Bring Your Rain Again

Photo by Red Charlie


Sow righteousness for yourselves, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the Lord, until he comes and showers his righteousness on you.
-- Hosea 10:12

You heavens above, rain down my righteousness; let the clouds shower it down. Let the earth open wide, let salvation spring up, let righteousness flourish with it; I, the Lord, have created it.
-- Isaiah 45:8


Hello All,

Twelve years ago, during my second short-term trip to Honduras, I was asked to share for about five to ten minutes at Alvin's church along with my fellow short-term team members. As I was praying about what to share, at 17, I was in a season of listening to the song "The Rain Song," by Day of Fire. As I closed my eyes and adjusted my headphones connected to my CD Walkman (Ya, I'm old), I knew that this song was for Honduras. If you want to give it a listen, here is a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4gZrAfWVe0
The lyrics go like this:

Bring rivers in this wasteland
Clouds into this sky
Bring springs of life into the wells
That have been run dry

Rise up in this city
Gather in this light
Fall down on your people
Your glory and your life

Rain
Lord, we thirst for water
Rain
We are desert land
Rain
On your sons and daughters
Rain
Bring your rain again

Speak dreams into this water
And vision to this land
Let oceans be divided
And bring forth life again

Rise up in this city
Gather in this light
Fall down on your people
Your glory and your life

Let the tide roll in
Washing over our lives
Let your water fall again
Bring rivers in this wasteland
Clouds into the sky
Bring your rain again
Let your water fall down
Bring your rain again now

I shared the song with the congregation. I don't really know that I expected anything else from there, and honestly, I hadn't thought much about it since then--until Wednesday night of this week when God reminded me, and how timely.

Honduras, especially Tegucigalpa, currently is experiencing a serious drought. The government has started rationing water for those who have public water, and for those, like us, who have to buy our water from tanker trucks in order to fill our tanks and cisterns, there is no option at this point in time because the government has stopped selling from their reserves. I have seen reports that we're a mere few weeks away from no water. All of this is happening in what normally is the height of our rainy season. Generally, from the end of May until the beginning of November, we never have to buy water to fill our cistern because it always fills to overflowing with more than enough rain water. Each week, I've kept an eye on the forecast, and it has seemed over and over that there is rain on the horizon except that very little to none ever falls. As of right now, Raúl and I have an empty pila (cistern) which is normally the water we use for washing dishes, bathing, and washing clothes. All we have are our tanks of water (that are dirtied with algae because they are wildly difficult to clean because it involves disconnecting plumbing) that feed our bathroom sink and toilet, and a little more than half a barrel. We have been conserving as much as possible, and I'll confess that I've had the conversation with God of, "God, I know that I'm always allowed to ask, and you can do all things that are seemingly impossible. Please send rain for the benefit of all in need. But also, do you think you can keep that barrel from miraculously not running out until our pila is full?" He can do it, and I am open to all of His creativity in providing for us. As it stands, Raúl and I have been blessed to see or hear of people in the community helping one another in this time of need. It's a unique and oddly beautiful position to be in to feel so pressingly our dependence on God in this way. Water is so often something that people take for granted.

Since my last update, Raúl and I started a worship night in our house on Monday nights for a small group of people who we know want to seek God's face. We have honestly been astounded by the ways that God has visited us in this time and space. We don't give a lesson or have a program. But, each week, I ask God what it is that He would like to do and what songs coincide with His heart for that day and the group of people who will show up. Each week, I have felt His presence in ways that I haven't for a very long time. It feels like He is stirring the heavenlies and like we are standing on holy ground. And, as we take the time to minister to His heart first, He begins to tell us the things that we should pray--over one another and also over Honduras. I would be lying if I said that I know what He is doing, but it feels special to put our ear to His heart and begin to speak life to the driest and darkest of places as He leads.

Our very first worship night, I felt the strong need to pray for the finances of those who were present, including our own. We repented of the ways that we have tried to depend on our own strength to provide or our own administration to keep us afloat. We confessed our need for God's divine provision. And we invited God to teach us how to be both good stewards and also children who can rest that they have a good Father who delights in giving His children good things. Starting the very next day, it seemed like so many things that could financially go wrong, did. It's been a month in which Raúl's business has seen a dip in revenue, and my finances have been tight. I got into a fender bender and had to pay the damages. And, while they were checking for damage to our car, they found several things that needed to be fixed that had nothing to do with the accident. Overall, it's just been a month of stretching our faith. But, because God started the month with asking me to depend on Him for finances and to be more proactive in praying over them, I have known in the midst of it all that He is at work.

Even as I have felt the uncertainty of a lack of water and of the dance of trying to make every dollar stretch as far as it can, I have felt my soul continuously replenished. I have seen the ways that God is connecting people in vision and ministry, how He is slowly putting the puzzle pieces together and showing us His secrets. I am excited and feel the anticipation of all that He is stirring over Honduras. Thus, as I have prayed for this coming Monday's worship night, I have felt strongly that like Jacob wrestling the celestial man--whether God or angel--that there are promises that we are called to contend for. There is something in the heavenlies that we need to call forth, and something to be birthed. We are called to proclaim our dependency on Him for physical rain. But we are also compelled to proclaim our desperate need for His presence to bring the hunger for salvation and healing to Honduras that we as ministers and missionaries absolutely cannot stir up ourselves. And this is why "The Rain Song" is relevant. Twelve years ago, before I moved here, before I knew the depths of the culture, God gave me a key, a borrowed prayer to prophesy over Honduras. And, if He is bringing that song to mind, it's because something is coming full circle. And, when you're going through a season of drought whether literally or in finances or health or relationships or whatever other area, there is no better catalyst for prevailing with fervor than feeling the pressure of your own helplessness and need.

