It's been two years since I've been in Honduras for the Christmas season, and there were a few things I'd forgotten about. I had forgotten just how crazy busy this time of year gets and just how much the needs around me heighten. I had forgotten that December is typically one of the financially tightest months of the whole year for Outreach missionaries. And I had forgotten how much I dislike buying Christmas gifts here. It's hard to adapt to the high prices and very limited selection when you've previously had all of Amazon at your fingertips. But in the midst of all that I had forgotten, I have remembered that while I may be missing my own family and culture, winter coziness and traditions, I have much more opportunities than I have at any other time of year to provide a sense of home and refuge and warmth and provision to others. The month is only half-way over, but the way that God has provided has been truly miraculous.
For those of you who haven't heard the news yet, Raúl did get his US visa. The day we went for his interview, we were both nervous and wound tight, but upon arriving, we felt covered in loving prayer. Every step of the process went smoothly and rapidly. We felt so blessed.
We are planning to make a trip to the US in the spring of next year, and because there are so many people I'd love for Raúl to get to meet, we want to make it a point to spend time with as many people who are interested and available as possible. If you would like to have us visit you in your home or come speak at your church or in your small group, we would love to hear about your lives and share what God is doing in and through ours as well. If anyone is interested in that, feel free to e-mail me at sarah.crickenberger@gmail.com or call my mama, so we can set up some details on a time frame.
A Small Group Update
As usual, Raúl and I have continued our small group on Saturday nights. We have started a new unit on evangelism and sharing our faith. For many months now, I had also been planning on having some fun events with our group apart from our discipleship time. Our small neighborhood is pretty safe, but it doesn't have a whole lot to do. It actually reminds me a lot of my own small town in West Virginia because the only place to congregate in the evenings is the local gas station. People who don't have a safe or enjoyable home life often seek out other places to hang out or people to spend time with...which can lead to falling into a crowd that will lead to destructive habits. So, I had hoped to host some game nights and movie nights and fun events. But, for months, we just had so few free nights, or we were so busy that adding one more thing seemed excessive. But, I finally decided that December was going to be the month to test it all out and see if it was something we could do on a regular basis. First, we hosted a movie night to watch The Greatest Showman. We bought microwave popcorn and collaborated to get some snacks together. I think Raúl expected only enough people to fit on one little futon couch. Much to his surprise, we had 14 people crammed into our little living room where we shuffled around furniture to get an arrangement where everyone could see. If you've seen our living room that is not a wide open space but is L-shaped, you'd know what a feat that was. The kids loved the movie and want us to have another movie night. Our movie night was topped by our game night. My family and I have played Speak Out when I'm in the States, and we've laughed till tears streamed down our faces. If you haven't heard of it, check it out. I had been eyeing the Spanish version of the game to play with our small group for a long time, but it just cost more than I was willing to spend. Finally, during Black Friday week, it went on sale, so I bought it. We had 19 people show up for game night. It was a little bit of chaos as everyone chowed down on Tex-Mex bean dip and huevos rancheros and subtly tried to put stickers on each other without the other person noticing. It is hard to coordinate games with a group of 19 people in such a small space because you really can't move around. But, everything fell into place when we started playing Speak Out. The groups were so competitive, and it was pretty hilarious to watch people drool all over themselves and not be able to say words with Ps or Bs in them. I think the kids would've been at our house all night playing, but it was a week night, and Raúl and I both eventually set an end time so as not to be exhausted. At the end of the night, everyone begged us to have another game night. The following week, we planned to take everyone to the local Christmas village with lots of lights and displays and food stands. As with most things in Honduras, I'm constantly facing a learning curve of things I should've anticipated but didn't. We figured we'd have enough space between two vehicles to be able to haul everyone from our small group. We'd asked people to give us a heads up beforehand if they were going, just to have a good handle on the transportation situation. Naturally, they all invited extra people and let us know about an hour before we were going to leave. We ended up having 27 people go and that was after 3 or so couldn't go at the last minute. Needless to say, this was exactly why Raúl and I wanted a more practical vehicle, and all I could think about the whole night was how God provided exactly what we needed and then some.
When Raúl and I started this group, our aim was really to provide a sense of real community, to teach topics that can often be overlooked or glossed over in regular church settings, and to start developing deeper relationships with the people around us. We really weren't looking to expand numerically, but we stumbled into a need, and we've been astounded at the abundance of people who have made their way up our dirt road hill to our house. When I mentally count how many people have come a few times, how many always come, and how many usually come, if all of those people were to come the same day, we'd be up to 30...and we wouldn't fit in our house any more. I went from cooking with a mindset of 15 maximum to much more. The recent increase could have to do with the holidays or the fact that the school year is over. And, it's always a given that the fun stuff will have more attendees than actual group, but we have had a larger than normal crowd at small group all this month as well. I have considered the idea of renting another, larger location in our neighborhood and using it as a community center--a place to have small group, fun events, possibly English classes, and to put in a small business to help keep it self-sustaining. That is a daunting idea, honestly, and I don't know if we're there yet. But, if we keep increasing as a group, that may be an idea that has to be put into practice. Regardless, all of this is a good challenge to have. What a privilege to have earned the trust of these young people! We plan to open our home on Christmas Eve as well for anyone who just needs somewhere positive to go, and we already have some takers planning on being with us.
