Moab, Utah

View from our camp site in Moab, Utah

Hello All,

Colorado Rockies

Greetings from Flagstaff, Arizona! Yesterday we traveled here from Moab, Utah. Originally, I wasn't going to stop in Utah because of time's sake and also just because you don't hear much about Utah (or at least I hadn't). I am so glad that we did make the time to stop in one night though because it was so beautiful! We had the most gorgeous drive to Moab from Colorado Springs. We were also fairly amused that we found ourselves in a place called Moab because the evening service of the church that we went to in Colorado Springs--New Life Church--included a sermon about Ruth, who was a Moabitess. I have learned in my life that God is a very detailed-oriented guy. He doesn't overlook anything, so I don't think it's any accident that we ended up in Moab.

Sunset in Moab

Canyonlands National Park

Mesa Arch

View from Mesa Arch

I very much identify with Ruth. She came from a land that was known for temptation and seduction. She chose to leave it all behind--including her old faith, identity, and family--to follow her mother-in-law, Naomi. She gives Naomi covenant love, and although she is an outsider in Naomi's home, God blesses Ruth and gives her favor. God was able to redeem the reputation of Moab through Ruth because Jesus, the Savior, is a descendant of her blood line. In a short two months, I will be moving to a new land where I am very much an outsider (at least in terms of how I look). For whatever reason, my mother felt the need to pray that her two oldest children have blonde hair and blue eyes, and therefore, I can never fake the appearance of being Honduran either. But, I know that even as I come from a land that is known for temptation and is often a seductress for the poor especially, that God is able to redeem the reputation of the US if I am obedient in forsaking all to follow Jesus. I believe that even as I will be an outsider that God is faithful and that He can grant me favor in my new home.

Anyway, Utah was beautiful with all of its canyons. We headed to Canyonlands National Park and stood under the Mesa Arch. It was literally breathtaking. I know that people use that word all the time, but in this case, it was quite true. There's something about standing on a huge rock that drops off into miles and miles of cliffs and canyons that puts the fear of God into you. I am finding that all of the places that I love the most on this trip are those that remind me of how small I am. Yet, even in my smallness, God, in His infinite love, takes the time to romance me with the details. Sometimes, Gabrielle and I like to listen to podcasts while we drive. Most of the time we listen to Heidi or Rolland Baker or Jason Upton although we may branch out and listen to some K.P. Yohannan and Corrie ten Boom as well. We were listening to a message given by Heidi Baker called "Love Looks Like Something." She was saying that it's not enough that we say that we love someone--love will inevitably look like something. For the poor of Mozambique, it may look like chicken. For a homeless person, it may look like a blanket. God's love for us looks like something as well. I am discovering that perhaps I am not a very cheap date because God seems to go over and above what anyone should ever need to know that they're loved. For me, love looks like this trip. God's love looks like the Colorado Rockies or the Mesa Arch, Carlsbad Caverns or the ocean. It's overwhelming, but I think He does it on purpose. It seems that the greater the display of His love in preparation, the more He builds our faith, and in return, the greater mission He grants us. We have to be willing to receive His love though. While He will pursue us, He won’t force us. Gabrielle and I didn’t have to go on this road trip. A lot of people questioned why we were going or wondered if two girls in their twenties could make such a trip alone. From a practical standpoint, it doesn’t make much sense for me to spend my college kid life savings traveling the US. From a productivity standpoint, it doesn’t make much sense for me to take this trip instead of moving to Honduras right after graduation. But, it’s a trip that God laid on my heart a few years ago, and He has provided every step of the way. It’s been so worth it already. Gabrielle and I continuously find ourselves overwhelmed by the sense of how blessed we are to be in each place. Our faith is strengthened, and our intimacy with God is deepened—not because of any crusade to help people or speak in churches or whatever. It’s simply because we look up and see mountains; we look down and see canyons. We feel the warmth of the sun and the furious wind of the desert. We meet new people and see Jesus wherever we go. And at this stage of the trip, God is already beginning to show each of us, in our heightened state of faith, the next mission He has for us, the places He has called us, and the ways in which He’ll go before us.
Anyway, today, we’re off to the Grand Canyon. I couldn’t be more excited!