In the midst of political turmoil and questions, ongoing protests, broken families, ongoing poverty, a literal thirst for water, and souls internally crying out to be loved by a Savior, there is no plan B for Honduras. We need Jesus so desperately. While we are willing, our strategies in ministry have reached the end of themselves. He is the plan, and we hold this promise as true and worth contending for:

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. -- 2 Chronicles 7:14 

Sometimes, I think we try to convince ourselves that for a people or a place to change that they have to decide to leave evil behind or that they have to get clean and and abandon their selfish tendencies. But, the mandate here is clear--He is calling for His people who are called by His name to repent. Maybe that repentance is on behalf of the ones in our sphere of influence, and we do stand in the gap to plead for forgiveness for the blood that was shed in homicides and violence. We do plead the blood of Jesus to make Honduras innocent once again. But, part of that repentance is also about admitting that we have tried to do things in our own strength, that we have lost our way in building our own kingdoms, and that we have let ministry sometimes be driven by our insecurities and egos rather than by His love. It's about asking God to forgive us for the ways that we've failed to demonstrate the person of Jesus in our attitudes and actions. It's confessing that He can do more with five minutes of His presence than we could do in five years...and asking Him to do it. It's not about being lazy. We are still called to be people who actively move to reach others and love others in tangible ways well. We are still called to provide solutions and hope. But, we should do so with hearts set humbly on His greatness above our own.

As we continue to pray, here are a few things that you can also be praying with us:

1) For Honduras -- that God would begin to move in miraculous ways to minister His love to the people here that we know He loves so dearly.

2) For rain -- We are a dry and thirsty land here in every sense of the word.

3) For provision for Raúl's US citizenship. -- It's our desire for Raúl to have US citizenship mainly just because it's the most permanent solution in the midst of a tumultuous time for immigration. When we have children, we want Raúl to seamlessly be able to travel back and forth as a whole family. Raúl paid for the entirety of his US residency from his own savings. And, he is currently eligible for applying for US citizenship. But we can't move forward until we have saved up the $2,500 needed. Given our current financial challenges, we are throwing wide the doors and inviting God to surprise us with His creativity in providing for this need.

4) For God's continued movement in showing us how to move forward in ministry, who we're supposed to be connected with, and how to be faithful in all we are stewarding.

All of my love,
Sarah

Do any of the worthless idols of the nations bring rain? Do the skies themselves send down showers? No, it is you, Lord our God. Therefore our hope is in you, for you are the one who does all this.
--Jeremiah 14:22

Re-Settling and Re-Focusing

Hello All,

Raúl and I spent our last month in the US both doing some last traveling and spending some quality time with my family. We celebrated our second wedding anniversary in July, so we took a trip to Raúl's choice--New York City. I had been to New York a few times before, so I was excited to check out some areas I hadn't previously seen. We crammed a lot into a few days! The Brooklyn Bridge, Battery Park, the 9/11 memorials, Chinatown, Chelsea Market, Washington Square Park, Koreatown, Times Square, and Rockaway Beach. We also managed to catch up with some Honduran friends from our neighborhood who are now living in New York. It had been two to three years since we had seen them, and I think it was both special and surreal for Raúl to see people he knew from his world now living in my world. Raúl was impressed by the design of the 9/11 memorials and was dazzled by all of the lights and energy in Times Square. Personally, Rockaway Beach was my favorite part. I hadn't stood in ocean waves in years, and it's as my dad says, the ocean truly does feel like a long-lost friend to me. The rest of our time in July was spent with my family and some friends. The goodbyes were hard, but we were greeted on Honduran soil by a dear missionary friend who came to pick us up. All in all, over three months, Raúl went as far north and east as New York, as far west as Chicago, and as far south as South Carolina. He made it to three major eastern cities--Chicago, New York, and Washington, D.C. And he passed through or stayed in twelve different states. Not bad for his first trip to the US. 

There was some definite adjusting in coming back after three months. I have felt like most of August so far has been spent re-claiming my house and my space as my own and also developing a new routine and some new habits. It is nice to have a sense of stability and not live out of a suitcase. That stability has also made it easier to make some positive choices like being healthier in what we're eating as well as regularly exercising. My schedule has also shifted some. A few things have stayed the same--I'm still going to ladies' Bible study on a weekly basis which I so enjoy. I also am still teaching two English classes and have a day set aside just to meal prep and keep our house cleanliness under control. But I have also added some new things that I am excited about.

When I am in the US, I try to take a step back to take stock in what it is that God would have us do and how we are spending our time. This trip was no exception. Before going to the US, Raúl and I could already tell that we were tired and needed to re-consider the focus of our ministry. We felt a bit like we were on a never-ending treadmill of fielding needs and having to make decisions about how to handle those needs of others. In most cases, the needs weren't actually urgent though they were often presented that way, but rather, they were often the result of ongoing choices or other areas of life that really need addressed with something other than quick-fix monetary aid. As I was praying about this issue and how I knew our focus needed to shift back to ministering to the Person of God first, I started reading the book When Helping Hurts by Fikkert and Corbett. I truly felt like this book confirmed a lot of the convictions that I'd already arrived at and even better practically explained reasons for why it's so important not to confuse a need for emergency relief with an actual need for discipling rehabilitation or for maturity in helping others develop. In returning to Honduras, I have made the commitment to re-center our ministry on prayer and worship as priority.  Too often, when we have quick-fix solutions to the problems of others that present themselves, it's easy to throw money at something instead of leading that person first and foremost into prayer and relationship with the Provider Himself. I think we have been guilty of this to a point, so God has shifted my ideas of what helping needs to look like for me as a missionary.

