Fighting as a Family

Naomi, Raúl, and I during her visit here in July
Hello All,

Well, July got away from me without updating, but miraculously, here we are in August already. This year is just flying by. It has been one of the most difficult (if not THE MOST difficult) years of my life, but it has also been one of extreme blessing and purpose. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world because I can see how God is moving me forward in His will.


Naomi and the Hedgesville Hope for Honduras Team

My sister, Naomi, was able to visit with the team that consists of my teacher from student teaching and some of her students. It’s always a pleasure to have them here although I felt bad because they came in a time when my exhaustion level was maxed out. (Just to review my life thus far this year: I adopted Jesús at the beginning of February and sent him to Teen Challenge. Josuan broke his leg in the end of February and was with me non-stop until May 6. In that time, we had numerous teams. Josuan was in Teen Challenge a little over two weeks before the rod in his leg migrated up his back, resulting in two more surgeries and month more of recovery with me starting May 23. During his recovery in June, my cousin, Gabrielle, was here. Josuan returned to Teen Challenge June 23. Gabrielle left, and the following day, Marvin and Erick had leave, which meant running around with them all weekend. Thus, I had one day before my sister and the team came.)

This was me basically the entire time that my sister was here--just so exhausted.
The team went to the Feeding Centers, where my teacher, Nancy, was able to meet her two sponsor children. They also went to the hospital to hand out packets of baby clothes, diapers, etc. to the new mothers who often don’t have anything. They cleared the ground at Feeding Center #2 and started building a playground. We had issues with visiting any of the IHNFA centers because they were all on strike while they were here. Thus, they didn’t make it to 21. They did visit the girls’ juvenile detention center, and we had a great time playing soccer with the girls. It was also great to hear Coach Kelly’s testimony. They were able to briefly visit Casitas Kennedy as well. They wrapped up their trip by visiting a public school, Naomi's favorite part.  

The team with some of their Honduran friends at Feeding Center #1.


Clearing the ground at Feeding Center #2.



One of the special needs kids from Casitas Kennedy

Naomi with some school kids

Smile!

We also took the team to the streets to hand out sandwiches and Tang. While we were there, I found Victor—a young man who was in 21 last year when this same team was here. He had left with his grandmother to return to his home, but because of drug problems, he left and returned to the streets. I can’t tell you how many or how often I come across boys on the street who I’ve met in 21. I want to help them all in all honesty, but I have to wait as God gives them to me through His provision, through circumstances, etc.



Victor and I

Wilmer, one of my best buddies (and possibly one of the cutest children on earth) who always runs to me saying, "Sala!!!! I know you!"

Naty, Josue Joel, and I. Josue is one of Naty's sons (and my nephew). From day one, he called Naty "Papi."

Naomi and a friend



The location in el centro where Josuan used to hang out and dig through trash for food

As was the case last year, the unique part of this team is that they purposefully spend time and include other Honduran teenagers. It was very cool to see those relationships continue to develop for a second year in a row. The Honduran teens look forward to this team coming and count down the days until they can see their gringo friends again.

Although I was tired, it was great to have Naomi here and to be able to share with her the people and places that have made Honduras home. She did well with adjusting and participating even though she could speak limited Spanish. I think she discovered that the language of love is understood no matter where you go. This was evident in the connection she made with Sherlley, Estiven’s daughter. Sherlley ran through the house asking where “Sarita’s sister” was. (Eventually, she did learn how to say Naomi.) 

Naomi and Sherlley

 


Selfishly, my favorite parts of my time spent with Naomi were sharing my second family (Raúl’s family) with her and by taking her to meet my sons. It helps my boys so much to know that even though my family doesn’t live close by that they do love and accept them as my sons. Although there was a language barrier, it was fun to watch my boys take pictures with Naomi, and they loved the gifts that Nancy sent and the ones their grandmother (my mom) sent as well.

Naomi and I at Pichacho

Naomi and Jesús



Tía Naomi and Marvin

Josuan was so excited to receive this shirt from his grandmother, especially with his name spelled correctly!