"Abundance"
At the end of every year, I take some time to ask God to give me a word as an ongoing theme for the following year. Just one word. Nothing overwhelming. Something that can be carried out in numerous ways and hold many different lessons. It's a practice I picked up from the website Velvet Ashes. This year, the word was "alive." That word felt like the antithesis of my circumstances in some seasons, like a fighting word to push back the darkness. It also served as a challenge to my own character in other seasons. Starting in October, I began to ask God what my word for 2019 would be. For a while, I didn't get a clear answer. It wasn't until the Women of Purpose retreat for missionary ladies that God gave me a clear answer--the word "abundance." He let me know that in 2019, He would be challenging, healing, and processing my mentality toward the resources He's given me, the way that He feels about providing for me, and what are my burdens to carry and when it's appropriate to sit back and let my loving Father do what He does best. In the midst of impending situations with visions for the future or desires of my own heart where my finances taunt me with "how?", that word and the lessons that it will hold are something that I actually welcome.
As is usually the case when we receive a good word, the external circumstances I soon encountered did not reflect that word but rather the opposite. At the end of November, my financial situation was tight. I am adamant about being a good steward, and I do my best to budget in a way that honors the people who sacrifice to bless us and that keeps a balanced perspective of my purposes here as missionary, as a wife, and as a friend. I do my best to save when there is extra, and Raúl and I are both people who live within our means. But, given the nature of being a missionary, life isn't predictable and neither are my finances. December ended up being one of the tightest months I can ever remember having. Raúl and I weren't hurting to be able to eat or pay our bills, but in a month where need is at its greatest, expectations are soaring, and our community is waiting for us to lead, I kept running the numbers down to the last cent and wondering how we were going to provide anything for anyone. But, because I had clearly heard that word "abundance," when I normally would've been stressed and trying to figure out how to make everything work, I felt great peace. I pulled money from all of my safety nets, budgeted down to the last lempira, grocery shopped with a calculator in hand, raided our pantry, stayed at home to conserve gas, and then had to laugh when all of my painstaking allotments were thrown to the wind when faced with a single mother who really had no food to give her three children, a family going through the crisis of loss and no way to provide, and a student in danger of not being able to continue his studies because of a large debt owed to his educational institution. We do our best to let people carry their own life "knapsack" per the lessons gleaned from the book, Boundaries. We avoid fostering any sort of ongoing dependency on us. But, all of these situations weren't the daily knapsacks of rent or living within your means or working to have your daily bread. They were all situations that fell from the sky like boulders that were too heavy to shoulder alone. Twice this month Raúl and I received provision from unexpected places at unexpected times and breathed a sigh of relief, and twice, on the same day, we've looked at each other and laughed when we realized that that provision was never actually meant for us.
I don't share this testimony as a woe is me or as a cry for help by any means because this month has been miraculous. The amount in my bank account didn't increase for most of this month. It got down to the lowest it's been in a LONG time, but the mouths we have fed this month increased in unexpected, exponential ways that I never could have planned for. YET, there was ALWAYS ENOUGH and then some. Right now, as I write this, I have a turkey to feed 20 people for our small group get-together in my freezer. I have a cozy home decorated the most beautiful it's ever been for Christmas just from inventiveness without buying anything. And, I have the means to bless others. I don't know how. I can't take the credit. Raúl and I just keep saying yes, and as that word "abundance" hovers over my soul, I am looking for ways to be stretched in this area. It's been a hold-your-breath adventure this month, one where I look at the circumstances and the numbers and say, "Yep, no idea how that's going to work." And then it does with absolutely no debt. If this is a pre-cursor to what 2019 is going to be, I'm ready to buckle my seat belt and go along for the ride.
I don't know what your one word for 2019 may be, but the words I have for you at this end of 2018 are thank you. Thank you for your prayers. We saw the power of prayer this year. Thank you for your support. As you've believed in us, we've committed to carrying out our belief that God's blesses us in order to bless others. It's a responsibility and a privilege we don't take lightly. Thank you for reading these blogs. I can't tell you how it warms my heart to know that someone felt that my little life and rambling words were worth their time. We wish you a new year full of new adventures in Christ, full of healing and restoration, full of stretching and character development, full of wild testimonies and renewed faith. We love you, and Jesus loves you, and we continue to believe that in all things, He is worthy.
All of my love,
Sarah