What does love look like for you?
Sarah

Colorado Springs

Hello All,
Well, we have thoroughly enjoyed our time in Colorado Springs, Colorado. It is truly a gorgeous place. When we first got here, we headed to Manitou Springs after setting up our tent at a KOA and found this wonderful little restaurant that was open late--The Heart of Jerusalem Cafe. Their food was so delicious, and the waitress was very friendly. Manitou Springs is a really cute hippie town--of course, my kind of place. We actually visited there a few times. We went to church on Sunday at New Life Church, which is a megachurch with several church plants. I won't lie--I'm not a fan of the megachurch in general, but I can feel God's presence anywhere, so it was a good experience. The person who spoke was Ross Parsley, a man who just started a church plant in Austin, Texas a year ago. It was really cool to hear stuff about Austin because we were just there not too long ago and loved it. One thing I'll mention that's been a blessing on this trip is that every time I feel compassionate towards a group of people in a certain place and so helpless to do anything but pray (which is powerful though!), God somehow shows me another believer who is working in that place. It's a consolation that He hasn't forgotten the people we meet and see along the way. Anyway, Mr. Parsley's sermon was about taking risks like Peter did when he got out of the boat. It was a cool message, and the central theme is one that has been coming up for me a lot since I bought my one-way plane ticket to move to Honduras. (I am getting so excited about that, by the way. I only have two months and less than a week left before I move.) We returned to the church that evening for another service and were provided with a free live music opportunity. There was a concert put on by Whitney Fenimore and The Brilliance, so we stayed. They have really beautiful music. Whitney Fenimore's voice is clear and absolutely beautiful, and The Brilliance sings quiet, orchestral worship songs. We liked them both a lot.

Yesterday we headed to Garden of the Gods and Seven Falls to see the wonders of Colorado. Garden of the Gods was so beautiful! It's hard to even put it into words! My favorite rock was one called the Sleepy Giant because I just took a minute to rest in a shadow made by the rock hovering above and over me. In that moment, God reminded me of Isaiah 51:16: And I have put My words in your mouth and have covered you with the shadow of My hand, that I may fix the [new] heavens as a tabernacle and lay the foundations of a [new] earth and say to Zion, You are My people.
The whole concept of God as our rock has such much more of a drastic impact and carries more weight when the rocks you associate with that concept aren't pet rocks in your pocket but ones hovering over you with enough power to crush or protect you. After Garden of the Gods, we headed to Seven Falls, which honestly, for $9.95 was a bit of a bust. I will say, however, that we did climb 409 steps altogether for the full experience. We had to laugh after we hiked for 20 minutes to what they called Midnight Falls which really just looked like someone taking a leak. We've seen bigger falls on the side of the road in West Virginia, but it made for a funny experience.

Today, we head to Moab, Utah for just one night. I can't believe how fast time has flown and how quickly we're going to have to move to cover everything left we'd like to see before we have to be back. There's no way we can see it all, so we've both made peace with just telling God that this is His trip, and we just want to follow wherever He leads.

Just for funzies, I want to include some road trip lessons learned so far:
1) Always keep silverware handy and in a reachable place. I now keep a spoon in my purse for all of those times when we eat from grocery purchases. When in a bind and silverwareless, I have been known to eat with a pocket knife or make a spoon from the tin foil on a yogurt cup.
2) Be flexible. When you haven't made your reservation for camping near the Grand Canyon a year in advance, you have to improvise and be cool with constantly changing plans.
3) We love wi-fi, GPS, and hostels.
Wi-fi has pretty much made this trip possible. We take a couple days at a time, so finding places to camp, etc. has only been possible because of wi-fi. We have been known to jack internet in hotel parking lots.
GPS is great; I really used to hate GPS before this trip because I felt like it made people dumb and lazy. I will, however, say that now I am a believer. While, yes, there are times when the GPS does make a dumb navigational call, and we have to be alert and savvy enough to correct it, more often than not, it's right. It's made us a lot more independent because we don't have a fear of getting lost.
Hostels don't receive nearly as much love as they should. In our experience, they are cheap and convenient. So many of them are much more helpful than hotels, and in many cases, it's possible to get a cheap, private room at a hostel. The biggest difference between that and a hotel is the need to share a bathroom and a kitchen.
4) Keep stuff organized and consolidated. Because we're living in our car essentially, it's easy to get sloppy and just put items in the easiest place for the moment. This is fine for a while until you can't find anything in your car any more. Every couple of days, I generally completely reorganize the car so that even though it's full, I know where everything is.
5) An electrical car converter is a wonderful tool for a road trip. We use ours all the time to charge our electronics. It's so convenient to have especially when many campsites to do not have electric hookups.
6) If you ever go on a road trip, be wise about who you pick to go with you. Gabrielle and I are cousins. We were roommates this past year of college, and we're best friends. But, even best friends can get tired of spending 24/7 with each other, so we've learned to be very forgiving, patient, and honest (when need be). Overall, I am so glad that she's with me on this trip. Just as we occasionally get tired of always being together, we love being able to share all of these memories and grow together.
I may add more as time goes on, and I think of them.
Lots of love,
Sarah

