"Abundance"

It's been two years since I've been in Honduras for the Christmas season, and there were a few things I'd forgotten about. I had forgotten just how crazy busy this time of year gets and just how much the needs around me heighten. I had forgotten that December is typically one of the financially tightest months of the whole year for Outreach missionaries. And I had forgotten how much I dislike buying Christmas gifts here. It's hard to adapt to the high prices and very limited selection when you've previously had all of Amazon at your fingertips. But in the midst of all that I had forgotten, I have remembered that while I may be missing my own family and culture, winter coziness and traditions, I have much more opportunities than I have at any other time of year to provide a sense of home and refuge and warmth and provision to others. The month is only half-way over, but the way that God has provided has been truly miraculous.

For those of you who haven't heard the news yet, Raúl did get his US visa. The day we went for his interview, we were both nervous and wound tight, but upon arriving, we felt covered in loving prayer. Every step of the process went smoothly and rapidly. We felt so blessed.

We are planning to make a trip to the US in the spring of next year, and because there are so many people I'd love for Raúl to get to meet, we want to make it a point to spend time with as many people who are interested and available as possible. If you would like to have us visit you in your home or come speak at your church or in your small group, we would love to hear about your lives and share what God is doing in and through ours as well. If anyone is interested in that, feel free to e-mail me at sarah.crickenberger@gmail.com or call my mama, so we can set up some details on a time frame.


A Small Group Update

As usual, Raúl and I have continued our small group on Saturday nights. We have started a new unit on evangelism and sharing our faith. For many months now, I had also been planning on having some fun events with our group apart from our discipleship time. Our small neighborhood is pretty safe, but it doesn't have a whole lot to do. It actually reminds me a lot of my own small town in West Virginia because the only place to congregate in the evenings is the local gas station. People who don't have a safe or enjoyable home life often seek out other places to hang out or people to spend time with...which can lead to falling into a crowd that will lead to destructive habits. So, I had hoped to host some game nights and movie nights and fun events. But, for months, we just had so few free nights, or we were so busy that adding one more thing seemed excessive. But, I finally decided that December was going to be the month to test it all out and see if it was something we could do on a regular basis. First, we hosted a movie night to watch The Greatest Showman. We bought microwave popcorn and collaborated to get some snacks together. I think Raúl expected only enough people to fit on one little futon couch. Much to his surprise, we had 14 people crammed into our little living room where we shuffled around furniture to get an arrangement where everyone could see. If you've seen our living room that is not a wide open space but is L-shaped, you'd know what a feat that was. The kids loved the movie and want us to have another movie night. Our movie night was topped by our game night. My family and I have played Speak Out when I'm in the States, and we've laughed till tears streamed down our faces. If you haven't heard of it, check it out. I had been eyeing the Spanish version of the game to play with our small group for a long time, but it just cost more than I was willing to spend. Finally, during Black Friday week, it went on sale, so I bought it. We had 19 people show up for game night. It was a little bit of chaos as everyone chowed down on Tex-Mex bean dip and huevos rancheros and subtly tried to put stickers on each other without the other person noticing. It is hard to coordinate games with a group of 19 people in such a small space because you really can't move around. But, everything fell into place when we started playing Speak Out. The groups were so competitive, and it was pretty hilarious to watch people drool all over themselves and not be able to say words with Ps or Bs in them. I think the kids would've been at our house all night playing, but it was a week night, and Raúl and I both eventually set an end time so as not to be exhausted. At the end of the night, everyone begged us to have another game night. The following week, we planned to take everyone to the local Christmas village with lots of lights and displays and food stands. As with most things in Honduras, I'm constantly facing a learning curve of things I should've anticipated but didn't. We figured we'd have enough space between two vehicles to be able to haul everyone from our small group. We'd asked people to give us a heads up beforehand if they were going, just to have a good handle on the transportation situation. Naturally, they all invited extra people and let us know about an hour before we were going to leave. We ended up having 27 people go and that was after 3 or so couldn't go at the last minute. Needless to say, this was exactly why Raúl and I wanted a more practical vehicle, and all I could think about the whole night was how God provided exactly what we needed and then some.

When Raúl and I started this group, our aim was really to provide a sense of real community, to teach topics that can often be overlooked or glossed over in regular church settings, and to start developing deeper relationships with the people around us. We really weren't looking to expand numerically, but we stumbled into a need, and we've been astounded at the abundance of people who have made their way up our dirt road hill to our house. When I mentally count how many people have come a few times, how many always come, and how many usually come, if all of those people were to come the same day, we'd be up to 30...and we wouldn't fit in our house any more. I went from cooking with a mindset of 15 maximum to much more. The recent increase could have to do with the holidays or the fact that the school year is over. And, it's always a given that the fun stuff will have more attendees than actual group, but we have had a larger than normal crowd at small group all this month as well. I have considered the idea of renting another, larger location in our neighborhood and using it as a community center--a place to have small group, fun events, possibly English classes, and to put in a small business to help keep it self-sustaining. That is a daunting idea, honestly, and I don't know if we're there yet. But, if we keep increasing as a group, that may be an idea that has to be put into practice. Regardless, all of this is a good challenge to have. What a privilege to have earned the trust of these young people! We plan to open our home on Christmas Eve as well for anyone who just needs somewhere positive to go, and we already have some takers planning on being with us.


"Abundance"
At the end of every year, I take some time to ask God to give me a word as an ongoing theme for the following year. Just one word. Nothing overwhelming. Something that can be carried out in numerous ways and hold many different lessons. It's a practice I picked up from the website Velvet Ashes. This year, the word was "alive." That word felt like the antithesis of my circumstances in some seasons, like a fighting word to push back the darkness. It also served as a challenge to my own character in other seasons. Starting in October, I began to ask God what my word for 2019 would be. For a while, I didn't get a clear answer. It wasn't until the Women of Purpose retreat for missionary ladies that God gave me a clear answer--the word "abundance." He let me know that in 2019, He would be challenging, healing, and processing my mentality toward the resources He's given me, the way that He feels about providing for me, and what are my burdens to carry and when it's appropriate to sit back and let my loving Father do what He does best. In the midst of impending situations with visions for the future or desires of my own heart where my finances taunt me with "how?", that word and the lessons that it will hold are something that I actually welcome.

As is usually the case when we receive a good word, the external circumstances I soon encountered did not reflect that word but rather the opposite. At the end of November, my financial situation was tight. I am adamant about being a good steward, and I do my best to budget in a way that honors the people who sacrifice to bless us and that keeps a balanced perspective of my purposes here as missionary, as a wife, and as a friend. I do my best to save when there is extra, and Raúl and I are both people who live within our means. But, given the nature of being a missionary, life isn't predictable and neither are my finances. December ended up being one of the tightest months I can ever remember having. Raúl and I weren't hurting to be able to eat or pay our bills, but in a month where need is at its greatest, expectations are soaring, and our community is waiting for us to lead, I kept running the numbers down to the last cent and wondering how we were going to provide anything for anyone. But, because I had clearly heard that word "abundance," when I normally would've been stressed and trying to figure out how to make everything work, I felt great peace. I pulled money from all of my safety nets, budgeted down to the last lempira, grocery shopped with a calculator in hand, raided our pantry, stayed at home to conserve gas, and then had to laugh when all of my painstaking allotments were thrown to the wind when faced with a single mother who really had no food to give her three children, a family going through the crisis of loss and no way to provide, and a student in danger of not being able to continue his studies because of a large debt owed to his educational institution. We do our best to let people carry their own life "knapsack" per the lessons gleaned from the book, Boundaries. We avoid fostering any sort of ongoing dependency on us. But, all of these situations weren't the daily knapsacks of rent or living within your means or working to have your daily bread. They were all situations that fell from the sky like boulders that were too heavy to shoulder alone. Twice this month Raúl and I received provision from unexpected places at unexpected times and breathed a sigh of relief, and twice, on the same day, we've looked at each other and laughed when we realized that that provision was never actually meant for us.

I don't share this testimony as a woe is me or as a cry for help by any means because this month has been miraculous. The amount in my bank account didn't increase for most of this month. It got down to the lowest it's been in a LONG time, but the mouths we have fed this month increased in unexpected, exponential ways that I never could have planned for. YET, there was ALWAYS ENOUGH and then some. Right now, as I write this, I have a turkey to feed 20 people for our small group get-together in my freezer. I have a cozy home decorated the most beautiful it's ever been for Christmas just from inventiveness without buying anything. And, I have the means to bless others. I don't know how. I can't take the credit. Raúl and I just keep saying yes, and as that word "abundance" hovers over my soul, I am looking for ways to be stretched in this area. It's been a hold-your-breath adventure this month, one where I look at the circumstances and the numbers and say, "Yep, no idea how that's going to work." And then it does with absolutely no debt. If this is a pre-cursor to what 2019 is going to be, I'm ready to buckle my seat belt and go along for the ride.

