Hurricane Eta and Hurricane Iota: (Belated) November Update

 

Hello All,

This update is long overdue. To be truthful, I have been overwhelmed and at a loss for exactly what to say, and November was a perfect storm of travel, hurricanes, heavy homework load, immigration issues, and Thanksgiving. 

To begin, the week we were scheduled to fly out of Honduras, Hurricane Eta made landfall. All of the newscasters were comparing Hurricane Eta to Hurricane Mitch, which hit Honduras in 1998 and left the nation destitute. Just earlier that week I had talked to a young man who had been left homeless as a child as a result of Mitch. In the national history, there is a before Mitch and an after Mitch. When I compared Doppler footage from Mitch and Eta, they looked very similar and scary. We had no way of knowing how bad the devastation would be because it wasn't so much about wind as it was about rainfall--same as Mitch. Flooding and landslides were the primary concern. Our home sits on a hill leading to a mountain top, but because our house was placed in a cleft where the hill was dug out, it sits in the pathway of water flowing downward. This concerned me, so we prepared by digging trenches, emptying our cistern when it filled, and keeping an eye on water buildup. I can say that if we had not had a rock retaining wall behind our house, our house would have filled with water and mud because mudslides behind our house happened before they built the retaining wall. Thankfully, our house was fine, and most of Tegucigalpa was spared though there certainly were some homes that fell victim to isolated flooding and landslides. The rest of the nation experienced widespread flooding with devastating results. The airport was closed the day before we were set to fly out, so we packed but didn't know if we would make it out or not. We did. 

Upon arriving in the US, we received a great victory--we had no issues entering the border despite Raul's having been out of the country for more than a year. We also didn't have to pay a waiver. This was a huge relief and the product of months of prayer. 

Just a few days later, Honduras was facing yet another hurricane--Hurricane Iota. People had been trapped on roofs for days following Eta. Numerous people were living on the streets because they were displaced and couldn't return to their homes since they were under water. People were missing, and temporary shelters were packed. The government had acted slowly in evacuating people for Eta because it fell in a week that the government had declared a holiday week in an effort to bolster the tourism industry that was suffering greatly due to COVID restrictions that had been in place since March. For Hurricane Iota, however, the government began evacuating early. It was another slow-moving storm though a Category 5. Nicaragua and some parts of Honduras got hit with the brunt of the winds. The rest of the country suffered with the rain. The storm was much larger than Hurricane Eta and enveloped the entire nation. Once again, Tegucigalpa was largely spared, but the areas that were hit the hardest by Hurricane Eta were hit again. 

Because I don't have firsthand pictures, I'm choosing not to publish what isn't mine on this platform, but the pictures that emerged on social media were absolutely devastating. The airport we are set to fly into in January still has standing mud inside as it was underwater. Many people can't even return to their homes to try to salvage anything because the water hasn't fully receded yet. US news hasn't covered the damage nearly at all since I have been here, so you really would have to look to find footage, but you will find it if you search for it. I have seen it estimated recently that it will take a decade or longer for Honduras to recover. For most of the nation, the double damage of Hurricane Eta and Hurricane Iota was a repeat of Mitch. People who worked their whole lives to build a small home or to establish even a meager livelihood lost everything in a matter of weeks. Just to give you an idea of how impactful these events were, here are some statistics published by a national newspaper in Honduras:

1.7 million people were affected
More than 8000 families lost everything
37,000 are in temporary shelters (in the ongoing midst of COVID)
59,406 were evacuated
28,039 people were rescued from the water

A governmental report assessing damage after the first hurricane stated that:

10,326 people are now displaced
46 known landslides occurred
7,556 were either destroyed, flooded, or damaged
79 rivers overflowed
39 roads were blocked

Can you imagine what was added to that during the second hurricane? There are whole communities of people who cannot return to their homes because landslides washed the roads away. There are communities that were cut off from major commercial routes that bring food because bridges were destroyed. 

The Honduran Foreign Minister updated the previous statistics by saying that:

276,000 people were evacuated between the two hurricanes
123,000 people were rescued from the water
130,000 people are now living in shelters
35,000 homes were destroyed or damaged
37 bridges were destroyed
57 bridges were damaged 

According to the UN, of the 9.1 million people in Honduras, there are 2.3 million people in need. It is estimated that $69.2 million dollars will be needed to meet that need in a country where corruption is rampant. Those estimates were made BEFORE the damage of the second hurricane. (All of the above statistics were facilitated by posts from fellow missionaries.) COVID lockdowns were lifted following the hurricanes and have not been reinstated thus far. The nation had been under lockdown since March. Honduras is now experiencing an uptick in COVID cases. 

If you would like to see footage of the devastation in Honduras due to flooding, you can watch these videos:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Q4ve0ZidNs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLhVb1J_oUo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KO3vfX3lK_8

One of the reasons why this update is so belated is that it is so heartbreaking that I don't know what to say. Watching interviews with the people of Honduras who lost everything makes me cry, and there have been many nights when I've been awake at night asking the question over and over, "Where do we go from here?" I don't have easy answers for that as a nation or even as a ministry. The need is great, but it's mostly concentrated in areas that we do not frequent. We don't have close connections or relationships with the communities most affected, and in the midst of COVID, I still have not discerned what the appropriate response is for us personally. We want to love well, and we also want to do no harm. What I know that we can do and will continue to do while we are Stateside is to funnel funds to missionary friends who are on the ground in those communities cleaning homes, distributing food and clothing, and being the hands and feet of Jesus. If you would like to make a donation to those relief efforts of our trusted friends, you can go to www.godsendinc.org to make a tax-deductible donation via PayPal (please just include a note that it is for hurricane relief), or you can send a check to Godsend, Inc. at:
1608 Boulder Road
Buckhannon, WV 26201
(please also include a note that it is for Honduras hurricane relief)

I still can't wrap my head around the need or our role in filling it once we get back to Honduras, but I will continue to pray and seek God's discernment. I would appreciate your prayers for that discernment. 

Since we have been in West Virginia, COVID cases have been incredibly high (as has been the case throughout most of the US). It seems that every week someone else I know has it, is hospitalized with it, or has a loved one who has passed away because of it. We have just been home with my parents, and we thankfully did not contract COVID during our travels. We so appreciated your prayers for our protection, and we will again ask for them for our return trip in January.

One major battle that we faced just last week was accomplishing the fingerprinting needed for Raúl's citizenship application to be processed. For anyone who feels the strong conviction that immigration should be done legally, I hear you, and I also sincerely hope that you have done your homework to know what a challenge that is. I won't get into the details of how difficult it was and how truly truly frustrating the system is for me, but if you'd like to have a better understanding of how hopeless it can be to navigate the system, please send me a message. I wish that more Christians would educate themselves on the matter. Suffice it to say that it was an absolute miracle (after months of prayer) and two kind souls that made it possible for his fingerprinting to be completed. I had called and called the national hotline and had received no help. In fact, two days after I called and received no help, our deadline was inexplicably moved up from February 2 to December 30, or his case would be closed. Now, I feel like I can breathe again, and we settle into the studying portion of the process. USCIS is backed up with cases due to COVID, so while it is estimated that Raúl will have to return in June in order to take his citizenship test, it is hard to know if that estimation is accurate or not. Either way, we appreciate your prayers for his studying endeavors and the process in general. 

One additional praise report and joy for this month was that our sponsored student Estefanny received her high school diploma and also got married to Brayan (another student we have sponsored). It took a year of hassle, dead ends, lies, and frustrations for her high school to finally give her the diploma she earned. This cost her a year of college studies, but we are so grateful to have it in hand at last. I am proud of her perseverance to continue knocking on the door. This month she and Brayan also got married after many years of dating. Brayan is an excellent young man who loves God, and I have been blessed by the way they have honored God in their relationship and in preparing for marriage. I have known Estefanny since she was 13-years-old and was able to witness the way God has transformed her life and the lives of her family members. I wonder what 13-year-old Estefanny (who was so full of hurt and looking for relief in places that wounded more) would have thought about the life she now leads. I don't think she would have believed it was possible. I am so proud of her and Brayan.  



November was a fight or flight month. God proved Himself faithful to us every time, but I still feel like my soul doesn't know how to process all of the grief. Hurricane grief. COVID grief. Grief for my brothers and sisters who find themselves just doing the best they can and wondering if it is enough. As we enter December, I am trying to give myself permission to feel what I need to feel. I hope you'll do the same. Feeling the reality of grief never lessens the faithfulness or power of the Father. We cannot be comforted if we refuse to mourn. 

