Nudges to Return to Childlike Faith

Hello All,

Today is Honduras' 197th Independence Day. The band near our house has been practicing all day, every day for the past two months for the one time in the year that they play--the Independence Day parades. I, meanwhile, am home avoiding the traffic, nursing a chest cough, and writing this update. September is a good month for anniversaries so it seems since my 7th anniversary of living in Honduras happened on September 3. This month so far has been another one spent largely at home due to vehicle issues. But, we have had some enjoyable community and have continued with our small group on Saturdays.


School Days

The Honduran public school year is different than the US school year. While students in the US are gearing up to start a new year, students in Honduras are just starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel for their extended break from November to February. With that said, I've already begun thinking about next school year--who are the new students we are going to be supporting in their studies, the future for the students we're supporting this year, and how we can better what we do in this area as a non-profit. Because we're a small organization, in the past, we handpicked (with God's guidance) the students that we were going to support in their studies. But, last year, for the first time, we had students seeking us out, and as most things in Honduras, at the very last minute.

Previously, I didn't really see our helping with educational endeavors like a scholarship but more so as supplying a basic need. I believe that education, especially through high school, is a basic need. But, not all Hondurans see that as being the case just because the economy of education can be very limiting here. With that said, it has been surprising how little some of our students have valued the opportunities we've presented to them. Many of our students have been excellent--so diligent and with stellar grades and model students we receive great comments about from their teachers. In fact, the batch of students we're working with now are great and responsible. But a fair share have also dropped out in the middle of the year, pitched fits whenever we've asked them to take a little more responsibility for their own futures, and failed to pass their school year. Some of those situations can be attributed to genuine extenuating circumstances, but some can only be attributed to a poor personal choice on the part of the student. As we disciple the young people around us, I'm seeing more of a need to present our help as a scholarship. We have found that people tend to value more what costs them something even if it's just in effort or time.

My college education was made possible by scholarships, but as a recipient of those scholarships, I had certain requirements to fulfill--maintaining a certain grade point average, monthly meetings, community service hours, etc. The opportunities I received were things I that had to work to maintain, and even today, the way they've served my life are so valuable. Scholarships here in Honduras, from what I've observed, are basically just hand outs of actual cash in some cases, from the Honduran government, and in other cases, are a free ride to a private university. They are somewhat merit-based in terms of grades, but they don't seem to be quite like scholarships in the US. So, we may have some paradigms to work with. But, after talking with the director of a similar ministry, I've decided to implement a formal application process.

One of the things that we've recognized in our youth over the years is that a lot of them never get much in the way of guidance for their futures. They may believe that studying is important. They may want to go to college even. But there seems to be somewhat of a disconnect between who they are and what they like, what major they pick, and how they can use their education for their future sustenance. Many of them pick a major because their neighbor studied that or because someone told them to. The graduation rate of the only public university is abysmal--and most of the people I've talked to attribute that to the fact that people blindly pick a major then later regret it, but don't have the time and money to do something different. I've talked to kids who say they want to be engineers but hate math. Kids who know what they want to major in but have no idea how they can use that practically to have employment later. And the list goes on. So, definitely a new part of our scholarship process requirements will be required guidance counseling. Beyond that requirement, I'm still praying about and feeling out what other changes and aspects we need to incorporate to improve how we serve our students.

So far, we have registered one of our current students in beauty classes from another non-profit ministry that she'll start right after graduating from high school. The hope is that perhaps her vocational classes can aid in her having some employment for when she studies in university. Employment is another giant need for the population we work with, but that's a whole other topic for another time.



Some members of our Saturday small group

Small Group Update

This month our small group has been going very well, and we've had a few new people show up and some consistency in those who used to be new but are now just one of the crowd alongside us. This month, we've been focused on the topic of prophecy. I make the lessons for each week, but I use a variety of books that I've learned from as points of reference. For this particular series, I have been using Kris Vallotton's Basic Training for the Prophetic Ministry and School of the Prophets as well as Shawn Bolz's Translating God. The past couple of weeks, we've talked about how to hear God's voice, the ways that God speaks to us, and the difference between prophets in the Old Testament and prophets in the New Testament. I've been encouraged by the level of participation from the kids that come, and we'll continue this series for a while longer. Something else that we do as a group is pray for missionaries in other parts of the world and learn about those countries and cultures. Many of our kids have taken an interest in this aspect of our group and readily take initiative in our prayer time.

In the mean time, as a non-profit, we're planning to have an event to raise some funds. Normally, I take on all of the costs--both administrative and missions-related--from the donations received from generous donors from the US. But, again, in the interest of teaching our kids some ownership and responsibility, we've decided to start making an effort in fund-raising as a group. The goal of this is two-fold--raising some additional funds beyond what I receive and fostering community among us. Few things spark real camaraderie like serving together. So, in the month of October, we're planning on having a soccer tournament. Soccer is very popular here and is often and effective ministry tool. Teams will pay to enter the tournament, and we'll set aside a large block of time to have the tourney and championship. We'll also be selling food to waiting teams and spectators. So far, I've been blessed by the enthusiasm of our group and how they want to serve.


Playing the Waiting Game

As of August, Raúl's immigrant visa application was fully accepted for processing. Now, we're just waiting for them to issue us his interview date. We would appreciate your prayers in advance--that we would effectively gather all of the supporting paperwork necessary, with nothing lacking, and that God would calm Raúl's nerves. After being rejected for two tourist visas, he struggles with feeling like they're just looking for some reason to say no. Of course, the immigrant visa process based on marriage is very different from a tourist visa, but he feels very intimidated. The previous interviews haven't been good experiences, and he feels nervous. And, unfortunately, I'm not allowed to be at his interview. As a US citizen and someone who pays taxes and abides by the law, I want to enjoy the liberty of having my husband visit my nation and partake of my culture and meet the rest of my family. But, the process is nerve-wracking.