Yuscaran

 Well, another part of the ministry in which the team participated (minus Naomi) was going to Yuscaran to hand out items and food and join in the usual church service. It occurs to me that I haven’t updated about Yuscaran in forever, and that’s primarily because I haven’t been in forever. Naty and Martha continue going every other Sunday as always, but I stopped whenever God made it clear that I needed to be more involved with my boys at Teen Challenge. Naty and Martha recently have had a lot of good news. They were given an acre of land for the church by the mayor, and a team from the US, headed by a former missionary to Honduras, will be coming to build a cement block church and possibly two classrooms in November. Thus, they are preparing the land now to put the foundation for the church. After three years of faithful service, holding church services outside in the sunshine and rain, they are finally going to have a place to congregate their people.


Elvis’ Dad

To give you an update on how the situation is with my the father of my son, Elvis, there hasn’t been much movement forward. The social worker at El Buen Pastor has had significant difficulties in getting a hold of the mayor in Trojes to find out if he’ll donate some land to build a house. If that isn’t an option, my next question to explore would be whether Elvis’ father would be willing to relocate. It would be easier for me to ensure his long-term care anyway if he is closer to me. As it is, he lives four hours away. So, we’ll see what happens with the situation. As God opens the doors, I’m committed to helping in any way that He leads.



Erick and I

My Kind of Motherhood

Let me give you some glimpses into my unconventional yet truly precious family to give you an idea of what my kind of motherhood is like…

The first Sunday after Gabrielle left, my sons and I had a big confrontation. As a mom, I’m balancing some very interesting dynamics of rival soccer gangs, past histories on the streets and in IHNFA centers, and one of my sons even unknowingly used a knife to try to rob a family member of another son. Other than the shared time in 21, I’m the only thing holding this seemingly random group of boys together, and, trust me, I have my share of sibling rivalry issues to deal with, especially in competing for my attention. Thus, we had a very clear conversation that either all of my children would learn to get along together, or I would stop coming to visit or would only visit those who could get along. (I won’t lie—that was a bit of a mom bluff just because I love them too much to stay away forever. But, it was exactly what they needed to hear. By the end of the conversation, they were making amends, apologizing to me, and promising that the following Sunday would be better.) Since then, we’ve had no problems of that nature to that extent.

Josuan has reached the point that he can’t stand to hide anything from me—good or bad. He had told me numerous times that he wanted to tattoo my initials on himself, and I adamantly told him that I did not want to make any appearance on his skin. While I was flattered that he loves me and wants the world to know I’m his mami, memories of me are sufficient. But, without going into details as to how he managed this one, he did tattoo my initials on his skin.



There is no one like my Jesús...

The last time that Jesús was on leave, he was adamant that he wanted to wash my car. Jesús’ way of showing me love is by serving. He is so precious! He won’t sit down unless I sit down, and he cleans my house until it’s spotless. He helps me cook even though he doesn’t like cooking, and he is so proud when he does a good job. Because he basically never went to school, working and serving are his ways of showing his capabilities and talents. So, I let him wash my car. (He did an amazing job!) He said, “Now, Mom, you just go sit down and let me take care of this. I’ll show you when I’m done.” When he finally calls me over, I realize that he has ripped up his entire jacket to dry my car because he didn’t have any more clean rags.

When my boys have had leave, I have also returned with them to 21. Words cannot express my pride as I watch Marvin, Erick, or Jesús preaching to the boys who are in the same position they were in X number of months ago. There is just such a power in my sons and what God is doing in and through them! Jesús (who struggles with speaking clearly as a complication of the 10 gunshots and seven stab wounds) preached to the boys, and afterwards, many were interested in going to Teen Challenge. We laugh as a family because when someone encourages Jesús to talk up Teen Challenge or encourage someone to go, he tends to say, “Teen Challenge is really beautiful. They discipline you there. If you don’t listen, they make you do 500 squats. You should definitely go.”