All of my love, 
Sarah 

Leaning and Depending: October Update

Photo by Dimitri Houtteman

Hello all,

A common sense among churches and, in some cases, missionaries alike is that October is a heavy month spiritually whether that seems to come about through spiritual warfare in circumstances or is simply a heavy blanket of oppression that hovers over Honduras. It seems like every year I remember at the beginning of the month to be vigilant, and by the end of the month, I've forgotten and am wondering why everything seems so full of despair and devastation. Someday, I will wise up the whole month. All of that to say--it's a good idea to be praying for missionaries this month. My little community here has seemed to take so many hits recently that I have found myself wondering how to hold so much suffering.

Recently, I found myself preaching to myself as I encouraged a friend. We were processing grief in general, and I was just struck by the reminder from the Holy Spirit that we're supposed to be dependent. Through various inputs, I have felt so burdened by the state of the world in so many respects, and I've wondered now in our seventh month of lockdown if there is ever an end in sight. While I want to be able to fully sooth and take away the pain of loved ones and the injustice that comes from a sin-filled world, I am left feeling vastly inadequate. Yet, this is the point. I cannot find hope apart from my Creator. I cannot be a source of life for others if I'm not willing to be dependent on God myself first. We were always meant to be needy and to have to rely on God and others for support. It's not my calling to hold all of the suffering of the world or to know all of the answers to the hard "why" questions. It's merely my job to lean into Him--even when angry, even when questioning, even when I'm struggling to hold onto hope. And, choosing to be present in the suffering of others is what it means to take up our cross and follow Jesus. It's the very thing that He modeled for us. He contended with Father God in the Garden, but He ultimately chose to be the Savior. I cannot ease all of the pain of others as I am not the Savior, but I can be present to walk with them through it even when I'm unsure and stumbling myself.

This month, we applied for Raúl's US citizenship. Our intention is to continue to do missions work here in Honduras, so our reasoning for proceeding with citizenship is because there is no convenient provision in the law for our current status. Every time we go to the States, he is at risk of someone questioning why he has residency but isn't residing in the US full-time. Additionally, as a multicultural, multi-country family, we want the security that our family will always be able to be together legally. Applying for US citizenship is something Raúl and I talked about since we got married, but it took us a long time to save up enough money to apply. And, he had to have US residency first. This, however, does not change the fact that we are still missionaries in Honduras for the foreseeable future. I have to be honest--anything related to bureaucracy and government departments makes me nervous because we've had so many negative experiences in both of our countries. I struggle with anxiety because everything feels so threatening, and I feel I have to cover all of my bases and not make any tiny error in the process while we've already suffered at the hands of authorities who have made careless errors that have cost us needless money and time. I have to remind myself often that there is a Kingdom above all kingdoms, and I reside in it and that there is Someone holding us and our process in hands greater than any system. I would ask for your prayers. While it will take months for his application to be processed, and we still have an issue of getting an appointment for fingerprinting, Raúl will have to pass an English writing and reading test, an interview, and a US civics test in English. It's a test that would be difficult for the average US citizen much less for someone who very minimally operates in English as a second language. He started studying when we got married, stopped for a while, and has since started again. Academics have never been an area where he feels confidence, so we're also up against some self-esteem and self-confidence obstacles. I want to see this situation as an opportunity for God to instill some new self-worth in my husband and unravel many years of painful words from teachers and others who told him he would never amount to anything. It just feels like a lot is at stake, and we are so in need of God's grace and divine favor.

In a matter of weeks, we will be traveling to the US. This will be the first time I will see my family in almost a year. I am so excited to see them while I know that life there and this trip in general is going to look very different from how it normally does. We appreciate your prayers for safe travels and health in the process. We're used to taking precautions because Honduras has been a lot stricter than the US in many respects. But, as always, there is risk involved.

Before we go, we will be distributing one more round of provision bags to bring the total to around 310. Businesses have re-opened for the most part, and the need related to COVID in our community is lessening though the country has taken a drastic economic hit throughout the pandemic that will impact poverty levels for years to come.

Meanwhile, I just finished my second class in my master's program. I have reiterated over and over again just how astounded I am by God's faithfulness and provision in allowing me to study during this time because I feel so grateful. But, this month especially, lockdown has been wearing me down, and I have felt quite clearly that having assignments and class and this reason to get up in the morning that is tied to learning, community, and hope for the future has been a lifeline for keeping me sane. Human beings are so geared for purpose, and most of my purposes have been stripped or greatly renegotiated. Yet, counseling has continued through friendship, giving advice, and being supportive through limited meetings, phone calls, and messages. Thus, I feel blessed to be able to operate in and already put into practice the things that I'm learning in an area that has been an ongoing need now more than ever.

We are so appreciative of you and so aware of our dependency on our community. You lift us up when we're struggling, and you are woven deeply into our story.

All of my love,
Sarah

Steady: September Update

                                            Photo by Austin Neill

This past month marked nine years of living in Honduras and six months of being on lockdown. I can hardly believe either of those things. I honestly feel like the lockdown time is getting to me. If I didn't have so much of my time occupied by grad school, I think I would be feeling a lot more desperate for more fresh air and space and feelings of freedom. Things are beginning to open back up again, but we are still only allowed to go out on certain days based on our ID numbers. Yet, celebrating nine years of living in Honduras has also served to put all of life into perspective. God has been good and faithful for so long, and it is outstanding the things I have lived through in the last nine years. If He has carried me this long, this season is no different. It has felt a bit like being on a ship in the middle of the ocean. I don't know what is going to emerge on that horizon. It could be tumultuous or it could be saving grace. Regardless, I feel oddly steady in the midst of the uncertainty. I have to believe He will navigate me through this as well. 

Immigration Testimony
We have great news! The exact same day that I wrote my last update asking for prayer that Raúl would receive his US residency card soon, it arrived! Some new missionaries offered to bring it down to us, and it is now in hand. Since it has already been too long for Raúl to have been out of the US, we have to make a trip and will be doing so for the Thanksgiving/Christmas holidays with some added quarantine time in November. Traveling during this season is a bit daunting, but having a unique immigration situation also paints you into many unexpected corners. We would ask for your prayers for our protection and also for favor with Border Control. The US Embassy is still closed, so filing returning visa paperwork for Raúl would have been impossible. We are asking God for His favor in not having to pay a hefty waiver upon entry as a result. The other aspect of travel that is a challenge is that I will still be in grad school classes, and figuring out how and where to have reliable internet in rural West Virginia can be an adventure. Honestly, though, I am so ready to see my family for the first time this year, and I am eager to be able to breathe in some fresh air outside of the four walls of my house. 

COVID and Provision Update
While businesses are now fully opened, a full-time curfew is still in effect in Honduras which means we are still only allowed to leave our houses once every ten days unless we obtain a special permission (which is not easy to get…we’ve tried!). So, at this point, ministry still looks like food distribution as we are up to 266 provision bags total, and it looks like maintaining relationships as much as we can. 

Longstanding Relationships
Some of those relationships we are taking care of are those with my kids. Josuan is living nearby and working with Raúl, and Marvin has started calling me from prison. He is supposed to be released soon. He has been involved in a group of Christians within the prison and an inmate pastor took him under his wing. Jorge recently celebrated a birthday, and his mother could use some prayers as she was hit by a car and is recovering from her injuries. Meanwhile, Stef and I still communicate, and God has given some good opportunities to share life together. A lot of my recent interactions--virtual and otherwise--have reinforced my decision to study counseling. Giving advice, listening, and being a dependable presence is something that I've already been doing. I don't know what ministry is going to hold in the aftermath of COVID. I don't know how much longer it will be before we actually enter into the aftermath part of the story. It seems like we're still in it, so it's hard to tell what life is going to look like. What I can say is that I've been noticing how many businesses appear to be closed for good and how many more people are on the streets asking for financial help to buy food. Poverty was already an issue before COVID, but I don't really know what the damage is going to be and what my home is going to look like as we emerge from this. I want to be wise and sensitive as a missionary to discern what God's strategies are along with the shifting circumstances. Meanwhile, we continue prayer and worship. And I continue my grad school classes. I am enjoying what I am learning, and so far, it is going well. 

Personal Update
This season of COVID has presented a lot of stress for everyone, myself included. I am trying to keep in tune with how I am doing and be pro-active in self-care. That has been challenging at times with periods of insomnia and other stress-related ailments. So, all of that to say, I am looking forward to some time in the States. I know that the entire world isn't really normal right now, so going to the US isn't an escape from reality. But, I am eager for a change of scenery and a feeling of refuge with my family and the hills of West Virginia. 