Vehicle Woes

Our vehicle situation has continued to be a source of stress, and at the same time, a true revelation of my lack of faith, I do believe. As of right now, although we have received some amazing, generous donations from some lovely people, we can't afford an SUV. We have, however, been on the lookout for a car that's more economical to drive in the mean time while we continue saving. But, we haven't been able to sell or trade in or anything with our existing vehicle because it's been constantly in and out of the shop. It's a used car, and as it is with any used car, there are always things to fix. I worry about getting sucked into the unending cycle of "just one more thing to fix," but we are truly trying to be conscientious about selling the car in as best condition as we can manage to ensure the safety and use of the next owner. Your prayers in this regard are truly appreciated. We have been presented the opportunity to collaborate with another similar ministry in contributing to leading another small group with some at-risk youth, much like we do now with our own group. It's something that we are interested in, but as the other ministry is located on the outskirts of the city, we have to have a reliable car to be able to do it. Our goal is to sell/trade-in this car by the end of October. After October, we will be getting into school graduation expenses, Christmas expenses, etc., and financially, it will be much more difficult to better our vehicle situation.


Health Prayers

As many of you all know, last year, I was hospitalized with a nasty case of mono, and my immune system took a real hit. Since then, I've made a lot of efforts to eat healthier, exercise regularly, get plenty of sleep, drink more water, etc. But, my immune system still seems like it hasn't recovered. I am constantly getting sick with every little virus going around, and what gives my husband a day of the sniffles has me down for the count for a week. When I lived in the US, I was not a sickly person. In my four years of college, I had one short case of bronchitis and the flu once. I hate being so delicate in terms of health, and while these constant, little illnesses aren't serious, they do drain my energy pretty often.

As with vehicle concerns and visa waiting, I feel like much of what I'm going through right now is a nudge to return to the basics of faith. Weekly Bible study for English speakers and missionaries has started up again, and we've been doing a short study on suffering. And, as we've covered this topic and the ways that we start to believe lies about God's goodness, God's presence, and God's wisdom in the midst of suffering, I find myself realizing that I have a lot of lingering struggles with those lies because of previous seasons of suffering. I don't consider the struggles of today to be real suffering, but I do feel like I've developed a defensive barrier around my heart in some cases, just waiting for the next painful, disappointing thing to happen. And, I mistakenly feel like I'm on my own in the midst of the needs and storms of life. I wasn't like this before. But, seven years of real betrayals and hard losses have contributed to that. So, if you take the time to join me in prayer for my immune system and health, it would also be appropriate to pray for the health of my heart, that God would help me to return to a place of childlike trust and faith. He has always been faithful. He's never given me a reason to doubt. And, while I know that with my head, I want to return to feeling that in my heart.

As this year continues forward, I'm pondering the impact that each individual has on others, and the beauty of a life well-lived in service and in loving others. So many of you serve us in your prayers. So many of you love us with your generosity. So many of you impact us just by believing in us and the small things that we do out of love for our Father. I can't thank you enough.


Sarah

Camp, Community, and Cruising towards Autumn

As I write this, the high school's band is playing and practicing because next month is Honduras's Independence Day. We've had both some really hot days and some overcast, very rainy days. It feels like autumn should be making its entrance except that it never really does that here. Either way, there is a certain nostalgia in the air as both my siblings head back into classes at college, and my parents talk about the crops their garden is producing. This year has flown by so far and felt so ordinary in some ways and so foreign and sad in others. But, Jesus is present through it all.

Missionary Community

The month of August started with a summery activity that triggered my own memories of similar childhood experiences--camp. Over the past year and a half, I've made some more friends in the missionary community here, and through those friendships, I've had more opportunities to participate in different activities. When I returned from the US, I didn't have a vehicle and was mostly stuck at home, so when a friend posted a need for help with a camp for missionary kids, I was keen on being able to be useful in a new place with some new people. I worked in the kitchen for the week where I helped alongside more seasoned parents of kids, and thankfully, everyone worked hard and shared the load. It was fun to meet new people and share stories and perspectives. I also enjoyed observing the children of missionaries who serve in varying kinds of ministries. Raúl and I have not entered the season of starting a family yet, but it was interesting to see what kinds of choices other missionary parents have made and to ponder what kinds of decisions Raúl and I might make when that time comes. While I wasn't really in the day-to-day camp activities, I could tell that this was the kind of event that was really exciting and very anticipated by the kids each year. And, that's understandable because that's how I used to feel about church camp as a kid. I've also been overjoyed about connecting with some missionary friends who have similar hearts and visions. Raúl is in the midst of learning English and learning about my culture, and it encourages me that he is willing to meet some of my new friends and develop friendships with them. Being able to participate in Bible studies and just connecting with other missionaries has been a lifeline for me. For the first several years of living in Honduras, most of my world was solely Honduran. This definitely had its benefits because I wanted to learn the language and culture well and wanted to jump in and really be available to the Honduran life. And, through that total immersion, Raúl and I ended up together which probably wouldn't have happened if I was more involved in the English-speaking missionary community. But after a while, I really needed to be able to connect with someone who didn't feel like everything I did or thought or came from was weird. And, I needed to feel understood in the kinds of struggles that only a fellow ex-pat would understand. In reaching out, I was blessed with some very sweet friends with kind and willing hearts who have invited me into their company.

