The Invitation to Be Still and Know

Photo by Robert Bye

Hello All,

Yesterday felt very high anxiety, so while I did write my normal monthly newsletter that gets sent out by snail mail, I did not write a blog as is my habit. I have a general rule for myself to publish when I have made some sense of my own internal situations, and there was just a lot happening yesterday.

To start, I do want to give you an update of what's been going on over this last month. We have continued to have worship nights both on Mondays at my house and on Wednesdays in Ciudad España. Mondays have been a sweet time of just communing with God's presence, praying over Honduras, and listening to the Lord and His leading. Wednesdays have been a period of time of discipleship and teaching what worship and intercession are, and we've been encouraged to see more and more participation from those present. Now we are entering a chapter of handing over the preparations of worship night little by little to the Honduran leaders in the ministry. All of this shift has been the result of learning to listen well and ask good questions of Jen, the director of the ministry, One Day Revival, in Ciudad España. It's a unique experience partnering with ministries that have laid the foundations, and Lindsey and I are learning what our roles may be in future partnerships with other ministries as well. Relationship is important. Listening is important. And we want to be investing in unity, good communication, and humility as iron sharpens iron.

For those of you who have been along with us for a while, you know that we haven't heard from Marvin in quite a while. Marvin is one of the young men that I visited in Teen Challenge who came to live with me for a period of time. The last time we saw him was at our wedding nearly three years ago. A while after that, he was arrested for stealing and has been in prison since then. We used to be able to visit inmates, but the Honduran government changed the requirements for visitors. In general, one must be a blood-related relative, preferably with the same last name, and even then must obtain a lot of legal paperwork to be able to enter. And ministries are having to pay thousands of lempiras to be able to obtain permission to enter even for ministerial purposes. So, we haven't seen or heard from Marvin in years. Recently, we received word that he was moved to a prison a few hours from us and would have a window of time to receive visitors who aren't family and don't have the needed paperwork. (This happens when an prisoner is moved to give the family time to obtain the necessary paperwork.) The person who notified us where Marvin was also sent me a photo of a letter he wrote to me. He asked for forgiveness and also for help since he will be getting out soon. I am honestly not sure how we will be able to help him, but we are prayerfully considering what options we could connect him to. This is also why we had planned to go visit him--to be of encouragement and see our kid we haven't seen in so long, but to also get a sense of where he is in his heart. Unfortunately, this the onset of COVID-19, visitations to the prisons have all been cancelled.

Administrative tasks have been especially demanding in this season for me. While it took longer than normal this year, we were able to finally submit our annual financial and activity reports to the Honduran government. In addition to this, we have also been preparing our tax information for our accountant. This year is the first year that Raúl has to file taxes because he is now a permanent resident in the US. Trust me when I say our case has so many aspects to consider that I am so thankful for tax professionals who can give us insight and wisdom.

This month also included a lot of community meals and cooking for others. In an effort to get to know each other better in ministry, we have made efforts to do more of life together in ways that aren't overtly ministerial. So that has looked like game nights, movie nights, and birthday celebrations--times when we can relax, talk, and enjoy each other's company. One of the things I most thank the Lord for in this time of life is how richly He has blessed me with community. I feel surrounded by some truly great people, and I do not take it for granted in light of previous seasons that were so terribly lonely.

All in all, it's been a good month even though it has felt very busy and overwhelming at times. Because of the busyness of this year so far, I did start to feel like God was asking me to take a step back to re-evaluate my time and priorities. As an introvert, I need to do this periodically and intentionally anyway. When I start to get into a mode of "I'm just busy and overwhelmed because of these extra things; when those things are over, I'll slow down," I should see the red flag. And, quite frankly, I've been saying that for three months, and it hasn't slowed down yet. There have been some life-giving things that have continuously been getting pushed to the back burner that I just never get to. And, I have felt the stress in very physical ways! So many things that we do as humans, we can do with very good intentions. But, often times, the things we do with good intentions, aren't things that God has asked us to do, and they can become the enemy of doing what is best--His will, what we're actually called to do, and what He has designed us to do in our particular season. Yet, if we never take the time to stop and periodically ask Him if we're doing what we're supposed to be doing and to lay it all out on the table, we can stay on a treadmill of good things for years and continuously push the best things to the back burner. We only have so much time, and one of my greatest desires in life is to use it well.

