When I was in middle school, about a month or so before Christmas break, in that season after we'd already had a taste of freedom during Thanksgiving, our poor teacher (small private school...just the one) struggled to motivate us. One day, she half-lectured us even as she admitted that she was also fighting to not mentally check out. I think Raúl and I are in the same boat at the moment. We're so excited to have time with my family and in the US before too long, and at the same time, as we're in the middle of the hot and dry season, our outward surroundings are reflecting the condition of our souls. Raúl feels like a sponge squeezed dry. There are still people and circumstances trying to get some kind of last moisture from him, but my dear husband, who has served alongside me and dealt with many of the same emotional pains and spiritual battles, has never had the kinds of breaks that I have. And, it's showing. I look forward to when the switch gets flipped for him from the perpetual "gimme gimmes" to the "let me love on yous" that I generally experience in the States. It's startling in the best kind of way, honestly. As compared to years past, I don't feel emotionally burnt out. I feel quite hopeful, really. But, my soul is tired. I feel a bit like the world is spinning too fast, and I want to get off. My life feels a bit like that afternoon slump when drumming up energy seems futile. With all of that said, we actually are trucking along if only for the promise of an upcoming break and also because we simply are ourselves with each need and circumstance that arises, and being ourselves often means counseling, providing, correcting, encouraging, and whatever else the situation demands.
Raúl is in the throes of preparing his business to be cared for by his partner/brother while he is gone. As is often the Honduran way, they've had years to do this and have waited until almost the last minute. My opinions on that I'll just keep to myself, but it's made for Raúl working many later nights in the process. In the mean time, I have been saving, saving, saving in order to leave our students with their semesters paid for in advance and have continued to progress as much as we can in English classes before we leave.
Those classes are going well, by the way. We've been adding students to our numbers in the past few weeks, and while there are those who have dropped out (which is inevitable here), we've certainly had our core group that has continued to make great efforts and strides. It's also been a blessing for Raúl to once again be learning in a classroom setting. He is so social that, while he's my hardest student to keep on task, he does actually learn better when others can help spur him on. Classes are also an encouragement to me because they provide some sense of results and tangible forward motion that the rest of my life can often lack.
The students we sponsor with our non-profit are doing well. Though it seems counter-intuitive, Esthefany will have her high school graduation ceremony in just a week even as she is wrapping up her first trimester of college classes. She loves her classes in university and so far feels confident that she has picked a major that sparks her interest. Meanwhile, her brother, Josuan, hasn't been near us since December. He made some poor choices, and it became evident to us that we needed to place some new boundaries so as not to fall into enabling him. He just turned 22 last month. He has been in contact with us periodically, though, and from what we can tell, he's been with some of his family members. Marvin, as far as we know, continues to be in prison. I recently had lunch with Jorge who is doing very well. He continues to live in a transition home run by a missionary family that works for the same organization that heads up the children's home where he grew up. We had some great conversations about how he's learning to navigate family dynamics. After years with little to no connection with his biological family, he's been thrown into meeting all of the family members and observing how years of some dysfunction have played out in his absence. I imagine it would have to be so bizarre to develop an idea of what family should look like and then finally meet your family and have it present challenges you never expected. With that said, Jorge knows Jesus and is often receiving good advice from the missionaries he is living with. He is also taking some barber classes because he'd like to start his own small business and be independent.
All in all, a lot of normal life is going on for us. That looks like small group and meetings with young people for counseling. That looks like preparing lessons for English classes and Spanish tutoring. That looks like getting our electricity issues checked out and taking our dog to the vet. It looks like washing dishes at the pila and mopping the floors. It looks like standing in line at the bank and balancing the checkbook. It looks like Bible study with my missionary ladies and grocery shopping. It also looks like unexpected visitors and invading respiratory viruses. It looks like previously unannounced needs and plumbing woes. And it looks like a lengthy to-do list of all kinds of things I need to tackle before we leave.
On a personal note, since I am picking up on my own compassion fatigue and just overall need for a break, I'm giving myself some permission to pull back and remember some elements of my own identity that don't revolve around being a missionary. Permitting myself the room to breathe is giving me the strength and determination to push through what I do need to keep up with and prepare to leave things in the best working order they can be.
So, if you're keeping track, here are some areas of prayer for us:
*The energy and time management we need to prepare everything that is lacking to be able to travel.
*God's protection and direction over the business while Raúl is gone (and that they'll prepare well in the mean time).
*Esthefany as she wraps up her first semester and as she'll start her next one.
*Josuan--God's continued protection and mercy over him and pursuit of him
*Marvin--the same
*Jorge--God's continued direction and open doors as He leads Jorge to be the man he's called to be.
*Our trip--that God would already start setting things in motion to breathe on our dry bones and give us greater clarity for our future in ministry.
Love to you all,
Sarah
Friday, March 15, 2019
Friday, February 15, 2019
Staying True like Joseph
Photo by Alex Block
I've been encouraged by the story of Joseph recently. What must it have felt like to have to carry a dream for so long and see not only no fruition but also seemingly little forward motion toward that dream? We don't feel the anxiety of it when we read it because the beginning and the ending of the story is all right there at our fingertips. We might have to hold our breath for a page turn, but that's about it. It's possible that when he reached Potiphar's house he started to feel like, "OK, finally, this is my ticket to being someone worthy of having his siblings bow to him. I'm finally getting somewhere." Then the rug is ripped out from under him in the worst way possible when he's not even guilty. We don't get to see the inner workings of Joseph's thoughts during all of these plot twists. We're only presented a very saintly, good guy Joe--always doing the right thing, always impressing everyone, always maintaining a close enough relationship to God to hear Him. As a fellow human, I wish I could get a glimpse into his inner struggles. I find it hard to believe that he never would have had a moment of, "Hey, God, did I just eat some bad lamb that day I had that dream? That's not really a thing that's going to happen at this point, right?" Or "Um, God, I know You do what you want, but this whole prison thing is pretty unfair. I mean, you really blessed my grandfather with a lot of wealth, and my dad has a whole lot of success. So, uh, are You mad at me or something?" And those examples are tame, apt for the saintly, seemingly unfeeling Joseph we're introduced to. (He seems to develop much more emotions whenever he's in charge and meets his brothers. I'd say, obviously, this isn't really a reflection on Joseph but on the writer.) Given the nature of the culture of Joseph's lineage, it also doesn't make sense to think that Joseph is the kind of guy with no foresight who just lets life happen to him. If he were such a fatalist, I don't think he'd put forth so much effort as to always end up in charge everywhere he goes. No, he grew up in a tradition of birthrights and family blessings and the stories of his grandfather, Abraham, actually receiving promises from God. So, my point in all of this is that Joseph had to walk many years of his life in the tension of choosing to hold onto a dream from God while walking through frustrating, seemingly futile circumstances.
I think if there were to be some kind of a job application for being a missionary, this should be some kind of prerequisite or disclaimer: Are you willing and prepared to give years of your life, your sweat, your tears, and all of your resources with no guarantee of any outward results or making any outward headway? Are you thoroughly prepared to live and serve with no guarantee that life will be fair? Actually, if we're getting down to the nitty-gritty of it, this could and probably should apply to any Christian. I'm not talking about personal growth. I'm talking about dealing with other humans. I'm talking about those forces beyond our grasp. We have no control over what other people do with their lives no matter how we long and and fight for them to see their potential. We have no control over when someone decides to cheat us or falsely accuse us or gossip about us. We have no control over when a government decides to take our foster child from us or when a young person we've helped decides to steal from us. We cannot force our loved ones to stop doing drugs or obligate our neighbors to respect us. We can't control the outcome of an election or prevent a diagnosis from reaching a loved one's ears. But, the one thing I'm learning in the loudest way from Joseph is that he never stopped being himself. As a shepherd and son, he was faithful and obedient. As a slave to Potiphar, he was reliable and hard-working, honest and upright. In prison, he was trustworthy and a serving leader. As a counselor to Pharoah, he was humble but spoke the truth. And, when he reached a position of power, he was all of the things he'd always been--just with more power and wealth at his disposal. And that is when his dream was fulfilled. The key to seeing God do what God already told him He was going to do wasn't about striving or fighting his circumstances. It wasn't about earning God's love. Even the effort he tried to make of telling Pharoah's servants to remember him didn't pan out near as well as it probably should've, because, well, humans. Out of sight, out of mind. No, Joseph reached the promise by slow and steady, humble and serving, never losing sight of who he was or who God is.
If January sparkled with energy and new possibilities, February, so far, is dulling the sheen with the wear of reality. Part of this, if I'm honest, is because I have a trip to the US on the horizon and because I'm feeling that edge I get when I need a solid break to get some fresh perspective. The other part is that I'm in a sitting season. I'm not literally sitting as in doing nothing. Most of my time actually is filled. But, I am in a season where I'm still seeking divine strategies. And, maybe at the heart of it all, God is once again refining my definition of ministry. If I'm candid, I currently am asking God the question, "What do I do when it seems like no one is interested?"
A lot of times, the viewpoint for those sending is that the biggest need for the mission field is resources. If the people just had a job and a steady income, they’d be fine financially. If they just had an education, they’d be able to advance in life. If they just had a church, they’d surely follow God. If they just had a healthy family, they’d stop acting like street children. I’ve learned over the years that while that is a hopeful mindset, it doesn’t provide for the complexities we humans bring to the table or the deep need we have for God that we don't even understand. Just to give you some ideas—we’ve seen people be given jobs and act entitled in their workplace and frivolous in their administration, thus keeping their finances in the same situation. We’ve given people scholarships for an education, and they take the opportunity for granted. Then they get angry when we choose not to sponsor them again. And, we’ve provided a sense of family but as soon as we’ve put any sort of limits in place, sometimes kids decide that family has to let them do whatever they want with no consequences. It is easy to convince yourself that healthy family has to look however is convenient for your whims when you've never had a healthy family. You can define family however you want to fit your desires. All of this isn’t a Honduran problem—it’s a human problem.
The desire of my heart is to see people encounter Jesus, grow in all aspects of life, and reach their full potential as God created it. But, a lot of people aren’t actually interested in any of that. As a missionary, I can hand out money and resources and feel busy, like I am doing something. I could also emotionally coerce others to behave a certain way. Some people will be at church every time the doors are open because they’re afraid of people gossiping about them or because they’re afraid the pastor will be mad at them. But, the root of that decision is fear of man, so if anything, I fight for everyone to feel free in making their own decisions when it comes to our ministry. Poverty does look like something outwardly, but it’s also a mentality that invades all of our behaviors. True growth has to start with real relationship with God and others—a choice to trust, not fear. Change has to start at the root in someone’s heart and is often elusive when the person can seek out any kind of rescue without any nudging towards personal responsibility. How many people did Jesus heal who really only wanted their healing for that day, with no interest in their eternity? How many people of the 5,000 ate that miraculous meal and weren't interested in the Bread of Heaven? How does it look for me as a missionary to continue to lovingly pursue people with the hope of the Gospel without slipping into enabling and even becoming a stumbling block to truly seeking God? How can I practically walk the tightrope of genuinely caring about people's needs and also calling them toward personal responsibility? How do I lead others to Jesus and not to myself? These are the kinds of questions that Raúl and I have to ask ourselves all the time. We may not consciously ask them on a daily basis, but on a daily basis, we are navigating the answers to those questions without having the answers just because we're thrust into circumstances that require a response.