I don't know what your one word for 2019 may be, but the words I have for you at this end of 2018 are thank you. Thank you for your prayers. We saw the power of prayer this year. Thank you for your support. As you've believed in us, we've committed to carrying out our belief that God's blesses us in order to bless others. It's a responsibility and a privilege we don't take lightly. Thank you for reading these blogs. I can't tell you how it warms my heart to know that someone felt that my little life and rambling words were worth their time. We wish you a new year full of new adventures in Christ, full of healing and restoration, full of stretching and character development, full of wild testimonies and renewed faith. We love you, and Jesus loves you, and we continue to believe that in all things, He is worthy.

All of my love,
Sarah

A Month of Breakthroughs

Hello All,

November was a sigh of relief month in many ways. Also a time of reflection. And, a time of analyzing some new questions and possibilities. I think I exhaust myself more than anything else. But, all in all, in a month marked in the US culture by thanksgiving, we have much to be thankful for, and remembering that can often pull me out of my own preoccupations.

I took some time in late October to have a little personal retreat. I knew I would be going to a women's missionary retreat in November, and when I am around a lot of people I don't know, I get overstimulated and have a hard time really connecting with God on my own. That was still possible to a degree, but I was thankful for the time that I took in quieting and preparing my soul personally ahead of time. Life had just gotten really loud and busy. Some of that loudness was just my own thoughts. When God gives me a clear direction, I am steadfast and decided with no qualms. But, when I am left to my own devices about what I want or what I think I should do, indecisiveness and self-doubt plague me to an obnoxious level. During that personal retreat, I didn't really receive any of the answers I was seeking for decisions, but I did receive the presence of God and the reminder of my safety in Him. That is often more important anyway.

One of the questions I had was in regard to our vehicle situation. Since June, we had been praying for, waiting for, saving for, seeking out, and needing a different vehicle. We had been nonstop fixing the car we had, and it was becoming ridiculous just how often that car was in the shop. By the time we did sell it, it was functioning well, but the cycle we walked through to get there seemed unending. At the beginning of that personal retreat, I posted on a Facebook buy/sell group what exactly we were looking for in a vehicle. But, I forgot to include where we were located as the group has members from all over Honduras. As it turns out, God used my oversight in the best way. All of the responses I received weren't at all what we were looking for except for one--a 2004 Honda CRV in San Pedro Sula, a city several hours away, that had everything we'd been asking God for. Long story short, at the tail end of October, we bought it, easily sold the other car, and have felt thoroughly cared for by God throughout the whole thing. I can't tell you how much it blessed me to see God care about the details we had asked for when we were prepared to settle for anything close. It was such a testimony to God's faithfulness after months where it felt tempting to wonder if God was paying attention.

Just a week before my personal retreat, we received notice that Raúl's visa appointment had been scheduled. From what I've heard, most things shut down around December, so we were very blessed that Raúl's appointment was scheduled for November. This answer was a long time coming, and it was a relief to feel like I wasn't going to miss the holidays with my family in vain. Normally, when I go to the States for the holidays, I try to go right before my Dad's birthday, November 21. Because we didn't know when Raúl's appointment would be, I decided the best thing would be for me to not go to the States for the holidays this year, risking having to come back for Raúl's appointment and wasting the money on a ticket. And, lo and behold, Raúl's appointment is on my Dad's birthday, in less than a week. I am still pretty sad to miss Christmas with my family, but I am hopeful and encouraged that by spring, Raúl could be able to go with me to the States for my brother's graduation. We would appreciate your prayers for God's favor and open doors. We have done everything legally; we are armed with a binder full of paperwork; and obviously, we are a married couple who has gone from friendship to dating to marriage just like any other married couple. But, given the nature of what's at stake, how much we've spent, and just how challenging the process is in general, we are anxious to finish this process with a joyous outcome.

I want to take a moment to just share some facts about our process with you because I think a lot of times there is great ignorance about just how difficult and truly expensive the legal process is to be able to immigrate or even visit the US. When Raúl and I were still just friends, he tried to get his tourist visa to visit the US with me. He was denied. That time, they didn't really give him much of a reason. That application not including pictures and other paperwork was $160, and that is not refunded even if you get denied. Three years later, while we were dating, just before we got engaged, Raúl tried again. I didn't even want to try again, but he did. He was so much more confident that time because he had more than enough money in the bank, had property and real estate in his name, owned his own business, etc. Once again, they denied him, saying, "We don't give visas to people climbing the socioeconomic ladder." That was another $160 not including paperwork and photos. When we got engaged, we tossed around our options of getting married in the States with a K visa or getting married in Honduras and applying for US residency from Honduras. At the time of this decision, my grandfather was ill with lung cancer, and we had no idea how much longer he might live as he was told his cancer was treatable but not curable. We ultimately decided that economically and logistically it made more sense for us to get married in Honduras because if we went the K visa route, he might have had to wait over a year in the US for his green card. And, he would've had to wait months for a work permit, and he doesn't speak English. Just too many factors considering we had our entire lives built in Honduras. There were two major factors that spurred us to want to take action in his immigration process right after getting married (not everyone does): 1) The health of my grandfather because I wanted Raúl to be able to meet him and 2) The crazy expenses the whole process was going to require. I knew that if we waited until we had kids or on down the line, the expenses might have been too extreme for our finances, and at this time, Raúl had already been saving for a while. I spent days researching immigration lawyers, and we ultimately decided to go with an immigration lawyer instead of doing it all ourselves (read: me doing it by myself since Raúl does not do administrative things). I wouldn't say going with a lawyer was 100% necessary, but I am grateful we have done it that way because there were certain aspects I had questions on that I knew I wasn't going to be able to answer. And, one aspect of how fast the process goes is which center is processing your application, and I had no way of knowing which centers processed faster than others. Apart from this, we wanted to ensure our ongoing, reputable legality especially since we still hope to proceed to getting Raúl's citizenship on down the line.

We started the immigration process in August of last year. At this point, among lawyer fees, government application fees, and the medical exam, we are very close to $4000 spent if not more. Yesterday Raúl had his medical exam. You are only allowed to get your medical exam with doctors approved by the embassy. In Tegucigalpa, you can only have the medical exam done at one of, if not the most expensive hospital in the city. In Honduras, especially in impoverished families, keeping records of vaccines isn't the norm, so Raúl had no vaccination records. I could never find enough clear info to know what vaccines they would require. The lists seemed to contradict each other. And, I didn't know if they'd do blood work to determine what he'd already had or if they'd just give them to him anyway. It took 5 and half hours for about 10 minutes of examination, vaccines, and tests, and it cost $425. If he does receive his visa, there is a new, additional $220 fee that we'll have to pay before we can leave the country. It is an intense process requiring loads of paperwork and haggling with Honduran government offices. Each document often carries its own fee to obtain. My point is--the average Honduran or the most desperate Honduran who is living off of $4 or less a day could not ever afford to apply to enter the US as an immigrant legally even if they sold everything they own, and even if by some miracle they did come up with that kind of money, there is no guarantee they'll receive it. And, the most desperate Honduran who has had little to no formal education would have no idea how to navigate that legal process of paperwork without help. I am not telling you what conclusions you need to draw here as I think immigration is a vastly complicated issue, but I do think that if you are going to make the argument that the people in the caravans should enter the US legally, you should at least have all of the information about just how difficult and expensive that process is.

Next week, we'll go to the embassy and have his interview. I've heard mixed input as to whether they will allow me to accompany him or not. And, Raúl, who has now been rejected for a tourist visa twice (which is an entirely different kind of process) and who has invested so much into this process, is understandably nervous. We appreciate your prayers for us on November 21.