Speaking of squats, a few Sundays ago, I arrived to see Josuan, standing and waiting patiently for me. When he comes over to hug me, I notice that he is practically waddling…so it comes out that he was joking too much with a leader and was given a punishment of either losing his visit with me or doing 500 squats. And even having just been operated on only a month before and being physically out of shape, he did all 500. His response—“Mami, I’d do 2000 squats. I’m not losing my visit with you!” We also write letters to each other every day. It was something that God laid on my heart to have him do when he left for Teen Challenge since I know he struggles so much with being away from me and with sharing me with his brothers (after being the only one with me for four months). Now, he’s well known as being the crazy kid who is constantly writing. Even when they turn the lights out in his bunkhouse, he asks for permission to keep writing in the bathroom. I read his letters over and over and over throughout the week, and he reads mine over and over as well. He writes so many precious things, and they’re things that I want to share because they bless my heart so much, but at the same time, they’re all just my son, and I can’t pick just an excerpt or two. You just have to know him.



Josuan getting my letter for him for the week

Jesús is also truly unique and precious. (I’m laughing as I write this.) One Sunday while Gabrielle was here, a leader was completing his year in Teen Challenge and was called up front to give a speech. They had had a rough week with some problems with various boys there, and in his speech, the leader asked for forgiveness of three particular boys (NEVER mentioning Jesús) and called them up to give them a hug. Jesús (whose name, I repeat, was not called) rises from his seat with an extreme determination on his face, approaches the leader seriously, and wraps him up in a hug as everyone in the crowd looks on with confusion. Suddenly, all of his Teen Challenge buddies just started yelling, “Yeah Chuy! (his nickname)” I don’t know what struck my child in that moment that made him feel like he had to get himself a hug up front, but it has become one of my favorite Jesús moments.



He makes me smile!

Last weekend, Marvin was on leave. I have opened Pandora’s box with the driving lessons because that’s what they all want to do when they’re on leave. I, personally, do not enjoy being a driving teacher, but this is how we bond. It’s also how I’m able to learn about their personalities and learning styles and gauge the growth in their characters. Marvin is pretty stubborn. He gets irritated when I’m too quick to grab the steering wheel or the emergency break. I am surprisingly patient. I’ve never yelled at any of them even when Marvin backed my car into a small tree (and dragged it for a while) or when Josuan nearly drove us into a drainage ditch. I’ve got some pretty big trust in my guardian angels. This past driving lesson, Marvin was struggling to know where he was on the road exactly. I was warning him to turn the wheel or stop as he was going to go into a massive, deep hole or hit the oncoming car. He didn’t listen, so I braced myself for the (two) giant holes. I kid you not—I’m pretty sure angels lifted us up out of the holes because I thought for sure we were going to be completely stuck. When we miraculously exit them both, he looks at me sheepishly and says, “I’m never going to drive again, Mami. I’m so sorry. I should’ve listened.” “Yes, you should’ve, but we all make mistakes. Obey me next time, or there won’t be a next time.” “Okay. I won’t make any mistakes ever again. I’m going to be your chauffeur someday. I have to take care of this car because it’s my inheritance.” They all think that my car is their inheritance. Seven sons, one car…you do the math.



Advice session with my little man, Marvin

Last Friday, Marvin had leave, and I also took Josuan to his checkup appointment for his leg. He didn’t really need the appointment (in my point of view) because he can already walk, run, play soccer, etc. (although he shouldn’t really be doing all of that so quickly). We went primarily to take advantage of the time together, so I drove the hour to Teen Challenge, picked up him and his brothers, drove to the hospital, waiting in the hospital basically all day, and drove him the hour back the same day. While we were at the hospital, I trusted Josuan enough to pick up his own X-ray while Marvin and I went to turn in his paperwork for his appointment. When he returned, he had his street kid face on. When he’s going through some kind of attack of the enemy, a bad attitude, anxiousness for drugs, etc., his entire face, expressions, movements, etc., change to be the way he was when I met him in 21 and saw him high on glue on the streets. It’s the reason he can’t lie to me as well any more. So, I asked him, “What happened? Who did you see?” And he tried to deny it and shake it off, but I continued, “Son, you know that I know you. Don’t lie to me. What happened?” And it angrily spilled out that he had had a run-in with an old enemy from a rival gang who was there with friends and got in his face. Josuan’s saving grace in the situation (and God’s protection) was that a guard stepped between them, and Josuan was able to walk away. This is my kind of motherhood. This is why I so need your prayers. I never know the kind of situations I am putting myself in just by going normal places with my sons. While they don’t try to hide their pasts, we never know when we’re going to see a former enemy. But, God is always so faithful to protect us.