All in all, the only real answer I have for myself is to be like Joseph--keeping my eyes on Jesus and being my true self. February hasn't looked much different than January--I'm still teaching classes and writing, our students are still studying, we're still having small group, and needs are constantly presenting themselves. But, in the secret place of my heart, there is no movement. There is no doing. There is no striving or convincing myself that I have the answers. I am just on my face before Him, still. I surrender. I don't have the answers. I can't make anyone grow. I am here, and I'm going to walk with You, and I'm going to lean into Your presence as I continue to just be myself, limitations and all. It is a sweet place to be even if the dream is never fulfilled.
Photo by rawpixel
In the mean time, your prayers are so invaluable. I have felt so incredibly blessed in my life with people who invest in me as a person even more so than they invest in what I do. There is a kiss of freedom to knowing that you're valued for who you are and not for your striving. And though we will do what God asks of us, we feel so loved and fortified by those of you who only ask that we keep close to our Father and His will. It is a delight to seek to always be good stewards of your prayers, your donations, your belief in us, and of the selves that God made us to be.
Wednesday, January 16, 2019
Get Up and Go
One of the things I've always liked about January is the sense of getting down to business. There is such a contrast between the extravagance and lounging of the Christmas season and the freshness and energy of January. I loved the time of year when classes would change because it meant new engagement for my mind, crisp white pages of new notebooks, and a new challenge ahead. January is still like that for me. I am always challenging myself, and just as a creature of habit, a lot of those new challenges start in January. But, aside from that, life in January here also just kind of demands a faster pace and navigating obligations and new experiences.
The Honduran school year starts in February for most high schools and in January for a lot of the colleges. So, this season is when you'll see school supplies front and center in every store and students clamoring around getting registered. Last year, we devised a new application process to treat our "educational help" as more of a scholarship, giving a bit more gravitas and ownership to our students as well as a bit more sense of responsibility. Perhaps, then, I shouldn't be surprised that we only had two applicants--two of whom we sponsored last year. There is still time, and we may have some last-minute stragglers seeking help. We'll see. So far. Brayan will continue to be sponsored in his music education. He's been a faithful student with excellent progress. And, we now have Estefanny not only registered but already in her second week of classes at a private university. Given the cost of private university, we're actually spending just as much if not more on our educational sponsorship than what we did last year. I am excited for Stef and am proud of how she is pursuing her goals.
In the mean time, another way that we are seeking to educationally aid our students from small group is by starting a new English class at level one. I'll be honest--I don't love teaching level one English. It's a speed bump for many interested in learning a new language. That initial introduction to something that feels so foreign really requires perseverance But once a student gets through my level one, usually they've found a good rhythm to continue learning. So far, our two sponsored students, Raúl, and five of our small group members are part of the class. They show a lot of promise.
So, that makes three English classes I am teaching--my level 5 class and I had to take a break when my transportation situation was iffy. Now, we're picking back up again. And, my level 2 class continues to do well.
January is also the season where we file reports for our non-profit with the Honduran government. It's not that extensive of a project, but it does require some time just compiling information and meeting with the accountant who will do our formal financial reports. We will celebrate our fifth anniversary as a non-profit this month! This is also the season when I start getting my US tax information compiled to work with the accountant in the US to get things filed and squared away. Like I said, this is a get-up-and-go season.
Amidst those tasks, I've also started a new personal goal for myself. I have joined Hope*Writers, an online community that provides support, education, and healthy encouragement toward writing endeavors. I have been blogging for a long time on this site as a place to update on missions in Honduras and just overall information about my life. Last year, I started a new blog because I wanted to transition myself into less newsletter-style writing and more lifestyle writing on a much more regular basis. So, the fruit of that goal was benchchats.blogspot.com if you've never visited there. And I try to write on that page on a weekly basis about much broader, more personal, and also some more lighthearted topics. Here, I continue to write on a monthly basis with general updates about life and ministry in Honduras.
I love to write. I wanted to be a writer from a very young age, and while the concept of publishing a book someday is both intriguing and scary overwhelming, I do want to steward this interest well within my current season. So, for right now, that looks like joining Hope*Writers, developing a more consistent writing habit, and educating myself on what a career as a writer is actually all about. So far, I'm enjoying the way that this is shaping my life and habits in some new ways.
As for our small group, after being socially saturated in December, it was clear to me that I needed to take a hiatus for a bit to take a step back, seek God, and catch my bearings as to whether or not we should continue in the same format or need to alter things to better go in the direction of God's leading. So, for the month of January, while we still see a lot of our small group members often, we aren't having small group. During this break, so far, I feel like God is giving me small clues as to what real community means and looks like and is fostered. My desire in starting a small group was to develop deep community--a place where we all can share and contribute and be vulnerable. We started out with people we were close enough to, that, I believe, that would have been possible. But things shifted. A lot of those people stopped coming because of personal situations, and a lot of new people we didn't know that well, especially teenagers, started coming. If nothing else, it has helped me to remember and acknowledge that what we set out to create wasn't created, but that something else entirely (and still good and important) has been created. I think we have set a positive framework of community, but this year, I'd like to still try to facilitate deeper relationship among our members. That is easier said than done in a country where people just generally don't trust each other emotionally. But, I am started to feel like the first step is in putting more of a focus on topics related to emotional and relational maturity, healing from old wounds, and how to be more of a genuine person with Jesus as our example. That's quite an endeavor, and it won't go anywhere without God's divine leading. So, we appreciate your prayers in that!
But, in terms of my own sense of community, I am happy that Ladies' Bible Study has started back up again, and I can once again see some brave, amazing, compassionate ladies on a regular basis.
This month, Raúl and I are also looking at plane tickets and starting to plan our trip to the States for the spring/summer. If you're interested in seeing us or visiting us while we're in, please let me know at sarah.crickenberger@gmail.com! We really want to make the most of our trip in prioritizing connecting with people.
My January is off to a good start even as I'm still leaving room in the margins to ponder where God is leading us, what ministry needs to look like for us, and how I can best serve Jesus here in Honduras. As always, we want to be open to your prayers, your words of encouragement, or even whatever it is from God that you may want to share with us.
Much love,
Sarah
The Honduran school year starts in February for most high schools and in January for a lot of the colleges. So, this season is when you'll see school supplies front and center in every store and students clamoring around getting registered. Last year, we devised a new application process to treat our "educational help" as more of a scholarship, giving a bit more gravitas and ownership to our students as well as a bit more sense of responsibility. Perhaps, then, I shouldn't be surprised that we only had two applicants--two of whom we sponsored last year. There is still time, and we may have some last-minute stragglers seeking help. We'll see. So far. Brayan will continue to be sponsored in his music education. He's been a faithful student with excellent progress. And, we now have Estefanny not only registered but already in her second week of classes at a private university. Given the cost of private university, we're actually spending just as much if not more on our educational sponsorship than what we did last year. I am excited for Stef and am proud of how she is pursuing her goals.
In the mean time, another way that we are seeking to educationally aid our students from small group is by starting a new English class at level one. I'll be honest--I don't love teaching level one English. It's a speed bump for many interested in learning a new language. That initial introduction to something that feels so foreign really requires perseverance But once a student gets through my level one, usually they've found a good rhythm to continue learning. So far, our two sponsored students, Raúl, and five of our small group members are part of the class. They show a lot of promise.
So, that makes three English classes I am teaching--my level 5 class and I had to take a break when my transportation situation was iffy. Now, we're picking back up again. And, my level 2 class continues to do well.
January is also the season where we file reports for our non-profit with the Honduran government. It's not that extensive of a project, but it does require some time just compiling information and meeting with the accountant who will do our formal financial reports. We will celebrate our fifth anniversary as a non-profit this month! This is also the season when I start getting my US tax information compiled to work with the accountant in the US to get things filed and squared away. Like I said, this is a get-up-and-go season.
Amidst those tasks, I've also started a new personal goal for myself. I have joined Hope*Writers, an online community that provides support, education, and healthy encouragement toward writing endeavors. I have been blogging for a long time on this site as a place to update on missions in Honduras and just overall information about my life. Last year, I started a new blog because I wanted to transition myself into less newsletter-style writing and more lifestyle writing on a much more regular basis. So, the fruit of that goal was benchchats.blogspot.com if you've never visited there. And I try to write on that page on a weekly basis about much broader, more personal, and also some more lighthearted topics. Here, I continue to write on a monthly basis with general updates about life and ministry in Honduras.
I love to write. I wanted to be a writer from a very young age, and while the concept of publishing a book someday is both intriguing and scary overwhelming, I do want to steward this interest well within my current season. So, for right now, that looks like joining Hope*Writers, developing a more consistent writing habit, and educating myself on what a career as a writer is actually all about. So far, I'm enjoying the way that this is shaping my life and habits in some new ways.
As for our small group, after being socially saturated in December, it was clear to me that I needed to take a hiatus for a bit to take a step back, seek God, and catch my bearings as to whether or not we should continue in the same format or need to alter things to better go in the direction of God's leading. So, for the month of January, while we still see a lot of our small group members often, we aren't having small group. During this break, so far, I feel like God is giving me small clues as to what real community means and looks like and is fostered. My desire in starting a small group was to develop deep community--a place where we all can share and contribute and be vulnerable. We started out with people we were close enough to, that, I believe, that would have been possible. But things shifted. A lot of those people stopped coming because of personal situations, and a lot of new people we didn't know that well, especially teenagers, started coming. If nothing else, it has helped me to remember and acknowledge that what we set out to create wasn't created, but that something else entirely (and still good and important) has been created. I think we have set a positive framework of community, but this year, I'd like to still try to facilitate deeper relationship among our members. That is easier said than done in a country where people just generally don't trust each other emotionally. But, I am started to feel like the first step is in putting more of a focus on topics related to emotional and relational maturity, healing from old wounds, and how to be more of a genuine person with Jesus as our example. That's quite an endeavor, and it won't go anywhere without God's divine leading. So, we appreciate your prayers in that!
But, in terms of my own sense of community, I am happy that Ladies' Bible Study has started back up again, and I can once again see some brave, amazing, compassionate ladies on a regular basis.
This month, Raúl and I are also looking at plane tickets and starting to plan our trip to the States for the spring/summer. If you're interested in seeing us or visiting us while we're in, please let me know at sarah.crickenberger@gmail.com! We really want to make the most of our trip in prioritizing connecting with people.
My January is off to a good start even as I'm still leaving room in the margins to ponder where God is leading us, what ministry needs to look like for us, and how I can best serve Jesus here in Honduras. As always, we want to be open to your prayers, your words of encouragement, or even whatever it is from God that you may want to share with us.