I am so grateful for the ways God has blessed me here in Honduras, led me, and allowed me to be a vessel of His love to those around me. I don’t know what the future holds here in Honduras especially with COVID, but my desire is to remain faithful and to discern how the Holy Spirit continues to lead. Thank you so much for sticking with us in your prayers and support all of this time. Nine years is truly a celebration that includes you since I wouldn’t have been able to last here so long if it wasn’t for the support system of the Body of Christ both in Honduras and in the US. We love you all dearly!

Sarah

Attuning: August Update

Hello All,


COVID and Provision Update

Life here slowly seems to be emerging to more of a sense of normalcy. We, in Tegucigalpa, have moved from Phase 0 to Phase 1 in re-opening. I'd give you more of a context on that except that I don't actually remember how many phases there are in the plan. What that basically means at this point is that the airports are set to re-open on Monday. However, we haven't heard word on whether or not anyone except Honduran citizens and residents will be allowed back into the country. More businesses are open at this point, but unless you are working and have permission, you're still only supposed to go out once every two weeks based on your ID number. Some government offices have started opening, but the US embassy remains closed. We're up to 49,042 cases. Even though the nation is beginning to open up and people are returning to work, we continue to give out provision bags because there is so much unemployment at this point. We are starting to process how long we stay in this mode of providing relief. Thus far, I am heartened that we haven't created a dependency on us just because so much of the time line in obtaining elements of these provision bags is out of our control. Due to that and our relatively small budget, we haven't been able to handle out weekly. We haven't handed out to people in a predictable pattern either. We keep a list of people that we have in mind and check in on them, trying to keep in mind how long it has been since the last time they have received from us. The government has also periodically distributed provision bags. I believe our neighborhood has received four times since March. We always want to keep track of our ministry community, but we've developed enough trustworthiness in relationship with them that we can ask them how they're doing, and they will respond honestly whether or not they actually need provisions or not. At this point in time, we have provided 216 provision bags, and we are in the process of buying the elements to make more. Overall, we want to give a blessing from the Lord that provides relief during this time of hardship, but we don't want to create a situation where someone plans on the provision they receive from us. We still want to see people innovating creatively and seeking the Lord as to how to provide for their families. 


Immigration Situation

As the airport is opening again and this year is just flying by, Raúl and I have been trying to discern whether a trip to the US is plausible for this year. I would love to see my family especially for the holidays. But, Raúl's current situation is that he doesn't have the paperwork needed to enter the country again. Last year, when we entered the US, an error was made on Raúl's green card, and he was given a two-year card instead of a ten-year card. In the process of petitioning to fix this mistake, we had to turn in his two-year card, and the only physical evidence that he has residency that we had was a stamp in his passport. That stamp expired May 1. At this point, he would have to have a returning immigrant visa, but the US embassy is closed and not issuing visas. Or, he would have to have his corrected green card in hand. We have been waiting for over a year to have his green card. A week ago, our lawyer just checked in to see where USCIS is in the process, and he was told that the card was approved but hadn't been sent to the printer yet and could take two weeks to go to the printer. Just a few days ago, we received notice that the card had been produced and was under quality review. Now we are waiting for them to send it to my parents' residence. From there, we have to figure out a way to get it down here to Honduras before we can travel. Meanwhile, plane ticket prices right now are feasible, and it would be a good time to buy. But, with Raúl's immigration situation being so uncertain, I'm having trouble discerning how to move forward, whether to buy plane tickets (in which the dates could be changed) or not. In this realm, we would so appreciate your prayers that Raúl's green card would reach my parents' house much sooner than the estimated time we were told, that we would find a safe and reliable way to get that card down to us, and that God would grant wisdom and discernment in terms of what to do about traveling and plane tickets. 

Grad School

This past weekend, I started my master's in Christian counseling through the Townsend Institute at Concordia University. The first class was an online kickoff conference over the course of four days. There were some great teachings from some excellent speakers including Dr. John Townsend, and I also participated in some process groups with my peers. I feel so blessed by the people that I met in my process group and the way that they are developing into friends and a support system. The program I am doing lasts for three years (provided I don't have to stop for financial reasons) which feels daunting and like a long time, but I love what I'm learning. I am still finding a rhythm of time management and balance since I've been out of school for nine years and wasn't a wife and a missionary and an online teacher during my last season of schooling. In the midst of it all, I have seen God's hand on this decision however intimidating it can feel sometimes. He has been so faithful in financial provision and also in resources and solutions right when I need them that I feel Him championing my schooling as much as I'm working toward it. 

Ministry

Apart from food distribution, ministry consists primarily of two prongs right now: 1) prayer and worship and 2) relationships. Lindsey and I still get together once a week to spend time in prayer and worship, and those times have been a lifeline in keeping in tune with the Father and our own callings during these trying times. Relationships right now have also been key, but they are being conducted more through voice messages, texting, and video calls than in person. We still don't know exactly what stays or starts as we transition into less restrictions, but we're learning to lean into that mystery. One of the skills that we have been learning a lot about in my grad school class is attunement. Attunement is being present with someone else, entering into their experience, and offering empathy through our body language and through genuinely listening. Attunement is not rushing into giving advice, commenting "encouraging" cliches, or problem solving. It is letting the person know that their feelings are valid and that they are not alone. As I have been trying to be intentional in sharpening this skill, I've been struck with the question of how often I attune to God. I want to get better at just being with God, listening sincerely, and letting our time together be about presence. So often, I think we can pursue God because we want a word and need an answer or have a need. During this ongoing time of COVID stillness, I've been learning to just sit with the Lord, giving the invitation of "What do you want to say to me today?" I want to posture my heart toward Him in a way that lets Him know I care about His Person more than I care about His answers or His gifts. I want to be a trustworthy friend. 

Here are the playlists we've made this month and the music that has invited us to just be with God in the places where He leads:

Intercession - Part of having empathy for God and entering into His experience is being willing to enter into the experiences of those He cares about and to intercede on their behalf.

Reunited by Lindsey - One of the desires of God's heart is unity within the Body of Christ. They will know we are Christians by our love. 

Beloved - As I have been learning about the four aspects of character structure (Attachment/Bonding, Separation/Boundaries, Integration/Reality, Adulthood/Capacity), I began to wonder what the Body of Christ would look like if it were healed in each of these areas. This playlist focuses on bonding deeply with God. 

Dependency by Lindsey - Continuing the same theme of having a solid attachment to the Lord, this playlist focuses on how our trust and confidence in God's goodness makes it easier to run to His presence for any reason. Our natural response to being loved is giving Him our lives. 

Stand - This list stems from being able to recognize how God has made us as individuals and to stand securely for our calling, valuing what makes us different from the rest of God's creation. When we know who He is, we have the confidence to trust Him. When we know who we are and who we aren't, we can have boundaries, state our needs, and say a whole-hearted yes that stems from love and security rather than from obligation and insecurity. 

All of my love,
Sarah

Psalm 23 -- July Update

Photo by Timo Wagner


Hello All,

COVID and Provision UpdateWe had a huge jump in cases this month. We’re up to 27,583 cases and 771 deaths. Those seem like just numbers, but when I compare them to last month’s newsletter, it’s astounding the explosion of cases we’ve experienced. Our re-opening efforts have ceased at least in the capital of Tegucigalpa, and we remain on lockdown. Hospitals are still in crisis with patients sleeping on the floors and in office chairs or relegated to flimsy tents outside of the hospitals in the middle of the rainy season. We have now reached the point where people we know here are infected, and we’re getting calls about families needing money to buy caskets. A friend of Raúl’s passed away from COVID. This past month, Raúl lost some of his sense of smell and had a low-grade fever for one day. I eventually got tested after having a low-grade fever for two weeks, but I tested negative. The fever also went away thankfully. In the midst of all of this, some of our family members and neighbors have had health situations arise that have nothing to do with COVID, but given the state of the medical system (at least here), it's been difficult to navigate getting help and appointments for other issues. Yet, God has been faithful in opening doors and providing healing. In the missionary community, a lot of us are noticing signs of stress like insomnia and tachycardia, lethargy and headaches. It’s just all been a lot to take in, and we’re fighting to keep the hope some days. Meanwhile, we continue to distribute food to needy families. We’re up to 180 bags, but the price of staple items is increasing. Due to the drought we had last year, beans especially are scarce. Raúl continues to spearhead the efforts of buying food and distributing. We don't know how long this kind of relief giving will go on because we don't know how long we'll continue to be on lockdown and how long people will be out of work. So, we continue to give as we are able because that's the current next right thing to do.