Fighting as a Family

After roughly four months of going to Teen Challenge consistently, God is finally making us a family. It is a beautiful thing. It, however, is not without its constant challenges. There is a video by Kris Vallotton that I really like called “Spirit Wars” on YouTube in which he states, “Spiritual conflicts most often occur when we advance into new territory that is inhabited by evil spirits. . . . Most often the battle happens when you enter into territory that is your territory, that is your promised land, but you have never inhabited it. And then one day you say, ‘you know, I think I have this talent; I think I’d like to do this; I think I’d like to preach; I think I’d like to pray for the sick; I think I’d like to take up art; I think I’d like to whatever. I think I’d like to . . . and suddenly, you realize that evil spirits have been keeping you out of that land forever, and when you made almost just a casual decision, you entered into this huge conflict! And it’s like, what the heck is that?! Your territory that was inhabited by somebody who you were supposed to kick out. See, the battle almost always happens when you decide to take territory that was always yours, but you never inhabited it. . . . All he’s trying to do is scare you. Scare you from the pursuit of your promised land.”

I find this to be unbelievably true. I cannot explain to you the spiritual attacks that my family (of sons) and I have been under this year or even just in the past few months. Ever since I became the sole person responsible for Josuan, I’ve had unexplained stomach issues, resulting in 10-12 pounds of unintentional weight loss and great difficulty in eating. (So I just offer up whatever inability to eat up to God as a fast, and He honors it.) I had two nasty bouts of bronchitis within two months. Marvin has had two nasty bouts of stomach infection. John had a sinus infection, and now, Erick has had flu-like symptoms for a week. And, all of this has been within the past two to three months. Not to mention everything that happened with Josuan’s leg (which God worked for His good completely).

My boys struggle constantly with temptations to escape from Teen Challenge and with anxiousness for drugs. Jesús, I’m fairly certain, is going to set the record for attempts to escape Teen Challenge. He’s tried to escape four times now, and they always catch him and bring him back. Josuan openly has told me of the temptations that he’s had to escape (primarily because he misses me and wants to show up at my house). John has wanted to escape since March, and Marvin, my most solid son in faith, packed his bags to leave just a little over a month ago before admitting to his leader his weakness and need for discipline. Josuan recently confessed to me that before he went to Teen Challenge the second time, he wasn’t looking for drugs or trouble, and a neighbor brought him some marijuana he had found. So, having the pot placed in his hands, he took it with him but was so afraid of getting caught and losing his visit with me that he got rid of it without smoking it. When my son reaches a point where he really wants his life to change, the enemy finds a way to just bring him drugs with no purchase at all!