After this whirlwind of answered prayers, I went to a Women of Purpose retreat for missionary women. It was founded and has continued for various years through the dedicated work of some West Virginian women! I had no idea that the ladies behind the event were from West Virginia, but it so warms my heart to come across a West Virginian throughout various parts of the world. These ladies from Parkersburg and Ohio are doing good things. I have to say that while I don't know what the mission field is like in other countries, as I've entered the missionary community more in the last couple of years, I have been blessed by what missionaries to Honduras do well. They network and share tips and help through Facebook groups. They establish church congregations and Bible studies to keep their missionaries encouraged. And the Honduran Fellowship of Missionaries and Ministries seeks to unify ministries throughout the country and truly work together to bring the Kingdom of God to Honduras. I have been blessed to receive helpful information from other North American women married to Hondurans. I have been blessed to receive a heads up about medical brigades and resources that can serve the people we work with. And, above all else, I have felt much more a sense of belonging and a dissipation of loneliness through the women's Bible study I have been attending with women of all different kinds of ministries from all different denominations. (With that said, I know that on a microcosm level, once you get into the inner workings of some of this stuff, that there is mess and disagreements because we're humans, but if nothing else, I applaud the efforts to work toward unity.) It was a blessing to meet some other missionary ladies and get to spend some time with some of the sweet people I have met through serving at Missionary Kid camp and going to Bible study. And it was nice to spend some guided time with God and in worship in English. There were some specific things that God started talking to me about during that retreat, but I think I will share more about that at a later date.

In terms of a normal update, our small group continues to meet on Saturdays. We have been studying and praying for other countries and other missionaries, and I've been encouraged that our kids have been asking what the next country will be that we study. It's so important to me that our kids expand their world vision and that they develop a global idea of the Body of Christ. That, to me, helps prevent a victim mentality in a developing country and equips them to better carry out the Great Commission. And, I have to say that I've been impressed by some of the comments from some of our people that have shown that they are educating themselves about the needs of the rest of the world. This Saturday will be our last week talking about prophecy. It's been a very long study but a very good one. Most of our kids come from charismatic backgrounds where they've perhaps seen some of the prophetic, but they've also seen the prophetic be abused for man's own gain. I've enjoyed their questions and seeing them mature as they've learned that it's possible and important to grow in the gift of prophecy just as it is for any other gift. Last week, we talked about the importance of tracking prophetic words and building relationship with those who receive our words so as to know whether we heard correctly from God or not (and to humbly take responsibility when we've missed it). I think our next study is going to be about evangelism.

Our students are at the tail end of their school year, and we've been riding a bit of a roller coaster with some of them. In general, they've been doing well in their studies, but as is always the case with young people, there have been some situations to navigate that we need wisdom for. We also have been continuing to accept scholarship applications from the kids in our small group. It's not totally clear at this point who we will be supporting next year, but we will be narrowing that down because registration for the next school year starts in January. Right now, what I do know is that Estefanny would like to study in a private university. Given the tumultuous issues of the public university that can often cause great delays in finishing college studies on time, I can understand her heart's desire even as it challenges my faith with finances. I don't have any clear answers on that just yet, but I do feel a little bit like I'm in my dad's position and Stef is in mine from when I was her age. I was adamant in believing that God was going to provide for my college education, and while I think it was challenging for my dad having a bit more experience with real-life finances, he backed me up. And God came through in astounding ways. Is there really any reason why this situation should be any different?


As we prepare for Thanksgiving (it so feels like it just crept up on me), I just want to re-iterate how good God is. For the past three months, my ladies' Bible study has been studying suffering and God's goodness. Those themes were so timely for me in the midst of hard loss, inconveniences, and confusion. I know that worry is having faith in the wrong direction, and the only way for me to re-center my faith on my Maker is through remembering His goodness. That, for me, had to start not from the external inward but from making a point to spend time with God in the midst of frustrations, to be still and silent with Him instead of running around making lists and devising solutions, and to let myself receive His love when part of me only wanted His answers in my circumstances. I'm definitely still a work in progress. But, at least for this season, I had to place my thoughts, desires, and needs back into the hands of the Father trusting His goodness before I had any solutions or answers in my outward circumstances. The stillness and relief had to start in my own heart for me to appreciate when my circumstances did change. And, a key to maintaining that mindset of hope is thankfulness. If someone would have told me at the beginning of last year that I would pay for a wedding, have my family here, get seriously sick and be hospitalized, start Raúl's immigration process and then the following year continue Raúl's immigration process payments, return unexpectedly to the US for my grandfather's funeral, and buy a different vehicle, there is no way I could have wrapped my head around that. God's faithfulness in provision has been beyond belief. His presence and peace in the midst of sickness and loss have been what has held my family and I together. And His continued attention to the desires of my heart have drawn me out to security when I was teetering on the edge of bitterness. He is good, better than I give Him credit for sometimes, and He is always worthy of our gratitude.

Much love,
Sarah

A Godsent Referee

First place winners in our soccer tournament. Raúl did well playing goalie.

Hello All,

This month has gone by fast and been very busy so far. My typical week right now is a bit like this: Administrative work. English and Spanish class lesson plans. Lesson preparation for our Saturday small group. WorshipU class videos. Studying with Raúl for the US citizenship test (it's a long way away for us, but we're trying to get a head start). Ladies' Bible Study with other English-speaking missionaries. Errands and bill paying. Banking. Grocery shopping. English classes. Meal preparation. Cleaning house (washing dishes and laundry in the pila, sweeping and mopping that never ends especially in the rainy season, dusting that doesn't ever seem to last even a day, etc., etc.). Spanish refresher lessons with a friend. Flexible time for any leftover errands or unexpected need. Blog writing. Time with our young people. English lessons with Raúl. Newsletter writing. Cooking for 15 once a week, and small group on Saturdays. More time with more people. And, all of those extras of immigration paperwork and getting our marriage certificate fixed (again), working on a logo for our ministry here, and trying to figure out what to do with our vehicle situation (still).



Third place winners


Second place winners

Fútbolito Relámpago (Lightning Soccer)

This month we were especially busy because we added a project--we held a fundraising event in-country yesterday in the form of a soccer tournament. Hondurans, like many Central American citizens, love soccer. Many of our young people play a couple nights a week, and often, they have their own uniforms and continued teams. Soccer is a way of life for a lot of teenage guys. So, we decided to hold a soccer tournament to raise some funds for the non-profit here but also as a way of reaching some new young people within our community and to test our unity as a team in working together. We've never done any fundraising in-country before, and I have to say that it was a positive learning experience. I was blessed greatly by how eager so many of our people were to contribute. I had previously shied away from doing any fundraising events because I felt like all of the work would fall to me, and I didn't feel like I would be able to handle all of that by myself. With this batch of people, it was not like that at all, and it was so great to see our people thriving in their own talents--talents I don't have. Raúl's brother and a couple of people from our small group hit the pavement asking for donations. This was something I didn't ask them to do but rather they insisted they wanted to do. And, it payed off! I was so blessed by the generosity of Hondurans toward their own people. Raúl asked the owner of the soccer field if he'd give a discount to rent it for the day, and he graciously obliged. I am not good at fundraising, but there are people within our group who really shine in that area. Our kids helped in pricing, picking out, and purchasing our first, second, and third prices. One of our former board members donated T-shirts for a prize. Our board members made food and drinks to sell at the event. Josuan made a beautiful sign showing off his artistic abilities. And so many of our kids formed their own teams and played in the tournament.



We had eight teams in total and spent from 9 AM to 4 PM at the soccer field yesterday. It reminded me of my own soccer days throughout my childhood into high school. While this was just a one-day event, these games were serious business! Soccer, in general, is serious business here. These were passionate teams--some of whom are seasoned in participating in tournaments--and many of them had their own cheering sections. I was blessed and surprised by how many of our neighborhood folks showed up to cheer on their boys.



Throughout this year in our small group, we have talked a lot about discovering your own gifts and stewarding them well. We've done a lot of lessons on using the talents God gives us and have also done a lot of inventory to help our kids discover what they like and what they're good at. With that in mind, one of my favorite moments from yesterday was when we were preparing for one of the semi-final games. Both of the teams were very intense and eager to play hard. They both wanted to win. In soccer, tempers can heat up quickly, so a referee is an absolute must in maintaining peace and order. Our original experienced referee had to back out at the last minute because he got called to work. This was a legitimate worry for me. But, I was blessed to see unexpected people step up to fill the need. One of those people was a skinny young man we've known for the past few years from another ministry. When the teams were warming up for the semi-final game, he came to Raúl and me and said, "If you don't have anyone to ref the next game, you need to pick me to do it. I can do it." And, he was absolutely the best person to take that on. As someone who played soccer for many years, it was evident that this kid, though young and small in comparison to a lot of the guys on the field, knew exactly what he was doing and knew how to carry himself as a referee. Being a referee is a crazy hard job. You have to be okay with people getting angry with you, and you have to stick to your decision without being swayed. You also have to have a demeanor that doesn't spark physical altercations when there are disagreements. In a game where people in the stands were intensely yelling at him, where players were throwing elbows instead of playing the ball, and where it can be hard to discern when a goal is made (because it's a smaller field with slightly different rules to accommodate that), this kid did an excellent job. At one point, I looked at him and said, "You clearly have done this a lot before." And he just grinned at me and said, "I used to live in a rough neighborhood, and at the local soccer field, gang members would play, and I reffed their games." To me, this moment, though small for other people there, was huge in showing me so many things. It encouraged me to see a young person who was aware of his gifts and assertive in serving within them. But, it was also such a blessing to see how God provided this young man for our need. Before we left the house to set up for the event, Raúl took a moment to pray over the event that God would be present and take control over the atmosphere and the details. And, how amazing was it that God not only provided referees when our planned one backed out at the last minute but that he also provided this perfectly qualified young man right when the competitive situation was getting volatile. If you've ever been to a heated sporting event, you know what a godsend that was! Overall, the event went well even if everything was carried out in a way that was decidedly Honduran and not at all North American! I'm seven years in but still always learning.