Much love,
Sarah
Saturday, December 15, 2018
"Abundance"
It's been two years since I've been in Honduras for the Christmas season, and there were a few things I'd forgotten about. I had forgotten just how crazy busy this time of year gets and just how much the needs around me heighten. I had forgotten that December is typically one of the financially tightest months of the whole year for Outreach missionaries. And I had forgotten how much I dislike buying Christmas gifts here. It's hard to adapt to the high prices and very limited selection when you've previously had all of Amazon at your fingertips. But in the midst of all that I had forgotten, I have remembered that while I may be missing my own family and culture, winter coziness and traditions, I have much more opportunities than I have at any other time of year to provide a sense of home and refuge and warmth and provision to others. The month is only half-way over, but the way that God has provided has been truly miraculous.
For those of you who haven't heard the news yet, Raúl did get his US visa. The day we went for his interview, we were both nervous and wound tight, but upon arriving, we felt covered in loving prayer. Every step of the process went smoothly and rapidly. We felt so blessed.
We are planning to make a trip to the US in the spring of next year, and because there are so many people I'd love for Raúl to get to meet, we want to make it a point to spend time with as many people who are interested and available as possible. If you would like to have us visit you in your home or come speak at your church or in your small group, we would love to hear about your lives and share what God is doing in and through ours as well. If anyone is interested in that, feel free to e-mail me at sarah.crickenberger@gmail.com or call my mama, so we can set up some details on a time frame.
A Small Group Update
As usual, Raúl and I have continued our small group on Saturday nights. We have started a new unit on evangelism and sharing our faith. For many months now, I had also been planning on having some fun events with our group apart from our discipleship time. Our small neighborhood is pretty safe, but it doesn't have a whole lot to do. It actually reminds me a lot of my own small town in West Virginia because the only place to congregate in the evenings is the local gas station. People who don't have a safe or enjoyable home life often seek out other places to hang out or people to spend time with...which can lead to falling into a crowd that will lead to destructive habits. So, I had hoped to host some game nights and movie nights and fun events. But, for months, we just had so few free nights, or we were so busy that adding one more thing seemed excessive. But, I finally decided that December was going to be the month to test it all out and see if it was something we could do on a regular basis. First, we hosted a movie night to watch The Greatest Showman. We bought microwave popcorn and collaborated to get some snacks together. I think Raúl expected only enough people to fit on one little futon couch. Much to his surprise, we had 14 people crammed into our little living room where we shuffled around furniture to get an arrangement where everyone could see. If you've seen our living room that is not a wide open space but is L-shaped, you'd know what a feat that was. The kids loved the movie and want us to have another movie night. Our movie night was topped by our game night. My family and I have played Speak Out when I'm in the States, and we've laughed till tears streamed down our faces. If you haven't heard of it, check it out. I had been eyeing the Spanish version of the game to play with our small group for a long time, but it just cost more than I was willing to spend. Finally, during Black Friday week, it went on sale, so I bought it. We had 19 people show up for game night. It was a little bit of chaos as everyone chowed down on Tex-Mex bean dip and huevos rancheros and subtly tried to put stickers on each other without the other person noticing. It is hard to coordinate games with a group of 19 people in such a small space because you really can't move around. But, everything fell into place when we started playing Speak Out. The groups were so competitive, and it was pretty hilarious to watch people drool all over themselves and not be able to say words with Ps or Bs in them. I think the kids would've been at our house all night playing, but it was a week night, and Raúl and I both eventually set an end time so as not to be exhausted. At the end of the night, everyone begged us to have another game night. The following week, we planned to take everyone to the local Christmas village with lots of lights and displays and food stands. As with most things in Honduras, I'm constantly facing a learning curve of things I should've anticipated but didn't. We figured we'd have enough space between two vehicles to be able to haul everyone from our small group. We'd asked people to give us a heads up beforehand if they were going, just to have a good handle on the transportation situation. Naturally, they all invited extra people and let us know about an hour before we were going to leave. We ended up having 27 people go and that was after 3 or so couldn't go at the last minute. Needless to say, this was exactly why Raúl and I wanted a more practical vehicle, and all I could think about the whole night was how God provided exactly what we needed and then some.
When Raúl and I started this group, our aim was really to provide a sense of real community, to teach topics that can often be overlooked or glossed over in regular church settings, and to start developing deeper relationships with the people around us. We really weren't looking to expand numerically, but we stumbled into a need, and we've been astounded at the abundance of people who have made their way up our dirt road hill to our house. When I mentally count how many people have come a few times, how many always come, and how many usually come, if all of those people were to come the same day, we'd be up to 30...and we wouldn't fit in our house any more. I went from cooking with a mindset of 15 maximum to much more. The recent increase could have to do with the holidays or the fact that the school year is over. And, it's always a given that the fun stuff will have more attendees than actual group, but we have had a larger than normal crowd at small group all this month as well. I have considered the idea of renting another, larger location in our neighborhood and using it as a community center--a place to have small group, fun events, possibly English classes, and to put in a small business to help keep it self-sustaining. That is a daunting idea, honestly, and I don't know if we're there yet. But, if we keep increasing as a group, that may be an idea that has to be put into practice. Regardless, all of this is a good challenge to have. What a privilege to have earned the trust of these young people! We plan to open our home on Christmas Eve as well for anyone who just needs somewhere positive to go, and we already have some takers planning on being with us.
"Abundance"
At the end of every year, I take some time to ask God to give me a word as an ongoing theme for the following year. Just one word. Nothing overwhelming. Something that can be carried out in numerous ways and hold many different lessons. It's a practice I picked up from the website Velvet Ashes. This year, the word was "alive." That word felt like the antithesis of my circumstances in some seasons, like a fighting word to push back the darkness. It also served as a challenge to my own character in other seasons. Starting in October, I began to ask God what my word for 2019 would be. For a while, I didn't get a clear answer. It wasn't until the Women of Purpose retreat for missionary ladies that God gave me a clear answer--the word "abundance." He let me know that in 2019, He would be challenging, healing, and processing my mentality toward the resources He's given me, the way that He feels about providing for me, and what are my burdens to carry and when it's appropriate to sit back and let my loving Father do what He does best. In the midst of impending situations with visions for the future or desires of my own heart where my finances taunt me with "how?", that word and the lessons that it will hold are something that I actually welcome.
As is usually the case when we receive a good word, the external circumstances I soon encountered did not reflect that word but rather the opposite. At the end of November, my financial situation was tight. I am adamant about being a good steward, and I do my best to budget in a way that honors the people who sacrifice to bless us and that keeps a balanced perspective of my purposes here as missionary, as a wife, and as a friend. I do my best to save when there is extra, and Raúl and I are both people who live within our means. But, given the nature of being a missionary, life isn't predictable and neither are my finances. December ended up being one of the tightest months I can ever remember having. Raúl and I weren't hurting to be able to eat or pay our bills, but in a month where need is at its greatest, expectations are soaring, and our community is waiting for us to lead, I kept running the numbers down to the last cent and wondering how we were going to provide anything for anyone. But, because I had clearly heard that word "abundance," when I normally would've been stressed and trying to figure out how to make everything work, I felt great peace. I pulled money from all of my safety nets, budgeted down to the last lempira, grocery shopped with a calculator in hand, raided our pantry, stayed at home to conserve gas, and then had to laugh when all of my painstaking allotments were thrown to the wind when faced with a single mother who really had no food to give her three children, a family going through the crisis of loss and no way to provide, and a student in danger of not being able to continue his studies because of a large debt owed to his educational institution. We do our best to let people carry their own life "knapsack" per the lessons gleaned from the book, Boundaries. We avoid fostering any sort of ongoing dependency on us. But, all of these situations weren't the daily knapsacks of rent or living within your means or working to have your daily bread. They were all situations that fell from the sky like boulders that were too heavy to shoulder alone. Twice this month Raúl and I received provision from unexpected places at unexpected times and breathed a sigh of relief, and twice, on the same day, we've looked at each other and laughed when we realized that that provision was never actually meant for us.
I don't share this testimony as a woe is me or as a cry for help by any means because this month has been miraculous. The amount in my bank account didn't increase for most of this month. It got down to the lowest it's been in a LONG time, but the mouths we have fed this month increased in unexpected, exponential ways that I never could have planned for. YET, there was ALWAYS ENOUGH and then some. Right now, as I write this, I have a turkey to feed 20 people for our small group get-together in my freezer. I have a cozy home decorated the most beautiful it's ever been for Christmas just from inventiveness without buying anything. And, I have the means to bless others. I don't know how. I can't take the credit. Raúl and I just keep saying yes, and as that word "abundance" hovers over my soul, I am looking for ways to be stretched in this area. It's been a hold-your-breath adventure this month, one where I look at the circumstances and the numbers and say, "Yep, no idea how that's going to work." And then it does with absolutely no debt. If this is a pre-cursor to what 2019 is going to be, I'm ready to buckle my seat belt and go along for the ride.
I don't know what your one word for 2019 may be, but the words I have for you at this end of 2018 are thank you. Thank you for your prayers. We saw the power of prayer this year. Thank you for your support. As you've believed in us, we've committed to carrying out our belief that God's blesses us in order to bless others. It's a responsibility and a privilege we don't take lightly. Thank you for reading these blogs. I can't tell you how it warms my heart to know that someone felt that my little life and rambling words were worth their time. We wish you a new year full of new adventures in Christ, full of healing and restoration, full of stretching and character development, full of wild testimonies and renewed faith. We love you, and Jesus loves you, and we continue to believe that in all things, He is worthy.
All of my love,
Sarah
For those of you who haven't heard the news yet, Raúl did get his US visa. The day we went for his interview, we were both nervous and wound tight, but upon arriving, we felt covered in loving prayer. Every step of the process went smoothly and rapidly. We felt so blessed.
We are planning to make a trip to the US in the spring of next year, and because there are so many people I'd love for Raúl to get to meet, we want to make it a point to spend time with as many people who are interested and available as possible. If you would like to have us visit you in your home or come speak at your church or in your small group, we would love to hear about your lives and share what God is doing in and through ours as well. If anyone is interested in that, feel free to e-mail me at sarah.crickenberger@gmail.com or call my mama, so we can set up some details on a time frame.