Some of the steps that I am taking during this re-centering are personal and look like waking up at five every morning to go run. Running has long been a way to spend time interceding and listening to God's voice, and it's a habit that I had neglected for a very long time. As a result of beginning to run again, I feel healthier not only in body but also in the security of my relationship with God as well as more confident in what He is doing in my life (even when I don't have much clarity as to what that is). Another way that worship and prayer have been incorporated into my life this month have been through some special worship at ladies' Bible study and joining in with the ministry of some missionary friends outside of the city who have started having weekly worship nights as part of interceding and wanting to bring God's transformative presence into their town. I feel privileged to be a part of that as I feel like it is awakening aspects of myself that have been dormant for a while. Another thing that Raúl and I are considering is starting a worship night in our home as our board members specifically requested this at our last board meeting before we went to the States. I like the idea, but I do want to be careful to safeguard this time as being a time dedicated to the Father. We have experienced so often that we can start something for the purpose of just communing with the Holy Spirit and worshiping, but soon, it shifts into ministering to people. Ministering to people isn't bad, but without God being first priority, we can fall into the trap of letting the needs of those around us dictate the direction of our ministry instead of letting God's desires for His Kingdom to be what reign. It's always a subtle shift, but it's one that inevitably leads us to burn out. So, I would ask that you would join me in praying that we would merely facilitate a place to worship God without getting side-tracked with good intentions from what needs to be the main thing.

Another conclusion that I reached shortly before going to the US was that I do want to get my master's in Christian counseling. I had been wrestling with that desire for over a year, truly just wanting to be sure that this was something that God was backing. I looked at lots of different online programs, but my sister actually found the Townsend Institute. If you've ever read any books like Boundaries, you might be acquainted with John Townsend who both wrote those books and also founded this master's program. Those books have been life-changing for me in so many ways, and their approach to counseling is what caused me to be interested in counseling in the first place. As a missionary, I feel like we are constantly encountering needs that should be addressed via counseling. I do the best that I can with what I have learned just from reading, but often times, I feel like my education is lacking in this department. Just to give you an idea of how necessary Christian counseling is to the mission field, let me just tell you that we have either seen or personally encountered cases of incest, sexual abuse, spousal abuse, child abuse, addiction, a lack of self-control in anything from managing finances to having affairs, marriage crises, family conflicts, a lack of boundaries, prostitution, gang involvement, etc. The list could go on and on. We do believe in God's capacity to supernaturally heal people, but we've also seen countless people receive a miraculous internal healing and not know how to steward it because they haven't been given the tools to continue to walk in wholeness that counseling would help to provide.

So, in deciding that I do want to apply for this program, I also crunched numbers. As it is currently, our income does not make going back to school possible as the two or three-year program costs $37,500 total (not including books and any additional graduation fees and the like). That's actually the cheapest online program that I found. I am also dedicated to not going into debt. God miraculously provided for my undergraduate studies, and much of what I've been able to do as a missionary has been because I have no student loan debt. So, I have decided to apply for a job with VIPKid, which is an online platform for teaching English to Chinese students. I have a few friends who do this job, and in analyzing what I could make, I believe that I could save enough money within a year to start my studies via the three-year track. I trust that God can provide, and I know that He often provides in surprising ways that are so beyond my efforts. But, I also want to be diligent in using the tools I already have in my hands to further my own situation as well. I am currently in the process of applying and getting approved to begin teaching. Because the hours are on Beijing time, I will primarily be teaching in the wee morning hours, which does not take away from my ministry responsibilities (but will mean I'll have to be much more intentional about rest and getting enough sleep).

While we are taking some time to get re-focused on God and His miraculous presence above all else, I already feel deeply that when God once again leads us to be more pro-active in ministering to people, I believe that it will be through counseling and through employment. So much of what I see in Honduras that I long to see transformed stems from not being empowered. It's important for each one of us to know how powerful our gift of free will is and how our words and actions collaborate with God to help us move forward in our callings. Often, well-meaning handouts do not empower long-term but rather continue a victim mentality. So, while I am unsure as to how it will look like, I know that I want to be a vessel to everyone around me--Honduran and otherwise--that encourages taking personal responsibility, using the tools and creativity that each one of us already has, and being faithful stewards of the free will that God has granted us. It's a beautiful thing when someone freely chooses to accept God's grace instead of trying to earn it. It's a beautiful thing when someone starts to recognize the authority and favor that they already have as children of the King. And it's a beautiful thing when people who have only ever known how to just get by start to thrive as they seek first the Kingdom of God in all of its abundance in love, provision, and divine challenge. It is my hope that doing VIPKid is also my part in modeling what it means to use the tools that God has already given me and to take responsibility for my own dreams as a step of faith in believing that God is on my side and delights in miraculously providing through numerous means.

In the mean time, our students are still doing well. Stef is enjoying most of her classes although she could probably use some extra prayers for her statistics class. And, we've been in some conversations with Brayan about what his dreams are and how we can help him take his next steps forward in education or job stability.

In just a few weeks, I will also be celebrating my eighth year of living in Honduras. Nothing about life here has gone as expected, but I've been reflecting on the importance of sowing and watering even if I'm not the person called to harvest. More than anything, I hope that God can say of my last eight years that I have been faithful and obedient (even when sometimes kicking and screaming about it). My greatest desire is not to build my own ministerial kingdom but to continuously place myself and even my ego on the altar so that His Kingdom can be established. I am thankful for each one of you who prays for us, supports us, and reads our stories. We are blessed by you, our brothers and sisters in Christ.

All my love,
Sarah

A Humbling Summer

Raúl and I at the Ark Encounter in Kentucky

Hello All!