Small Group Update

Our small group has continued to study prophecy though we will be wrapping up that study soon. I was so blessed by the enthusiasm a couple weeks ago to want to pray and minister to one another within the group. I have long felt like our group needs to be a safe place where our kids can develop their giftings and practice them in an environment where they can get feedback and grow. And, I was amazed by the willingness of each person in our group to pray over or give a word to our eager volunteer. We have a very special group of kids that have come into our lives. Please join us in praying that God would lead us in knowing how to best support and impact the lives of those God has placed around us. As the school year is wrapping up, I am especially pondering in my heart who we should help next year in their studies, and we want to choose well with God's leading.


Vehicle Update

Raúl and I have had our car posted for sale for about a month now without much luck. Hondas and Toyotas are about a dime a dozen here and are typically the most desired cars--our Mitsubishi not so much. At this point, we have been blessed enough by others and have saved enough money to make buying a different vehicle possible; we just need to find somewhere where we can trade in our existing vehicle. Please be praying that God would open the appropriate doors in this area. Transportation is something so simple and easy to take for granted, but it's such a huge tool within ministry. We look forward to being better equipped in this area in the future and the opportunities we'll be able to take hold of as a result of a vehicle to better suit our needs. Thanks for your continued prayers.


Immigration Update

There is no news to report on this front, but we still appreciate your prayers. Raúl feels nervous about the interview just because of the previous experiences he had in having two tourist visas rejected. It is daunting especially when we've heard lots of disheartening experiences of others in terms of our local embassy and because I can't be with him during the interview (even though it is an immigrant visa through marriage). Everything we have done in our application and preparations has been legally sound, but it's scary to feel like one human being can hold so much power over our future, our hopes and dreams, and our coming year. We know that, in reality, God is in control, but we'd love your prayers for peace and God's supernatural favor.


Thank you for your continued interest in our lives, our ministry, and our needs! We love our community both Honduran and abroad.

Love,
Sarah

Nudges to Return to Childlike Faith

Hello All,

Today is Honduras' 197th Independence Day. The band near our house has been practicing all day, every day for the past two months for the one time in the year that they play--the Independence Day parades. I, meanwhile, am home avoiding the traffic, nursing a chest cough, and writing this update. September is a good month for anniversaries so it seems since my 7th anniversary of living in Honduras happened on September 3. This month so far has been another one spent largely at home due to vehicle issues. But, we have had some enjoyable community and have continued with our small group on Saturdays.


School Days

The Honduran public school year is different than the US school year. While students in the US are gearing up to start a new year, students in Honduras are just starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel for their extended break from November to February. With that said, I've already begun thinking about next school year--who are the new students we are going to be supporting in their studies, the future for the students we're supporting this year, and how we can better what we do in this area as a non-profit. Because we're a small organization, in the past, we handpicked (with God's guidance) the students that we were going to support in their studies. But, last year, for the first time, we had students seeking us out, and as most things in Honduras, at the very last minute.

Previously, I didn't really see our helping with educational endeavors like a scholarship but more so as supplying a basic need. I believe that education, especially through high school, is a basic need. But, not all Hondurans see that as being the case just because the economy of education can be very limiting here. With that said, it has been surprising how little some of our students have valued the opportunities we've presented to them. Many of our students have been excellent--so diligent and with stellar grades and model students we receive great comments about from their teachers. In fact, the batch of students we're working with now are great and responsible. But a fair share have also dropped out in the middle of the year, pitched fits whenever we've asked them to take a little more responsibility for their own futures, and failed to pass their school year. Some of those situations can be attributed to genuine extenuating circumstances, but some can only be attributed to a poor personal choice on the part of the student. As we disciple the young people around us, I'm seeing more of a need to present our help as a scholarship. We have found that people tend to value more what costs them something even if it's just in effort or time.

My college education was made possible by scholarships, but as a recipient of those scholarships, I had certain requirements to fulfill--maintaining a certain grade point average, monthly meetings, community service hours, etc. The opportunities I received were things I that had to work to maintain, and even today, the way they've served my life are so valuable. Scholarships here in Honduras, from what I've observed, are basically just hand outs of actual cash in some cases, from the Honduran government, and in other cases, are a free ride to a private university. They are somewhat merit-based in terms of grades, but they don't seem to be quite like scholarships in the US. So, we may have some paradigms to work with. But, after talking with the director of a similar ministry, I've decided to implement a formal application process.

One of the things that we've recognized in our youth over the years is that a lot of them never get much in the way of guidance for their futures. They may believe that studying is important. They may want to go to college even. But there seems to be somewhat of a disconnect between who they are and what they like, what major they pick, and how they can use their education for their future sustenance. Many of them pick a major because their neighbor studied that or because someone told them to. The graduation rate of the only public university is abysmal--and most of the people I've talked to attribute that to the fact that people blindly pick a major then later regret it, but don't have the time and money to do something different. I've talked to kids who say they want to be engineers but hate math. Kids who know what they want to major in but have no idea how they can use that practically to have employment later. And the list goes on. So, definitely a new part of our scholarship process requirements will be required guidance counseling. Beyond that requirement, I'm still praying about and feeling out what other changes and aspects we need to incorporate to improve how we serve our students.

So far, we have registered one of our current students in beauty classes from another non-profit ministry that she'll start right after graduating from high school. The hope is that perhaps her vocational classes can aid in her having some employment for when she studies in university. Employment is another giant need for the population we work with, but that's a whole other topic for another time.



Some members of our Saturday small group

Small Group Update

This month our small group has been going very well, and we've had a few new people show up and some consistency in those who used to be new but are now just one of the crowd alongside us. This month, we've been focused on the topic of prophecy. I make the lessons for each week, but I use a variety of books that I've learned from as points of reference. For this particular series, I have been using Kris Vallotton's Basic Training for the Prophetic Ministry and School of the Prophets as well as Shawn Bolz's Translating God. The past couple of weeks, we've talked about how to hear God's voice, the ways that God speaks to us, and the difference between prophets in the Old Testament and prophets in the New Testament. I've been encouraged by the level of participation from the kids that come, and we'll continue this series for a while longer. Something else that we do as a group is pray for missionaries in other parts of the world and learn about those countries and cultures. Many of our kids have taken an interest in this aspect of our group and readily take initiative in our prayer time.

In the mean time, as a non-profit, we're planning to have an event to raise some funds. Normally, I take on all of the costs--both administrative and missions-related--from the donations received from generous donors from the US. But, again, in the interest of teaching our kids some ownership and responsibility, we've decided to start making an effort in fund-raising as a group. The goal of this is two-fold--raising some additional funds beyond what I receive and fostering community among us. Few things spark real camaraderie like serving together. So, in the month of October, we're planning on having a soccer tournament. Soccer is very popular here and is often and effective ministry tool. Teams will pay to enter the tournament, and we'll set aside a large block of time to have the tourney and championship. We'll also be selling food to waiting teams and spectators. So far, I've been blessed by the enthusiasm of our group and how they want to serve.


Playing the Waiting Game

As of August, Raúl's immigrant visa application was fully accepted for processing. Now, we're just waiting for them to issue us his interview date. We would appreciate your prayers in advance--that we would effectively gather all of the supporting paperwork necessary, with nothing lacking, and that God would calm Raúl's nerves. After being rejected for two tourist visas, he struggles with feeling like they're just looking for some reason to say no. Of course, the immigrant visa process based on marriage is very different from a tourist visa, but he feels very intimidated. The previous interviews haven't been good experiences, and he feels nervous. And, unfortunately, I'm not allowed to be at his interview. As a US citizen and someone who pays taxes and abides by the law, I want to enjoy the liberty of having my husband visit my nation and partake of my culture and meet the rest of my family. But, the process is nerve-wracking.