This realization and consideration has come in a time when stillness is becoming the invitation for everyone around the world. Last week, I went to get groceries on my normal day. Everything was normal as we saw people on social media complaining about the lack of toilet paper in the US. The following day, the first two cases of COVID-19 were reported here in Honduras, and everything abruptly shifted. Traffic that day was heavy, and quickly antibacterial gel, alcohol, and other products were selling out. The next word we received was that travelers coming from Iran, China, Europe, and Korea were under restrictions. During all of this, Raúl and I haven't known how to handle our own trip to the US. We aren't set to go until the end of April before Raúl's immigration stamp expires May 1. I honestly felt paralyzed as to the best way to handle the situation. I really wanted to talk to a live person to explore our options, but understandably customer service for the airlines has been swamped. I couldn't get through. Since it was a weekend by the time all of this was transpiring, my next thought was to go to Delta's office at the airport today to see if we could bump our flights up. But a lot transpired just last night:
All the borders are closed to people (other than returning citizens, residents, and diplomats who have to be quarantined) and only open for the transportation of goods. All events of any number of people are cancelled. Public transportation is suspended. All businesses beyond supermarkets, gas stations, hospitals and the like, pharmacies, hotels, banks, and other necessary operations have been ordered to close. This is in effect for a week. So our decision was made for us.

In the midst of all of this, our nation is in great need of water. Many of you may remember that last year, Honduras experienced a drought as a result of El Niño. Now, we are in our dry season, and water is being rationed greatly. Some places only receive water every 15 days for a few hours. The poor are suffering the most, and all of this is happening in the midst of a time when people are being told to wash their hands frequently. In the medical realm, Honduras' system is ill-prepared. One article read said that Honduras only has been 60-100 ventilators. And, doctors are walking out and refusing to treat potential COVID-19 cases because the government has not provided the necessary protective supplies. This is obviously just what is happening in our little corner of the world.

In every circumstance, I believe that there is an invitation. I know that the invitation I was sensing even yesterday before all of these mandates and in the midst of the anxiety of trying to decide what the best thing to do was, was to be still and know that He is God. This is time that we can choose to use well with family and seeking the presence of God. He is still on His throne, and we have more power in prayer from the comfort of our own homes than we think we do.

All of My Love,
Sarah

"You are enough, Jesus."

Hello All,

As much as I alluded to wanting to find my rhythm and routine in my last update, that has still been elusive. February has been a crazy month so far. I have felt a bit like a hamster constantly running on a wheel. January and February are always the heaviest workload months of the year because of administrative tasks like taxes preparation, NGO governmental reports, and the Honduran school year with all that entails. This year, on top of all of that, we have had the situation of Esthefanny's diploma (that we still haven't gotten, ladies and gentlemen!) and several other unexpected situations or blessings of visitors. It has just been a lot, and I have felt like I can't catch up. Everyone talks about mom guilt, but the truth of the matter is that I think it's something that all women go through whether they have kids or not. If I'm winning with serving my people, that usually means my house is a wreck. If my house is clean, that usually means that I'm behind on administrative stuff. If I'm up-to-date on administrative stuff, I probably haven't cooked for a week. The list goes on.

The temptation is to feel like I'm never enough. I could work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and I think I still wouldn't get done all of the stuff on my to do list. If I'm not careful, that can lead to feeling like a perpetual failure. I look at my planner and the various things accumulating or getting pushed again and again, and I feel like I will never measure up. But, if nothing else this month, I have been learning how to shift my thinking. Brain chatter and those stories that we tell ourselves throughout the day are so subtle but so important. I am currently reading Who Switched Off My Brain? by Dr. Caroline Leaf, and although I'm only a couple chapters in, I can see that this idea of our thoughts affecting us so deeply is actually reinforced by science. So, I have started trying to be more proactive in taking captive my thoughts. When I have been up at 4am for VIPKID classes for nearly a week straight, and the internet connection is once again unstable, but there's nothing more I can do to fix it, I have a choice. Rather than get frantic and panicked or frustrated and angry, I've started taking a deep breath and telling myself, "All you can do is your best. You are doing your best, and that is enough." And I ask for God's grace. I am also trying to be more mindful of my habits in seeking refuge. When I can feel myself emotionally drained, I can try to distract myself with a podcast or a TV show in the background, or I can put on some worship music and let myself cry it out even as I'm cleaning or cooking. Only one of those options is actually constructive. When I am running on adrenaline due to lack of sleep and can't get my body to settle down, I have a choice. I can get desperate and upset and try to will myself to sleep despite my pounding heart and rolling mind, or I can get out of my own head by connecting myself to the Holy Spirit. I have started laying really still and saying over and over in my head, "You are enough, Jesus." It doesn't always work and isn't a substitute for setting boundaries to get actual rest, but it has helped. More than anything, I have tried to keep myself aware that in those seasons of running when we're tired is often when the enemy will strike the hardest.