 The Month of Birthdays

This month is a month of many birthdays of people we love and care about. On my family side of things, my mom and my brother have birthdays, and on the Honduran side of my life, we have a few sweet friends and a couple of "our kids" who have birthdays as well.

Jorge, one of the young men I used to visit in the children's home, turns 19. He's been living in a transition home where he is surrounded by his fellow friends from the children's home who are also navigating the transition to responsibility and adulthood. He is finishing up high school and taking some vocational classes. He's also had more opportunities to get to know his biological family and spend time with them over the last year after previously having little to no contact. Jorge knows who Jesus is and loves God, and we're praying and eager to see how his life moves forward.

Toñito, a young man we've known for a few years now, will also be having a birthday later this month. He's upbeat and sincere and so considerate of others. He's been working with Raúl this year and is still evaluating his options for studying in university. He's one of the faithful members of our small group, and we're blessed to have him in our lives.

Small Group

Our small group has continued with some faithful and also some new faces. This month we're starting a unit on prophecy. Depending on what flavor of Christianity you hale from here, prophecy can be either widely accepted and sometimes thrown around in ways that I'm not sure demonstrate the greatest maturity, or as a very loving way to demonstrate who God is and the desires for good He has for people, or it's shunned and seen as something almost spooky. Because a lot of our young people come from charismatic church backgrounds, we're really talking a lot about the heart and motivation of prophecy as a means of showing God's love and not so much about being a know-it-all who tries to impress people. We're emphasizing that prophecy is about conveying what God wants to communicate and not what we think should be communicated. And, we're encouraging our young people to desire every good gift but to also recognize that like all things, this is a gift that also requires practice, a process of maturity, and mistakes with corrections. It's a topic that has caused a lot of participation, and I'm excited to see that. We're also hoping to set aside a couple of days this month for some fun days--game nights or to watch a movie, etc.--mostly because we want to foster a safe environment for fun and also the space and time to just visit and build relationships.

Vehicle Update

Our vehicle is out of the shop for the time being though we were just made aware of something else that needs fixed for the alignment. We've been so blessed and humbled by those who have contributed to the Go Fund Me page, https://www.gofundme.com/sarahraulswheelraisingfund , and in other forms toward our purchase of a new-to-us vehicle. We're still doing some saving and weighing our options to see what is feasible within our budget. We'd appreciate your continued prayers in this area both for provision but also for wisdom and discernment to make a choice that will contribute to God's Kingdom as a ministry resource and not cause further financial demands beyond what would be expected in normal maintenance.

Thanks as always for reading, supporting, and for your prayers!

Sarah

A Summer Update

Hello All,

It's been a while since I've posted on here. Most of my absence was due to my time spent with my family in the States. I enjoyed that time greatly, and while I missed my husband, it was really hard to come back. When I did come back, I had a pretty hard time settling back in. Part of that was due to grief and leaving my family, and part of that was due to the stress I came back to. Some of that stress was due to trying to play catch up on all of the things I needed to do, and some of it was due to little frustrations like a broken sink, a mouse infestation, and other inconveniences. The greatest challenge I've had since I've been back has been with our vehicle.


When I was in the States, our vehicle broke down. It's really hard to find a trustworthy mechanic here, and unfortunately, in an effort to have the vehicle fixed before I got back, Raúl got cheated by two mechanics who claimed they would quickly fix it but ended up charging a lot of money without solving the problem. Now, the car has been in the shop for nearly a month with a slower mechanic who has done work for us before. At this point, with the things that needed fixed, Raúl and I want to fix the car and then sell it. We ended up with this vehicle not because either of us chose it but because it was made as a payment for a loan that Raúl had made to someone who was unable to pay in any other way. Truthfully, it has been a great blessing to us for the last nearly three years. But, it isn't really a good fit for the kind of things that we need a vehicle for. It's a a pretty large sedan, but it doesn't fit a lot of people or get very good gas mileage. And, with the dirt road we live on and rocky terrain we drive on often in Tegucigalpa, having a vehicle that isn't up off the ground very much isn't practical. Given the car's worth, though, our budget will probably still be limited to buying another sedan. Raúl and I are the kind of people who will always do the best we can with what we have, and we will be content regardless of whether we're able to do what we'd like to do or not. Our dream vehicle for hauling people in ministry and for transportation over rocky terrain would be an SUV. Currently, we couldn't afford to buy one though. Our dear friend, Cheryl, has set up a Go Fund Me page to help possibly raise some funding separate from regular support for the purpose of buying another vehicle. This is the link to that page:  https://www.gofundme.com/sarahraulswheelraisingfund
Raúl and I are grateful for the donations. But, regardless, we are dedicated to doing the best we can with what we have, and if that means buying another sedan while we continue saving, we'll do whatever is within reach while still being good stewards.


Right now, though, we have a lot on our plate that we need to be saving for. Within this year or next year, Raúl should be receiving his US residency, and we'll need to make a trip to the US to finalize that process. We don't plan to live in the US, and there is a provision where Raúl can receive US residency but continue to live in Honduras due to our missions work here. The idea of having his US residency is to make it possible for Raúl to travel to and from the US with ease, and through that provision, Raúl would be eligible to apply for expedited US citizenship. Given the current immigration situation and proposed changes, we feel like the more permanent his legal immigration status, the better. While Raúl does have his own business, we can't live only off of his salary. There have been some misconceptions that we live off of Raúl's salary, and that the money that I receive in donations can all go strictly towards ministerial projects. While I'd love for that to be the case, it's just not financially possible for Raúl's business right now. And, his business is a ministry in many ways as it employs both Josuan and Antonio--two of the young men we have sponsored in education and discipleship over the years. Providing employment as a small business owner means that Raúl has to keep his own salary low enough to continue to support those he employs. Most of Raúl's savings have gone toward paying for the US residency process, and we're still looking at another $2,300 or so for the citizenship process. In my down time with limited mobility, I have been looking into some online freelancing jobs, and there are some opportunities, especially through Fiverr, that I may pursue just as my free time allows to have a little extra income.