Vehicle Woes

Our vehicle situation has continued to be a source of stress, and at the same time, a true revelation of my lack of faith, I do believe. As of right now, although we have received some amazing, generous donations from some lovely people, we can't afford an SUV. We have, however, been on the lookout for a car that's more economical to drive in the mean time while we continue saving. But, we haven't been able to sell or trade in or anything with our existing vehicle because it's been constantly in and out of the shop. It's a used car, and as it is with any used car, there are always things to fix. I worry about getting sucked into the unending cycle of "just one more thing to fix," but we are truly trying to be conscientious about selling the car in as best condition as we can manage to ensure the safety and use of the next owner. Your prayers in this regard are truly appreciated. We have been presented the opportunity to collaborate with another similar ministry in contributing to leading another small group with some at-risk youth, much like we do now with our own group. It's something that we are interested in, but as the other ministry is located on the outskirts of the city, we have to have a reliable car to be able to do it. Our goal is to sell/trade-in this car by the end of October. After October, we will be getting into school graduation expenses, Christmas expenses, etc., and financially, it will be much more difficult to better our vehicle situation.


Health Prayers

As many of you all know, last year, I was hospitalized with a nasty case of mono, and my immune system took a real hit. Since then, I've made a lot of efforts to eat healthier, exercise regularly, get plenty of sleep, drink more water, etc. But, my immune system still seems like it hasn't recovered. I am constantly getting sick with every little virus going around, and what gives my husband a day of the sniffles has me down for the count for a week. When I lived in the US, I was not a sickly person. In my four years of college, I had one short case of bronchitis and the flu once. I hate being so delicate in terms of health, and while these constant, little illnesses aren't serious, they do drain my energy pretty often.

As with vehicle concerns and visa waiting, I feel like much of what I'm going through right now is a nudge to return to the basics of faith. Weekly Bible study for English speakers and missionaries has started up again, and we've been doing a short study on suffering. And, as we've covered this topic and the ways that we start to believe lies about God's goodness, God's presence, and God's wisdom in the midst of suffering, I find myself realizing that I have a lot of lingering struggles with those lies because of previous seasons of suffering. I don't consider the struggles of today to be real suffering, but I do feel like I've developed a defensive barrier around my heart in some cases, just waiting for the next painful, disappointing thing to happen. And, I mistakenly feel like I'm on my own in the midst of the needs and storms of life. I wasn't like this before. But, seven years of real betrayals and hard losses have contributed to that. So, if you take the time to join me in prayer for my immune system and health, it would also be appropriate to pray for the health of my heart, that God would help me to return to a place of childlike trust and faith. He has always been faithful. He's never given me a reason to doubt. And, while I know that with my head, I want to return to feeling that in my heart.

As this year continues forward, I'm pondering the impact that each individual has on others, and the beauty of a life well-lived in service and in loving others. So many of you serve us in your prayers. So many of you love us with your generosity. So many of you impact us just by believing in us and the small things that we do out of love for our Father. I can't thank you enough.


Sarah

Camp, Community, and Cruising towards Autumn

As I write this, the high school's band is playing and practicing because next month is Honduras's Independence Day. We've had both some really hot days and some overcast, very rainy days. It feels like autumn should be making its entrance except that it never really does that here. Either way, there is a certain nostalgia in the air as both my siblings head back into classes at college, and my parents talk about the crops their garden is producing. This year has flown by so far and felt so ordinary in some ways and so foreign and sad in others. But, Jesus is present through it all.

Missionary Community

The month of August started with a summery activity that triggered my own memories of similar childhood experiences--camp. Over the past year and a half, I've made some more friends in the missionary community here, and through those friendships, I've had more opportunities to participate in different activities. When I returned from the US, I didn't have a vehicle and was mostly stuck at home, so when a friend posted a need for help with a camp for missionary kids, I was keen on being able to be useful in a new place with some new people. I worked in the kitchen for the week where I helped alongside more seasoned parents of kids, and thankfully, everyone worked hard and shared the load. It was fun to meet new people and share stories and perspectives. I also enjoyed observing the children of missionaries who serve in varying kinds of ministries. Raúl and I have not entered the season of starting a family yet, but it was interesting to see what kinds of choices other missionary parents have made and to ponder what kinds of decisions Raúl and I might make when that time comes. While I wasn't really in the day-to-day camp activities, I could tell that this was the kind of event that was really exciting and very anticipated by the kids each year. And, that's understandable because that's how I used to feel about church camp as a kid. I've also been overjoyed about connecting with some missionary friends who have similar hearts and visions. Raúl is in the midst of learning English and learning about my culture, and it encourages me that he is willing to meet some of my new friends and develop friendships with them. Being able to participate in Bible studies and just connecting with other missionaries has been a lifeline for me. For the first several years of living in Honduras, most of my world was solely Honduran. This definitely had its benefits because I wanted to learn the language and culture well and wanted to jump in and really be available to the Honduran life. And, through that total immersion, Raúl and I ended up together which probably wouldn't have happened if I was more involved in the English-speaking missionary community. But after a while, I really needed to be able to connect with someone who didn't feel like everything I did or thought or came from was weird. And, I needed to feel understood in the kinds of struggles that only a fellow ex-pat would understand. In reaching out, I was blessed with some very sweet friends with kind and willing hearts who have invited me into their company.

 The Month of Birthdays

This month is a month of many birthdays of people we love and care about. On my family side of things, my mom and my brother have birthdays, and on the Honduran side of my life, we have a few sweet friends and a couple of "our kids" who have birthdays as well.

Jorge, one of the young men I used to visit in the children's home, turns 19. He's been living in a transition home where he is surrounded by his fellow friends from the children's home who are also navigating the transition to responsibility and adulthood. He is finishing up high school and taking some vocational classes. He's also had more opportunities to get to know his biological family and spend time with them over the last year after previously having little to no contact. Jorge knows who Jesus is and loves God, and we're praying and eager to see how his life moves forward.

Toñito, a young man we've known for a few years now, will also be having a birthday later this month. He's upbeat and sincere and so considerate of others. He's been working with Raúl this year and is still evaluating his options for studying in university. He's one of the faithful members of our small group, and we're blessed to have him in our lives.

Small Group

Our small group has continued with some faithful and also some new faces. This month we're starting a unit on prophecy. Depending on what flavor of Christianity you hale from here, prophecy can be either widely accepted and sometimes thrown around in ways that I'm not sure demonstrate the greatest maturity, or as a very loving way to demonstrate who God is and the desires for good He has for people, or it's shunned and seen as something almost spooky. Because a lot of our young people come from charismatic church backgrounds, we're really talking a lot about the heart and motivation of prophecy as a means of showing God's love and not so much about being a know-it-all who tries to impress people. We're emphasizing that prophecy is about conveying what God wants to communicate and not what we think should be communicated. And, we're encouraging our young people to desire every good gift but to also recognize that like all things, this is a gift that also requires practice, a process of maturity, and mistakes with corrections. It's a topic that has caused a lot of participation, and I'm excited to see that. We're also hoping to set aside a couple of days this month for some fun days--game nights or to watch a movie, etc.--mostly because we want to foster a safe environment for fun and also the space and time to just visit and build relationships.

Vehicle Update

Our vehicle is out of the shop for the time being though we were just made aware of something else that needs fixed for the alignment. We've been so blessed and humbled by those who have contributed to the Go Fund Me page, https://www.gofundme.com/sarahraulswheelraisingfund , and in other forms toward our purchase of a new-to-us vehicle. We're still doing some saving and weighing our options to see what is feasible within our budget. We'd appreciate your continued prayers in this area both for provision but also for wisdom and discernment to make a choice that will contribute to God's Kingdom as a ministry resource and not cause further financial demands beyond what would be expected in normal maintenance.

Thanks as always for reading, supporting, and for your prayers!

Sarah

A Summer Update

Hello All,

It's been a while since I've posted on here. Most of my absence was due to my time spent with my family in the States. I enjoyed that time greatly, and while I missed my husband, it was really hard to come back. When I did come back, I had a pretty hard time settling back in. Part of that was due to grief and leaving my family, and part of that was due to the stress I came back to. Some of that stress was due to trying to play catch up on all of the things I needed to do, and some of it was due to little frustrations like a broken sink, a mouse infestation, and other inconveniences. The greatest challenge I've had since I've been back has been with our vehicle.