So what has been keeping me occupied?

Adoradores 2020
There is a church here in Tegucigalpa that has worship as its heartbeat. It's been the most consistent church in my life, oddly enough, since moving here simply because they have always been an oasis and a place to hear God's voice. Most years, they host an event of extended worship in January. This year, they continued that tradition but did so more like a conference. Lindsey and I attended the three day conference together, and it was a precious time. It was special because the Holy Spirit was very present, and it was a great way to start a new year. But it was also special because Lindsey and I both received a lot of confirmations from God about our vision for ministry even just from what was preached about in the sessions from speakers from Brazil and Costa Rica as well as the pastors here in Honduras. It was also nice just to build some more history together in worshiping together and hearing the voice of the Lord while in the same place. I believe it set a good tone for the rest of the year.

Esthefanny's Diploma
Can I just be honest in saying that this has been a genuine spiritual battle? We feel like everything that has been able to go wrong has, and we also feel like we've been lied to more times than we can count. Already, her high school's negligence has caused her to miss the first semester of university, and we're still playing next semester by ear because we still don't have her diploma. They have made us jump through every hoop imaginable. The short story is that there was some corruption and bad administration that took place in finances at the school, but the school is now punishing the students for it and making it out like it's the students' fault. We finally are supposedly in the clear in proving all of our payments. But the latest (ridiculous) development or excuse that we've been given is that her pictures that had to accompany her graduation paperwork (that they accepted well over a year ago) did not show her ears. I kid you not. So, all of that to say, we've had numerous trips to the high school. We've been hung up on by the director. And, we're still in the fight. We so appreciate your prayers for justice and for that diploma to be released in Jesus' name!

The Saga with Josuan
In November, I received a message that Josuan was in Teen Challenge. Raúl, Esthefanny, and I went to visit him on the first Sunday that he was allowed visitors. It was completely surreal to revisit such a familiar place nearly seven years later, but I went with the conviction of believing the best about the situation and being willing to support Josuan with the hope that this would finally be the breakthrough. I had great hopes that I would be able to update you this month with the news that Josuan was still in Teen Challenge, but sadly, he left. Teen Challenge is not a perfect place, and it can't guarantee results. However, it was a stable place for Josuan, a place where I had hoped he could take the time and have the clarity to start addressing the deeper issues at the heart of his drug addiction. I believe that our behaviors are based more so on our experiences than even on our logical learning, and my limited scientific research backs that up. So, drug addictions, rebellion, self-sabotage, etc. are often mere symptoms of unhealed trauma or lies that we believe that are deeply rooted in our memories of our experiences. This is why I believe it's so imperative that we all get to the roots of our behaviors rather than trying to will ourselves to be better. I have long felt like this is what is truly lacking for Josuan, but I also know that that hard emotional/spiritual work won't even start until he reaches true repentance or the desire to be transformed. For so long, the cycle has been that he no longer wants to live on the streets and wants to have his own life and freedom, but he also wants to continue to do drugs and participate in behaviors and attitudes that will inevitably lead him right back to the streets. And, the biggest marker I see in the habitual cycle is a lack of humility and the false confidence that he can overcome his addiction by sheer force of will. Yes, the will plays a part, but so does community and the Holy Spirit and reconciliation and deep emotional healing. I won't lie--all of this is exhausting. If nothing else, I was encouraged by my willingness to believe the best in this attempt at Teen Challenge and leave the possibility open that the cycle may be broken. I still believe that the day could come when that would be the case, but I don't believe it's now.

An Update on Jorge
I can't go into this case too much because there are always two sides to every story, and I never know how complete of a story I am getting. All I can say is that Jorge is in a very unstable situation. He is practically living on the streets in the market and is looking for a job. And, I'll be honest, I don't know what to do with that. Similarly to Josuan, he has had many opportunities with various people and ministries even though those opportunities have mostly come from others and not from us. And, he is in the situation he finds himself in because of a series of poor decisions that he made. But, I feel deeply torn because he hasn't had the same kind of time and building of relationship with us that Josuan has had and because the longer he is in this situation, the more in danger he is to fall into drugs, to be abused, to be recruited to a gang, etc. Honestly, it's heart-wrenching. But, I don't have very many options for him especially because he has already burned some of the bridges that I had been able to connect him to in his previous times of need. I am keeping my ears open and my heart turned toward the Father asking what role I should play here or what He is doing in Jorge's life. As of right now, I don't have a solution other than to pray and know that God loves Jorge more than I do.