Anniversary
In just a few days, Raúl and I will celebrate three years of being married. We currently don't have any grand plans for celebrating at home, but we have started comparing notes in the evenings of what we're observing in our world and how we feel about it. The conclusion we've come to even in the midst of so much injustice and heartbreak is that God is faithful, and we feel deep gratitude. Despite the circumstances, we have managed to grow in our marriage during this time of quarantine. We've had all that we've needed and enough to be a vessel of provision to others. Raúl has been able to continue to work, and I have been able to continue to work from home. While last month brought some uncertainty and nervousness in regard to health, we've truly been okay. We still continue to try to be wise in our precautions, but it's a balance of serving and taking care as the Lord leads. Throughout our three years, we've had experiences together on both ends of the spectrum of joy and pain, but we've continued to choose one another and to fight to grow. This is worth celebrating.

Grad School 
One way that I am fighting to grow in this time is through grad school. As I believe I've mentioned before, for over a year, I have had a deep desire to get my master's in Christian counseling. I've been a missionary for almost nine years, and I have learned that so much of what we see in ministry has root issues that need to be addressed. We have offered many educational opportunities to young people over the years, but oftentimes, the opportunities haven't been carried to their greatest fruition because the young person is struggling with addictions or has low self-esteem or has trauma that has never healed. We want to see the people in our ministry fulfill their God-given callings and potentials, but I have learned that it's not a matter of just extending a hand up in terms of education or a job or evangelism. I have come to believe that the most effective ministry has to consider and reach the whole person--past, present, and future--and spiritually, emotionally, and physically. While I have tried to minister with this mindset, in many cases, I have felt ill-equipped to counsel in circumstances of drug addiction, past sexual abuse or incest, and so many other issues. I have done the best to let myself be led by the Holy Spirit, but I also believe in being proactive in education. Thus, last year, I got the VIPKID online teaching job with the goal of saving money to start grad school. Hilariously, it became evident that the job alone was not going to cut it. But, God has been dealing with me in healing my ideas of His provision. So often, I feel like His provision depends on my administration and efforts. Good stewardship is very important, and it's something I always want to be diligent about. I also always want to be a hard worker. Yet, being responsible can also become an idol of ego. When I am determined to make something happen in my own strength, I can feel like I'm doing the right thing because I'm being so responsible, but in actuality, I'm trying to choose self-sufficiency over God's supernatural provision. This adventure of finances for grad school has been a great lesson that I don't want to be the one solely responsible for my dreams or for His dreams. While I always want to steward well, I don't want to strive to make things happen in my own strength. So, in true Father form, God has so richly granted me the ability to save more money than I ever thought possible. I am still working and stewarding my abilities to generate income, but I also have seen the Lord intervene in ways that my efforts weren't covering the need. As I have been seeking the Lord about how to best prepare for the next season--the aftermath that the world will be facing of so much loss and uncertainty and suffering on a global scale--this is the path I believe He is leading me in. I want to prepare myself to serve others in their healing process, to be able to connect in their relationships with God and others, and to meet the potential that God has always had for them. Therefore, I applied to online grad school at the Townsend Institute at Concordia University-Irvine in California and was accepted. Starting grad school in quarantine was not on my radar at all, yet God has opened doors and provided confirmations that this is how He is leading. I start classes on August 3rd, and I would appreciate your prayers: 1) That God would continue to provide the funds for my studies. 2) That God would be the center of all that I'm learning, and that I would grow to fulfill the potential that He has placed within me. 3) That I would be able to navigate and discern how to balance my time to be able to complete this program and also fulfill the other roles I have going on in my life and in ministry.

 Psalm 23
This month, my ladies' Bible study has been meeting online to study Psalm 23. It's a familiar passage, but it has felt relevant during this continued time of lockdown. Even though some days feel like the movie, Groundhog Day, this truly hasn't been wasted time. I can look back and see ways that God has been teaching me and speaking to me. He provided rest at the start of this quarantine when I needed it and needed to take better stock of the priorities of my time. Even though my physical paths to walk are quite limited, He has led me in learning and growing and in what my focus should be throughout this time. He has given me permission to admit when I'm in a valley. I don't have to put on a brave face and act like everything is okay when I'm actually having a hard day or struggling to have hope. That's the beauty of the testimony--being able to recognize that I'm in a valley but still finding that He is with me. Being able to be honest with God and others about how I'm really feeling has led to comfort and growth. And, as troubling as circumstances have been, God has prepared a table in the presence of our enemies and has demonstrated just how His goodness and mercy pursue us. Starting grad school seemed impossible even in the most normal of circumstances, so being able to start fulfilling a dream that felt impossible in the midst of such a hard season for the world is honestly so humbling. It's a gift that I have struggled to receive, but I believe that it is ultimately for God's glory. We want to be missionaries that are able to be sensitive to and serve the immediate need, but we also want to be missionaries that can see beyond current circumstances to prepare for future needs as Joseph did in Egypt. I believe that equipping myself to counsel others with wisdom and greater education is part of being diligent in seeing God's bigger picture and allowing Him to lead in preparation even though it can feel sort of selfish to me.

Prayer and Worship
A common thread and solidifying practice that we have kept up throughout quarantine is prayer and worship. While our egos are dying from lack of "doing," we're also becoming more aware of how much we have underestimated the power of prayer and worship. We cannot control government corruption that is siphoning off funds for COVID patients, but we can pray with the authority of a higher kingdom. We may not be present with those who are isolated in hospitals, but we can pray to send ministering angels to comfort. We can walk through the valley and yet still feel intimately close to Him, and we can intercede for the world with the persistence and faith of those who marched around Jericho. Here are our worship playlists from the last month:

Lord, Have Mercy  by Lindsey -- This list was geared especially toward praying into the situations of racial injustice in the US and around the world.

O Church, Arise by Lindsey -- God is calling His Church to be in tune with Him and His will during this time and to arise to take our place as the Bride of Christ.

Valley -- Based on Psalm 23, this list is about being able to name our valleys but still remaining in the faithfulness of God. We don't have to pretend that everything is okay; we can be honest with the Lord. He responds by being present with us, and in His presence, we find the strength to walk through trials to our next mountain.

The Battle Belongs to the Lord by Lindsey -- It doesn't matter what battle we are facing because we have victory in our Savior. This song is about perseverance in worship and prayer.

Intercession -- This list is about coming to Lord willing to declare who we know Him to be and to ask Him to stir greater compassion for others in our hearts. We want compassion to be what stirs us to intercession. We also want to recognize the authority God has given us in spiritual warfare to join in with the angels who are warring on behalf of the world for God's diving purposes.

Thank you for your continued support and prayers. We so appreciate it.

All of my love,
Sarah

And They'll Know We Are Christians by Our Love (June Update)

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez

Hello All,

COVID-19 and Provision Update
I want to start by just giving you an update on what life is looking like in light of COVID. I was pretty astounded when I looked back at last month's newsletter and realized that we have jumped up over 6,000 cases in one month. In some ways, that is not surprising since we've seen how quickly this spreads and have had the example of other parts of the world. At the same time, it feels bizarre because--at least on paper--we have been on lockdown for three months. Our hospital system here was dangerously fragile to begin with, but it is collapsed at this point. A lot of the private hospitals won't treat COVID patients, but even the most expensive hospital here that does is at full capacity. The public hospitals are overflowing with patients. Many medical personnel are infected. There is a serious lack of medical supplies like oxygen, medicine, PPE, and ventilators. Nurses in various parts of the city are on strike today specifically because they don't have what they need. We saw the same kinds of things happening in the US and other parts of the world, so we know that this isn't confined to here. But, this is taking place in a country already overrun by government corruption and a kind of hopelessness and inevitability that the poor will suffer at the hands of their leaders that settles in over the nation like a blanket. People read headlines or embassy announcements about money and provision being sent in from other countries, but they aren't seeing in materialize in their reality. To be honest, it feels a bit like we sacrificed three months shut up in our homes for nothing, but there is no way to quantitatively determine that. I imagine that we did probably prevent the inevitable from happening sooner. But there was no point in buying time if the hospitals weren't going to be able to prepare more. So, we are currently at 8,858 cases with 967 recoveries and 312 deaths. The desperation from the medical community is palpable but so is the desperation of those who are hungry after months without work.