When I was in the States, our vehicle broke down. It's really hard to find a trustworthy mechanic here, and unfortunately, in an effort to have the vehicle fixed before I got back, Raúl got cheated by two mechanics who claimed they would quickly fix it but ended up charging a lot of money without solving the problem. Now, the car has been in the shop for nearly a month with a slower mechanic who has done work for us before. At this point, with the things that needed fixed, Raúl and I want to fix the car and then sell it. We ended up with this vehicle not because either of us chose it but because it was made as a payment for a loan that Raúl had made to someone who was unable to pay in any other way. Truthfully, it has been a great blessing to us for the last nearly three years. But, it isn't really a good fit for the kind of things that we need a vehicle for. It's a a pretty large sedan, but it doesn't fit a lot of people or get very good gas mileage. And, with the dirt road we live on and rocky terrain we drive on often in Tegucigalpa, having a vehicle that isn't up off the ground very much isn't practical. Given the car's worth, though, our budget will probably still be limited to buying another sedan. Raúl and I are the kind of people who will always do the best we can with what we have, and we will be content regardless of whether we're able to do what we'd like to do or not. Our dream vehicle for hauling people in ministry and for transportation over rocky terrain would be an SUV. Currently, we couldn't afford to buy one though. Our dear friend, Cheryl, has set up a Go Fund Me page to help possibly raise some funding separate from regular support for the purpose of buying another vehicle. This is the link to that page:  https://www.gofundme.com/sarahraulswheelraisingfund
Raúl and I are grateful for the donations. But, regardless, we are dedicated to doing the best we can with what we have, and if that means buying another sedan while we continue saving, we'll do whatever is within reach while still being good stewards.


Right now, though, we have a lot on our plate that we need to be saving for. Within this year or next year, Raúl should be receiving his US residency, and we'll need to make a trip to the US to finalize that process. We don't plan to live in the US, and there is a provision where Raúl can receive US residency but continue to live in Honduras due to our missions work here. The idea of having his US residency is to make it possible for Raúl to travel to and from the US with ease, and through that provision, Raúl would be eligible to apply for expedited US citizenship. Given the current immigration situation and proposed changes, we feel like the more permanent his legal immigration status, the better. While Raúl does have his own business, we can't live only off of his salary. There have been some misconceptions that we live off of Raúl's salary, and that the money that I receive in donations can all go strictly towards ministerial projects. While I'd love for that to be the case, it's just not financially possible for Raúl's business right now. And, his business is a ministry in many ways as it employs both Josuan and Antonio--two of the young men we have sponsored in education and discipleship over the years. Providing employment as a small business owner means that Raúl has to keep his own salary low enough to continue to support those he employs. Most of Raúl's savings have gone toward paying for the US residency process, and we're still looking at another $2,300 or so for the citizenship process. In my down time with limited mobility, I have been looking into some online freelancing jobs, and there are some opportunities, especially through Fiverr, that I may pursue just as my free time allows to have a little extra income.


In terms of ministry, I have been blessed by how well our small group has been going since I've been back. Unexpectedly, it has kind of turned into a neighborhood youth group. Most of the people who come are teenagers or young adults, and they're inviting their friends. While I don't know that we expected to start a youth group, we do seem to attract young people every where we go. So, we want to make the most of the opportunity that is presenting itself. Most of the young people are already Christians, they're just in need of some positive community and some discipleship, a sense of family. So, Raúl and I are doing our best to keep an open heart and an open house for these young people. Just yesterday, we had a crowd of teenage boys sitting on our couch eating Chinese food and yelling at our television as they watched the World Cup final game. My hope is to also organize some ways of fostering community beyond our small group--game nights, worship nights, movie nights, and possibly seeing if we can serve some other ministries that work with street kids. (That, of course, will require some transportation.)


In addition to our small group, we do still have our students who are progressing through their school year. Estefanny is doing very well in school. Her private school program allows her to finish two school years in 12 months, and she recently finished her first year's worth of work. She is also a leader in her church along with Brayan, the young man we have studying in a music conservatory. He has already passed two levels since he started, and he is putting his new knowledge to good use in this church's worship team. Kristian, our third student, is also doing well. He has had some rough situations recently with a broken leg and with his mother struggling with some illness. He has continued strong in his studies however. We would appreciate prayers for him and his family at this time.


To give you an update on some of "our kids," Josuan is doing well. He is always a work in progress, but he continues to work for Raúl at the tire shop. He is currently living with his mom, and due to her house rules, he seems to be making strides in maintaining himself drug-free. He regularly comes to our small group and goes to church. He is continuing his studies through the support of the ministry of a friend of mine, and his teachers still rave about how smart he is. He is an excellent student despite all of his personal struggles. Antonio is also doing well. He continues to work at Raúl's business and live in our neighborhood in the room we rent. Recently, we spent some time talking to him, and I felt so encouraged by some of the things we talked about--how helpful the small group has been for him and how he feels like God is using this time with us to do good things in his life. He is still hoping to start college as soon as that would be possible. Marvin who was previously in Mexico and then supposedly working with his brother-in-law while back in Honduras, just got arrested this week. He was accused of participating in an operation of thieves who robbed people on buses and resold what they stole. It's not really clear right now how long he'll be sentenced, but it could be for a long time, especially if he had other pending charges previously. While we're disappointed by the news, we also know that God is still able to work in Marvin's life and heart. And, if we're honest, it's better that Marvin be in prison than for him to die. That may sound drastic, but sadly, that's the reality for a lot of the young people in this country. There aren't always a lot of second chances. One bad decision can lead to death very quickly here. So, we'll continue to pray for Marvin and God's intervention in his life.


If you've not checked it out before, I also blog on a weekly basis on the site Bench Chats. Last week, I posted an interview with Raúl. If you'd like to get to know a little bit more about my husband, check it out.

Thank you all for reading and for your prayers and support. In seasons of slowness or discouragement, I can't express how much it means to me that so many of you continue to believe in Christ in me.

Much love!

Sarah

A Life of Seeds beneath The Earth

This month finds me unexpectedly surrounded by family. Eighteen months ago, my grandfather was diagnosed with lung cancer. It's not something I've publicly talked about too much previously out of respect for the privacy of my family. Life after that diagnosis hung in the balance for my family because we didn't know what was going to happen nor when. One of the motivators for Raúl's green card process was actually my Granddad's diagnosis, and we also wrestled with the question of whether or not to get married in the States instead of Honduras. Looking back, I don't regret the decisions that we made although they haven't all turned out as expected. My Granddad had unsuccessful surgery last January, and there were complications with the anesthesia that scared us. I can still remember wrestling with God over the fear that he could pass away because of those complications when he should have been discharged after just a week. But I remember God giving me such a clear image in my head of the look on my Granddad's face when he would meet Jesus in Heaven, and while I cried for days over that, it's an image that I've carried as a source of bittersweet comfort. Thankfully, though, we had my Granddad with us until May 3 of this year. His battle with cancer, the chemo treatments and subsequent effects, the emotional reactions, and the weakness that ate away at his pride were a hard path for all of us. And, I'll confess that I don't know exactly what God was doing throughout that time, and as someone who thrives on the intellectual whys, that's hard for me. But, I don't think I've ever been prouder of how my grandmother fought for him and compassionately cared for him or of how my Mom tirelessly traveled to and from their home--a three hour drive--every week just to take advantage of his time. And, though it was so hard for my Granddad, I do trust that God was working internally in his heart, a divine preparation for Heaven that I suppose I likely can't fully understand. The last time I was here--Christmas--was hard. Every time I would have to leave after Granddad's diagnosis, I struggled with understanding the finality of never knowing which would be my last goodbye. I also really wrestled with the urge to stay in the States though eventually I didn't feel like that was necessarily the right choice. Once God gave me peace, I committed to returning to Honduras and to my husband. And, through technology, I stayed connected with my grandparents through video calls and messages. I did make sure that I left nothing unsaid, and I have no regrets.

My Granddad was a strong follower of Jesus. He was a passionate advocate for the Holy Spirit. And, we do have such a special comfort in knowing that Granddad had his salvation through Jesus and is in Heaven. I find myself thinking about Heaven a lot more and imagining my Granddad there with God, and I feel something special about knowing that my cloud of witnesses now includes someone I had such a special connection with. I also feel so privileged that I was really allowed to know Granddad. In the days surrounding his funeral, it really hit me that he was so introverted that not many people knew all of his facets. As family, I got to see his silly side and his utmost dedication to his family in ways that outsiders didn't. As someone who also requires so much time and constancy and trust to let myself be fully known by others, I see that as a true treasure.

I also feel incredibly blessed that my husband is so supportive of family and my coming here for a couple of months. And I'm grateful that God has had me in a place of flexibility so that I can be here with my family now in the States and can keep my Grandmom company as she begins to process, to feel, and to adapt. At times this year, my life has felt slow and fruitless. I have wondered how to move forward even as I feel like I'm stewarding my time and giftings better than ever. I have questioned the lack of "able men" and women to rely on in being able to expand our ministry outreach. But, now, I feel blessed for that lack, that slowness, and just the revelation that God has purposefully been less demanding of me than I am of myself because He knew that one of my greatest directions this year was just to be here and love my family well. I don't have answers or anything magically healing to say. But I am present and savoring the time.