Carlsbad Caverns

Hello All,
Now we are in Colorado Springs, Colorado. It's breathtaking. As I'm writing this, I'm sitting at a picnic table at our KOA campsite which provides wi-fi. It's a beautiful morning. To update you, we went from Port Arthur, Texas (which I last blogged about) to Katy, Texas to visit cousins to Austin, Texas to visit another cousin. We loved Austin! Next, we headed to Carlsbad, New Mexico. New Mexico is like a whole other world. Having never been to the Southwest, it was like nothing I had ever seen before. It was flat and dry with interesting colors from the terrain, and there was nothing for miles and miles. We camped at Brantley Lake State Park and arrived after dark, so we put up the tent via Wendy's (my car) headlights. After the tent was up, we saw a tarantula roaming around near the car. There were lizards (fast ones) everywhere, and we also saw a jack rabbit. Gabrielle saw a snake. I'm pretty glad I didn't. We loved camping at Brantley because it was so peaceful and away from everything so much that you could see the stars so well. We took the rain fly off of the top of our tent and slept so that we could look up at the stars. It was beautiful. The following day we headed to Carlsbad Caverns. We did a self-guided tour for $6.

They were absolutely amazing and so huge! On the way there, we had seen so many acres of burnt, barren, thirsty land, and it was such a contrast to be out of the 108 degree heat into this cool and peaceful refuge. God showed me some pretty cool things while I was down there (750 feet below ground). Just the contrast between the surface and the caverns was a lesson in and of itself--it reminded me of God's Kingdom. So often, we just wander through our desert life burnt and thirsty, dry and in need of refuge from the scorching sun, and all the while, we're oblivious to His Kingdom that lingers below the surface of the life that we see. If we would only dig deeper and adopt a Kingdom mindset, we would find refuge in His secret place. Carlsbad Caverns is a perfect representation of God's secret place. It was interesting to watch other people interact with the caves--many just wanted to filter on through quickly, snapping pictures here and there and testing out their echo. Sometimes, people filter into the presence of God, relying on someone else's level of intimacy (often the worship leader) and are content to take their snapshots or collect their quick stories to be able to tell others that they've been there. Few actually chose to dwell in the secret place of God. I kind of think of God's Kingdom as those movies about superheroes from the comic books--you have to stay after the credits, after everyone else leaves, to see the future secret of what the next movie will be like. I feel like it's that way with God as well. When you're in the secret place, close to God's heart, I believe your prayers echo all over heaven just like our voices echoed all over those caves. It's impossible not to realize one's smallness in relation to God in a place like Carlsbad.

One last lesson of Carlsbad was just the power that one tiny yet persistent water droplet can have. I often struggle with the thought (especially as I am preparing to move) that I am only one person. I feel so overwhelmed wondering how it is that I'm ever going to be able to help someone else in Honduras or carry the burden of need that is always present. But, every so often, God reminds me of the power of water droplets--that erode away stone, that make beautiful cave formations, that carve out whole cavern rooms. I may be one person, but in His secret place, when He gives me the power to be persistent, I can leave a mark of His presence.

Meanwhile, Colorado is absolutely amazing. We constantly feel so blessed and thankful to be in every place that we are. I still can't fathom that God has allowed me to take this trip and has provided every step of the way. We are having a wonderful adventure with our Father. Gabrielle and I joke that it's like our honeymoon with God. He just blesses us all the time.