The missionary community here has made a lot of intentional effort to work together to make sure that people are being fed; that kind of unity in purpose is encouraging. Yet, there are still communities especially in mountainous or rural areas that are suffering greatly just because of their geographic location. There are no governmental safety nets. In our area, the government has only been to distribute one bag of food per family twice in three months. As a ministry, we have continued to distribute provision bags with Raúl doing almost all of the work. We are currently at 145 provision bags distributed with the plan this week to send some provisions to a transition home for boys run by a pastor friend. We have been blessed by the generosity of many of you who have helped make this ongoing distribution possible. We are making a small dent in the need, but it's a bag of food that does matter to the hand who receives it. Raúl was moved to tears the other day as he told me how thankful he is that finances can be sent to people like Lindsey and myself that can supply for the needs of his hurting countrymen. He mentioned his own memories of how his single mom had to stretch one egg to feed seven people and knows personally the relief that people feel when they receive food for their families. He also told me yesterday of a particular moment that left a mark on him whenever he was distributing food. A little boy who sells bread in our neighborhood has been on our food distribution list for the duration of this quarantine. His father hasn't been able to work, and his mother hasn't been selling bread either. Children are not allowed out of the house right now. When Raúl arrived with the bag of food to the little boy's house, he was told that his mother had just been commenting to the neighbor that she was nearly out of food and didn't know what she was going to do. When Raúl gave them the food, she said that God really did answer her prayers and cared about her needs. Friends, we can't ask for more than this. We care about these people and their hunger, and we also care about their souls and leading them to Jesus and His love for them. This story encouraged us greatly. He is moving through our faithfulness.

Birthday Recap
Raúl and I both celebrated our birthdays last month. So many friends and family members took the time to send us encouraging and loving messages, and we both felt so very seen and richly blessed with the community in our lives (even in the midst of physical isolation). Thank you to all of those who took the time to think of us and make our birthdays special. They were special days in the midst of trying times.

Compassionate Listening
I also just want to mention that while we are physically far away from the US, we are aware and care about what is going on in the US (and other parts of the world) in regard to race. Sometimes, I feel like people in the US often don't know just how much the rest of the world is watching. There is so much hurting going on, and my heart aches for that. I feel very overwhelmed, and I also feel such a wave of grief over how we, as humans, treat one another. This isn't something to cheapen by reducing it to politics. This is too complex of an experience to choose a one-dimensional side. This is a human issue. There is a lot of change that needs to happen, and this current boiling point has been a long time coming. What encourages me is that there is also conversation. I am witnessing much more intentionality in education, listening, and dialogue, and I think that's an excellent starting point. I have said previously that I believe that humility needs to be our guide as we move forward in discerning how to heal so much hurt and how to compassionately bring awareness. I was listening to this conversation this morning and what stood out for me was the importance of letting ourselves be softened. One of the reasons why I have been taking my time to voice my thoughts or feelings in regard to Black Lives Matter or protesting or even just the role that race has played in my own life is 1) because I want to have the humility recognize that my voice is not the one that needs heard the loudest right now and 2) I want to invest in longevity in the conversation and reconciliation of race in relationships. To be honest, because I do like to be aware of what's going on in the world and especially my home country, I often was aware of many of the other cases of African American lives that were infuriatingly and needlessly lost as a result of seeds of fear that are rooted in racism--ingrained or outright. But, I struggled with what to do with that information even though it broke my heart because I always want to be a part of the solution. I don't want to add to the noise, and I feel like a lot of my calling is to be a bridge and find ways to see hard situations from different angles in order to find common ground in relationship. (I'm always playing devil's advocate with my family--I think it drives them nuts.) But, I am learning that not making a decision to be brave in initiating intentional dialogue is still a decision, and silence can be just as hurtful as taking a stand that ends up needing to mature. I don't want to just jump on a bandwagon because this isn't the latest in the news cycle; this is life and reality for my beloved fellow men and women day in and day out. I want to dig deep into what God is saying about how much He loves and cares about the African American community and about His very diverse creation. To do that, I have to let myself sit in the overwhelm and heartbreak, try to feel from the point of view of my brothers and sisters of color, and start to have hard conversations and ask deep questions. Raúl and I, being of two different races, have starting having a lot of these conversations especially in light of knowing that our someday children will be thrust into so many paradoxical situations that will be directly affected by race. We want to be intentional as future parents (this is not a pregnancy announcement) but also intentional as the Body of Christ to be a vessel of love and respect and understanding to all parties. We want to be able to have the maturity to put ourselves in someone else's shoes. We may come to the conclusion, "I get it, but I don't agree with it," but that, in and of itself, is not wasted because it leads to compassion and common ground. We have seen it and lived it in our own marriage, and we know the importance of compassionate listening without the walls of an agenda already formed. Obviously, there are a lot of passionate thoughts on this topic for me, and I will be processing them in a more public way at some point. But, for now, I am leaning into the softening of my heart by the Holy Spirit. I am being intentional in letting the Holy Spirit examine my own heart, and I'm seeking to have better, deeper conversations on this subject.

Playlists
Lindsey and I have continued to worship together, and I have found it to be something that keeps me grounded. When I am feeling overwhelmed and a feeling of hopelessness is creeping in, worship is what brings me back to the foundation of hope in the Author and Finisher of this story--both my own and of humanity's. Here are some of our playlists from the past month:

Not Alone - A lot of the direction I have felt pulled in recently in worship is putting myself in the shoes of others. Letting music be a launch pad for feeling what other people might feel and praying from their perspective. This playlist is both for any of us who have been asking where God is in the midst of so much and also for those of us who aren't grappling with that but want to love well those who are.

My Redeemer by Lindsey - God is our Redeemer who not only sees us right where we are, but He comes to rescue us from slavery and captivity. He will continue to redeem our lives and the world from its sickness, injustice, and fear.

No Place I Would Rather Be - If God is asking us to be broken and to sit with Him and His suffering world, can we sing out with our whole heart that there is no place that we'd rather be? Will we choose to be with Him even when being with Him means feeling His pain and the pain of our brothers and sisters?

We Are One When We Honor One Another - This list is also meant for developing empathy. It's an opportunity to put ourselves in the experiences of others, to remind ourselves of the hurt and the need for redemption of our history, and to honor the voices of black worshipers who carry a legacy of worshiping God in the midst of injustice, oppression, and pain. Can we learn to see the rejected Jesus in the hurts of our fellow mankind? Can we learn to hear how His heart cries out for the blood shed by His beloved sons and daughters? Can we humbly turn our eyes upon Him in our brokenness to teach us how to heal and how to love one another better?


All of My Love,
Sarah

Eat the Whole Lamb

Photo by Debby Hudson

Hello friends! 

I pray that each of you is staying safe and also sane. Life here hasn’t changed much from the last update, but we continue to seek the Lord and to grow. One of the things God has been drawing me back to in studying the Word is just how thoughtful of an Author He is. The symbolism He has weaved into His story with humanity is astounding, yet we often gloss over it because we’ve become well-acquainted with the Bible. I have been studying especially the rules for the Passover meal and also the symbolism within Biblical Jewish weddings. I believe that the invitation that has been extended to us in this time (but also for the coming season) is to eat the whole lamb as they did in Passover. What I mean by that is to go deeper in relationship with Jesus and to choose to partake of His suffering and not just His victory. He already made the sacrifice, but I believe that our calling as Christians is to take up our cross and follow Him. Part of following Him is entering into the suffering of others as He did. This is also what it means to begin to walk as the Bride of Christ. In a marriage that lasts, a wife walks with her love through both victory and suffering. We do know how the story ends and who wins, but in the meantime, there are so many in this world suffering deeply who do not. While many of us feel discomfort or inconvenienced during this time, there are those who are truly suffering—with starvation, with illness, with depression, with hopelessness. There is a side of Jesus we will never know, an intimacy we cannot enter into, unless we’re willing to drink His cup of suffering alongside Him (and alongside those His heart breaks for). I am asking the Lord how I can do this well. In considering this theme, we recently had a worship night that centered around the idea of Communion and partaking of Jesus' body and blood, sharing in His life and allowing His life to sustain us. If you're interested in that playlist, here it is: Communion.

COVID-19 Update and Provision Bags

Life has continued on lockdown here. Today marks two months of stay-at-home orders. Two weeks ago, as the US began rolling out plans for re-opening, our restrictions got tightened. Before people were allowed to go out once a week based on the last digit of their ID number. That got changed to once every two weeks. We will find out tomorrow if that measure will continue or be lifted. We currently have 2,460 cases, 134 deaths, and 264 recoveries. The economic situation is dire for many people, so we (and so many other missionaries) have continued to distribute food provisions. Our budget as an NGO is small, so at times, it feels we are merely a drop in a bucket. Yet, we have been able to distribute a bit over 80 family provisions so far with 30 more being bagged up in the next couple of days (for 110 total). Those bags include Honduran staples like rice, beans, spaghetti, tomato paste, eggs, coffee, sugar, vegetable shortening, and corn flour. There are no government safety nets here nor food banks, so many people are truly surviving on the generosity of others and the faithfulness of the Church. And Raúl truly deserves a shout-out in this time. He doesn't always consider himself a missionary in the same way that I do just because he also has a job and is a business owner. But, there is no way that we could be distributing food without all of the work that Raúl does in tracking down where to buy the items, negotiating prices, standing in line to purchase items, and being the one to distribute most of the bags. His business has also been contributing to the costs of purchasing the items. It is getting more and more difficult to find certain items because food is being distributed by many NGOs and ministries and missionaries. The prices of many staples like beans are also rising, but we will continue to do the best we can with what we have where we are. We so appreciate your faithfulness in friendship to us. God has been so gracious to us during this time through divine provision and through our both being able to continue working. We commit to stewarding all of His blessings as best as we can.