A Small Group Update
As usual, Raúl and I have continued our small group on Saturday nights. We have started a new unit on evangelism and sharing our faith. For many months now, I had also been planning on having some fun events with our group apart from our discipleship time. Our small neighborhood is pretty safe, but it doesn't have a whole lot to do. It actually reminds me a lot of my own small town in West Virginia because the only place to congregate in the evenings is the local gas station. People who don't have a safe or enjoyable home life often seek out other places to hang out or people to spend time with...which can lead to falling into a crowd that will lead to destructive habits. So, I had hoped to host some game nights and movie nights and fun events. But, for months, we just had so few free nights, or we were so busy that adding one more thing seemed excessive. But, I finally decided that December was going to be the month to test it all out and see if it was something we could do on a regular basis. First, we hosted a movie night to watch The Greatest Showman. We bought microwave popcorn and collaborated to get some snacks together. I think Raúl expected only enough people to fit on one little futon couch. Much to his surprise, we had 14 people crammed into our little living room where we shuffled around furniture to get an arrangement where everyone could see. If you've seen our living room that is not a wide open space but is L-shaped, you'd know what a feat that was. The kids loved the movie and want us to have another movie night. Our movie night was topped by our game night. My family and I have played Speak Out when I'm in the States, and we've laughed till tears streamed down our faces. If you haven't heard of it, check it out. I had been eyeing the Spanish version of the game to play with our small group for a long time, but it just cost more than I was willing to spend. Finally, during Black Friday week, it went on sale, so I bought it. We had 19 people show up for game night. It was a little bit of chaos as everyone chowed down on Tex-Mex bean dip and huevos rancheros and subtly tried to put stickers on each other without the other person noticing. It is hard to coordinate games with a group of 19 people in such a small space because you really can't move around. But, everything fell into place when we started playing Speak Out. The groups were so competitive, and it was pretty hilarious to watch people drool all over themselves and not be able to say words with Ps or Bs in them. I think the kids would've been at our house all night playing, but it was a week night, and Raúl and I both eventually set an end time so as not to be exhausted. At the end of the night, everyone begged us to have another game night. The following week, we planned to take everyone to the local Christmas village with lots of lights and displays and food stands. As with most things in Honduras, I'm constantly facing a learning curve of things I should've anticipated but didn't. We figured we'd have enough space between two vehicles to be able to haul everyone from our small group. We'd asked people to give us a heads up beforehand if they were going, just to have a good handle on the transportation situation. Naturally, they all invited extra people and let us know about an hour before we were going to leave. We ended up having 27 people go and that was after 3 or so couldn't go at the last minute. Needless to say, this was exactly why Raúl and I wanted a more practical vehicle, and all I could think about the whole night was how God provided exactly what we needed and then some.
When Raúl and I started this group, our aim was really to provide a sense of real community, to teach topics that can often be overlooked or glossed over in regular church settings, and to start developing deeper relationships with the people around us. We really weren't looking to expand numerically, but we stumbled into a need, and we've been astounded at the abundance of people who have made their way up our dirt road hill to our house. When I mentally count how many people have come a few times, how many always come, and how many usually come, if all of those people were to come the same day, we'd be up to 30...and we wouldn't fit in our house any more. I went from cooking with a mindset of 15 maximum to much more. The recent increase could have to do with the holidays or the fact that the school year is over. And, it's always a given that the fun stuff will have more attendees than actual group, but we have had a larger than normal crowd at small group all this month as well. I have considered the idea of renting another, larger location in our neighborhood and using it as a community center--a place to have small group, fun events, possibly English classes, and to put in a small business to help keep it self-sustaining. That is a daunting idea, honestly, and I don't know if we're there yet. But, if we keep increasing as a group, that may be an idea that has to be put into practice. Regardless, all of this is a good challenge to have. What a privilege to have earned the trust of these young people! We plan to open our home on Christmas Eve as well for anyone who just needs somewhere positive to go, and we already have some takers planning on being with us.
"Abundance"
At the end of every year, I take some time to ask God to give me a word as an ongoing theme for the following year. Just one word. Nothing overwhelming. Something that can be carried out in numerous ways and hold many different lessons. It's a practice I picked up from the website Velvet Ashes. This year, the word was "alive." That word felt like the antithesis of my circumstances in some seasons, like a fighting word to push back the darkness. It also served as a challenge to my own character in other seasons. Starting in October, I began to ask God what my word for 2019 would be. For a while, I didn't get a clear answer. It wasn't until the Women of Purpose retreat for missionary ladies that God gave me a clear answer--the word "abundance." He let me know that in 2019, He would be challenging, healing, and processing my mentality toward the resources He's given me, the way that He feels about providing for me, and what are my burdens to carry and when it's appropriate to sit back and let my loving Father do what He does best. In the midst of impending situations with visions for the future or desires of my own heart where my finances taunt me with "how?", that word and the lessons that it will hold are something that I actually welcome.
As is usually the case when we receive a good word, the external circumstances I soon encountered did not reflect that word but rather the opposite. At the end of November, my financial situation was tight. I am adamant about being a good steward, and I do my best to budget in a way that honors the people who sacrifice to bless us and that keeps a balanced perspective of my purposes here as missionary, as a wife, and as a friend. I do my best to save when there is extra, and Raúl and I are both people who live within our means. But, given the nature of being a missionary, life isn't predictable and neither are my finances. December ended up being one of the tightest months I can ever remember having. Raúl and I weren't hurting to be able to eat or pay our bills, but in a month where need is at its greatest, expectations are soaring, and our community is waiting for us to lead, I kept running the numbers down to the last cent and wondering how we were going to provide anything for anyone. But, because I had clearly heard that word "abundance," when I normally would've been stressed and trying to figure out how to make everything work, I felt great peace. I pulled money from all of my safety nets, budgeted down to the last lempira, grocery shopped with a calculator in hand, raided our pantry, stayed at home to conserve gas, and then had to laugh when all of my painstaking allotments were thrown to the wind when faced with a single mother who really had no food to give her three children, a family going through the crisis of loss and no way to provide, and a student in danger of not being able to continue his studies because of a large debt owed to his educational institution. We do our best to let people carry their own life "knapsack" per the lessons gleaned from the book, Boundaries. We avoid fostering any sort of ongoing dependency on us. But, all of these situations weren't the daily knapsacks of rent or living within your means or working to have your daily bread. They were all situations that fell from the sky like boulders that were too heavy to shoulder alone. Twice this month Raúl and I received provision from unexpected places at unexpected times and breathed a sigh of relief, and twice, on the same day, we've looked at each other and laughed when we realized that that provision was never actually meant for us.
I don't share this testimony as a woe is me or as a cry for help by any means because this month has been miraculous. The amount in my bank account didn't increase for most of this month. It got down to the lowest it's been in a LONG time, but the mouths we have fed this month increased in unexpected, exponential ways that I never could have planned for. YET, there was ALWAYS ENOUGH and then some. Right now, as I write this, I have a turkey to feed 20 people for our small group get-together in my freezer. I have a cozy home decorated the most beautiful it's ever been for Christmas just from inventiveness without buying anything. And, I have the means to bless others. I don't know how. I can't take the credit. Raúl and I just keep saying yes, and as that word "abundance" hovers over my soul, I am looking for ways to be stretched in this area. It's been a hold-your-breath adventure this month, one where I look at the circumstances and the numbers and say, "Yep, no idea how that's going to work." And then it does with absolutely no debt. If this is a pre-cursor to what 2019 is going to be, I'm ready to buckle my seat belt and go along for the ride.
I don't know what your one word for 2019 may be, but the words I have for you at this end of 2018 are thank you. Thank you for your prayers. We saw the power of prayer this year. Thank you for your support. As you've believed in us, we've committed to carrying out our belief that God's blesses us in order to bless others. It's a responsibility and a privilege we don't take lightly. Thank you for reading these blogs. I can't tell you how it warms my heart to know that someone felt that my little life and rambling words were worth their time. We wish you a new year full of new adventures in Christ, full of healing and restoration, full of stretching and character development, full of wild testimonies and renewed faith. We love you, and Jesus loves you, and we continue to believe that in all things, He is worthy.
All of my love,
Sarah
Thursday, November 15, 2018
A Month of Breakthroughs
Hello All,
November was a sigh of relief month in many ways. Also a time of reflection. And, a time of analyzing some new questions and possibilities. I think I exhaust myself more than anything else. But, all in all, in a month marked in the US culture by thanksgiving, we have much to be thankful for, and remembering that can often pull me out of my own preoccupations.
I took some time in late October to have a little personal retreat. I knew I would be going to a women's missionary retreat in November, and when I am around a lot of people I don't know, I get overstimulated and have a hard time really connecting with God on my own. That was still possible to a degree, but I was thankful for the time that I took in quieting and preparing my soul personally ahead of time. Life had just gotten really loud and busy. Some of that loudness was just my own thoughts. When God gives me a clear direction, I am steadfast and decided with no qualms. But, when I am left to my own devices about what I want or what I think I should do, indecisiveness and self-doubt plague me to an obnoxious level. During that personal retreat, I didn't really receive any of the answers I was seeking for decisions, but I did receive the presence of God and the reminder of my safety in Him. That is often more important anyway.
One of the questions I had was in regard to our vehicle situation. Since June, we had been praying for, waiting for, saving for, seeking out, and needing a different vehicle. We had been nonstop fixing the car we had, and it was becoming ridiculous just how often that car was in the shop. By the time we did sell it, it was functioning well, but the cycle we walked through to get there seemed unending. At the beginning of that personal retreat, I posted on a Facebook buy/sell group what exactly we were looking for in a vehicle. But, I forgot to include where we were located as the group has members from all over Honduras. As it turns out, God used my oversight in the best way. All of the responses I received weren't at all what we were looking for except for one--a 2004 Honda CRV in San Pedro Sula, a city several hours away, that had everything we'd been asking God for. Long story short, at the tail end of October, we bought it, easily sold the other car, and have felt thoroughly cared for by God throughout the whole thing. I can't tell you how much it blessed me to see God care about the details we had asked for when we were prepared to settle for anything close. It was such a testimony to God's faithfulness after months where it felt tempting to wonder if God was paying attention.
Just a week before my personal retreat, we received notice that Raúl's visa appointment had been scheduled. From what I've heard, most things shut down around December, so we were very blessed that Raúl's appointment was scheduled for November. This answer was a long time coming, and it was a relief to feel like I wasn't going to miss the holidays with my family in vain. Normally, when I go to the States for the holidays, I try to go right before my Dad's birthday, November 21. Because we didn't know when Raúl's appointment would be, I decided the best thing would be for me to not go to the States for the holidays this year, risking having to come back for Raúl's appointment and wasting the money on a ticket. And, lo and behold, Raúl's appointment is on my Dad's birthday, in less than a week. I am still pretty sad to miss Christmas with my family, but I am hopeful and encouraged that by spring, Raúl could be able to go with me to the States for my brother's graduation. We would appreciate your prayers for God's favor and open doors. We have done everything legally; we are armed with a binder full of paperwork; and obviously, we are a married couple who has gone from friendship to dating to marriage just like any other married couple. But, given the nature of what's at stake, how much we've spent, and just how challenging the process is in general, we are anxious to finish this process with a joyous outcome.