When I go to Teen Challenge, I have to be spiritually, mentally, and emotionally prepared. I never know what my boys are going to be dealing with, and I have to be ready to be firm and fight for them and with them. The past two Sundays, I’ve had similar conversations—once with Josuan and last week with Jesús. The conversation with Josuan went something like this (as he's continuously crying):
“Mami, I don’t want to be here anymore. I never wanted to be here.”
“Son, how many times have we had the conversation that life isn’t about what we want. It’s about what God wants and His best for us. You’re here because God has you here. Do you want me to be your mami?”
“Yes! You know that I do. You’re my whole life.”
“Well, you already know that being my son means obeying my decisions for your best. This is my decision for you to be here, and if you want me to be your mami, it’s not negotiable.”
“Why did God do this to me? Why did He make me love you so much? Why did He give me all that time with you only to have to be away from you now? He should've just brought me directly here. Or He never should have made me love you.”
“Son, you see me every Sunday. I haven’t abandoned you. God hasn’t abandoned you.”
“I know. I just, I love you so much. I miss you so much during the week. It’s so hard to wait to see you when I feel so alone. I’m just going to go back to the streets and do drugs if you don’t want me with you.”
“Son, even if you are with me, do you think you’re not going to have temptations? You almost went back to the streets three times when you were with me, and you had two incidents with marijuana even with how vigilant I was. Being with me does not mean that you stop having conflicts and temptations. You need to be here right now because you need to develop firmness in Christ to resist the devil. Josuan, stop listening to the lies that Satan is feeding you right now. Everything that is coming out of your mouth is a lie from the enemy. This moment is going to pass. It’s a moment of difficulty, but we’re going to resist, and it’s going to pass.”
(The entire time I’m praying and asking God for wisdom, and just as suddenly as the street kid emerged to have this conversation, he disappeared. Throughout the conversation, it was like a demon was sitting on my son’s shoulder feeding him lies with a spoon like someone feeds a baby. But, after making my stand, within minutes, Josuan was laughing and saying, “What is wrong with me? I’m so sorry for behaving that way, Mami.”

 

Josuan and Jesús--they take good care of each other.

This past Sunday, Jesús quite seriously brings me a note and tells me, “I don’t want to be here anymore. I can’t stand it anymore. I tried to escape yesterday.” I read the note someone else had written for him, and it says, “Sara, the reason for this letter is that your son Jesús comments the following: He doesn’t want to be here, and if you don’t take him out of here, he is going to escape. He can no longer endure being here, and he is thankful to you and your family for everything that you’ve done for him. And he loves you and will continue to love you. God bless you and guard you.” I had to restrain myself from laughing in all honesty, thinking about how many times Jesús has failed to escape and how the enemy was not going to win this one. (I later found out that two leaders had had a conversation about whether or not to let Jesús come to me with the note because they’ve had a lot of parents recently who take their child home after the first conversation like this. But, the leader who knows me best told Jesús’ leader, “Let him go. Trust me, she’ll straighten him out. Don’t worry. She won’t take him home.”)

After talking with Jesús, I realized that what was really bothering him was that his roommate (who already completed his year) was leaving to go home. Jesús has been in and out of centers so much in the past who knows how many years that he has had very little sense of stability. Thus, when something changes in his environment or his social group, etc., he freaks out. I wrapped my son up in a tight hug and then told him very firmly that if he decides to throw away his life by going back to the streets, he’s also throwing away me. I said, “Jesús, who do I have here in Honduras? Who is my family? You all! Do you want to abandon me? Do you want to abandon your brothers? Don’t you realize that we need you? Who takes care of me? Who protects me? You do! And you want to abandon me? Who prays for Josuan when he’s crying? Who gives him hugs and encourages him? You do! You’re important to our family. Jesús, you are not negotiable to me. You are MY son. I love you! You belong to God first and then you belong to me because God gave you to me. Tell me what it is that I need to do to fight for you, and I will do it.” This went on repetitively for quite some time until out of nowhere, Jesús said, “I’m sorry, Mami. You’re right. I’m going grab onto the strength I need from God to stay here.” He left to go to his room, and a leader later told me that after our conversation, he went to his room, turned it upside down, cleaned it perfectly, and went to his leaders saying that he wanted them to pray for him and pray for his room. He asked them to forgive him and said that he would never try to escape again because he had made me cry and that hurt his heart. (At no point in our conversation did I cry.) His leaders were so shocked by his sudden change that they didn’t even take away his visit with me as punishment. (Whether or not that’s true that he won’t try to escape again, we’ll see, but if I have to have the same conversation with every single one of my boys every single Sunday, I will do it. As far as I’m concerned, each one of my five WILL FINISH their year.) By the end of the visit, I had Jesús encouraged that his new roommate is going to need him to give him words of encouragement and that he had to take care of Josuan for me. And, he hugged Josuan like a protective big brother and said, “Don’t worry, Mami. I’ll take care of him.”