In terms of ministry, I have been blessed by how well our small group has been going since I've been back. Unexpectedly, it has kind of turned into a neighborhood youth group. Most of the people who come are teenagers or young adults, and they're inviting their friends. While I don't know that we expected to start a youth group, we do seem to attract young people every where we go. So, we want to make the most of the opportunity that is presenting itself. Most of the young people are already Christians, they're just in need of some positive community and some discipleship, a sense of family. So, Raúl and I are doing our best to keep an open heart and an open house for these young people. Just yesterday, we had a crowd of teenage boys sitting on our couch eating Chinese food and yelling at our television as they watched the World Cup final game. My hope is to also organize some ways of fostering community beyond our small group--game nights, worship nights, movie nights, and possibly seeing if we can serve some other ministries that work with street kids. (That, of course, will require some transportation.)


In addition to our small group, we do still have our students who are progressing through their school year. Estefanny is doing very well in school. Her private school program allows her to finish two school years in 12 months, and she recently finished her first year's worth of work. She is also a leader in her church along with Brayan, the young man we have studying in a music conservatory. He has already passed two levels since he started, and he is putting his new knowledge to good use in this church's worship team. Kristian, our third student, is also doing well. He has had some rough situations recently with a broken leg and with his mother struggling with some illness. He has continued strong in his studies however. We would appreciate prayers for him and his family at this time.


To give you an update on some of "our kids," Josuan is doing well. He is always a work in progress, but he continues to work for Raúl at the tire shop. He is currently living with his mom, and due to her house rules, he seems to be making strides in maintaining himself drug-free. He regularly comes to our small group and goes to church. He is continuing his studies through the support of the ministry of a friend of mine, and his teachers still rave about how smart he is. He is an excellent student despite all of his personal struggles. Antonio is also doing well. He continues to work at Raúl's business and live in our neighborhood in the room we rent. Recently, we spent some time talking to him, and I felt so encouraged by some of the things we talked about--how helpful the small group has been for him and how he feels like God is using this time with us to do good things in his life. He is still hoping to start college as soon as that would be possible. Marvin who was previously in Mexico and then supposedly working with his brother-in-law while back in Honduras, just got arrested this week. He was accused of participating in an operation of thieves who robbed people on buses and resold what they stole. It's not really clear right now how long he'll be sentenced, but it could be for a long time, especially if he had other pending charges previously. While we're disappointed by the news, we also know that God is still able to work in Marvin's life and heart. And, if we're honest, it's better that Marvin be in prison than for him to die. That may sound drastic, but sadly, that's the reality for a lot of the young people in this country. There aren't always a lot of second chances. One bad decision can lead to death very quickly here. So, we'll continue to pray for Marvin and God's intervention in his life.


If you've not checked it out before, I also blog on a weekly basis on the site Bench Chats. Last week, I posted an interview with Raúl. If you'd like to get to know a little bit more about my husband, check it out.

Thank you all for reading and for your prayers and support. In seasons of slowness or discouragement, I can't express how much it means to me that so many of you continue to believe in Christ in me.

Much love!

Sarah

A Life of Seeds beneath The Earth

This month finds me unexpectedly surrounded by family. Eighteen months ago, my grandfather was diagnosed with lung cancer. It's not something I've publicly talked about too much previously out of respect for the privacy of my family. Life after that diagnosis hung in the balance for my family because we didn't know what was going to happen nor when. One of the motivators for Raúl's green card process was actually my Granddad's diagnosis, and we also wrestled with the question of whether or not to get married in the States instead of Honduras. Looking back, I don't regret the decisions that we made although they haven't all turned out as expected. My Granddad had unsuccessful surgery last January, and there were complications with the anesthesia that scared us. I can still remember wrestling with God over the fear that he could pass away because of those complications when he should have been discharged after just a week. But I remember God giving me such a clear image in my head of the look on my Granddad's face when he would meet Jesus in Heaven, and while I cried for days over that, it's an image that I've carried as a source of bittersweet comfort. Thankfully, though, we had my Granddad with us until May 3 of this year. His battle with cancer, the chemo treatments and subsequent effects, the emotional reactions, and the weakness that ate away at his pride were a hard path for all of us. And, I'll confess that I don't know exactly what God was doing throughout that time, and as someone who thrives on the intellectual whys, that's hard for me. But, I don't think I've ever been prouder of how my grandmother fought for him and compassionately cared for him or of how my Mom tirelessly traveled to and from their home--a three hour drive--every week just to take advantage of his time. And, though it was so hard for my Granddad, I do trust that God was working internally in his heart, a divine preparation for Heaven that I suppose I likely can't fully understand. The last time I was here--Christmas--was hard. Every time I would have to leave after Granddad's diagnosis, I struggled with understanding the finality of never knowing which would be my last goodbye. I also really wrestled with the urge to stay in the States though eventually I didn't feel like that was necessarily the right choice. Once God gave me peace, I committed to returning to Honduras and to my husband. And, through technology, I stayed connected with my grandparents through video calls and messages. I did make sure that I left nothing unsaid, and I have no regrets.