I want to take a moment to just share some facts about our process with you because I think a lot of times there is great ignorance about just how difficult and truly expensive the legal process is to be able to immigrate or even visit the US. When Raúl and I were still just friends, he tried to get his tourist visa to visit the US with me. He was denied. That time, they didn't really give him much of a reason. That application not including pictures and other paperwork was $160, and that is not refunded even if you get denied. Three years later, while we were dating, just before we got engaged, Raúl tried again. I didn't even want to try again, but he did. He was so much more confident that time because he had more than enough money in the bank, had property and real estate in his name, owned his own business, etc. Once again, they denied him, saying, "We don't give visas to people climbing the socioeconomic ladder." That was another $160 not including paperwork and photos. When we got engaged, we tossed around our options of getting married in the States with a K visa or getting married in Honduras and applying for US residency from Honduras. At the time of this decision, my grandfather was ill with lung cancer, and we had no idea how much longer he might live as he was told his cancer was treatable but not curable. We ultimately decided that economically and logistically it made more sense for us to get married in Honduras because if we went the K visa route, he might have had to wait over a year in the US for his green card. And, he would've had to wait months for a work permit, and he doesn't speak English. Just too many factors considering we had our entire lives built in Honduras. There were two major factors that spurred us to want to take action in his immigration process right after getting married (not everyone does): 1) The health of my grandfather because I wanted Raúl to be able to meet him and 2) The crazy expenses the whole process was going to require. I knew that if we waited until we had kids or on down the line, the expenses might have been too extreme for our finances, and at this time, Raúl had already been saving for a while. I spent days researching immigration lawyers, and we ultimately decided to go with an immigration lawyer instead of doing it all ourselves (read: me doing it by myself since Raúl does not do administrative things). I wouldn't say going with a lawyer was 100% necessary, but I am grateful we have done it that way because there were certain aspects I had questions on that I knew I wasn't going to be able to answer. And, one aspect of how fast the process goes is which center is processing your application, and I had no way of knowing which centers processed faster than others. Apart from this, we wanted to ensure our ongoing, reputable legality especially since we still hope to proceed to getting Raúl's citizenship on down the line.
We started the immigration process in August of last year. At this point, among lawyer fees, government application fees, and the medical exam, we are very close to $4000 spent if not more. Yesterday Raúl had his medical exam. You are only allowed to get your medical exam with doctors approved by the embassy. In Tegucigalpa, you can only have the medical exam done at one of, if not the most expensive hospital in the city. In Honduras, especially in impoverished families, keeping records of vaccines isn't the norm, so Raúl had no vaccination records. I could never find enough clear info to know what vaccines they would require. The lists seemed to contradict each other. And, I didn't know if they'd do blood work to determine what he'd already had or if they'd just give them to him anyway. It took 5 and half hours for about 10 minutes of examination, vaccines, and tests, and it cost $425. If he does receive his visa, there is a new, additional $220 fee that we'll have to pay before we can leave the country. It is an intense process requiring loads of paperwork and haggling with Honduran government offices. Each document often carries its own fee to obtain. My point is--the average Honduran or the most desperate Honduran who is living off of $4 or less a day could not ever afford to apply to enter the US as an immigrant legally even if they sold everything they own, and even if by some miracle they did come up with that kind of money, there is no guarantee they'll receive it. And, the most desperate Honduran who has had little to no formal education would have no idea how to navigate that legal process of paperwork without help. I am not telling you what conclusions you need to draw here as I think immigration is a vastly complicated issue, but I do think that if you are going to make the argument that the people in the caravans should enter the US legally, you should at least have all of the information about just how difficult and expensive that process is.
Next week, we'll go to the embassy and have his interview. I've heard mixed input as to whether they will allow me to accompany him or not. And, Raúl, who has now been rejected for a tourist visa twice (which is an entirely different kind of process) and who has invested so much into this process, is understandably nervous. We appreciate your prayers for us on November 21.
After this whirlwind of answered prayers, I went to a Women of Purpose retreat for missionary women. It was founded and has continued for various years through the dedicated work of some West Virginian women! I had no idea that the ladies behind the event were from West Virginia, but it so warms my heart to come across a West Virginian throughout various parts of the world. These ladies from Parkersburg and Ohio are doing good things. I have to say that while I don't know what the mission field is like in other countries, as I've entered the missionary community more in the last couple of years, I have been blessed by what missionaries to Honduras do well. They network and share tips and help through Facebook groups. They establish church congregations and Bible studies to keep their missionaries encouraged. And the Honduran Fellowship of Missionaries and Ministries seeks to unify ministries throughout the country and truly work together to bring the Kingdom of God to Honduras. I have been blessed to receive helpful information from other North American women married to Hondurans. I have been blessed to receive a heads up about medical brigades and resources that can serve the people we work with. And, above all else, I have felt much more a sense of belonging and a dissipation of loneliness through the women's Bible study I have been attending with women of all different kinds of ministries from all different denominations. (With that said, I know that on a microcosm level, once you get into the inner workings of some of this stuff, that there is mess and disagreements because we're humans, but if nothing else, I applaud the efforts to work toward unity.) It was a blessing to meet some other missionary ladies and get to spend some time with some of the sweet people I have met through serving at Missionary Kid camp and going to Bible study. And it was nice to spend some guided time with God and in worship in English. There were some specific things that God started talking to me about during that retreat, but I think I will share more about that at a later date.
In terms of a normal update, our small group continues to meet on Saturdays. We have been studying and praying for other countries and other missionaries, and I've been encouraged that our kids have been asking what the next country will be that we study. It's so important to me that our kids expand their world vision and that they develop a global idea of the Body of Christ. That, to me, helps prevent a victim mentality in a developing country and equips them to better carry out the Great Commission. And, I have to say that I've been impressed by some of the comments from some of our people that have shown that they are educating themselves about the needs of the rest of the world. This Saturday will be our last week talking about prophecy. It's been a very long study but a very good one. Most of our kids come from charismatic backgrounds where they've perhaps seen some of the prophetic, but they've also seen the prophetic be abused for man's own gain. I've enjoyed their questions and seeing them mature as they've learned that it's possible and important to grow in the gift of prophecy just as it is for any other gift. Last week, we talked about the importance of tracking prophetic words and building relationship with those who receive our words so as to know whether we heard correctly from God or not (and to humbly take responsibility when we've missed it). I think our next study is going to be about evangelism.
Our students are at the tail end of their school year, and we've been riding a bit of a roller coaster with some of them. In general, they've been doing well in their studies, but as is always the case with young people, there have been some situations to navigate that we need wisdom for. We also have been continuing to accept scholarship applications from the kids in our small group. It's not totally clear at this point who we will be supporting next year, but we will be narrowing that down because registration for the next school year starts in January. Right now, what I do know is that Estefanny would like to study in a private university. Given the tumultuous issues of the public university that can often cause great delays in finishing college studies on time, I can understand her heart's desire even as it challenges my faith with finances. I don't have any clear answers on that just yet, but I do feel a little bit like I'm in my dad's position and Stef is in mine from when I was her age. I was adamant in believing that God was going to provide for my college education, and while I think it was challenging for my dad having a bit more experience with real-life finances, he backed me up. And God came through in astounding ways. Is there really any reason why this situation should be any different?
As we prepare for Thanksgiving (it so feels like it just crept up on me), I just want to re-iterate how good God is. For the past three months, my ladies' Bible study has been studying suffering and God's goodness. Those themes were so timely for me in the midst of hard loss, inconveniences, and confusion. I know that worry is having faith in the wrong direction, and the only way for me to re-center my faith on my Maker is through remembering His goodness. That, for me, had to start not from the external inward but from making a point to spend time with God in the midst of frustrations, to be still and silent with Him instead of running around making lists and devising solutions, and to let myself receive His love when part of me only wanted His answers in my circumstances. I'm definitely still a work in progress. But, at least for this season, I had to place my thoughts, desires, and needs back into the hands of the Father trusting His goodness before I had any solutions or answers in my outward circumstances. The stillness and relief had to start in my own heart for me to appreciate when my circumstances did change. And, a key to maintaining that mindset of hope is thankfulness. If someone would have told me at the beginning of last year that I would pay for a wedding, have my family here, get seriously sick and be hospitalized, start Raúl's immigration process and then the following year continue Raúl's immigration process payments, return unexpectedly to the US for my grandfather's funeral, and buy a different vehicle, there is no way I could have wrapped my head around that. God's faithfulness in provision has been beyond belief. His presence and peace in the midst of sickness and loss have been what has held my family and I together. And His continued attention to the desires of my heart have drawn me out to security when I was teetering on the edge of bitterness. He is good, better than I give Him credit for sometimes, and He is always worthy of our gratitude.
Much love,
Sarah
November was a sigh of relief month in many ways. Also a time of reflection. And, a time of analyzing some new questions and possibilities. I think I exhaust myself more than anything else. But, all in all, in a month marked in the US culture by thanksgiving, we have much to be thankful for, and remembering that can often pull me out of my own preoccupations.
I took some time in late October to have a little personal retreat. I knew I would be going to a women's missionary retreat in November, and when I am around a lot of people I don't know, I get overstimulated and have a hard time really connecting with God on my own. That was still possible to a degree, but I was thankful for the time that I took in quieting and preparing my soul personally ahead of time. Life had just gotten really loud and busy. Some of that loudness was just my own thoughts. When God gives me a clear direction, I am steadfast and decided with no qualms. But, when I am left to my own devices about what I want or what I think I should do, indecisiveness and self-doubt plague me to an obnoxious level. During that personal retreat, I didn't really receive any of the answers I was seeking for decisions, but I did receive the presence of God and the reminder of my safety in Him. That is often more important anyway.
One of the questions I had was in regard to our vehicle situation. Since June, we had been praying for, waiting for, saving for, seeking out, and needing a different vehicle. We had been nonstop fixing the car we had, and it was becoming ridiculous just how often that car was in the shop. By the time we did sell it, it was functioning well, but the cycle we walked through to get there seemed unending. At the beginning of that personal retreat, I posted on a Facebook buy/sell group what exactly we were looking for in a vehicle. But, I forgot to include where we were located as the group has members from all over Honduras. As it turns out, God used my oversight in the best way. All of the responses I received weren't at all what we were looking for except for one--a 2004 Honda CRV in San Pedro Sula, a city several hours away, that had everything we'd been asking God for. Long story short, at the tail end of October, we bought it, easily sold the other car, and have felt thoroughly cared for by God throughout the whole thing. I can't tell you how much it blessed me to see God care about the details we had asked for when we were prepared to settle for anything close. It was such a testimony to God's faithfulness after months where it felt tempting to wonder if God was paying attention.
Just a week before my personal retreat, we received notice that Raúl's visa appointment had been scheduled. From what I've heard, most things shut down around December, so we were very blessed that Raúl's appointment was scheduled for November. This answer was a long time coming, and it was a relief to feel like I wasn't going to miss the holidays with my family in vain. Normally, when I go to the States for the holidays, I try to go right before my Dad's birthday, November 21. Because we didn't know when Raúl's appointment would be, I decided the best thing would be for me to not go to the States for the holidays this year, risking having to come back for Raúl's appointment and wasting the money on a ticket. And, lo and behold, Raúl's appointment is on my Dad's birthday, in less than a week. I am still pretty sad to miss Christmas with my family, but I am hopeful and encouraged that by spring, Raúl could be able to go with me to the States for my brother's graduation. We would appreciate your prayers for God's favor and open doors. We have done everything legally; we are armed with a binder full of paperwork; and obviously, we are a married couple who has gone from friendship to dating to marriage just like any other married couple. But, given the nature of what's at stake, how much we've spent, and just how challenging the process is in general, we are anxious to finish this process with a joyous outcome.