Blessings from Heaven

I think everyone in Tegucigalpa breathed a joyous, collective sigh of relief whenever the rains started here. The smoke blanketing Honduras could be seen from space (not an exaggeration), and the need for water was getting very real. Missionaries texted each other back and forth, and social media blew up with videos of rain as we got our first real downpour in months. Since then, rain has continued to be in the forecast, and while we haven't reached the stage of the rainy season where it rains every day, we have felt the relief from the smoke! During the last month, many homes and missionary properties were threatened by massive wildfires. Many people had to work through the night to fight the fires, yet God was gracious in sparing many of the properties of our friends. And, it also is just a welcome change of scenery. There is something hopeful in the change of the seasons as life is mostly confined to the same four walls. The green is returning to our surroundings.

We hope that all of you are doing well and still feeling grace and favor in your lives despite how we're all adapting and learning in this time. If you ever have any prayer requests that you would like us to pray for, feel free to send them my way at sarah.crickenberger@gmail.com.

All of My Love,
Sarah

God of Covenant

Hello All,

I want to start just by getting you all up to speed as to the developments in life over the past month. I know it's not going to necessarily be too different from what most of the rest of the world is dealing with in some measure or another. But, we appreciate that even in the midst of your own upheaval that you're still keeping track of us and thinking of us. Please know that we are thinking of you and praying for you as well!

On March 11th, Honduras reported its first confirmed case of COVID-19, and things quickly started to shift. Traffic the following day was crazy as people rushed out to panic buy at the stores. On the 15th, Honduras closed its borders and declared that, starting the 16th, all non-essential businesses were shut down. Since then, we have been in some form of lockdown. Currently, the established system is that people can circulate one day a week based on the last digit of their ID numbers to buy groceries, go to the gas stations or the pharmacy, etc. Police are set up in checkpoints to verify that those circulating are those assigned to do so, and they have been taking people prisoner or confiscating vehicles in some cases when people are not following the rules or haven't obtained the legal paperwork needed to be on the roads on an off-day. Currently, our lockdown is set to expire tomorrow, but it is very possible that it will be renewed as it has the last couple of times that a decree was set to expire. As of right now, Honduras has 457 confirmed cases. Of those 457, ten have recovered and 46 have passed away. In comparison to much of the rest of Central America, our COVID-19 death rate is astoundingly high.

During this time, Honduras has been in its dry season. Last year, we had a drought as a result of El Niño and received very little water during what usually is our rainy season. Water has been rationed since then, and it's been an ongoing issue especially for the poor. Our rainy season usually does not begin until the middle of May, so we still have a ways to go. Because it is so dry in March and April, this is also the time when forest fires become a problem. It's infuriating that people start these fires whether on purpose or on accident. I struggle with irrational anger about people burning their garbage when 1) it is so dry and 2) there are people battling a virus that affects the respiratory system. But, this is reality. As of right now, there are many large fires burning in various parts of Tegucigalpa and Honduras. It has threatened homes and the properties of some missionary friends, and we had a fire about a month ago that was burning the hillside across from our house. Thankfully, it was put out when we received a quick burst of unexpected rain. The city has been blanketed in smoke, and the heat right now is pretty miserable.

In the midst of all of this, a lot of people in Honduras are hungry. Many Hondurans don't just live paycheck to paycheck. They live day by day, and not being able to work all this time has meant not having food at all because there is no government safety net for unemployment. Most of the missionaries I know are doing their part to take care of the people in their communities, ministries, and spheres of influence. Raúl, Lindsey, and I have been doing the same. While it feels like such a small dent in so much need, we have been able to distribute 50 bags of provisions so far and will continue to do so as long as there are funds and this lockdown continues. A great challenge that we have been facing is a shortage of many staple items. Many places are gouging prices, or they are not letting anyone buy in bulk and limiting how many items one individual can buy. Because our neighbor and ministry friend, Alvin Anderson, has continued to give out food on a very large scale to street kids and in numerous marginalized communities in various parts of Honduras, he has also been able to help us track down the items needed to make our own provision bags. Even so, it has been taking about a week to track down and accumulate all of the items, and we have been trying to support smaller Honduran businesses as much as possible. While we recognize that people across the world are really struggling, and we want to be sensitive to that, we also just want to be honest about how we've been conducting ministry through relief during this time and at least make you aware of how you can contribute if you would feel led to do so. Currently, funds can be received in the form of a check made out to GodSend, Inc. A separate note should be included indicating that it is for provisions in Honduras, and it can be send to:
GodSend, Inc.
1608 Boulder Road
Buckhannon, WV 26201

Another online option is through GodSend's website: godsendinc.org by clicking on the Donate button at the bottom of the home page and donating via PayPal or a debit or credit card.
If you donate through this method, please include a note that your donation is for provisions in Honduras. GodSend, Inc. is an IRS-recognized 501(c)3 organization.

Raúl and I have been fine. Raúl has continued to work some during this time. While a tire shop may not seem essential, it soon becomes essential when the tractor trailers carrying food or the water tankers carrying water or the policemen patrolling the streets have flat tires. We have been blessed by his continued income which has also helped us in distributing food to others, and I have been able to continue to do some online teaching in the early mornings. We are stocked up and truly have been blessed to have everything that we need. Our trip to the US for April 28 was cancelled by Delta as we figured that it would be. The US embassy has been working to evacuate many US citizens and residents, but Raúl and I have opted to stay put because we are able to be a blessing to people in need of food here that we wouldn't be able to do from the US. We do appreciate your prayers in regard to Raúl's immigration situation. The stamp in his passport will expire on May 1. This means that he will either need to receive his green card at my parents' house and have it brought down here before we can travel again, or we will have to go through the process of getting a returning visa/paperwork for him through the embassy. This is not our ideal scenario, but given the options, we are still missionaries who feel called to serve the people of Honduras. So, we will trust that God will open doors and give favor as needed. We do plan to travel to the US later in the year, but that will be contingent upon how all of this worldwide situation develops and on how we are able to proceed with his needed immigration paperwork.

Throughout this time, a lot of what we have been doing is worship. Lindsey and I created playlists for 17 days that we sent out or posted on YouTube and Facebook for anyone interested. And, while that wasn't sustainable to continue to do every day, worship has still been a priority. So we do plan to make a weekly playlist. (Anyone interested in receiving those to your inbox can send me an e-mail at sarah.crickenberger@gmail.com.) Here is this week's playlist:
Covenant

God's story with humanity has always revolved around covenant. In this time of uncertainty for the future, grieving of normal life and losses, and seeking His perspective in the midst of traumatic circumstances, one thing that we can count on is that He is still a God of covenant. I have been marveling recently that my word for this year is "promise." In some ways, it seems like such a weird word for a year that has seemed hijacked by panic and fear and crazy circumstances. But, I think that's exactly why it is the timely word for this year. His promises are still true despite it all, and in the face of economic downturn, illness, pain, and death, through the eyes of God, who sees all of eternity at once, this year still has promise. This isn't just about some Christianese cliche that we tell ourselves. We have built relationship and history with God (and if you haven't done so yet, now is as good of a time to start as any!). We don't have to look any further than our own lives to see how good and full of hope He is. I have been re-reading my journals from 11 years ago, and I have been amazed by how far He's brought me. We have walked through so much pain, illness, rejection, financial need, betrayal, loss, and tears together. The fact that He has sustained me through all of that tells me that He isn't done with humanity yet. My life--however small it may be--is a testimony to His leading and to His mercy and to His goodness. Part of worship for me in this time has been trying not to despise the waiting but to use it well. It's okay that we don't have answers yet. It's okay to just be with Him today. That's His most prominent promise--He will not leave us or forsake us. He didn't promise us that we wouldn't suffer. But, He did promise that He has (as Jesus) and will continue to walk right beside us through it all. It's through His covenant with us through His blood that we have received salvation and direct, personal relationship. The same God who made a covenant with Abraham, with Noah, with Jacob, and with David among so many others is the same God of covenant today. He has always been fighting for humanity. He has always been for us. I take encouragement in that today. I hope you can as well.