My Granddad was a strong follower of Jesus. He was a passionate advocate for the Holy Spirit. And, we do have such a special comfort in knowing that Granddad had his salvation through Jesus and is in Heaven. I find myself thinking about Heaven a lot more and imagining my Granddad there with God, and I feel something special about knowing that my cloud of witnesses now includes someone I had such a special connection with. I also feel so privileged that I was really allowed to know Granddad. In the days surrounding his funeral, it really hit me that he was so introverted that not many people knew all of his facets. As family, I got to see his silly side and his utmost dedication to his family in ways that outsiders didn't. As someone who also requires so much time and constancy and trust to let myself be fully known by others, I see that as a true treasure.

I also feel incredibly blessed that my husband is so supportive of family and my coming here for a couple of months. And I'm grateful that God has had me in a place of flexibility so that I can be here with my family now in the States and can keep my Grandmom company as she begins to process, to feel, and to adapt. At times this year, my life has felt slow and fruitless. I have wondered how to move forward even as I feel like I'm stewarding my time and giftings better than ever. I have questioned the lack of "able men" and women to rely on in being able to expand our ministry outreach. But, now, I feel blessed for that lack, that slowness, and just the revelation that God has purposefully been less demanding of me than I am of myself because He knew that one of my greatest directions this year was just to be here and love my family well. I don't have answers or anything magically healing to say. But I am present and savoring the time.

Our family is taking it day by day. Grief comes in waves, so we take it as it comes. Some days, it's hard to believe that he's really gone. We do appreciate your prayers as invisible hands carrying us through.

I wrote in my most recent newsletter that hasn't even reached its destinations yet that we were praying for God's favor in Raúl's green card process as everything had been stalled in waiting for the government departments to send the necessary documents to commence the second step in the application. With the delay, it seemed unlikely that he would be able to come to the States this year for Christmas with me. But, just a couple days after writing that newsletter, we did receive the necessary documents. So, there is still hope (though it does seem like there are processing delays across the board) that he could make it to the States this year. So, prayers for favor are still applicable.

In terms of the ministry back home, Raúl is doing well holding the fort down as they say. All of our students are doing well, and most of them have checked in with me since I've been here. And, Raúl, never one for being alone, has had even more opportunities for discipleship of the teenage boys around us as many of them are keeping him company or staying with him at our home while I'm gone. I will say that in a lot of ways I kind of think the ministerial slowness has to do with giving Raúl a chance to master the learning curve and come into his own in ministry. And I'm proud of him and the strides of maturity that he's been making.

Before I came, on the day that I received the call from my Mom that my Granddad wasn't expected to live past that week, I was at a missionary mini-retreat with the women from my Bible study. I can't tell you how much that group of women has meant to me since I've joined their ranks. It was such a comfort to be surrounded by women who let me cry and just get the sacrifices that we make because we love God and want to serve Him but we also love our families and mourn the little and big losses with them. One of the passages of Scripture that we studied at that retreat was the one where Jethro is telling Moses that he needs to delegate some of the work to able men. And, we reflected on how that applies to our lives in ministry. I feel like I have long ago learned that I don't want to try to do it all alone. My season of ministering with no support system was so exhausting that I lost all hope, and I have committed to not going back there. But, with that said, it is so hard to find or even to disciple able men and women in Honduras. I did feel relieved listening to the other women from our group describing similar problems though, because I struggled with feeling like it was just me and perhaps I was a failure in that regard. Every year, Raúl and I feel like, "This is it! We finally have our people. We're finally going to be able to move forward with aspects of our vision that have previously been impossible for a lack of faithful people." And, every year so far, we've been disappointed when people don't follow through. Part of it is cultural--I read a study before I moved to Honduras that had conclusions that the majority of Hondurans don't trust anyone--not even family members. In a society where there are a lot of children raising children, that foundation of mature trust and boundaries and healthy family relationships are just never constructed. And what is means to be a good friend is often never taught much less experienced. Many people have never had a healthy example of a trustworthy, faithful relationship or friendship, so they have never really learned how to be trustworthy or dependable themselves--and that's true across the globe, not just in Honduras. In the culture, the concept of time and commitment are slower and more relaxed. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but they can be hurtful sometimes when perceived as disrespect. Even with my English classes, I have had people beg me for months to start a new English class for beginners, but when I finally do, which is a sacrifice of my time, they are some of the first people to drop out. The attitude toward education is often that it's optional. Parents let their fickle children decide if they want to continue into sixth grade or beyond because when their kids don't make enough effort, its precious income that is wasted. All of that has been a huge culture shock for me. I grew up in a family where if you started something, you finished it. If you borrowed something, you returned it in its previous condition in a timely manner. If you had a debt, you paid it back as first priority before buying anything unnecessary for yourself. If you committed to something, you saw it through even when you didn't really want to any more simply to be a person of your word. Saying you're going to do something and then not doing it is akin to lying in our family or at the very least being inconsiderate. So, it has been hard to not take many Hondurans' lack of commitment, word, and perseverance personally. And even so far this year, with small group and our board and how we thought things were going to go, there have been many surprises and disappointments. So, at this retreat, I found myself just telling God, "You know that I don't want to try to do it all myself. You know that it's my desire to find or even disciple and train up able men and women. But how on earth can I find them?" And, many of my missionaries reiterated my same sentiments. But, I did feel deep in my soul like God reminded me that everything that I need for fulfilling His purposes, He would provide at the right time. So, I left that retreat with a peace that it's okay that I still don't have able men or women to rely on. It's not a failure on my part or a reflection of my character. And, the season that we're in currently is still a season of sowing on various types of soil. We don't know what's going to sprout just yet, but that doesn't mean that we stop being farmers as a result.