It's been a month of immense love, honestly. We feel so blessed. Here is a rundown of where we've been, who we've seen, and what we've been up to:

Some Time at Home:
Towards the end of June we spend some much-needed downtime with my family, going to the river to play and cooking out as well as just living life together. On of the things Raúl loved was when my dad took him to see some car races in a nearby town. My husband loves all things adrenaline, and this was right up his alley. In the midst of that time, unfortunately, my mom had a fall and broke a bone in her ankle. So, her summer has taken an unexpected turn that has been difficult, but on the flipside of that, it's also meant that we've seen more of her since she hasn't been able to work. During our time at home, we had a small get together for people in our area who have been faithful supporters or who have had an interest in what we do. We're always so blessed by the people who follow our story and take the time to listen. It was a blessing to spend some time with those people and see them face-to-face.



Visiting with My Grandmom:Our next stop was to spend some time with my mom's mom. We enjoyed playing Chinese checkers with her and grilling out. We walked around her yard and got to see her handiwork and plants in bloom. While we were there, Raúl was ever eager to be of help in some physical capacity. So, he built a ramp for her shed and did some maintenance work on her house. I know it can be hard for our loved ones to receive his help especially since he is such a quick and eager worker, but he always feels so much more blessed, fulfilled, and connected to others when he's been able to help in some way. I really enjoyed my time there and my talks with her.



A Fourth of July with Nannie:While it was a short trip, Raúl and I headed back to my Nannie's to spend the 4th of July. We went to the state's largest 4th of July celebration to see the parade. Parades aren't necessarily my favorite, but Raúl loved seeing the motorcycles and decorated tractor trailers. Later that evening, we headed to dinner at my aunt's house where we had some delicious Thai food she had made. And, in the evening, Raúl enjoyed watching the fireworks that my uncle set off. All in all, I think it was a good first 4th of July in the US for Raúl.

A Trip to South Carolina:The next day, Raúl and I headed to South Carolina to see our dear friends, Beth and Chris. They came to our wedding, and we hadn't seen them since then. We felt spoiled with love by them all weekend. Chris took Raúl skeet shooting, which he loved. And we just enjoyed their company and kindness over steaks the size of our heads, delicious tomato sandwiches with tomatoes from their garden, and peach cobbler. No one does Southern hospitality like they do. One of the most precious parts of our trip was getting to meet their foster son. Watching them love on him and care for him was truly beautiful as I saw so much of Jesus' love in their service. They are amazing parents, and I am so proud of them. It was such a delight to see them; they always make us feel like family.



The Ark Encounter and the Creation Museum:The day after driving back from South Carolina, Raúl and I packed up again to go to Kentucky with my parents. My dad had long wanted to go see the Noah's ark replica there, and we were happy to go with them. We went to the Creation Museum the first day where we saw an amazing 3-D depiction of Creation and saw another video in a planetarium showing visually just how vast space is and how small we are in relation to all that is out in our universe. The wonder of God's grandeur is just so humbling. My problems and concerns seem so ridiculously minuscule when I consider the grand scheme of things, but at the same time, God doesn't minimize my problems and takes interest in the details of my life. That kind of love is beyond words. The following day we went to see the Ark, which was huge! It was cool to see something from the Bible come to life, and I also enjoyed the practical information about how Noah could have organized the care for so many animals. It's fascinating to consider just how advanced in engineering they could have been in Noah's time. As a bonus, we also made our way to the kitschy Jungle Jim's International Market near Cincinnati, Ohio. It's a huge grocery store that has a vast section of international foods from nations like Sri Lanka, Vietnam, Italy, Hungary, the UK, and many more.





Now we're back to home base for a while, and as our time is dwindling down, we're overwhelmed by how well people have loved us and how blessed we've been. Saying goodbyes will be hard. As far as conditions in Honduras, things seem calmer. There are still the isolated, occasional roadblock or protest, but it seems like there has been a shift away from some of the more dramatic incidents that had been occurring in past months. Thank you for your prayers for Honduras and for your prayers for us. We value all of you so much.

On the Road

Hello All!

So much has happened since my last update, and the time is flying by far too quickly. Here is a quick rundown of where we’ve been, who we’ve seen, and what we’ve been up to:


Visiting with My Grandmom

 We drove up to see my grandmother and spend some time with her. Raúl, ever eager to be of service, managed to do all kinds of things around the house and yard like putting in fence posts and mulching a flower bed. I think he overwhelms everyone with his work ethic. On the way back, we stopped at Blackwater Falls, which Raúl loved.



My Alma Mater

Our first side trip while being Stateside was to Shepherdstown, where I went to college. It was fun to get to show Raúl around to a town that was home and holds so many memories for me. It was meaningful to me that I was able to give Raúl some physical mental images for many of the places that I’ve included in my recounting of stories. So much of Shepherd University has changed, but many things have stayed the same. It’s still a place that carries an essence of home, but many of the people who made it home for me are spread out in lots of faraway places. Because Washington, DC was relatively close by, we took a day trip, seeing the National Mall and monuments, some of the Smithsonian Museum of American History, and meeting up with a dear cousin for a quick hello. As part of that side trip, we also stayed with a precious family who treated us like one of their own from day one. Raúl felt so at home seeing their cows and chickens, painting with their daughter, and talking about hunting and soccer. We were so blessed by their hospitality and our great conversations with them. And, we had the opportunity to share a bit with their Sunday school class at their church. We also shared meals with some of my friends from college and spent a special lunch with some of the students from my student teaching and both of my facilitating teachers.


Family Reunion

After celebrating our birthdays back at home base with my parents and siblings, we headed to Lewisburg for a family reunion. Raúl got the chance to meet many relatives that I hadn’t seen in years and even some relatives that I’d never met. While Raúl may not speak the language, he generally wins people over with his cheerful personality and his eager seeking to serve.