All my love,
Sarah

The Invitation to Be Still and Know

Photo by Robert Bye

Hello All,

Yesterday felt very high anxiety, so while I did write my normal monthly newsletter that gets sent out by snail mail, I did not write a blog as is my habit. I have a general rule for myself to publish when I have made some sense of my own internal situations, and there was just a lot happening yesterday.

To start, I do want to give you an update of what's been going on over this last month. We have continued to have worship nights both on Mondays at my house and on Wednesdays in Ciudad España. Mondays have been a sweet time of just communing with God's presence, praying over Honduras, and listening to the Lord and His leading. Wednesdays have been a period of time of discipleship and teaching what worship and intercession are, and we've been encouraged to see more and more participation from those present. Now we are entering a chapter of handing over the preparations of worship night little by little to the Honduran leaders in the ministry. All of this shift has been the result of learning to listen well and ask good questions of Jen, the director of the ministry, One Day Revival, in Ciudad España. It's a unique experience partnering with ministries that have laid the foundations, and Lindsey and I are learning what our roles may be in future partnerships with other ministries as well. Relationship is important. Listening is important. And we want to be investing in unity, good communication, and humility as iron sharpens iron.

For those of you who have been along with us for a while, you know that we haven't heard from Marvin in quite a while. Marvin is one of the young men that I visited in Teen Challenge who came to live with me for a period of time. The last time we saw him was at our wedding nearly three years ago. A while after that, he was arrested for stealing and has been in prison since then. We used to be able to visit inmates, but the Honduran government changed the requirements for visitors. In general, one must be a blood-related relative, preferably with the same last name, and even then must obtain a lot of legal paperwork to be able to enter. And ministries are having to pay thousands of lempiras to be able to obtain permission to enter even for ministerial purposes. So, we haven't seen or heard from Marvin in years. Recently, we received word that he was moved to a prison a few hours from us and would have a window of time to receive visitors who aren't family and don't have the needed paperwork. (This happens when an prisoner is moved to give the family time to obtain the necessary paperwork.) The person who notified us where Marvin was also sent me a photo of a letter he wrote to me. He asked for forgiveness and also for help since he will be getting out soon. I am honestly not sure how we will be able to help him, but we are prayerfully considering what options we could connect him to. This is also why we had planned to go visit him--to be of encouragement and see our kid we haven't seen in so long, but to also get a sense of where he is in his heart. Unfortunately, this the onset of COVID-19, visitations to the prisons have all been cancelled.

Administrative tasks have been especially demanding in this season for me. While it took longer than normal this year, we were able to finally submit our annual financial and activity reports to the Honduran government. In addition to this, we have also been preparing our tax information for our accountant. This year is the first year that Raúl has to file taxes because he is now a permanent resident in the US. Trust me when I say our case has so many aspects to consider that I am so thankful for tax professionals who can give us insight and wisdom.

This month also included a lot of community meals and cooking for others. In an effort to get to know each other better in ministry, we have made efforts to do more of life together in ways that aren't overtly ministerial. So that has looked like game nights, movie nights, and birthday celebrations--times when we can relax, talk, and enjoy each other's company. One of the things I most thank the Lord for in this time of life is how richly He has blessed me with community. I feel surrounded by some truly great people, and I do not take it for granted in light of previous seasons that were so terribly lonely.

All in all, it's been a good month even though it has felt very busy and overwhelming at times. Because of the busyness of this year so far, I did start to feel like God was asking me to take a step back to re-evaluate my time and priorities. As an introvert, I need to do this periodically and intentionally anyway. When I start to get into a mode of "I'm just busy and overwhelmed because of these extra things; when those things are over, I'll slow down," I should see the red flag. And, quite frankly, I've been saying that for three months, and it hasn't slowed down yet. There have been some life-giving things that have continuously been getting pushed to the back burner that I just never get to. And, I have felt the stress in very physical ways! So many things that we do as humans, we can do with very good intentions. But, often times, the things we do with good intentions, aren't things that God has asked us to do, and they can become the enemy of doing what is best--His will, what we're actually called to do, and what He has designed us to do in our particular season. Yet, if we never take the time to stop and periodically ask Him if we're doing what we're supposed to be doing and to lay it all out on the table, we can stay on a treadmill of good things for years and continuously push the best things to the back burner. We only have so much time, and one of my greatest desires in life is to use it well.

This realization and consideration has come in a time when stillness is becoming the invitation for everyone around the world. Last week, I went to get groceries on my normal day. Everything was normal as we saw people on social media complaining about the lack of toilet paper in the US. The following day, the first two cases of COVID-19 were reported here in Honduras, and everything abruptly shifted. Traffic that day was heavy, and quickly antibacterial gel, alcohol, and other products were selling out. The next word we received was that travelers coming from Iran, China, Europe, and Korea were under restrictions. During all of this, Raúl and I haven't known how to handle our own trip to the US. We aren't set to go until the end of April before Raúl's immigration stamp expires May 1. I honestly felt paralyzed as to the best way to handle the situation. I really wanted to talk to a live person to explore our options, but understandably customer service for the airlines has been swamped. I couldn't get through. Since it was a weekend by the time all of this was transpiring, my next thought was to go to Delta's office at the airport today to see if we could bump our flights up. But a lot transpired just last night:
All the borders are closed to people (other than returning citizens, residents, and diplomats who have to be quarantined) and only open for the transportation of goods. All events of any number of people are cancelled. Public transportation is suspended. All businesses beyond supermarkets, gas stations, hospitals and the like, pharmacies, hotels, banks, and other necessary operations have been ordered to close. This is in effect for a week. So our decision was made for us.

In the midst of all of this, our nation is in great need of water. Many of you may remember that last year, Honduras experienced a drought as a result of El Niño. Now, we are in our dry season, and water is being rationed greatly. Some places only receive water every 15 days for a few hours. The poor are suffering the most, and all of this is happening in the midst of a time when people are being told to wash their hands frequently. In the medical realm, Honduras' system is ill-prepared. One article read said that Honduras only has been 60-100 ventilators. And, doctors are walking out and refusing to treat potential COVID-19 cases because the government has not provided the necessary protective supplies. This is obviously just what is happening in our little corner of the world.

In every circumstance, I believe that there is an invitation. I know that the invitation I was sensing even yesterday before all of these mandates and in the midst of the anxiety of trying to decide what the best thing to do was, was to be still and know that He is God. This is time that we can choose to use well with family and seeking the presence of God. He is still on His throne, and we have more power in prayer from the comfort of our own homes than we think we do.

All of My Love,
Sarah

"You are enough, Jesus."

Hello All,

As much as I alluded to wanting to find my rhythm and routine in my last update, that has still been elusive. February has been a crazy month so far. I have felt a bit like a hamster constantly running on a wheel. January and February are always the heaviest workload months of the year because of administrative tasks like taxes preparation, NGO governmental reports, and the Honduran school year with all that entails. This year, on top of all of that, we have had the situation of Esthefanny's diploma (that we still haven't gotten, ladies and gentlemen!) and several other unexpected situations or blessings of visitors. It has just been a lot, and I have felt like I can't catch up. Everyone talks about mom guilt, but the truth of the matter is that I think it's something that all women go through whether they have kids or not. If I'm winning with serving my people, that usually means my house is a wreck. If my house is clean, that usually means that I'm behind on administrative stuff. If I'm up-to-date on administrative stuff, I probably haven't cooked for a week. The list goes on.

The temptation is to feel like I'm never enough. I could work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and I think I still wouldn't get done all of the stuff on my to do list. If I'm not careful, that can lead to feeling like a perpetual failure. I look at my planner and the various things accumulating or getting pushed again and again, and I feel like I will never measure up. But, if nothing else this month, I have been learning how to shift my thinking. Brain chatter and those stories that we tell ourselves throughout the day are so subtle but so important. I am currently reading Who Switched Off My Brain? by Dr. Caroline Leaf, and although I'm only a couple chapters in, I can see that this idea of our thoughts affecting us so deeply is actually reinforced by science. So, I have started trying to be more proactive in taking captive my thoughts. When I have been up at 4am for VIPKID classes for nearly a week straight, and the internet connection is once again unstable, but there's nothing more I can do to fix it, I have a choice. Rather than get frantic and panicked or frustrated and angry, I've started taking a deep breath and telling myself, "All you can do is your best. You are doing your best, and that is enough." And I ask for God's grace. I am also trying to be more mindful of my habits in seeking refuge. When I can feel myself emotionally drained, I can try to distract myself with a podcast or a TV show in the background, or I can put on some worship music and let myself cry it out even as I'm cleaning or cooking. Only one of those options is actually constructive. When I am running on adrenaline due to lack of sleep and can't get my body to settle down, I have a choice. I can get desperate and upset and try to will myself to sleep despite my pounding heart and rolling mind, or I can get out of my own head by connecting myself to the Holy Spirit. I have started laying really still and saying over and over in my head, "You are enough, Jesus." It doesn't always work and isn't a substitute for setting boundaries to get actual rest, but it has helped. More than anything, I have tried to keep myself aware that in those seasons of running when we're tired is often when the enemy will strike the hardest.