Our family is taking it day by day. Grief comes in waves, so we take it as it comes. Some days, it's hard to believe that he's really gone. We do appreciate your prayers as invisible hands carrying us through.

I wrote in my most recent newsletter that hasn't even reached its destinations yet that we were praying for God's favor in Raúl's green card process as everything had been stalled in waiting for the government departments to send the necessary documents to commence the second step in the application. With the delay, it seemed unlikely that he would be able to come to the States this year for Christmas with me. But, just a couple days after writing that newsletter, we did receive the necessary documents. So, there is still hope (though it does seem like there are processing delays across the board) that he could make it to the States this year. So, prayers for favor are still applicable.

In terms of the ministry back home, Raúl is doing well holding the fort down as they say. All of our students are doing well, and most of them have checked in with me since I've been here. And, Raúl, never one for being alone, has had even more opportunities for discipleship of the teenage boys around us as many of them are keeping him company or staying with him at our home while I'm gone. I will say that in a lot of ways I kind of think the ministerial slowness has to do with giving Raúl a chance to master the learning curve and come into his own in ministry. And I'm proud of him and the strides of maturity that he's been making.

Before I came, on the day that I received the call from my Mom that my Granddad wasn't expected to live past that week, I was at a missionary mini-retreat with the women from my Bible study. I can't tell you how much that group of women has meant to me since I've joined their ranks. It was such a comfort to be surrounded by women who let me cry and just get the sacrifices that we make because we love God and want to serve Him but we also love our families and mourn the little and big losses with them. One of the passages of Scripture that we studied at that retreat was the one where Jethro is telling Moses that he needs to delegate some of the work to able men. And, we reflected on how that applies to our lives in ministry. I feel like I have long ago learned that I don't want to try to do it all alone. My season of ministering with no support system was so exhausting that I lost all hope, and I have committed to not going back there. But, with that said, it is so hard to find or even to disciple able men and women in Honduras. I did feel relieved listening to the other women from our group describing similar problems though, because I struggled with feeling like it was just me and perhaps I was a failure in that regard. Every year, Raúl and I feel like, "This is it! We finally have our people. We're finally going to be able to move forward with aspects of our vision that have previously been impossible for a lack of faithful people." And, every year so far, we've been disappointed when people don't follow through. Part of it is cultural--I read a study before I moved to Honduras that had conclusions that the majority of Hondurans don't trust anyone--not even family members. In a society where there are a lot of children raising children, that foundation of mature trust and boundaries and healthy family relationships are just never constructed. And what is means to be a good friend is often never taught much less experienced. Many people have never had a healthy example of a trustworthy, faithful relationship or friendship, so they have never really learned how to be trustworthy or dependable themselves--and that's true across the globe, not just in Honduras. In the culture, the concept of time and commitment are slower and more relaxed. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but they can be hurtful sometimes when perceived as disrespect. Even with my English classes, I have had people beg me for months to start a new English class for beginners, but when I finally do, which is a sacrifice of my time, they are some of the first people to drop out. The attitude toward education is often that it's optional. Parents let their fickle children decide if they want to continue into sixth grade or beyond because when their kids don't make enough effort, its precious income that is wasted. All of that has been a huge culture shock for me. I grew up in a family where if you started something, you finished it. If you borrowed something, you returned it in its previous condition in a timely manner. If you had a debt, you paid it back as first priority before buying anything unnecessary for yourself. If you committed to something, you saw it through even when you didn't really want to any more simply to be a person of your word. Saying you're going to do something and then not doing it is akin to lying in our family or at the very least being inconsiderate. So, it has been hard to not take many Hondurans' lack of commitment, word, and perseverance personally. And even so far this year, with small group and our board and how we thought things were going to go, there have been many surprises and disappointments. So, at this retreat, I found myself just telling God, "You know that I don't want to try to do it all myself. You know that it's my desire to find or even disciple and train up able men and women. But how on earth can I find them?" And, many of my missionaries reiterated my same sentiments. But, I did feel deep in my soul like God reminded me that everything that I need for fulfilling His purposes, He would provide at the right time. So, I left that retreat with a peace that it's okay that I still don't have able men or women to rely on. It's not a failure on my part or a reflection of my character. And, the season that we're in currently is still a season of sowing on various types of soil. We don't know what's going to sprout just yet, but that doesn't mean that we stop being farmers as a result.

And since I have been in the States, I have reveled in watching how gardening and nature are ingrained in my family. Seeds and planting and getting your hands dirty with earth course through our blood of values. My Granddad was a great example of that both naturally and spiritually. He led a simple life in his same hometown. He seldom traveled. He didn't ever start a church or have a large number of followers. He didn't try to be important in any arena in his life. But, he sowed seeds everywhere he was from his co-workers to Mormon missionaries on his doorstep, from his neighbors to his grandchildren and children. He served. He listened. He taught. He played. He learned. He was a great example. And, many of those seeds have yet to sprout. Some of those seeds he never saw sprout on earth. But his hand was always to the plow. His figurative and literal garden were cared for until his last strength. That humble faithfulness is a legacy I want to be content with carrying regardless of what sprouts and grows for me.

Much Love,
Sarah

Offering Up My Smallness

Hello All,

This month so far has gone well. A few days ago, Raúl and I celebrated our one-year anniversary of being legally married. Because of how long and complicated the legal marriage process can be here (and it was!!!), Raúl and I legally got married on April 7, but we didn't actually live together as a married couple until after our religious wedding on July 22. So, we have two anniversaries. The year, as expected, has gone by really fast, but in the midst of the fly-by of time, we've made some good memories and made some strides in feeling like our own family. As Shauna Niequist mentions in her book, Cold Tangerines, becoming a family after getting married doesn't start automatically on the day of the wedding, but is a process over time--like a tree growing roots, deeper and deeper.

Our small group has continued well in deepening relationships, and the topics we've covered over the past month have dealt with self-awareness and having a culture of honor. Self-awareness is a topic that isn't taught very explicitly within the churches I have observed, but it's such a vital part of healthy spirituality and relating to God and others. Part of what we did as a group was take the Myers-Briggs personality test. I get that a personality test isn't necessarily that spiritual, but you should have seen how excited our group was to learn more about themselves and to understand that God made them with a unique personality but also how that personality affects the different areas in their lives. Another aspect of this is that we also work with young people. In the US, around middle school and high school, you take a kind of aptitude test to see what your likes and dislikes are and to determine what kinds of jobs would be best for you. In Honduras, they don't do anything like that. I can't tell you how many directionless young people I've talked to who have no idea what to study or who just decide something out of the blue with no basis on their own preferences or aptitudes. A lot of people study what their parents dictate, study what is easiest, or pick a major that isn't conducive to who they are. (For example, "I'm going to study to be an engineer!" "Oh really, that's great! Do you like math and science?" "Oh no! I hate math and science." "So, uh...what are you doing?") A university student recently told me that the only national public university (the most popular university) only turns out 3% of students who actually graduate! So, being able to use the Myers-Briggs test just to give them an idea of the kinds of jobs that could appeal to their personalities and preferences was actually something many of our teenagers were really excited about.

This past month, I also had the opportunity to translate for a team that came down to work with Manos Extendidas. My role was just translating for a couple of days, but it'd been a long time since I'd been with a team, a long time since I'd translated, and a long time since I'd been in some of the ministries they were working in. It was nice to return to some areas from my early years here and get some fresh perspective, and the team we were working with was great. I had some great conversations with some of them--especially two ladies who had been long-term missionaries in other countries. Remembering some things from early years also brought about some ideas for our non-profit, and we'll see how those play out especially this week as we have our next board meeting. In general, I feel like I've reached some better clarity as to how I'd like to minister to God, minister to His church, and minister to the world through the non-profit. I just don't always know the exact practical steps to take in order to reach all of those goals. But, as they make themselves apparent, we will move forward in obedience.

So far, all of our students have been in school almost three months. Estefanny is doing very well in all of her classes and recent exams and will soon start her community service requirement that all high schoolers have to complete. Brayan has successfully moved on to the second level in drumming and music theory and recently celebrated a birthday. And Kristian continues to do well, and his father is so faithful in being supportive of him.