 Chicago and Indiana Trip

 After some down time at home with my family, we headed north. We had planned on visiting my missionary friend, Stephen, who has been in the US since January as he receives treatment for colon cancer. Since Stephen lives two hours from Chicago, I figured that we’d take advantage of the proximity to show Raúl another taste of the big city. The drive was LOOOOONNNNGGGG, which was a stretch for my hyperactive husband. But, we enjoyed some sightseeing—checking out the views from Skydeck at Willis Tower, visiting Millennium Park and Grant Park, eating deep dish pizza and Chicago-style hot dogs, and visiting the Shedd Aquarium. From Chicago, we headed to South Bend, Indiana, to meet up with Lindsey, another missionary friend, whose family graciously opened their home to us. I had never spent any time with missionary friends on US soil, so it was worlds colliding in the best possible way. It was such a privilege to be able to participate in her world. Raúl especially enjoyed getting to play Aggravation with them—playful smack talk translates across languages. He felt so at home with her and her family. Lindsey also accompanied us in visiting with Stephen. It was so special to have some time to hear his heart and get to hug his neck and spend some quality time with him as we walked around Notre Dame’s campus. I love the people that God has brought into my life who understand me and share many of the same heart’s desires and values. Stephen continues to be in my prayers as he undergoes more chemo and also clings to Jesus amidst his deep desire to return to Honduras to continue the work that he started.



Family Camping

We got back from that trip just in time to unpack, wash laundry, re-pack, and head out the following day for a camping trip with my family. Unfortunately, it rained a lot of the time which put a damper on some of our usual plans. But Raúl still did get to experience kayaking in the river, a four-mile hike, and catching his first fish with a fishing pole (that he then fried up to eat the next day). He and my brother also bonded over catching snakes at the river—including a copperhead (which they didn’t know at the time). Not my cup of tea to say the least.

Visiting My Nannie

From camping, we went straight back to Lewisburg to spend some time with my other grandmother. She took us to see The Greenbrier Resort, where Raúl marveled over the preservation of history and the grandeur of the décor. And we also got to spend some time with a couple we’d met in church that adopted my family when I was around 10-years-old. They’re some of my most faithful supporters, and it was such a joy to see them and share that part of my life with Raúl. We had dinner with my grandmother and my uncle and his family and saw some live music with my aunt.

Now, we’re back for some down time at home base. I truly love getting to see people and places that I hadn’t seen for a long time, but I have tried to space out our side trips some just because, as an introvert, I need some time to recharge and because I so enjoy being with my family.

Overall, Raúl’s favorites so far have been:
Favorite Food—Waffles, broccoli salad, hobo packets when camping, chili
Favorite DC Sight—the World War II Monument and the transportation exhibit in the Smithsonian Museum of American History
Favorite Chicago Sight—the Shedd Aquarium and the view from Willis Tower
Favorite Part about Camping—Hiking, kayaking, and fishing

Honduras Update

In the meantime, Honduras continues to experience upheaval in the form of protests, road blockages, canceled school days and university classes, as well as limited access to public healthcare due to the political unrest that centers on a bill that would affect the educational and healthcare sectors of the work force. In many ways, it’s been worse than expected as looting and property damage has begun. The Tegucigalpa airport shut down flights for a day and experienced some scary circumstances when rioters infiltrated the building. And, rioters (people who use peaceful protests to start chaos) set fire to the US embassy entrance. Overall, it would seem that anyone who has issues with any previous political situation is taking advantage of the mob mentality to send the message that no one is happy. For missionaries, it’s more inconvenient than dangerous, but in general, Honduras needs prayer.

We will continue to be Stateside for the coming month, and we are still processing all that God is showing us and teaching us during this time. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Raúl so rested, and while the language barrier can be overwhelming at times, he has been able to connected with the people around him. Thank you to all of you who have supported us, prayed for us, and welcomed us into your homes or for a meal. We feel truly blessed by all of the generosity and hospitality.

Country Roads Took Me Home

Naomi, Ally (Samuel's fiance), Samuel, me, my Dad, Raúl, my Grandmom, and my Mom


Hello from the US! When I last updated, we were in the thick of last minute preparations--leaving bills paid in advance, making sure all of our students had their expenses covered and school supplies provided, and making sure we had somewhere to leave our car and someone to take care of our house and dog. For the most part, things were already mostly set whenever the Honduran Congress passed a controversial law that sparked public outrage. Since the election in 2017, there have been sporadic protests, but often, they have been limited or with little participation in comparison to the uproar that happened in 2017. The law in question was rumored to affect the whole education and healthcare workforce, and the response was more wide scale than previous protests had been (so much so that Congress later cancelled the law). There were roads blocked across the country with burning tires, and in some cases protesters clashed with police, and tear gas abounded. One woman on the northern coast gave birth in the midst of a protester crowd because she couldn't get to a hospital, and at least one bystander was injured in the crossfire of protests. Where we live, there is one principal road to get to the city. There are several back ways to get to the city if you know the way, but many of those areas are rough neighborhoods or areas also susceptible to protests. In the weeks leading up to traveling, I was having such a hard time sleeping because my brain was too active in thinking of all of the things that still needed to be done or what to do in the worst case scenario.

The weekend before we were set to leave, Raúl lost a dear friend who died in a motorcycle accident. Raúl headed to San Pedro Sula for the wake and funeral, and he still feels like the suddenness of such a young person's death is too surreal. It's hard to believe that his friend--who leaves behind a wife, a daughter, and a stepdaughter--is really gone. Please join us in remembering their family in prayer. His name was Robert.

Due to the protests and just an overall feeling on my part that we had already faced so much opposition to the whole immigration process and to this trip in general, we decided to ask some missionary friends who live closer to the airport if we could stay with them. They received us with loving hospitality on such short notice, and we started our trip feeling loved and at peace. Overall, our trip, though long, went fine. We had no delays or issues in immigration even though the process of getting approved felt a little nerve-wracking since we weren't clear on what to expect.