Lots of love,
Sarah

Isaiah 58 and Celebration of Life Church

Hello All,
I have an amazing story to share with you all! To give you a little back story, during our time in Starkville with Mrs. Carla, she asked us if there were any verses that we considered to be life verses. I hadn't really thought in terms of that particular phrase before, but I was certain that Isaiah 58 could be considered a life verse for me. It first appeared in my life in middle school after my family had just moved. I was struggling with the move, with entering school, and with a lack of friends, but God made Himself very real to me. One verse that He led me to over and over was Isaiah 58:9-12. I especially like the way that The Message puts it:

A Full Life in the Emptiest of Places
If you get rid of unfair practices,
quit blaming victims,
quit gossiping about other people's sins,
If you are generous with the hungry
and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out,
your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,
your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.
I will always show you where to go.
I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places--
firm muscles, strong bones.
You'll be like a well-watered garden,
a gurgling spring that never runs dry.
You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,
rebuild the foundations out of your past.
You'll be known as those who can fix anything,
restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate,
make the community livable again.
One part of that verse that I have been clinging to during this entire trip is that one sentence: I will always show you where to go. This was especially evident yesterday. Although I haven't been "in church" for four years, I felt led to go to different churches throughout this trip. I have learned from my time out of church that I can experience God's presence anywhere and can fellowship with other believers anywhere. The past two Sundays (before yesterday), we went to churches that support Manos Extendidas, know Alvin Anderson, etc. Yesterday, however, was different. It all started, I suppose with contacting a couple who I had met during my first summer in Honduras in 2009. They had only been there for a week (although it was so lovely to be around them just in that one week) and had to leave abruptly, so I never got any contact information from them. It took me a long time to find them--towards the end of this school year, in fact. Thinking they still lived in Texas, I sent them a message telling them we'd love to visit and go to their church. They informed me that they had moved to Arkansas but that I should still check out their church, sending me the church's website. On the website, I found something that excited me--they support an orphanage in Honduras located in the same area of the juvenile delinquent centers. While I have never been to the Didasko Children's Home, I knew that area and figured that Papí Alvin would be familiar with the orphanage. I contacted him and found out that not only was he familiar with it, but when he called me the Saturday before, that's where he had been. Now, I was really excited, so finding the pastor's phone number on the website, I called. I mentioned a little of our story--I was moving to Honduras, we're road tripping, and we were interested in going to their church. I also asked if he knew of any inexpensive places to stay, and he asked if we'd be willing to stay with a church member. I was so blessed by that generous suggestion and said yes!

We ended up staying with a lovely woman named Paula, a single elder in the church, who treated us like family. We spent Saturday night laughing and visiting with her and another member of the church, Jonathan. We had never met these people before, but there was just such an ease of interacting with them. That night, I was reading the Bible and returned to Isaiah 58. We had heard a lot about the church from Paula and Jonathan, and it sounded a lot like Liberty House of Praise--a church I went to for two years in Greenbrier County, West Virginia before we moved. What happened at Liberty had been amazing--God's tangible presence showed up on a regular basis, the people treated each other like close-knit family, and it felt like home every time you walked through the doors. I hadn't really been in a church like that since Liberty, that felt so much like home, so I was excited (and still a little cautious) to go to Celebration of Life Church the next morning.

We got there early, and in typical fashion for me, I was crying just during their praise and worship practice. The whole experience was very much like being back at Liberty, and I don't think I realized just how wounded I was and how much I missed being able to enter God's presence in church--without typed out agendas, time lines, hype and show, or denominational rituals. It was very much a healing experience, and I kept thinking, "If they only knew how rare this is..." I told God that I just wanted whatever He had for me and just spent time in worship. Even as I was experiencing freedom in His presence, all I could think about was Honduras and how I wanted to see this in Honduras. I wanted to carry this to Honduras, but I didn't know how and felt unworthy. With this still lingering on my mind, Pastor Donny called me forward. I had just met him that morning.

He had church members gather around to pray for me as he began to prophesy. Much of what he said echoed Isaiah 58:9-12 and my own cries to God as well. I won't go into detail mainly because it almost feels like a secret between me and God even though it was in a public place, but I will say that it blessed me and encouraged me more than I can explain. After all of that, Pastor Donny asked the congregation to bring monetary offerings to "help the missionary"--still astounds me that that's me because I feel so unworthy. People began to come forward laying money at my feet as I just cried because I had never asked for anything and didn't know any of these lovely people, yet they blessed me as God led. The love of God that I felt from the entire experience was overwhelming, and when Gabrielle and I counted the money later, it was over $1,000.