I want to take a moment to just share some facts about our process with you because I think a lot of times there is great ignorance about just how difficult and truly expensive the legal process is to be able to immigrate or even visit the US. When Raúl and I were still just friends, he tried to get his tourist visa to visit the US with me. He was denied. That time, they didn't really give him much of a reason. That application not including pictures and other paperwork was $160, and that is not refunded even if you get denied. Three years later, while we were dating, just before we got engaged, Raúl tried again. I didn't even want to try again, but he did. He was so much more confident that time because he had more than enough money in the bank, had property and real estate in his name, owned his own business, etc. Once again, they denied him, saying, "We don't give visas to people climbing the socioeconomic ladder." That was another $160 not including paperwork and photos. When we got engaged, we tossed around our options of getting married in the States with a K visa or getting married in Honduras and applying for US residency from Honduras. At the time of this decision, my grandfather was ill with lung cancer, and we had no idea how much longer he might live as he was told his cancer was treatable but not curable. We ultimately decided that economically and logistically it made more sense for us to get married in Honduras because if we went the K visa route, he might have had to wait over a year in the US for his green card. And, he would've had to wait months for a work permit, and he doesn't speak English. Just too many factors considering we had our entire lives built in Honduras. There were two major factors that spurred us to want to take action in his immigration process right after getting married (not everyone does): 1) The health of my grandfather because I wanted Raúl to be able to meet him and 2) The crazy expenses the whole process was going to require. I knew that if we waited until we had kids or on down the line, the expenses might have been too extreme for our finances, and at this time, Raúl had already been saving for a while. I spent days researching immigration lawyers, and we ultimately decided to go with an immigration lawyer instead of doing it all ourselves (read: me doing it by myself since Raúl does not do administrative things). I wouldn't say going with a lawyer was 100% necessary, but I am grateful we have done it that way because there were certain aspects I had questions on that I knew I wasn't going to be able to answer. And, one aspect of how fast the process goes is which center is processing your application, and I had no way of knowing which centers processed faster than others. Apart from this, we wanted to ensure our ongoing, reputable legality especially since we still hope to proceed to getting Raúl's citizenship on down the line.
We started the immigration process in August of last year. At this point, among lawyer fees, government application fees, and the medical exam, we are very close to $4000 spent if not more. Yesterday Raúl had his medical exam. You are only allowed to get your medical exam with doctors approved by the embassy. In Tegucigalpa, you can only have the medical exam done at one of, if not the most expensive hospital in the city. In Honduras, especially in impoverished families, keeping records of vaccines isn't the norm, so Raúl had no vaccination records. I could never find enough clear info to know what vaccines they would require. The lists seemed to contradict each other. And, I didn't know if they'd do blood work to determine what he'd already had or if they'd just give them to him anyway. It took 5 and half hours for about 10 minutes of examination, vaccines, and tests, and it cost $425. If he does receive his visa, there is a new, additional $220 fee that we'll have to pay before we can leave the country. It is an intense process requiring loads of paperwork and haggling with Honduran government offices. Each document often carries its own fee to obtain. My point is--the average Honduran or the most desperate Honduran who is living off of $4 or less a day could not ever afford to apply to enter the US as an immigrant legally even if they sold everything they own, and even if by some miracle they did come up with that kind of money, there is no guarantee they'll receive it. And, the most desperate Honduran who has had little to no formal education would have no idea how to navigate that legal process of paperwork without help. I am not telling you what conclusions you need to draw here as I think immigration is a vastly complicated issue, but I do think that if you are going to make the argument that the people in the caravans should enter the US legally, you should at least have all of the information about just how difficult and expensive that process is.
Next week, we'll go to the embassy and have his interview. I've heard mixed input as to whether they will allow me to accompany him or not. And, Raúl, who has now been rejected for a tourist visa twice (which is an entirely different kind of process) and who has invested so much into this process, is understandably nervous. We appreciate your prayers for us on November 21.
After this whirlwind of answered prayers, I went to a Women of Purpose retreat for missionary women. It was founded and has continued for various years through the dedicated work of some West Virginian women! I had no idea that the ladies behind the event were from West Virginia, but it so warms my heart to come across a West Virginian throughout various parts of the world. These ladies from Parkersburg and Ohio are doing good things. I have to say that while I don't know what the mission field is like in other countries, as I've entered the missionary community more in the last couple of years, I have been blessed by what missionaries to Honduras do well. They network and share tips and help through Facebook groups. They establish church congregations and Bible studies to keep their missionaries encouraged. And the Honduran Fellowship of Missionaries and Ministries seeks to unify ministries throughout the country and truly work together to bring the Kingdom of God to Honduras. I have been blessed to receive helpful information from other North American women married to Hondurans. I have been blessed to receive a heads up about medical brigades and resources that can serve the people we work with. And, above all else, I have felt much more a sense of belonging and a dissipation of loneliness through the women's Bible study I have been attending with women of all different kinds of ministries from all different denominations. (With that said, I know that on a microcosm level, once you get into the inner workings of some of this stuff, that there is mess and disagreements because we're humans, but if nothing else, I applaud the efforts to work toward unity.) It was a blessing to meet some other missionary ladies and get to spend some time with some of the sweet people I have met through serving at Missionary Kid camp and going to Bible study. And it was nice to spend some guided time with God and in worship in English. There were some specific things that God started talking to me about during that retreat, but I think I will share more about that at a later date.
In terms of a normal update, our small group continues to meet on Saturdays. We have been studying and praying for other countries and other missionaries, and I've been encouraged that our kids have been asking what the next country will be that we study. It's so important to me that our kids expand their world vision and that they develop a global idea of the Body of Christ. That, to me, helps prevent a victim mentality in a developing country and equips them to better carry out the Great Commission. And, I have to say that I've been impressed by some of the comments from some of our people that have shown that they are educating themselves about the needs of the rest of the world. This Saturday will be our last week talking about prophecy. It's been a very long study but a very good one. Most of our kids come from charismatic backgrounds where they've perhaps seen some of the prophetic, but they've also seen the prophetic be abused for man's own gain. I've enjoyed their questions and seeing them mature as they've learned that it's possible and important to grow in the gift of prophecy just as it is for any other gift. Last week, we talked about the importance of tracking prophetic words and building relationship with those who receive our words so as to know whether we heard correctly from God or not (and to humbly take responsibility when we've missed it). I think our next study is going to be about evangelism.
Our students are at the tail end of their school year, and we've been riding a bit of a roller coaster with some of them. In general, they've been doing well in their studies, but as is always the case with young people, there have been some situations to navigate that we need wisdom for. We also have been continuing to accept scholarship applications from the kids in our small group. It's not totally clear at this point who we will be supporting next year, but we will be narrowing that down because registration for the next school year starts in January. Right now, what I do know is that Estefanny would like to study in a private university. Given the tumultuous issues of the public university that can often cause great delays in finishing college studies on time, I can understand her heart's desire even as it challenges my faith with finances. I don't have any clear answers on that just yet, but I do feel a little bit like I'm in my dad's position and Stef is in mine from when I was her age. I was adamant in believing that God was going to provide for my college education, and while I think it was challenging for my dad having a bit more experience with real-life finances, he backed me up. And God came through in astounding ways. Is there really any reason why this situation should be any different?
As we prepare for Thanksgiving (it so feels like it just crept up on me), I just want to re-iterate how good God is. For the past three months, my ladies' Bible study has been studying suffering and God's goodness. Those themes were so timely for me in the midst of hard loss, inconveniences, and confusion. I know that worry is having faith in the wrong direction, and the only way for me to re-center my faith on my Maker is through remembering His goodness. That, for me, had to start not from the external inward but from making a point to spend time with God in the midst of frustrations, to be still and silent with Him instead of running around making lists and devising solutions, and to let myself receive His love when part of me only wanted His answers in my circumstances. I'm definitely still a work in progress. But, at least for this season, I had to place my thoughts, desires, and needs back into the hands of the Father trusting His goodness before I had any solutions or answers in my outward circumstances. The stillness and relief had to start in my own heart for me to appreciate when my circumstances did change. And, a key to maintaining that mindset of hope is thankfulness. If someone would have told me at the beginning of last year that I would pay for a wedding, have my family here, get seriously sick and be hospitalized, start Raúl's immigration process and then the following year continue Raúl's immigration process payments, return unexpectedly to the US for my grandfather's funeral, and buy a different vehicle, there is no way I could have wrapped my head around that. God's faithfulness in provision has been beyond belief. His presence and peace in the midst of sickness and loss have been what has held my family and I together. And His continued attention to the desires of my heart have drawn me out to security when I was teetering on the edge of bitterness. He is good, better than I give Him credit for sometimes, and He is always worthy of our gratitude.
Much love,
Sarah
Monday, October 15, 2018
A Godsent Referee
First place winners in our soccer tournament. Raúl did well playing goalie.
Hello All,
This month has gone by fast and been very busy so far. My typical week right now is a bit like this: Administrative work. English and Spanish class lesson plans. Lesson preparation for our Saturday small group. WorshipU class videos. Studying with Raúl for the US citizenship test (it's a long way away for us, but we're trying to get a head start). Ladies' Bible Study with other English-speaking missionaries. Errands and bill paying. Banking. Grocery shopping. English classes. Meal preparation. Cleaning house (washing dishes and laundry in the pila, sweeping and mopping that never ends especially in the rainy season, dusting that doesn't ever seem to last even a day, etc., etc.). Spanish refresher lessons with a friend. Flexible time for any leftover errands or unexpected need. Blog writing. Time with our young people. English lessons with Raúl. Newsletter writing. Cooking for 15 once a week, and small group on Saturdays. More time with more people. And, all of those extras of immigration paperwork and getting our marriage certificate fixed (again), working on a logo for our ministry here, and trying to figure out what to do with our vehicle situation (still).
Third place winners
Second place winners
Fútbolito Relámpago (Lightning Soccer)
This month we were especially busy because we added a project--we held a fundraising event in-country yesterday in the form of a soccer tournament. Hondurans, like many Central American citizens, love soccer. Many of our young people play a couple nights a week, and often, they have their own uniforms and continued teams. Soccer is a way of life for a lot of teenage guys. So, we decided to hold a soccer tournament to raise some funds for the non-profit here but also as a way of reaching some new young people within our community and to test our unity as a team in working together. We've never done any fundraising in-country before, and I have to say that it was a positive learning experience. I was blessed greatly by how eager so many of our people were to contribute. I had previously shied away from doing any fundraising events because I felt like all of the work would fall to me, and I didn't feel like I would be able to handle all of that by myself. With this batch of people, it was not like that at all, and it was so great to see our people thriving in their own talents--talents I don't have. Raúl's brother and a couple of people from our small group hit the pavement asking for donations. This was something I didn't ask them to do but rather they insisted they wanted to do. And, it payed off! I was so blessed by the generosity of Hondurans toward their own people. Raúl asked the owner of the soccer field if he'd give a discount to rent it for the day, and he graciously obliged. I am not good at fundraising, but there are people within our group who really shine in that area. Our kids helped in pricing, picking out, and purchasing our first, second, and third prices. One of our former board members donated T-shirts for a prize. Our board members made food and drinks to sell at the event. Josuan made a beautiful sign showing off his artistic abilities. And so many of our kids formed their own teams and played in the tournament.