The other element of this past Sunday was that Josuan’s grandmother went with me to visit him. While I was talking to Jesús, Josuan was talking to her, and the street kid emerged. I knew just from looking at him what they were talking about. Without going into it too much, what I can tell you is that a dangerous adult from his past has been looking for him, contacting his family, etc. And, he’s terrified that this person is going to find him or me and harm one or both of us. He clung to me tightly before the church service (after I’d just finished my episode with Jesús) and cried saying, “Mami, please don’t let anything happen to me. Please, Mami, protect me.” Well, after the episode with Jesús and this new battle and my own few weeks with personal battles, I had absolutely had it. I got very righteously angry because it was so obvious how the enemy was trying to destroy my family. (This is how I know that what God is doing in us and what He’ll do through us is BIG because the enemy has been scared enough since February to throw health issues my way. He’s not going to win.) I texted every Honduran prayer warrior in my phone asking for prayers, and when praise and worship started, Josuan and I already knew how we were going to fight. He and Jesús are both my dancers. From the first note of praise and worship, they’re usually up front dancing. So, the three of us, together, danced with everything we had. (There’s a reason that the story of King Jehoshaphat in 2 Chronicles 20 has always been a favorite.) And, the pastor’s message was about bringing our Goliaths out into the open to be fought in public and defeating our enemies in our spiritual battles. When he called for people who were facing a battle to come up front, Josuan, Jesús, and I were some of the first ones front and center, hugging, crying, and praying for each other. I don’t know what God did in that moment, but something broke for my family.

Later that day, I read in Josuan’s letter from the week the following:
“Today, at night, in the nightly service, we were in a moment of prayer, and the Holy Spirit was in that place (in the church). I started to cry and dance with all of my strength. I prayed so strongly that I couldn’t talk afterwards. And suddenly, I started speaking in tongues. I think God gave me or is starting to give me that gift. Now, I’m going to pray for the gift of interpretation. Well, I felt the desire to pray for Jesús because he was on his knees, and I began to pray for him, encouraging him to continue forward. I told him he wasn’t alone, that he has God and a brother (me) who love him very much. Jesús stood up and started dancing beside me. We had our arms around each other, and I was crying, and he was praying (I think he prays in tongues because there are things he says, and I don’t understand anything). The most impressive part was that Marvin came over and hugged me and was praying, but I didn’t understand what he said. What I do know that is absolutely certain is that when he hugged me, I felt a powerful anointing. I began to cry, thinking that I have a great family—my new brothers that I never had nor ever thought I’d have. . . . And I never thought I’d have a mother as special as you.”
(Can I remind you that this time last year, Marvin had just decided to go to Teen Challenge, Jesús couldn't stand because he was recovering from gunshot/stab wounds, and Josuan was living on the streets and getting high on crack, marijuana, and glue? I serve a BIG GOD!)



My right-hand men, Josuan and Marvin. God is going to give these two the nations.

It has been my desire this entire time to build a sense of family to where my boys can depend on each other and not just on me…that they can pray for one another, love one another, and hold each other accountable. And God is doing that! Josuan and Marvin are my right-hand men, but they also have been my biggest conflict in terms of sibling rivalry and jealousy. To know that they are learning to love one another as brothers (even when I’m not around) is something that only God could have done! So, we have struggles and temptations and moments of weakness, but we are learning to fight as a family because what God has for us is so big, special, and powerful that it’s going to rock the worlds of so many others with radical love.


I have a lot more to announce, but this post is already pretty long. So, I will save the rest of the announcements for the next post. Please keep my family in prayer. God is doing something special with us, but it is a constant fight for our promised land.
Thank you so much for reading, for your prayers, and for your support! We so appreciate it!

All of my love,
Sarah