He will always show us where to go when we seek Him and His Kingdom first. We're only in Texas. We have many states to go. I can only imagine what's next.

With wide-eyed love,
Sarah

Hola from Nola!

Hello All,
We're currently in New Orleans, Louisiana, and what a city it is! We have been here for 2 days and leave tomorrow. We're staying in a hostel called Joe and Flo's Candlelight Hostel. The staff is really friendly, and we've been out on the (hot) town for the past couple days. We check out today, though, and are headed to Port Arthur, Texas to go to Celebration of Life Church. There have been lots of interesting things happen that are worth writing about; however, I'm rather pressed for time at the moment. Maybe when I get a free one later, I'll write more. For now, all is well. Thanks for reading!

Love,
Sarah

Blessings from Starkville

Hello from Starkville, Mississippi! Our road trip is coming along nicely and has been such a blessing thus far. Our biggest expense is gas, of course, but I am so thankful that after all of the berating from people saying, "Fine time for a road trip! Don't you know that gas is going to be $5.00 a gallon this summer?" that gas has actually been cheaper on the road than it was in West Virginia when I left. The cheapest we've seen is $3.30 while the most expensive has been $3.89. The longest we've driven so far is difficult to calculate simply because driving from Keyser, WV to Sneads Ferry, NC would be close to driving from Vero Beach, FL to Panama City Beach, FL had we not gotten confused and thought our friend lived in Panama City rather than Panama City Beach. Needless to say, this mixup added some time to our travels. I don't think we've driven longer than 9 hours at this point. Gabrielle and I split the driving, so while I drive she journals or reads and vice versa. We have found that neither of us feel the need to sleep while the other is driving. I'm not sure why. We live pretty cheap on the road. We try to buy fresh fruit and vegetables or trail mix to tide us over rather than stopping at mealtimes at restaurants. We do occasionally like to enjoy the local cuisine, but we try to choose wisely and generally have a rule that we don't want to spend money going to any chain restaurants. Because traveling has kind of become our way of life, and we're already growing and learning as a result, it feels like we've been on the road so much longer than is the reality--2 weeks and 2 days. We have visited churches in the past couple Sundays--Tirzah ARP Church in York, SC and Heritage Bible Church in Panama City, FL. Both of which support Alvin Anderson and Manos Extendidas. They are full of lovely, friendly people. This Sunday, I believe we're looking at visiting a church in Port Arthur, Texas, which was recommended by my friends the Dixons, who I met my first summer living in Honduras while they were on a mission trip. This church, Celebration of Life Church, also has connections to Honduras--they are planning a mission trip to an orphanage that Alvin just took a Danish group to on Saturday, Didasko Orphanage in Tamara near the juvenile delinquent centers outside of the capital.

Meanwhile, we have been staying with Tim and Carla Cummings, who have been family friends of my family for years. It has been so nice to be here. While Mr. Tim has been out of town, Gabrielle and I have been spoiled with love from Mrs. Carla and have enjoyed the company of her daughter, Jenny. Before we came here, we were in Panama City Beach, Florida, at Rosemary Beach to visit their son, Chris. We had a lovely time there and loved getting to know the many young people living in the beach house and working at the beach this summer. Chris was such a gentleman and so generous after so many years of not seeing him (although we grew up together when both of our families lived in West Virginia) that I hardly knew what to do to repay his kindness. Rosemary Beach is a beautiful, little community with cobblestone streets and little shops. The beach is gorgeous with turquoise water and white sand. Gabrielle and I felt so blessed that God allowed us to be there to enjoy His creation. Our time in Starkville has been so restful and encouraging. In the short time that we've been here, Mrs. Carla has been able to pour lots of motherly wisdom into both of us, and it has been so nice to be around a woman of faith who is obviously so in love with God.