It still feels surreal sometimes to have Raúl here. He, meanwhile, has marveled over the dishwasher and has wanted to go down every aisle at Walmart asking me what everything is and what it does and what it's made of. He has been surprised by the tranquility of rural West Virginia and how people can leave all kinds of things in their yard or outside their businesses and no one steals them. He's also had some challenges in adapting to having down time. My husband is very hyperactive, and he loves to work. Relaxing is hard for him. Not having a pressing task at all times to keep him busy has been stretching, as I knew it would be. But, as he is constantly asking my dad what he can do around the house, he has push mowed lots of grass and is preparing to chop some wood even as I write this. My family is reluctant to give him jobs to do, but life, in general, is more peaceful for him and me if he can be in motion. Other times, when dad doesn't have a task for him, he has been reading--a first for Raúl, really. He's been enjoying a book about marriage that my mom got him. Overall, having been in similar seasons, I know that when we are uncomfortable is often when God is working the most, speaking the loudest, and transforming our lives from the inside out. So, while I sympathize, I'm also conscious of not entertaining him constantly and asking God to use this time well.

We hit the ground running a bit when we got here. I had to renew my driver's license, and we ran some errands with my dad. And two days after we got here, my brother proposed to his girlfriend, Ally. It was such a blessing to be able to be a part of such a special day that my romantic brother had planned to a T. He took Ally hiking and collaborated with one of his best friends to take pictures as he asked her to marry him. She said yes! The rest of the evening was spent in a surprise party at a popular café where the live band played a song they danced to. And, one of his best friends flew in from Denver for the occasion, while two of her best friends surprised her by flying in from Chicago and Baltimore. Watching my brother and Ally dance brought tears of joy for my family and me. We love Ally. She has fit in with our family pretty much from day one, and she loves my brother well. I usually miss these kinds of occasions, so it was priceless to experience my brother's deep happiness. True to Ally's disposition, even though it was her special day, she took the time to sit down with Raúl for a while and use some Spanish to communicate with him. He later commented how she made him feel much more at ease.

On Sunday, we headed to church with my parents and then drove two hours that evening to speak at my cousin's church. It had been a few years since I had had the chance to visit with that congregation, and they received us with such welcome arms. Raúl even felt at ease enough to share some of his own testimony, and true to Raúl's disposition, he was so genuine and charming that I think they loved him immediately. We finished the evening in a time of fellowship eating many of the delicious pies they had made.

Since then, we've been resting at home but will soon gear up for another round of visits. With all of the running and driving and busyness, I needed some time to just settle in and be. Thankfully, we have had some slower days recently where we've been able to do just that.

In the mean time, Raúl's brother continues to maintain the business and care for our house and dog. We are very grateful for his willingness to care for our life in Honduras so that we can participate in life here.

Later this week, we'll be headed to my old college stomping grounds. I have wanted to take a trip there for several years and just never make it to that part of the state. So, I am excited to revisit some beloved places, see some people I love, and get to share a part of my life with Raúl that has always been dear to my heart. We will also be doing some sightseeing around the Washington, DC area, so Raúl can have some more cultural experiences and get a sense of the grandeur of the US beyond rural West Virginia.

Overall, we feel so blessed to be here and are enjoying the time with family. My brother recently graduated with his master's degree in occupational therapy, and we were able to be present at the ceremony. I caught myself unexpectedly weepy as the whole coliseum sang "Country Roads" at his graduation because I'm proud of my brother and also proud of where I am from.

This is the first time probably since I was 18 that we're all living under the same roof again as Naomi is home from college for the summer, and my brother is waiting to take his license exam. It's precious time that God orchestrated perfectly. I hope to see many of you all while we are here.

All my love,
Sarah

Eight--The Year of New Beginnings

It occurs to me that I’ve written several times over the last several months that I’m in a season of seeking God’s strategies. The reality of missions is that oftentimes we enter a situation with an idea or a vision or a hope or a plan, and nothing goes according to that mental image or our projections. I have had many different seasons of ministry that have all looked very different, and in some ways, they haven’t seemed very cohesive. That makes me all the more grateful for the people who have been so faithful in believing in who I am as a person, who God is leading me to be, rather than putting their faith only in what I do. I understand clearly that it’s much easier to get behind a defined, detailed vision. We like to know that we’re investing in something that makes sense, and believe me when I say that I myself have struggled to believe that who I am is good soil because what I do has seemed disjointed at times. What I can say, without regret, is that my heart has always been set on obedience to God above all else even as I’ve been frustrated at the lack of a clear path. At times, I have felt just a little bit envious of those missionaries who set out to do something specific and then do it. They develop the plan, they raise the funds, and then they put it all into action and see measurable results. My story hasn’t really ever been like that.


But, I am learning that whatever I have walked—fruitful or not, purposeful or not, meandering or truly divine—has been an ongoing circumcision of the heart. I grew up being the good church girl. I was the person who was always available, always willing, and often thrust into doing things that were beyond what would normally be expected of someone my age. Because of often being told I was mature for my age and because of my ingrained personality, I have often demanded much more of myself than anyone else is demanding of me, or I have taught others to treat me as such by denying that I have needs. I have struggled with striving. I was the kid who cried over a B. I was the Christian kid who was always on some kind of a mission. And, for a long time, I didn’t know that I had permission to guard my heart or to say no. Much of my life story with God thus far has been an unraveling of beliefs I was either taught or that I absorbed myself. It has been a journey of unlearning—unlearning that I have to earn God’s love with my good ministry; unlearning that being a whole and healthy person can’t just consist of ticking off all the boxes of church attendance, Bible reading, and prayer; and unlearning the misconception that having needs within the Body of Christ makes you weak or unworthy of being used by God. I made a commitment before I became a missionary, after much internal processing with God and stripping of my own ego even then, that I would not be busy for the sake of being busy. Though I wouldn’t have put it into these words, I have been committed to the idea of respecting God’s no in my life and acknowledging that His no is protecting me somehow. For that reason, I have not rushed forward in these seasons that have felt like absolutely nothing is moving forward or producing fruit. I have continued to be faithful. I have continued to seek. But I have resisted jumping into something only to be able to justify my existence as a missionary.