And since I have been in the States, I have reveled in watching how gardening and nature are ingrained in my family. Seeds and planting and getting your hands dirty with earth course through our blood of values. My Granddad was a great example of that both naturally and spiritually. He led a simple life in his same hometown. He seldom traveled. He didn't ever start a church or have a large number of followers. He didn't try to be important in any arena in his life. But, he sowed seeds everywhere he was from his co-workers to Mormon missionaries on his doorstep, from his neighbors to his grandchildren and children. He served. He listened. He taught. He played. He learned. He was a great example. And, many of those seeds have yet to sprout. Some of those seeds he never saw sprout on earth. But his hand was always to the plow. His figurative and literal garden were cared for until his last strength. That humble faithfulness is a legacy I want to be content with carrying regardless of what sprouts and grows for me.

Much Love,
Sarah

Offering Up My Smallness

Hello All,

This month so far has gone well. A few days ago, Raúl and I celebrated our one-year anniversary of being legally married. Because of how long and complicated the legal marriage process can be here (and it was!!!), Raúl and I legally got married on April 7, but we didn't actually live together as a married couple until after our religious wedding on July 22. So, we have two anniversaries. The year, as expected, has gone by really fast, but in the midst of the fly-by of time, we've made some good memories and made some strides in feeling like our own family. As Shauna Niequist mentions in her book, Cold Tangerines, becoming a family after getting married doesn't start automatically on the day of the wedding, but is a process over time--like a tree growing roots, deeper and deeper.

Our small group has continued well in deepening relationships, and the topics we've covered over the past month have dealt with self-awareness and having a culture of honor. Self-awareness is a topic that isn't taught very explicitly within the churches I have observed, but it's such a vital part of healthy spirituality and relating to God and others. Part of what we did as a group was take the Myers-Briggs personality test. I get that a personality test isn't necessarily that spiritual, but you should have seen how excited our group was to learn more about themselves and to understand that God made them with a unique personality but also how that personality affects the different areas in their lives. Another aspect of this is that we also work with young people. In the US, around middle school and high school, you take a kind of aptitude test to see what your likes and dislikes are and to determine what kinds of jobs would be best for you. In Honduras, they don't do anything like that. I can't tell you how many directionless young people I've talked to who have no idea what to study or who just decide something out of the blue with no basis on their own preferences or aptitudes. A lot of people study what their parents dictate, study what is easiest, or pick a major that isn't conducive to who they are. (For example, "I'm going to study to be an engineer!" "Oh really, that's great! Do you like math and science?" "Oh no! I hate math and science." "So, uh...what are you doing?") A university student recently told me that the only national public university (the most popular university) only turns out 3% of students who actually graduate! So, being able to use the Myers-Briggs test just to give them an idea of the kinds of jobs that could appeal to their personalities and preferences was actually something many of our teenagers were really excited about.

This past month, I also had the opportunity to translate for a team that came down to work with Manos Extendidas. My role was just translating for a couple of days, but it'd been a long time since I'd been with a team, a long time since I'd translated, and a long time since I'd been in some of the ministries they were working in. It was nice to return to some areas from my early years here and get some fresh perspective, and the team we were working with was great. I had some great conversations with some of them--especially two ladies who had been long-term missionaries in other countries. Remembering some things from early years also brought about some ideas for our non-profit, and we'll see how those play out especially this week as we have our next board meeting. In general, I feel like I've reached some better clarity as to how I'd like to minister to God, minister to His church, and minister to the world through the non-profit. I just don't always know the exact practical steps to take in order to reach all of those goals. But, as they make themselves apparent, we will move forward in obedience.

So far, all of our students have been in school almost three months. Estefanny is doing very well in all of her classes and recent exams and will soon start her community service requirement that all high schoolers have to complete. Brayan has successfully moved on to the second level in drumming and music theory and recently celebrated a birthday. And Kristian continues to do well, and his father is so faithful in being supportive of him.

This month, I've also been in pretty consistent contact with the two boys I previously visited in El Buen Pastor home for children. Elvis left a few years ago to return to live with his biological family. Since moving back, his stepfather, who had suffered from the effects of polio, died. His mother has always had some mental health issues though they've been undiagnosed formally. She often wanders the streets, and Elvis has had difficulty with being able to work when he's also trying to keep track of his mother. Buen Pastor has been amazing in being supportive when he showed up there asking for help. So far, though, it has been a huge challenge finding a hospital or even a nursing home willing to take his mother because of her mental health issues. To my knowledge, the situation still hasn't been totally resolved, so that's an area that could use prayer. Raúl and I also met up with Jorge. Since January of this year, he has been living in Buen Pastor's transition home with the boys he's grown up with his whole life. We recently got to see the house, see some of the boys we'd already met over the years, and also meet the North American couple who runs the home. They are some special people with beautiful hearts in how they juggle of family of teenage boys along with their own biological sons. Jorge is finishing up high school and considering his career paths and future university studies.

Antonio and Josuan continue to work with Raúl, and Antonio has been a great help in friendship and discipling Josuan. Josuan continues to rent his own room and to study at the same high school he's been at previously. He also comes to small group on Saturdays. Addiction is still a major battle in his life, but as we have for the past five years, we still believe God is at work.

My English classes are going well, and we've actually had a few more students join. Raúl continues to study English and civics for the US citizenship test. It'll be a year and a half before he has to take the test, but given that even some US citizens wouldn't pass it, we're trying to get a head start on learning.