Tomorrow, we hit the road again to New Orleans. We plan to stay in a hostel there called Joe and Flo's Candlelight Hostel. While we love visiting the wonderful people we've seen so far, we also really enjoy the times when it's just the two of us. We are able to test out our independence and find our way around. It's exciting when we're able to see how God leads us and are able to know that we can truly go anywhere He shows us to go. It's been so nice how God has orchestrated our journey so far--He knows exactly what we need and He provides the time to rest, the time to be in places of encouragement, and the time to be around people with whom we can share a common love of Christ Jesus. Gabrielle and I both initially though this trip was about how we could serve and reach out to other people. While I still think that this is the case to a degree, and we both always want to be a blessing to everyone we meet, this trip has also been about teaching us to receive God's love. That task is much more difficult for me than I care to admit sometimes. I hardly know how to handle the generosity of our friends, the beauty that God provides for us to witness, or the kindness of even strangers we meet along the way.

Recently, a scripture that stood out for me in the middle of Panama City Beach in a resort where I could never have afforded to visit of my own finances and felt a bit out of place, was Luke 12:32:
Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.
I often struggle with wealth or even just receiving blessings because I feel unworthy of them. I don't really seek them, and I am always cautious of them. I think it's somewhat a result of how I was raised and also my reaction to a lot of things I heard in church growing up--lots of prosperity gospel messages. "God's about ready to bless you...God's about ready to give you that new car...that new job, etc." After seeing how people in Honduras lived, I didn't even want to be around places where that message was spoken. My desire is to be content whether I have little or much, but my underlying assumption often tends to be that God means for me to have little. Yet, I am reminded of the lesson from last summer that God showed me at an orphanage in Mexico, Nuestros Pequenos Hermanos (http://confessionsofaragamuffin.blogspot.com/2010/05/nuestros-pequenos-hermanos.html). God does indeed wish to bless His children, but He does operate with a learning curve--He asks us to be obedient in the small things first before He blesses us with something greater. And, usually, by the time we've surrendered to God and laid down our lives in obedience, we really do receive His blessings as blessings because our sense of instant gratification and entitlement is stripped away. So, I am learning to receive whatever God has for me. Often, His love overwhelms me, but I am constantly coming to the realization that I have to learn to receive love from Him if I ever want to effectively shower love onto someone else.

Lots of love,
Sarah

Thoughts from Vero Beach

Hola de Florida!
Right now, Gabrielle and I are in Vero Beach, Florida, staying with our friends Melvin and Micayla Mondragon. It's the first time I've ever seen any of them in the US because I met them both in Honduras. Melvin is Honduran, and Micayla is from here. We arrived in the evening last night and had the wonderful opportunity of hanging out with their youth group. They're a cool group of kids. Today, we're kind of playing catch up. We both keep journals as we travel, but sometimes, it's so hard to keep track of everything we're experiencing. We both loved Savannah, Georgia. We camped at Skidaway Island State Park and had a wonderful time going to the beach on Tybee Island and walking around downtown Savannah. It is a truly beautiful area, and we've met some very special, friendly people along the way. We discovered our first car casualty while camping--our left headlight was out, but we now have it replaced. Today, we're going to try to get our oil changed--we've already put close to 2,000 miles on my car, Wendy.

I love being here with Melvin and Micayla because it's the closest I've felt to home--Honduras--since the last time I was there in January. I find myself thinking in Spanish more often, and Gabrielle laughs at me because I just have a stupid grin on my face that won't go away. Honduras has that effect on me. I can't even contain myself. Hearing Melvin tell stories about Honduras and recount things from my adopted home just fills my heart with so much warmth and joy. I adore that place and those people, and I forget what a number it does on me to be around it until I am once again exposed to some elements of home. It's unspeakable. I love it there so much even though I know that moving is going to be an adjustment with its own set of difficulties.

I decided a long time ago that if I am going to be a missionary, I want to live like the people live. I want to sleep where they sleep, eat what they eat, and suffer alongside them. I have learned that human beings limit themselves. Sometimes, when I mention to people that I am moving to Honduras, their response is, "I could never do that." And while I respect their response and their beliefs, I am also rather confused by that answer. I have always been the kind of person who likes a challenge, and when I see someone doing something that seems unbelievable and very difficult, my response has increasingly become, "If he or she can do it, I can do it." We are all human beings. While we come from different backgrounds, we have the same genetic make-up more or less. Thus, to me, there is no reason that I can't do something that someone else can do. I don't want to limit myself or limit God by building walls of what I can and cannot do. I can remember being little and saying to my dad, "I can't" whenever I was attempting something and having trouble. I am so grateful for the way that he responded because he would always reprimand me, "Sarah, don't say that you can't do something. You can do it." And often, he'd remind me of Philippians 4:13. God often asks us to do things that we, in our own strength, cannot do, but that's the point--He doesn't mean for us to do it in our own strength. He means for us to have to rely on Him.