It’s been extremely hard to be true to who I am in ministry, and I don’t know that I’ve passed that test with flying colors. Often, I have struggled with the expectations of others, my own projections of the expectations of others, and the cultural pressures I’ve encountered that I never expected. I have walked seasons of being so desperate for community and relationship in ministry that I have let aspects of myself slide for the benefit of others, or I have convinced myself that I don’t have enough anointing, authority, and spiritual strength and need to let someone else tell me who to be. Sadly, but at the same time, rightly, all of that has been only to find that many of the people I have internally placed on a pedestal are just as human and fallible and weak in some areas as I am. We’re all so in need of God’s divine favor, direction, and grace.


In September, I will complete eight years of living in Honduras and being a missionary, so I’ve been wondering and investigating what significance that number eight has in the Bible. What I have found is this: It means resurrection and regeneration. It means new life. If the seventh day is the day of completion and rest, the eighth day is about a new start. When God flooded the earth, He saved eight people to start over. (1 Peter 3:20) Eight also represents the circumcision of the heart (Genesis 17:10, Leviticus 12:3)—God’s cutting away all of those things that aren’t reflective of His heart or His strategy or His vision or who He wants us to be. When I look back over the last seven and half years, I see a lot of the ways that God has been whittling down the things in my life that weren’t healthy. Some of those things relate to not knowing how to have healthy boundaries and how to take care of the temple of the Holy Spirit within me. Some of those things were related to my personality and ego and my own desires to be validated by what I do. And, the greatest conclusion in my search for strategy has been this: I have reached the end of myself, and I have ended up exactly where I knew I always needed to be—the secret place of intimacy with the Father. The knowing that if He does not move, there is no other option. The acknowledgement that prayer and worship and ministering to His Person in relationship has to come first.


I have known with my head even before becoming a missionary that the key to it all is in relationship with the Holy Spirit and in putting Him and our relationship first. Before moving to Honduras and in listening to many messages from Heidi Baker even after moving, I learned that God can do more through our dependency and intimacy than He can ever do through our striving and strength. But it’s taken me a long time to transfer that from head knowledge to heart action. I’ve certainly had seasons of close intimacy with God and feeling Him direct my every move. So, it hasn’t been a situation of going through the motions. But, I have often deterred myself from making intercession and worship the be all, end all priority above all else because I’ve struggled with wanting to do, to produce, and to be able to tangibly justify my life in Honduras and my ministry. How do you measure the impact your worship has on the heavenlies? How do you quantify how your intercession is opening Kingdom doors for salvations and healings and transformations? How do you compose a PowerPoint presentation about your fruitfulness when your time is primarily spent seeking God’s face rather than giving, helping, and serving people?


Don’t get me wrong—the giving, helping, and serving is important. It’s not to be ignored or dismissed. It is vital to the Kingdom of God. However, it should be done from a place of being fueled in and directed by the secret place. Speaking from experience, the giving on human terms often does not lead to salvation, at least not necessarily in that the sower also harvests. The helping often causes dependency on we humans rather than dependency on God. And the serving can cause a ministry’s purpose to be de-railed when the needs of the people dictate the whole direction. We can take cues from the needs around us. Those needs are important. But, when ministry gets flipped upside down, and we forget that we are called to minister to the Person of God first, not only do we end up with nothing left to minister to the Person of God in relationship, we also end up having nothing of value with which to serve the people. When your heart is empty of love, giving is no longer a joy and a conviction as a result of relationship with our Heavenly Father but an obligation to resent. And, along those lines, we also don't want to teach dependency on us or a sense of entitlement or a victim attitude.


But, oftentimes, ministry is a merry-go-round spinning so fast that you can’t get off even enough to get your bearings. Raúl and I have maintained ourselves, and I can say that because I found Ladies Bible study and friends who have accepted me with so much love and understanding, I am in a much healthier place than I’ve been in in seasons past. But, I would also be lying if I said that we aren’t tired. The reality is that every day we are presented with needs. Every day, we are placed in the complicated position of discerning what is helping and what is hurting. And, without the Holy Spirit, it’s an impossible task. I can’t say that we always get it right, and I’ll be the first to say that I usually don’t make good decisions under pressure. And, more often than I’d like to admit, we’re also facing disappointments, betrayals, and sorting out the emotions after we’ve given and then been mistreated. Even if we entered into it with an attitude of giving as unto the Lord and not unto solely unto others, it still hurts. So, we are in need of a reset, a refill, and an encounter with the love of the Father.


It’s a relief to me that those who have been praying for us feel like this upcoming trip to the States will be just that. And, in my own time with God, I also have felt like this will be a time of renewal as well as re-commissioning. I am entering this time with hands wide open for whatever God wants to take off of my plate or put on my plate. But even before entering into a time where I will have the chance to gain some new perspective, one theme is emerging—returning to the secret place. Choosing to be secure in my identity as a missionary even if I’m being called to a season where my primary purpose is actually worship and intercession above all else. The truth is that I welcome it because I’m at the end of myself and am out of ideas. Raúl and I can’t transform anyone. We can’t provide for everyone. We don’t have all of the answers…sometimes, we don’t have any of the answers. And, there are some things that are so deeply rooted in this country (as it is in all countries) that without spiritual warfare and God’s perfect intervention, there will not be change no matter how many people we educate or employ or evangelize. Prayer truly is the lifeblood of ministry.