In the mean time, Bible study has continued the Peter Scazzero series--this time studying Emotionally Healthy Relationships. I can't express what an answer to prayer ladies' Bible study has been. It has become a great support system for me and has led to some dear, budding friendships. While I'm not totally sure how and in what ways we can collaborate, it's nice to at least feel connected in heart and vision to the ministries of others. I'm still hoping for Raúl to enter this new world with me a bit and to be able to develop his own support system. It just seems harder for men to connect in the same way.

Personally, I continue to write on www.benchchats.blogspot.com which has been a good outlet for writing something other than these updates, which is something I've always enjoyed. And I continue learning through WorshipU. In general, this year has been such an improvement so far from last year. I feel like I am moving forward in small ways toward better developing and using the gifts that God has given me, and I wake up every morning with purpose and an idea of what needs to be done, who I need to connect with, and a sense of my own identity here in Honduras. That was seriously lacking last year. Getting married was a joy, but for someone so independent, being thrown into the details of maintaining a household and cooking all. the. time. for someone else was a struggle. It was difficult to navigate who I was as a married woman, adding a new role without losing my own joys and individuality. Thankfully, I have practically found a better system so that housework and cooking doesn't consume all of my time, and I've found a support system of women who give me the space to breathe just by being able to nod and say, "Me too." God is faithful, and He has provided so many things that I desperately needed last year.

As always, thank you for reading and for your prayers. Sometimes, my life feels very small, but I have reached a place where I offer my smallness to God in joy and let Him do with my life what He desires, letting my smallness join in the smallness of others to be a part of His divine plan and purposes.

Much love,
Sarah

The Next Right Step in the Journey

So far, the month of March has been one of reflection and making some positive changes. As newlyweds, Raúl and I are still navigating what it looks like for our two former separate lives to be joined into one, and we're still seeking God as to what our calling is together and how exactly that should look. As a visionary kind of person, it's been difficult for me to take steps without seeing the destination of our path clearly. But, I also know that God is just as interested (if not more) in the process of my refinement than He is about the product or destination. Day by day, we just want to do the next right thing as God reveals His plans to us little by little. Right now, that looks like getting up early to do some morning devotions together and doing a longer Bible study together on Sundays. That also looks like working together on preparing for the small group we have in our home on Saturday nights.

I am happy to say that at the very end of February, Raúl's first step in the residency process was approved. We have to wait 30 days to apply for the next step, but it was such an encouragement for things to move forward! (It was starting to feel like it'd never come through.) I think that first step coming through has also been a bit of a wake-up call to Raúl that his life is on its way to having changes and looking different. That's obviously always been the case since getting married is a big change, but Raúl's never been to the States, and his travel has been limited to nearby countries with the same language and similar cultures. His world and, I believe, his dreams and views on what God can do with his life will expand by being able to visit my passport country and to participate more closely in family life with my family. I am hoping that that experience, when it comes, will also help him better understand me and help us start making some better-informed decisions about what our culture is within our home.

We successfully submitted all of our reports for the non-profit here in Honduras and even received some favor from God in that we received a discount from our lawyer that we didn't even have to ask for. All of our kids are now registered in school and have their school supplies. They are approaching their first set of exams, and so far, so good. Estefanny is enjoying her new school and has managed to find some new friends while Kristian's teachers speak highly of him. Brayan is advancing in music theory and now has the adequate practice materials to keep up with drum lessons at home. This helps him serve better within his church. Raúl is also considering giving Brayan a full-time job at the second location of his business. Antonio is now living under our care and is working full-time with Raúl. Unfortunately, the computer class he signed up for ended up being over-full, so he'll have to wait until he finds a different class or until they do new registrations for new classes.

Politically, everything has totally died down. Life is totally back to normal. It's unsure what the future will hold in this arena, and there are definitely still people who are very unhappy about the current situation. But, for the moment, it seems that they're lacking a direction in how to proceed.

This month in our small group, we have been talking about knowing yourself better through your relationship with God. We've covered topics such as the kinds of relationships we should have as well as the kinds of gifts we may have and how we can use them. While these lessons may seem common sense in some ways, I have discovered that most of the Honduran population we've worked with have not had someone to share with. It kind of comes with the territory--a lot of women get pregnant early and have never been raised in a family that processes emotions or needs in a healthy way. Thus, children are raising children in many cases. Within a lot of Honduran families I've observed, many of them live all together in the same house or on the same property even after they've married and had children. But, while they may serve each other in economic needs, they do not connect emotionally. They can live and eat and do everything in the same exact room, but they won't talk about what they're struggling with, how they feel, or ask for advice. Love is therefore not defined so much by connection or choice but by obligation. I read a study before I moved to Honduras that expressed findings that, in general, Hondurans don't trust anyone--not even their spouses or family members in a lot of cases. And, in my experience, this is often true. I have been encouraged by the participation in our group discussions, and I have had many members of the group tell me that they feel safe to be able to share personal struggles with me and that they have either never had that or have rarely had that. I am re-learning that I have a real passion for counseling and encouraging emotional development, and I am beginning to see that part of my calling to Honduras is to be able to provide a safe place to counsel people through their emotional issues and to better their emotional development. This is something that the Honduran church, in my experience, does not do...and, if we're honest, it's something not even churches in the US do a lot of the time.