So what has been keeping me occupied?

Adoradores 2020
There is a church here in Tegucigalpa that has worship as its heartbeat. It's been the most consistent church in my life, oddly enough, since moving here simply because they have always been an oasis and a place to hear God's voice. Most years, they host an event of extended worship in January. This year, they continued that tradition but did so more like a conference. Lindsey and I attended the three day conference together, and it was a precious time. It was special because the Holy Spirit was very present, and it was a great way to start a new year. But it was also special because Lindsey and I both received a lot of confirmations from God about our vision for ministry even just from what was preached about in the sessions from speakers from Brazil and Costa Rica as well as the pastors here in Honduras. It was also nice just to build some more history together in worshiping together and hearing the voice of the Lord while in the same place. I believe it set a good tone for the rest of the year.

Esthefanny's Diploma
Can I just be honest in saying that this has been a genuine spiritual battle? We feel like everything that has been able to go wrong has, and we also feel like we've been lied to more times than we can count. Already, her high school's negligence has caused her to miss the first semester of university, and we're still playing next semester by ear because we still don't have her diploma. They have made us jump through every hoop imaginable. The short story is that there was some corruption and bad administration that took place in finances at the school, but the school is now punishing the students for it and making it out like it's the students' fault. We finally are supposedly in the clear in proving all of our payments. But the latest (ridiculous) development or excuse that we've been given is that her pictures that had to accompany her graduation paperwork (that they accepted well over a year ago) did not show her ears. I kid you not. So, all of that to say, we've had numerous trips to the high school. We've been hung up on by the director. And, we're still in the fight. We so appreciate your prayers for justice and for that diploma to be released in Jesus' name!

The Saga with Josuan
In November, I received a message that Josuan was in Teen Challenge. Raúl, Esthefanny, and I went to visit him on the first Sunday that he was allowed visitors. It was completely surreal to revisit such a familiar place nearly seven years later, but I went with the conviction of believing the best about the situation and being willing to support Josuan with the hope that this would finally be the breakthrough. I had great hopes that I would be able to update you this month with the news that Josuan was still in Teen Challenge, but sadly, he left. Teen Challenge is not a perfect place, and it can't guarantee results. However, it was a stable place for Josuan, a place where I had hoped he could take the time and have the clarity to start addressing the deeper issues at the heart of his drug addiction. I believe that our behaviors are based more so on our experiences than even on our logical learning, and my limited scientific research backs that up. So, drug addictions, rebellion, self-sabotage, etc. are often mere symptoms of unhealed trauma or lies that we believe that are deeply rooted in our memories of our experiences. This is why I believe it's so imperative that we all get to the roots of our behaviors rather than trying to will ourselves to be better. I have long felt like this is what is truly lacking for Josuan, but I also know that that hard emotional/spiritual work won't even start until he reaches true repentance or the desire to be transformed. For so long, the cycle has been that he no longer wants to live on the streets and wants to have his own life and freedom, but he also wants to continue to do drugs and participate in behaviors and attitudes that will inevitably lead him right back to the streets. And, the biggest marker I see in the habitual cycle is a lack of humility and the false confidence that he can overcome his addiction by sheer force of will. Yes, the will plays a part, but so does community and the Holy Spirit and reconciliation and deep emotional healing. I won't lie--all of this is exhausting. If nothing else, I was encouraged by my willingness to believe the best in this attempt at Teen Challenge and leave the possibility open that the cycle may be broken. I still believe that the day could come when that would be the case, but I don't believe it's now.

An Update on Jorge
I can't go into this case too much because there are always two sides to every story, and I never know how complete of a story I am getting. All I can say is that Jorge is in a very unstable situation. He is practically living on the streets in the market and is looking for a job. And, I'll be honest, I don't know what to do with that. Similarly to Josuan, he has had many opportunities with various people and ministries even though those opportunities have mostly come from others and not from us. And, he is in the situation he finds himself in because of a series of poor decisions that he made. But, I feel deeply torn because he hasn't had the same kind of time and building of relationship with us that Josuan has had and because the longer he is in this situation, the more in danger he is to fall into drugs, to be abused, to be recruited to a gang, etc. Honestly, it's heart-wrenching. But, I don't have very many options for him especially because he has already burned some of the bridges that I had been able to connect him to in his previous times of need. I am keeping my ears open and my heart turned toward the Father asking what role I should play here or what He is doing in Jorge's life. As of right now, I don't have a solution other than to pray and know that God loves Jorge more than I do.

The Day to Day
This month, there have been some set parts to my routine. For starters, I have continued teaching classes online to Chinese students through VIPKID. I love the students, but the early morning hours are killing me. If I wasn't so busy with so many other things, it would be more manageable. But, between the hours and the recent lack of stability with my internet connection, I feel like it's not sustainable. So, there may be some changes in how I approach this job in the future because I'm technically an independent contractor and set my own hours. On Monday nights, we continue to have worship nights as a ministry. These times are special, and we feel God's presence in our midst. This month, we are starting to ask other members of the group to host at their houses or to participate in creating the song list. We want this to be something we all share. I continue to go to missionary ladies' Bible study on Tuesdays, and that continues to be a great blessing to me. Community makes all the difference. On Wednesdays, Lindsey and I go out to Ciudad España in order to help facilitate worship nights there in partnership with the ministry, One Day Revival. We have been encouraged by increased participation from those who attend, and we continue to work together to disciple the group in the basics of prayer and worship. On Thursdays and Saturdays, I continue to teach English classes. I have one class at level one and one class at level three.

Ministerio Familia de Promesa General Assembly and New Board
At the end of January, we had our ministry's anniversary celebration where we hosted a dinner and elected our new board members. It was a special time because it was the first time that Lindsey and I brought our two separate communities together to explain our vision for working together and the direction we feel God is taking us in. If nothing else, it was astounding to me to feel so surrounded by the Body of Christ and to recognize the healthy community God has brought into my life. It bears repeating--community makes all of the difference.

Visitors
This past month, we also had the privilege of some special visitors in our home. Last summer, I found an unconventional friend. There is a lady who has a ministry that seeks to encourage and support missionaries here in Honduras, especially focusing on the desires of their hearts. She lives in the US, but she makes a trip to Honduras yearly and has become good friends with many of the missionary ladies in my community. She and I became friends mainly via voice messaging back and forth after she read one of my blog posts that Lindsey had sent her. Over time, we have shared a lot of great conversations, and this month, I finally got to meet her in person! She stayed a night in my home, and it was great to finally sit down and have good conversation face-to-face.

Life here is always varied. You never know what you’ll get to be a part of. Three years ago, our North American friend, who was falsely accused and spent two years in prison awaiting trial, was released and went back to the US. Upon his release, he asked us to help a pastor who had visited the prison. The pastor was Carlos Montes, a man who faithfully visited the prison to preach to the inmates and a man who was rescued by Jesus during his own stint in prison decades ago. He lost his leg at the age of 25 and had walked with crutches since then. It took me a few months to investigate the options for finding affordable prosthetic limbs here in Honduras. But, I did find a nonprofit organization called Hope to Walk that gives out specially fitted prosthetics to those in need. It took another two years or so more to finally be able to fulfill the mission of getting Pastor Carlos a prosthetic leg because he is lacking his knee. Hope to Walk had to develop, patent, and fabricate a prosthetic specifically for those kinds of patients. But now, Pastor Carlos has his prosthetic and is able to do his job as a barber with much more ease. He and his wife came to stay with us during the fitting process, and they are great people! Our US friend pushed for a worthy dream, and we were blessed to be able to play a part in carrying it out. We were very encouraged by Pastor Carlos and his lovely wife and their testimony, and we feel like it was God who decided to cross our paths. As a side note, a granddaughter of Pastor Carlos and his wife had insisted that he keep the other shoe of each of the pairs of shoes that he bought because she dreamed she would see him walking on two legs. Out of the mouths of babes, my friends. God is good, and I can't tell you how much it encouraged my heart to finally see someone get a win.


Raúl with Pastor Carlos and his wife


Pastor Carlos receiving his prosthetic leg

As this month continues, I am clinging to God's promise from Exodus that His presence will go before me and that He will give me rest! I hope you are also finding rest even in the midst of what may be a busy season. I am learning to tap into that presence even in the hectic times and to speak life to myself even when I feel inadequate.

All of My Love,
Sarah