We had eight teams in total and spent from 9 AM to 4 PM at the soccer field yesterday. It reminded me of my own soccer days throughout my childhood into high school. While this was just a one-day event, these games were serious business! Soccer, in general, is serious business here. These were passionate teams--some of whom are seasoned in participating in tournaments--and many of them had their own cheering sections. I was blessed and surprised by how many of our neighborhood folks showed up to cheer on their boys.
Throughout this year in our small group, we have talked a lot about discovering your own gifts and stewarding them well. We've done a lot of lessons on using the talents God gives us and have also done a lot of inventory to help our kids discover what they like and what they're good at. With that in mind, one of my favorite moments from yesterday was when we were preparing for one of the semi-final games. Both of the teams were very intense and eager to play hard. They both wanted to win. In soccer, tempers can heat up quickly, so a referee is an absolute must in maintaining peace and order. Our original experienced referee had to back out at the last minute because he got called to work. This was a legitimate worry for me. But, I was blessed to see unexpected people step up to fill the need. One of those people was a skinny young man we've known for the past few years from another ministry. When the teams were warming up for the semi-final game, he came to Raúl and me and said, "If you don't have anyone to ref the next game, you need to pick me to do it. I can do it." And, he was absolutely the best person to take that on. As someone who played soccer for many years, it was evident that this kid, though young and small in comparison to a lot of the guys on the field, knew exactly what he was doing and knew how to carry himself as a referee. Being a referee is a crazy hard job. You have to be okay with people getting angry with you, and you have to stick to your decision without being swayed. You also have to have a demeanor that doesn't spark physical altercations when there are disagreements. In a game where people in the stands were intensely yelling at him, where players were throwing elbows instead of playing the ball, and where it can be hard to discern when a goal is made (because it's a smaller field with slightly different rules to accommodate that), this kid did an excellent job. At one point, I looked at him and said, "You clearly have done this a lot before." And he just grinned at me and said, "I used to live in a rough neighborhood, and at the local soccer field, gang members would play, and I reffed their games." To me, this moment, though small for other people there, was huge in showing me so many things. It encouraged me to see a young person who was aware of his gifts and assertive in serving within them. But, it was also such a blessing to see how God provided this young man for our need. Before we left the house to set up for the event, Raúl took a moment to pray over the event that God would be present and take control over the atmosphere and the details. And, how amazing was it that God not only provided referees when our planned one backed out at the last minute but that he also provided this perfectly qualified young man right when the competitive situation was getting volatile. If you've ever been to a heated sporting event, you know what a godsend that was! Overall, the event went well even if everything was carried out in a way that was decidedly Honduran and not at all North American! I'm seven years in but still always learning.
Small Group Update
Our small group has continued to study prophecy though we will be wrapping up that study soon. I was so blessed by the enthusiasm a couple weeks ago to want to pray and minister to one another within the group. I have long felt like our group needs to be a safe place where our kids can develop their giftings and practice them in an environment where they can get feedback and grow. And, I was amazed by the willingness of each person in our group to pray over or give a word to our eager volunteer. We have a very special group of kids that have come into our lives. Please join us in praying that God would lead us in knowing how to best support and impact the lives of those God has placed around us. As the school year is wrapping up, I am especially pondering in my heart who we should help next year in their studies, and we want to choose well with God's leading.
Vehicle Update
Raúl and I have had our car posted for sale for about a month now without much luck. Hondas and Toyotas are about a dime a dozen here and are typically the most desired cars--our Mitsubishi not so much. At this point, we have been blessed enough by others and have saved enough money to make buying a different vehicle possible; we just need to find somewhere where we can trade in our existing vehicle. Please be praying that God would open the appropriate doors in this area. Transportation is something so simple and easy to take for granted, but it's such a huge tool within ministry. We look forward to being better equipped in this area in the future and the opportunities we'll be able to take hold of as a result of a vehicle to better suit our needs. Thanks for your continued prayers.
Immigration Update
There is no news to report on this front, but we still appreciate your prayers. Raúl feels nervous about the interview just because of the previous experiences he had in having two tourist visas rejected. It is daunting especially when we've heard lots of disheartening experiences of others in terms of our local embassy and because I can't be with him during the interview (even though it is an immigrant visa through marriage). Everything we have done in our application and preparations has been legally sound, but it's scary to feel like one human being can hold so much power over our future, our hopes and dreams, and our coming year. We know that, in reality, God is in control, but we'd love your prayers for peace and God's supernatural favor.
Thank you for your continued interest in our lives, our ministry, and our needs! We love our community both Honduran and abroad.
Love,
Sarah
Saturday, September 15, 2018
Nudges to Return to Childlike Faith
Hello All,
Today is Honduras' 197th Independence Day. The band near our house has been practicing all day, every day for the past two months for the one time in the year that they play--the Independence Day parades. I, meanwhile, am home avoiding the traffic, nursing a chest cough, and writing this update. September is a good month for anniversaries so it seems since my 7th anniversary of living in Honduras happened on September 3. This month so far has been another one spent largely at home due to vehicle issues. But, we have had some enjoyable community and have continued with our small group on Saturdays.
School Days
The Honduran public school year is different than the US school year. While students in the US are gearing up to start a new year, students in Honduras are just starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel for their extended break from November to February. With that said, I've already begun thinking about next school year--who are the new students we are going to be supporting in their studies, the future for the students we're supporting this year, and how we can better what we do in this area as a non-profit. Because we're a small organization, in the past, we handpicked (with God's guidance) the students that we were going to support in their studies. But, last year, for the first time, we had students seeking us out, and as most things in Honduras, at the very last minute.
Previously, I didn't really see our helping with educational endeavors like a scholarship but more so as supplying a basic need. I believe that education, especially through high school, is a basic need. But, not all Hondurans see that as being the case just because the economy of education can be very limiting here. With that said, it has been surprising how little some of our students have valued the opportunities we've presented to them. Many of our students have been excellent--so diligent and with stellar grades and model students we receive great comments about from their teachers. In fact, the batch of students we're working with now are great and responsible. But a fair share have also dropped out in the middle of the year, pitched fits whenever we've asked them to take a little more responsibility for their own futures, and failed to pass their school year. Some of those situations can be attributed to genuine extenuating circumstances, but some can only be attributed to a poor personal choice on the part of the student. As we disciple the young people around us, I'm seeing more of a need to present our help as a scholarship. We have found that people tend to value more what costs them something even if it's just in effort or time.
My college education was made possible by scholarships, but as a recipient of those scholarships, I had certain requirements to fulfill--maintaining a certain grade point average, monthly meetings, community service hours, etc. The opportunities I received were things I that had to work to maintain, and even today, the way they've served my life are so valuable. Scholarships here in Honduras, from what I've observed, are basically just hand outs of actual cash in some cases, from the Honduran government, and in other cases, are a free ride to a private university. They are somewhat merit-based in terms of grades, but they don't seem to be quite like scholarships in the US. So, we may have some paradigms to work with. But, after talking with the director of a similar ministry, I've decided to implement a formal application process.
One of the things that we've recognized in our youth over the years is that a lot of them never get much in the way of guidance for their futures. They may believe that studying is important. They may want to go to college even. But there seems to be somewhat of a disconnect between who they are and what they like, what major they pick, and how they can use their education for their future sustenance. Many of them pick a major because their neighbor studied that or because someone told them to. The graduation rate of the only public university is abysmal--and most of the people I've talked to attribute that to the fact that people blindly pick a major then later regret it, but don't have the time and money to do something different. I've talked to kids who say they want to be engineers but hate math. Kids who know what they want to major in but have no idea how they can use that practically to have employment later. And the list goes on. So, definitely a new part of our scholarship process requirements will be required guidance counseling. Beyond that requirement, I'm still praying about and feeling out what other changes and aspects we need to incorporate to improve how we serve our students.
So far, we have registered one of our current students in beauty classes from another non-profit ministry that she'll start right after graduating from high school. The hope is that perhaps her vocational classes can aid in her having some employment for when she studies in university. Employment is another giant need for the population we work with, but that's a whole other topic for another time.
Some members of our Saturday small group
Small Group Update
This month our small group has been going very well, and we've had a few new people show up and some consistency in those who used to be new but are now just one of the crowd alongside us. This month, we've been focused on the topic of prophecy. I make the lessons for each week, but I use a variety of books that I've learned from as points of reference. For this particular series, I have been using Kris Vallotton's Basic Training for the Prophetic Ministry and School of the Prophets as well as Shawn Bolz's Translating God. The past couple of weeks, we've talked about how to hear God's voice, the ways that God speaks to us, and the difference between prophets in the Old Testament and prophets in the New Testament. I've been encouraged by the level of participation from the kids that come, and we'll continue this series for a while longer. Something else that we do as a group is pray for missionaries in other parts of the world and learn about those countries and cultures. Many of our kids have taken an interest in this aspect of our group and readily take initiative in our prayer time.
In the mean time, as a non-profit, we're planning to have an event to raise some funds. Normally, I take on all of the costs--both administrative and missions-related--from the donations received from generous donors from the US. But, again, in the interest of teaching our kids some ownership and responsibility, we've decided to start making an effort in fund-raising as a group. The goal of this is two-fold--raising some additional funds beyond what I receive and fostering community among us. Few things spark real camaraderie like serving together. So, in the month of October, we're planning on having a soccer tournament. Soccer is very popular here and is often and effective ministry tool. Teams will pay to enter the tournament, and we'll set aside a large block of time to have the tourney and championship. We'll also be selling food to waiting teams and spectators. So far, I've been blessed by the enthusiasm of our group and how they want to serve.
Playing the Waiting Game
As of August, Raúl's immigrant visa application was fully accepted for processing. Now, we're just waiting for them to issue us his interview date. We would appreciate your prayers in advance--that we would effectively gather all of the supporting paperwork necessary, with nothing lacking, and that God would calm Raúl's nerves. After being rejected for two tourist visas, he struggles with feeling like they're just looking for some reason to say no. Of course, the immigrant visa process based on marriage is very different from a tourist visa, but he feels very intimidated. The previous interviews haven't been good experiences, and he feels nervous. And, unfortunately, I'm not allowed to be at his interview. As a US citizen and someone who pays taxes and abides by the law, I want to enjoy the liberty of having my husband visit my nation and partake of my culture and meet the rest of my family. But, the process is nerve-wracking.
Vehicle Woes
Our vehicle situation has continued to be a source of stress, and at the same time, a true revelation of my lack of faith, I do believe. As of right now, although we have received some amazing, generous donations from some lovely people, we can't afford an SUV. We have, however, been on the lookout for a car that's more economical to drive in the mean time while we continue saving. But, we haven't been able to sell or trade in or anything with our existing vehicle because it's been constantly in and out of the shop. It's a used car, and as it is with any used car, there are always things to fix. I worry about getting sucked into the unending cycle of "just one more thing to fix," but we are truly trying to be conscientious about selling the car in as best condition as we can manage to ensure the safety and use of the next owner. Your prayers in this regard are truly appreciated. We have been presented the opportunity to collaborate with another similar ministry in contributing to leading another small group with some at-risk youth, much like we do now with our own group. It's something that we are interested in, but as the other ministry is located on the outskirts of the city, we have to have a reliable car to be able to do it. Our goal is to sell/trade-in this car by the end of October. After October, we will be getting into school graduation expenses, Christmas expenses, etc., and financially, it will be much more difficult to better our vehicle situation.