For many of those reasons, I greatly enjoyed doing the study, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, in Ladies' Bible study with fellow missionary women. We just finished the study today, but after a short break, we'll start the study of Emotionally Healthy Relationships. In the past month, I've had some opportunities to spend more time talking to the ladies of this group, and they have developed into a real support system in so many ways. It's such a relief to be able to talk to someone and know that they understand what you're going through. Having this kind of community was something I so desperately needed, and I find myself being a much healthier person in all aspects of life because of the support of these women. I really pray that Raúl can develop some kind of similar support system.

In the mean time, I still teach two English classes, and those have been really enjoyable for me because while I have few students in each class, all of my students are so dedicated and excited to learn. One of my most faithful students is an older woman who feels called into missions work. She asked God for a long time to send her a native English speaker to teach her English, and she ended up in my class because of randomly meeting another one of my students on a bus ride. She is dedicated to learning because she feels like God sent me directly to her. After I publish this post, I'll have to hit the road for my Tuesday class of students who have been taking classes from me for three years. When I started, I had never taught ESL, and I didn't even have a book to go by or a curriculum to use. So, I wrote my own, and I told my students, "Look, guys, I don't have any real experience teaching English as a second language, but I'm going to do my best, and we'll see what happens." And, I have been thrilled to have so many students tell me that they've learned more from my teaching style, curriculum, and format than they did in university classes or expensive classes they've taken in other locations. I am a teacher. That is what I studied. But, that hasn't been the reason for the success in these classes. God has given me great grace when I take on new challenges I don't feel qualified for and has also given my students great determination to learn, and the combination of all of these things has made my classes fruitful. That is very encouraging to me.

Anyway, I want to thank each of you who reads this blog and keeps up with my life here. I am amazed at the winding journey I have had with God over the past six years here in Honduras. But, at the same time, in many ways, I feel like I'm just getting started. I know that doors open, finances continue, and fruit is developed because of your prayers and support, and I don't take any of those things lightly. I am humbled by the sacrifices of others every day that continue to make possible my being here in all of my smallness and serving in the relationships God provides to cause more of His Kingdom to come to earth. You have my sincere thanks.

All of my love,
Sarah

Small Steps of Faithfulness

Hello All,
Though the political situation remains up in the air in many respects, I have been mostly unaffected. The only encounter I've had with protesters was about a week ago when I was on my way home from giving an English class at night. I was alone in the car and was on the only stretch of main road that leads from the city to my home. Suddenly, traffic was at a standstill as a burning tractor trailer stretched almost entirely across the road. There was yelling and various men with rocks and covered faces commanding control of the streets. But as God is always faithful with me, He provided a quick solution. There was another route to my house through back roads, but I would've had to turn around to go back into the city and go by back roads through a sketchy neighborhood. I've done it before, and it wouldn't have been a problem except for the state of traffic. I called my husband trying to figure out what to do. He no sooner mentioned calling our friend Alex for help when Alex suddenly knocked on my window. He told me to follow him as he was going to ask the protesters to let me through. He has a special kind of favor on his life in dealing with certain populations of people. And, they did let me through with no problems. So, the concerns in coming back to Honduras that I was facing in December have really been pretty unnecessary and minimal.

January and February are always hectic months for me as we have to file reports with the Honduran government to account for our non-profit's activities. And, February is when the school year begins. So, my days have been full of registering kids in school, buying school supplies, and doing the non-profit's banking. This year, we will be supporting Estefanny as previously mentioned. She will be studying in a private high school where she can complete two school years in one. In addition to Stef, we will be helping Kristian, a 19-year-old who is from our neighborhood. He comes from a family with quite a few children and limited resources. Raúl has known him since he was very young and actually gave him Sunday school classes. He will be studying in the same private high school where we've had Josuan previously. Since it is also our desire to nurture young people in their interests and in their callings, we are also supporting a young man named Brayan from our neighborhood. He plays drums in his church, and music is his passion. His desire is to be able to use that passion to serve God in ministry and missions. So, we will have him studying in a music conservatory to better develop his gifts. Antonio, a young man who we supported last year who graduated from high school, plans to continue his studies with some vocational computer classes to prepare to start university this year or next year depending on when they accept new students. The current plan for Toñito, as we call him, is for him to come live in the room we rent and work with Raúl as he studies. As we've done for others in the past.

The small group in our home is going well. Each week, we eat dinner together and take some time to talk and laugh. We also discuss a biblical or ministerial topic and pray for missionaries. This month, we've been talking about boundaries and how to guard our hearts in healthy ways. So far, we've been able to get closer to some of the people in the group and make ourselves more available for giving some of the young people advice.

In the mean time, I've greatly been enjoying a missionary women's Bible study. We're studying the book, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, by Peter Scazzero, and the time I spend with these ladies is life-giving. It is so nice to be around people of the same culture who are serving in similar ways and can understand many of the same difficulties. I've made new friends through this group and feel so welcomed by them. Raúl and I actually watched the Super Bowl with a new friend and her husband. I was encouraged to see how well Raúl got along and was able to connect with her husband--a North American. Hopefully, that's a relationship that can be developed more in the future. I think it'd be such a good thing for Raúl to have a male friend from my culture who is also in ministry. It's amazing the difference that community can make to my overall morale and viewpoint. In being able to belong in these two groups, I am also better embracing who I am and how God made me even when that is different than those around me.

 Raúl's green card is still in process. We're still waiting on the approval of the first step, and there is no deadline in sight for when it will finally come through. But, there is nothing more we can do but wait.

Personally, I feel like this season is one of preparation and stabilization. I am enjoying the journey and value even the small ways that we move forward in life and in ministry, knowing that the obedience we display today will determine our fruitfulness tomorrow. And, right now, my heart's desire once again is just to love well each person God places in front of me even amidst my own smallness.

All of my love,
Sarah