So, that is my confession for the month and this last update before we head to the States. I am full of hope and honestly excited for what God has in store. In the meantime, my husband is still running himself ragged trying to get everything in order before we go. Prayers for that and for a smooth passing through immigration are greatly appreciated.


As a side note, we also had cause for celebration this month as Esthefanny finally got to partake of her high school graduation ceremony. It came late, as she was already done with her first period of college classes, but welcome to Honduras. It was quite the accomplishment, and we are so proud of her. She continues to be a joy to my life, and I look forward to the amazing things that God has for her future.




By this time next month I’ll be writing to you from the US. I hope to see many of you while we’re there. Much love to you all. We are so thankful for your continued prayers and support. We do not take it lightly the way that you have invested in us as people and have believed in us even when we may have struggled to believe in ourselves. Thankfully, “I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in [us] will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 1:6.

Trucking Onward

When I was in middle school, about a month or so before Christmas break, in that season after we'd already had a taste of freedom during Thanksgiving, our poor teacher (small private school...just the one) struggled to motivate us. One day, she half-lectured us even as she admitted that she was also fighting to not mentally check out. I think Raúl and I are in the same boat at the moment. We're so excited to have time with my family and in the US before too long, and at the same time, as we're in the middle of the hot and dry season, our outward surroundings are reflecting the condition of our souls. Raúl feels like a sponge squeezed dry. There are still people and circumstances trying to get some kind of last moisture from him, but my dear husband, who has served alongside me and dealt with many of the same emotional pains and spiritual battles, has never had the kinds of breaks that I have. And, it's showing. I look forward to when the switch gets flipped for him from the perpetual "gimme gimmes" to the "let me love on yous" that I generally experience in the States. It's startling in the best kind of way, honestly. As compared to years past, I don't feel emotionally burnt out. I feel quite hopeful, really. But, my soul is tired. I feel a bit like the world is spinning too fast, and I want to get off. My life feels a bit like that afternoon slump when drumming up energy seems futile. With all of that said, we actually are trucking along if only for the promise of an upcoming break and also because we simply are ourselves with each need and circumstance that arises, and being ourselves often means counseling, providing, correcting, encouraging, and whatever else the situation demands.

Raúl is in the throes of preparing his business to be cared for by his partner/brother while he is gone. As is often the Honduran way, they've had years to do this and have waited until almost the last minute. My opinions on that I'll just keep to myself, but it's made for Raúl working many later nights in the process. In the mean time, I have been saving, saving, saving in order to leave our students with their semesters paid for in advance and have continued to progress as much as we can in English classes before we leave.

Those classes are going well, by the way. We've been adding students to our numbers in the past few weeks, and while there are those who have dropped out (which is inevitable here), we've certainly had our core group that has continued to make great efforts and strides. It's also been a blessing for Raúl to once again be learning in a classroom setting. He is so social that, while he's my hardest student to keep on task, he does actually learn better when others can help spur him on. Classes are also an encouragement to me because they provide some sense of results and tangible forward motion that the rest of my life can often lack.

The students we sponsor with our non-profit are doing well. Though it seems counter-intuitive, Esthefany will have her high school graduation ceremony in just a week even as she is wrapping up her first trimester of college classes. She loves her classes in university and so far feels confident that she has picked a major that sparks her interest. Meanwhile, her brother, Josuan, hasn't been near us since December. He made some poor choices, and it became evident to us that we needed to place some new boundaries so as not to fall into enabling him. He just turned 22 last month. He has been in contact with us periodically, though, and from what we can tell, he's been with some of his family members. Marvin, as far as we know, continues to be in prison. I recently had lunch with Jorge who is doing very well. He continues to live in a transition home run by a missionary family that works for the same organization that heads up the children's home where he grew up. We had some great conversations about how he's learning to navigate family dynamics. After years with little to no connection with his biological family, he's been thrown into meeting all of the family members and observing how years of some dysfunction have played out in his absence. I imagine it would have to be so bizarre to develop an idea of what family should look like and then finally meet your family and have it present challenges you never expected. With that said, Jorge knows Jesus and is often receiving good advice from the missionaries he is living with. He is also taking some barber classes because he'd like to start his own small business and be independent.

All in all, a lot of normal life is going on for us. That looks like small group and meetings with young people for counseling. That looks like preparing lessons for English classes and Spanish tutoring. That looks like getting our electricity issues checked out and taking our dog to the vet. It looks like washing dishes at the pila and mopping the floors. It looks like standing in line at the bank and balancing the checkbook. It looks like Bible study with my missionary ladies and grocery shopping. It also looks like unexpected visitors and invading respiratory viruses. It looks like previously unannounced needs and plumbing woes. And it looks like a lengthy to-do list of all kinds of things I need to tackle before we leave.

On a personal note, since I am picking up on my own compassion fatigue and just overall need for a break, I'm giving myself some permission to pull back and remember some elements of my own identity that don't revolve around being a missionary. Permitting myself the room to breathe is giving me the strength and determination to push through what I do need to keep up with and prepare to leave things in the best working order they can be.

So, if you're keeping track, here are some areas of prayer for us:
*The energy and time management we need to prepare everything that is lacking to be able to travel.
*God's protection and direction over the business while Raúl is gone (and that they'll prepare well in the mean time).
*Esthefany as she wraps up her first semester and as she'll start her next one.
*Josuan--God's continued protection and mercy over him and pursuit of him
*Marvin--the same
*Jorge--God's continued direction and open doors as He leads Jorge to be the man he's called to be.
*Our trip--that God would already start setting things in motion to breathe on our dry bones and give us greater clarity for our future in ministry.

Love to you all,
Sarah