Health Prayers
As many of you all know, last year, I was hospitalized with a nasty case of mono, and my immune system took a real hit. Since then, I've made a lot of efforts to eat healthier, exercise regularly, get plenty of sleep, drink more water, etc. But, my immune system still seems like it hasn't recovered. I am constantly getting sick with every little virus going around, and what gives my husband a day of the sniffles has me down for the count for a week. When I lived in the US, I was not a sickly person. In my four years of college, I had one short case of bronchitis and the flu once. I hate being so delicate in terms of health, and while these constant, little illnesses aren't serious, they do drain my energy pretty often.
As with vehicle concerns and visa waiting, I feel like much of what I'm going through right now is a nudge to return to the basics of faith. Weekly Bible study for English speakers and missionaries has started up again, and we've been doing a short study on suffering. And, as we've covered this topic and the ways that we start to believe lies about God's goodness, God's presence, and God's wisdom in the midst of suffering, I find myself realizing that I have a lot of lingering struggles with those lies because of previous seasons of suffering. I don't consider the struggles of today to be real suffering, but I do feel like I've developed a defensive barrier around my heart in some cases, just waiting for the next painful, disappointing thing to happen. And, I mistakenly feel like I'm on my own in the midst of the needs and storms of life. I wasn't like this before. But, seven years of real betrayals and hard losses have contributed to that. So, if you take the time to join me in prayer for my immune system and health, it would also be appropriate to pray for the health of my heart, that God would help me to return to a place of childlike trust and faith. He has always been faithful. He's never given me a reason to doubt. And, while I know that with my head, I want to return to feeling that in my heart.
As this year continues forward, I'm pondering the impact that each individual has on others, and the beauty of a life well-lived in service and in loving others. So many of you serve us in your prayers. So many of you love us with your generosity. So many of you impact us just by believing in us and the small things that we do out of love for our Father. I can't thank you enough.
Sarah
Today is Honduras' 197th Independence Day. The band near our house has been practicing all day, every day for the past two months for the one time in the year that they play--the Independence Day parades. I, meanwhile, am home avoiding the traffic, nursing a chest cough, and writing this update. September is a good month for anniversaries so it seems since my 7th anniversary of living in Honduras happened on September 3. This month so far has been another one spent largely at home due to vehicle issues. But, we have had some enjoyable community and have continued with our small group on Saturdays.
School Days
The Honduran public school year is different than the US school year. While students in the US are gearing up to start a new year, students in Honduras are just starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel for their extended break from November to February. With that said, I've already begun thinking about next school year--who are the new students we are going to be supporting in their studies, the future for the students we're supporting this year, and how we can better what we do in this area as a non-profit. Because we're a small organization, in the past, we handpicked (with God's guidance) the students that we were going to support in their studies. But, last year, for the first time, we had students seeking us out, and as most things in Honduras, at the very last minute.
Previously, I didn't really see our helping with educational endeavors like a scholarship but more so as supplying a basic need. I believe that education, especially through high school, is a basic need. But, not all Hondurans see that as being the case just because the economy of education can be very limiting here. With that said, it has been surprising how little some of our students have valued the opportunities we've presented to them. Many of our students have been excellent--so diligent and with stellar grades and model students we receive great comments about from their teachers. In fact, the batch of students we're working with now are great and responsible. But a fair share have also dropped out in the middle of the year, pitched fits whenever we've asked them to take a little more responsibility for their own futures, and failed to pass their school year. Some of those situations can be attributed to genuine extenuating circumstances, but some can only be attributed to a poor personal choice on the part of the student. As we disciple the young people around us, I'm seeing more of a need to present our help as a scholarship. We have found that people tend to value more what costs them something even if it's just in effort or time.
My college education was made possible by scholarships, but as a recipient of those scholarships, I had certain requirements to fulfill--maintaining a certain grade point average, monthly meetings, community service hours, etc. The opportunities I received were things I that had to work to maintain, and even today, the way they've served my life are so valuable. Scholarships here in Honduras, from what I've observed, are basically just hand outs of actual cash in some cases, from the Honduran government, and in other cases, are a free ride to a private university. They are somewhat merit-based in terms of grades, but they don't seem to be quite like scholarships in the US. So, we may have some paradigms to work with. But, after talking with the director of a similar ministry, I've decided to implement a formal application process.
One of the things that we've recognized in our youth over the years is that a lot of them never get much in the way of guidance for their futures. They may believe that studying is important. They may want to go to college even. But there seems to be somewhat of a disconnect between who they are and what they like, what major they pick, and how they can use their education for their future sustenance. Many of them pick a major because their neighbor studied that or because someone told them to. The graduation rate of the only public university is abysmal--and most of the people I've talked to attribute that to the fact that people blindly pick a major then later regret it, but don't have the time and money to do something different. I've talked to kids who say they want to be engineers but hate math. Kids who know what they want to major in but have no idea how they can use that practically to have employment later. And the list goes on. So, definitely a new part of our scholarship process requirements will be required guidance counseling. Beyond that requirement, I'm still praying about and feeling out what other changes and aspects we need to incorporate to improve how we serve our students.
So far, we have registered one of our current students in beauty classes from another non-profit ministry that she'll start right after graduating from high school. The hope is that perhaps her vocational classes can aid in her having some employment for when she studies in university. Employment is another giant need for the population we work with, but that's a whole other topic for another time.
Some members of our Saturday small group
Small Group Update
This month our small group has been going very well, and we've had a few new people show up and some consistency in those who used to be new but are now just one of the crowd alongside us. This month, we've been focused on the topic of prophecy. I make the lessons for each week, but I use a variety of books that I've learned from as points of reference. For this particular series, I have been using Kris Vallotton's Basic Training for the Prophetic Ministry and School of the Prophets as well as Shawn Bolz's Translating God. The past couple of weeks, we've talked about how to hear God's voice, the ways that God speaks to us, and the difference between prophets in the Old Testament and prophets in the New Testament. I've been encouraged by the level of participation from the kids that come, and we'll continue this series for a while longer. Something else that we do as a group is pray for missionaries in other parts of the world and learn about those countries and cultures. Many of our kids have taken an interest in this aspect of our group and readily take initiative in our prayer time.
In the mean time, as a non-profit, we're planning to have an event to raise some funds. Normally, I take on all of the costs--both administrative and missions-related--from the donations received from generous donors from the US. But, again, in the interest of teaching our kids some ownership and responsibility, we've decided to start making an effort in fund-raising as a group. The goal of this is two-fold--raising some additional funds beyond what I receive and fostering community among us. Few things spark real camaraderie like serving together. So, in the month of October, we're planning on having a soccer tournament. Soccer is very popular here and is often and effective ministry tool. Teams will pay to enter the tournament, and we'll set aside a large block of time to have the tourney and championship. We'll also be selling food to waiting teams and spectators. So far, I've been blessed by the enthusiasm of our group and how they want to serve.
Playing the Waiting Game
As of August, Raúl's immigrant visa application was fully accepted for processing. Now, we're just waiting for them to issue us his interview date. We would appreciate your prayers in advance--that we would effectively gather all of the supporting paperwork necessary, with nothing lacking, and that God would calm Raúl's nerves. After being rejected for two tourist visas, he struggles with feeling like they're just looking for some reason to say no. Of course, the immigrant visa process based on marriage is very different from a tourist visa, but he feels very intimidated. The previous interviews haven't been good experiences, and he feels nervous. And, unfortunately, I'm not allowed to be at his interview. As a US citizen and someone who pays taxes and abides by the law, I want to enjoy the liberty of having my husband visit my nation and partake of my culture and meet the rest of my family. But, the process is nerve-wracking.
Vehicle Woes
Our vehicle situation has continued to be a source of stress, and at the same time, a true revelation of my lack of faith, I do believe. As of right now, although we have received some amazing, generous donations from some lovely people, we can't afford an SUV. We have, however, been on the lookout for a car that's more economical to drive in the mean time while we continue saving. But, we haven't been able to sell or trade in or anything with our existing vehicle because it's been constantly in and out of the shop. It's a used car, and as it is with any used car, there are always things to fix. I worry about getting sucked into the unending cycle of "just one more thing to fix," but we are truly trying to be conscientious about selling the car in as best condition as we can manage to ensure the safety and use of the next owner. Your prayers in this regard are truly appreciated. We have been presented the opportunity to collaborate with another similar ministry in contributing to leading another small group with some at-risk youth, much like we do now with our own group. It's something that we are interested in, but as the other ministry is located on the outskirts of the city, we have to have a reliable car to be able to do it. Our goal is to sell/trade-in this car by the end of October. After October, we will be getting into school graduation expenses, Christmas expenses, etc., and financially, it will be much more difficult to better our vehicle situation.
Health Prayers
As many of you all know, last year, I was hospitalized with a nasty case of mono, and my immune system took a real hit. Since then, I've made a lot of efforts to eat healthier, exercise regularly, get plenty of sleep, drink more water, etc. But, my immune system still seems like it hasn't recovered. I am constantly getting sick with every little virus going around, and what gives my husband a day of the sniffles has me down for the count for a week. When I lived in the US, I was not a sickly person. In my four years of college, I had one short case of bronchitis and the flu once. I hate being so delicate in terms of health, and while these constant, little illnesses aren't serious, they do drain my energy pretty often.
As with vehicle concerns and visa waiting, I feel like much of what I'm going through right now is a nudge to return to the basics of faith. Weekly Bible study for English speakers and missionaries has started up again, and we've been doing a short study on suffering. And, as we've covered this topic and the ways that we start to believe lies about God's goodness, God's presence, and God's wisdom in the midst of suffering, I find myself realizing that I have a lot of lingering struggles with those lies because of previous seasons of suffering. I don't consider the struggles of today to be real suffering, but I do feel like I've developed a defensive barrier around my heart in some cases, just waiting for the next painful, disappointing thing to happen. And, I mistakenly feel like I'm on my own in the midst of the needs and storms of life. I wasn't like this before. But, seven years of real betrayals and hard losses have contributed to that. So, if you take the time to join me in prayer for my immune system and health, it would also be appropriate to pray for the health of my heart, that God would help me to return to a place of childlike trust and faith. He has always been faithful. He's never given me a reason to doubt. And, while I know that with my head, I want to return to feeling that in my heart.
As this year continues forward, I'm pondering the impact that each individual has on others, and the beauty of a life well-lived in service and in loving others. So many of you serve us in your prayers. So many of you love us with your generosity. So many of you impact us just by believing in us and the small things that we do out of love for our Father. I can't thank you enough.
Sarah
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