I shy away from the attitude that I can't do something, especially as a missionary, because I feel like if I say that when I'm living amid people that live in poverty or suffering or whatever, that I am actually saying that I'm somehow better than that lifestyle, more deserving of a better or easier lifestyle. That's simply not the case. Yes, I was born in the US in relative wealth and comfort, but I could have been born anywhere. I had no control over where I was born and did nothing to merit where I was born or how I have lived thus far. I don't have to have running water or electricity; lots of people in the world live without those things. A lot of people ask me, "What are you going to do in Honduras if you get sick? What are you going to do if you stay down there and get married and have kids? How will you raise kids there? How are you going to be safe?  How are you going to live or find the things you need?" To be honest, I almost never think of those things. Most people would consider that lack of thought to be naive carelessness, but the truth is that I look at my friends, like Roy, and I figure if he is 25 and has lived in Honduras his entire life, and he is still living, is healthy, is literate, is very intelligent, etc., I will be fine. My kids (if I have any) will be fine. Sure, I may not live in convenience and comfort like gringos, but I want to be like Paul--content whether I have little or much. God always provides. He's always faithful.

Right now, I am reading The Importance of Being Foolish by Brennan Manning, and in the introduction, I read a passage that warmed my heart and echoed my desire to be a missionary and a specific kind of missionary:
Our rapport with the villagers was profound because we shared not only their poverty, toil, bitter bread, and anxiety over the harvest but the joy of a newborn baby, the nuptial bliss of newlyweds, and the multitude of lesser experiences woven into the warp and woof of rural peasant life.
I think sometimes when missionaries do not live like the people they are trying to reach, they unknowingly send the message that God is synonymous with financial prosperity. Rather than seeing the Jesus who meets you where you are and holds your hand in the midst of your struggles, people often see the things that you have, the car that you drive, the rich food that you eat, the fancy clothes you wear, the safe neighborhood you live in, or the comforts you have in your home and believe that those things are the answer. They begin to expect those things when they become Christians, and when they do not receive a steady stream of financial blessings or wealth, they may begin to believe that God loves them less or that they're doing something wrong. But financial prosperity is not the Gospel. God doesn't seek for us to have wealth and glory. He is concerned about bringing Himself glory. He calls us to depend on Him and to be content whether we have little or much. One of the things that I love about Alvin and noticed very early was how he truly lives like the people to whom he ministers. He's willing to go into their rough neighborhoods, and he doesn't live in a gated community, separate from impoverished Hondurans. I think sometimes when teams come down on short-term trips, they forget how the way was paved for them. In other words, they are able to go and do street ministry (as white gringos) and hang out with gang members in juvenile delinquent centers because someone already paved the way for them. Alvin did that, but he is also a gringo. He had to be willing to go where no one else was willing to go--to the most dangerous spots, to the unlovely, to the poorest of the poor, to the rival gang territories. He had to be willing to sit with the poor, hear their stories, and learn from them. He had to have the bravery to do those things, and the rewards and effects have been magnificent. But there is always more work to do, more unreached people, more untouchables to love, and I want to be brave enough to go wherever God leads me to go. I don't want to selfishly or cowardly refuse God.

So, today, I leave you with a sobering call that should never be sugarcoated:
Luke 14:26:
If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his [own] father and mother [in the sense of indifference to or relative disregard for them in comparison with his attitude toward God] and [likewise] his wife and children and brothers and sisters --[yes] and even his own life also--he cannot be My disciple.

You can do it--whatever it is that He is laying on your heart to do--and maybe you're in the place where you need to take the time to ask Him what it is that He would have you do. You may have to wait, but He will answer you when you're asking diligently and with faith. Don't fence yourself in with what you think you can or cannot do. Remember Philippians 4:13. Trust and obey. It's just that simple.

With love,
Sarah