someone from Honduras getting to come to the US with me at some point to have a better understanding of what the last 20-something years of my life have been like. But, all of that is in good time. For now, I am so blessed that my family is so willing to listen to my stories and that my Honduran family is so quick to ask how my US family members are doing.


In the two weeks I’ve been back, I’ve had some treasured time with my family and my best friend/cousin/former road trip buddy, Gabrielle. This past weekend, we went on a camping trip with my cousins, my grandmother, my aunt, my immediate family, and a family that has been friends with my family for many years. It was a great time. It was fun to be around the people I can always be silly with and have some time to just relax and remember childhood. (It was also fun to see that my brother and I—we really could have been twins—still kill at playing the board game, Cranium.) In the two weeks or so that remain, I will be cramming in more visits with friends and a bit of traveling around the state to see the places I have called home.


Restoration

I do feel like I am being restored as I so needed to be. As odd as it may sound, being back in the US has only strengthened my assurance that I am called to Honduras, and for that reason, I am chomping at the bit to get back. Everything in my life right now keeps telling me that now is the time to go deeper with God and to start fulfilling His calling on my life in a radical way. For the first time in a while, I feel that old spark of excitement to see what God is going to do next. He proved Himself to be so faithful right before I left. This life is so short. After being out of the US for only nine months, I am astounded by the things that are transpiring in the government and in national trends. We were never meant to be of this world, and we, as Christians, cannot afford to be bought and sold by a system of the world. We can’t afford to sleep or to be complacent. There is a dying world out there full of people who have never heard of Jesus. Who else will be Jesus to them but us?

I feel as if my being so introverted is one of those weaknesses that Paul talks about in Corinthians, and I am beginning to learn that if I let it (and insecurity) silence me instead of taking my rightful authority as the daughter of the King, I will always miss out on opportunities that God had for more depth with Him. If I don’t take hold of the boldness necessary to open my mouth even when I feel intimidated, who knows what kind of blessings, healing, and hope I am withholding from other people. I don’t want that kind of responsibility on my hands, and I don’t want the regret of that lost privilege to weigh on my heart later. Thus, my current prayer is that God would give me the strength to walk in His fullness and to be more sensitive to His voice. On my birthday, one of the guys from Tatumbla told me, once again, that scripture from Psalm 37: Delight in Me, and I will give you the desires of your heart. And he also mentioned passages of Isaiah 58 which has always been a verse pertinent to my life and calling. While I may have felt lost all of this time, God has not lost sight of His vision of my future or my calling. For that, I am so grateful.


As always, thank you so much for reading and keeping up with me.


All my love,
Sarah



Happy Birthday, Bebé!



The first moment he walked into the house--SURPRISE!

Taking his time making his birthday wish/prayer...one of the few times I've seen him this serious.

Nahum, Raúl, Mami Sonia, and Richard

Birthday hug. The looks on our faces sum us up pretty well.

What I opened my door to find at 3:30 AM on my birthday

Mathias, me, and Carlitos

Visiting my home for birthday songs, prayers, and speeches

Me and Hermana Sandra--I love that lady!

The early morning birthday surprise was more than enough for me, but Raúl had planned more!

Me and my Danish boys

I had no idea Raúl was holding that egg above my head.

Quendy came for my birthday

Receiving the traditional egg baptism

I was covered in egg...

My siblings and my cousins while camping





Playing in the river

Spending time with my mama

And my sister