This month, I've also been in pretty consistent contact with the two boys I previously visited in El Buen Pastor home for children. Elvis left a few years ago to return to live with his biological family. Since moving back, his stepfather, who had suffered from the effects of polio, died. His mother has always had some mental health issues though they've been undiagnosed formally. She often wanders the streets, and Elvis has had difficulty with being able to work when he's also trying to keep track of his mother. Buen Pastor has been amazing in being supportive when he showed up there asking for help. So far, though, it has been a huge challenge finding a hospital or even a nursing home willing to take his mother because of her mental health issues. To my knowledge, the situation still hasn't been totally resolved, so that's an area that could use prayer. Raúl and I also met up with Jorge. Since January of this year, he has been living in Buen Pastor's transition home with the boys he's grown up with his whole life. We recently got to see the house, see some of the boys we'd already met over the years, and also meet the North American couple who runs the home. They are some special people with beautiful hearts in how they juggle of family of teenage boys along with their own biological sons. Jorge is finishing up high school and considering his career paths and future university studies.

Antonio and Josuan continue to work with Raúl, and Antonio has been a great help in friendship and discipling Josuan. Josuan continues to rent his own room and to study at the same high school he's been at previously. He also comes to small group on Saturdays. Addiction is still a major battle in his life, but as we have for the past five years, we still believe God is at work.

My English classes are going well, and we've actually had a few more students join. Raúl continues to study English and civics for the US citizenship test. It'll be a year and a half before he has to take the test, but given that even some US citizens wouldn't pass it, we're trying to get a head start on learning.

In the mean time, Bible study has continued the Peter Scazzero series--this time studying Emotionally Healthy Relationships. I can't express what an answer to prayer ladies' Bible study has been. It has become a great support system for me and has led to some dear, budding friendships. While I'm not totally sure how and in what ways we can collaborate, it's nice to at least feel connected in heart and vision to the ministries of others. I'm still hoping for Raúl to enter this new world with me a bit and to be able to develop his own support system. It just seems harder for men to connect in the same way.

Personally, I continue to write on www.benchchats.blogspot.com which has been a good outlet for writing something other than these updates, which is something I've always enjoyed. And I continue learning through WorshipU. In general, this year has been such an improvement so far from last year. I feel like I am moving forward in small ways toward better developing and using the gifts that God has given me, and I wake up every morning with purpose and an idea of what needs to be done, who I need to connect with, and a sense of my own identity here in Honduras. That was seriously lacking last year. Getting married was a joy, but for someone so independent, being thrown into the details of maintaining a household and cooking all. the. time. for someone else was a struggle. It was difficult to navigate who I was as a married woman, adding a new role without losing my own joys and individuality. Thankfully, I have practically found a better system so that housework and cooking doesn't consume all of my time, and I've found a support system of women who give me the space to breathe just by being able to nod and say, "Me too." God is faithful, and He has provided so many things that I desperately needed last year.

As always, thank you for reading and for your prayers. Sometimes, my life feels very small, but I have reached a place where I offer my smallness to God in joy and let Him do with my life what He desires, letting my smallness join in the smallness of others to be a part of His divine plan and purposes.

Much love,
Sarah

The Next Right Step in the Journey

So far, the month of March has been one of reflection and making some positive changes. As newlyweds, Raúl and I are still navigating what it looks like for our two former separate lives to be joined into one, and we're still seeking God as to what our calling is together and how exactly that should look. As a visionary kind of person, it's been difficult for me to take steps without seeing the destination of our path clearly. But, I also know that God is just as interested (if not more) in the process of my refinement than He is about the product or destination. Day by day, we just want to do the next right thing as God reveals His plans to us little by little. Right now, that looks like getting up early to do some morning devotions together and doing a longer Bible study together on Sundays. That also looks like working together on preparing for the small group we have in our home on Saturday nights.

I am happy to say that at the very end of February, Raúl's first step in the residency process was approved. We have to wait 30 days to apply for the next step, but it was such an encouragement for things to move forward! (It was starting to feel like it'd never come through.) I think that first step coming through has also been a bit of a wake-up call to Raúl that his life is on its way to having changes and looking different. That's obviously always been the case since getting married is a big change, but Raúl's never been to the States, and his travel has been limited to nearby countries with the same language and similar cultures. His world and, I believe, his dreams and views on what God can do with his life will expand by being able to visit my passport country and to participate more closely in family life with my family. I am hoping that that experience, when it comes, will also help him better understand me and help us start making some better-informed decisions about what our culture is within our home.

We successfully submitted all of our reports for the non-profit here in Honduras and even received some favor from God in that we received a discount from our lawyer that we didn't even have to ask for. All of our kids are now registered in school and have their school supplies. They are approaching their first set of exams, and so far, so good. Estefanny is enjoying her new school and has managed to find some new friends while Kristian's teachers speak highly of him. Brayan is advancing in music theory and now has the adequate practice materials to keep up with drum lessons at home. This helps him serve better within his church. Raúl is also considering giving Brayan a full-time job at the second location of his business. Antonio is now living under our care and is working full-time with Raúl. Unfortunately, the computer class he signed up for ended up being over-full, so he'll have to wait until he finds a different class or until they do new registrations for new classes.

Politically, everything has totally died down. Life is totally back to normal. It's unsure what the future will hold in this arena, and there are definitely still people who are very unhappy about the current situation. But, for the moment, it seems that they're lacking a direction in how to proceed.

This month in our small group, we have been talking about knowing yourself better through your relationship with God. We've covered topics such as the kinds of relationships we should have as well as the kinds of gifts we may have and how we can use them. While these lessons may seem common sense in some ways, I have discovered that most of the Honduran population we've worked with have not had someone to share with. It kind of comes with the territory--a lot of women get pregnant early and have never been raised in a family that processes emotions or needs in a healthy way. Thus, children are raising children in many cases. Within a lot of Honduran families I've observed, many of them live all together in the same house or on the same property even after they've married and had children. But, while they may serve each other in economic needs, they do not connect emotionally. They can live and eat and do everything in the same exact room, but they won't talk about what they're struggling with, how they feel, or ask for advice. Love is therefore not defined so much by connection or choice but by obligation. I read a study before I moved to Honduras that expressed findings that, in general, Hondurans don't trust anyone--not even their spouses or family members in a lot of cases. And, in my experience, this is often true. I have been encouraged by the participation in our group discussions, and I have had many members of the group tell me that they feel safe to be able to share personal struggles with me and that they have either never had that or have rarely had that. I am re-learning that I have a real passion for counseling and encouraging emotional development, and I am beginning to see that part of my calling to Honduras is to be able to provide a safe place to counsel people through their emotional issues and to better their emotional development. This is something that the Honduran church, in my experience, does not do...and, if we're honest, it's something not even churches in the US do a lot of the time.

For many of those reasons, I greatly enjoyed doing the study, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, in Ladies' Bible study with fellow missionary women. We just finished the study today, but after a short break, we'll start the study of Emotionally Healthy Relationships. In the past month, I've had some opportunities to spend more time talking to the ladies of this group, and they have developed into a real support system in so many ways. It's such a relief to be able to talk to someone and know that they understand what you're going through. Having this kind of community was something I so desperately needed, and I find myself being a much healthier person in all aspects of life because of the support of these women. I really pray that Raúl can develop some kind of similar support system.

In the mean time, I still teach two English classes, and those have been really enjoyable for me because while I have few students in each class, all of my students are so dedicated and excited to learn. One of my most faithful students is an older woman who feels called into missions work. She asked God for a long time to send her a native English speaker to teach her English, and she ended up in my class because of randomly meeting another one of my students on a bus ride. She is dedicated to learning because she feels like God sent me directly to her. After I publish this post, I'll have to hit the road for my Tuesday class of students who have been taking classes from me for three years. When I started, I had never taught ESL, and I didn't even have a book to go by or a curriculum to use. So, I wrote my own, and I told my students, "Look, guys, I don't have any real experience teaching English as a second language, but I'm going to do my best, and we'll see what happens." And, I have been thrilled to have so many students tell me that they've learned more from my teaching style, curriculum, and format than they did in university classes or expensive classes they've taken in other locations. I am a teacher. That is what I studied. But, that hasn't been the reason for the success in these classes. God has given me great grace when I take on new challenges I don't feel qualified for and has also given my students great determination to learn, and the combination of all of these things has made my classes fruitful. That is very encouraging to me.

Anyway, I want to thank each of you who reads this blog and keeps up with my life here. I am amazed at the winding journey I have had with God over the past six years here in Honduras. But, at the same time, in many ways, I feel like I'm just getting started. I know that doors open, finances continue, and fruit is developed because of your prayers and support, and I don't take any of those things lightly. I am humbled by the sacrifices of others every day that continue to make possible my being here in all of my smallness and serving in the relationships God provides to cause more of His Kingdom to come to earth. You have my sincere thanks.

All of my love,
Sarah