The Day to Day
This month, there have been some set parts to my routine. For starters, I have continued teaching classes online to Chinese students through VIPKID. I love the students, but the early morning hours are killing me. If I wasn't so busy with so many other things, it would be more manageable. But, between the hours and the recent lack of stability with my internet connection, I feel like it's not sustainable. So, there may be some changes in how I approach this job in the future because I'm technically an independent contractor and set my own hours. On Monday nights, we continue to have worship nights as a ministry. These times are special, and we feel God's presence in our midst. This month, we are starting to ask other members of the group to host at their houses or to participate in creating the song list. We want this to be something we all share. I continue to go to missionary ladies' Bible study on Tuesdays, and that continues to be a great blessing to me. Community makes all the difference. On Wednesdays, Lindsey and I go out to Ciudad España in order to help facilitate worship nights there in partnership with the ministry, One Day Revival. We have been encouraged by increased participation from those who attend, and we continue to work together to disciple the group in the basics of prayer and worship. On Thursdays and Saturdays, I continue to teach English classes. I have one class at level one and one class at level three.

Ministerio Familia de Promesa General Assembly and New Board
At the end of January, we had our ministry's anniversary celebration where we hosted a dinner and elected our new board members. It was a special time because it was the first time that Lindsey and I brought our two separate communities together to explain our vision for working together and the direction we feel God is taking us in. If nothing else, it was astounding to me to feel so surrounded by the Body of Christ and to recognize the healthy community God has brought into my life. It bears repeating--community makes all of the difference.

Visitors
This past month, we also had the privilege of some special visitors in our home. Last summer, I found an unconventional friend. There is a lady who has a ministry that seeks to encourage and support missionaries here in Honduras, especially focusing on the desires of their hearts. She lives in the US, but she makes a trip to Honduras yearly and has become good friends with many of the missionary ladies in my community. She and I became friends mainly via voice messaging back and forth after she read one of my blog posts that Lindsey had sent her. Over time, we have shared a lot of great conversations, and this month, I finally got to meet her in person! She stayed a night in my home, and it was great to finally sit down and have good conversation face-to-face.

Life here is always varied. You never know what you’ll get to be a part of. Three years ago, our North American friend, who was falsely accused and spent two years in prison awaiting trial, was released and went back to the US. Upon his release, he asked us to help a pastor who had visited the prison. The pastor was Carlos Montes, a man who faithfully visited the prison to preach to the inmates and a man who was rescued by Jesus during his own stint in prison decades ago. He lost his leg at the age of 25 and had walked with crutches since then. It took me a few months to investigate the options for finding affordable prosthetic limbs here in Honduras. But, I did find a nonprofit organization called Hope to Walk that gives out specially fitted prosthetics to those in need. It took another two years or so more to finally be able to fulfill the mission of getting Pastor Carlos a prosthetic leg because he is lacking his knee. Hope to Walk had to develop, patent, and fabricate a prosthetic specifically for those kinds of patients. But now, Pastor Carlos has his prosthetic and is able to do his job as a barber with much more ease. He and his wife came to stay with us during the fitting process, and they are great people! Our US friend pushed for a worthy dream, and we were blessed to be able to play a part in carrying it out. We were very encouraged by Pastor Carlos and his lovely wife and their testimony, and we feel like it was God who decided to cross our paths. As a side note, a granddaughter of Pastor Carlos and his wife had insisted that he keep the other shoe of each of the pairs of shoes that he bought because she dreamed she would see him walking on two legs. Out of the mouths of babes, my friends. God is good, and I can't tell you how much it encouraged my heart to finally see someone get a win.


Raúl with Pastor Carlos and his wife


Pastor Carlos receiving his prosthetic leg

As this month continues, I am clinging to God's promise from Exodus that His presence will go before me and that He will give me rest! I hope you are also finding rest even in the midst of what may be a busy season. I am learning to tap into that presence even in the hectic times and to speak life to myself even when I feel inadequate.

All of My Love,
Sarah

"There but for the grace of God, go I."

Hello All,

I've been back in Honduras for two weeks today and am just now finding a bit of a routine. There were some very hard goodbyes and a rough transition back to Honduras. But, I have been finding that this is often the case for many missionaries, not just me. So, if you know of a missionary who is headed back to the field after furlough or a family visit or a fundraising trip, keep them in your prayers. So much can happen while you're away, and oftentimes, not only are you wrestling with physical exhaustion from travel, emotional pain from goodbyes, and cultural shifts, you are also often stepping into ministerial problems that need immediate attention. It can be a lot to handle all at once. I have been so thankful for the community that God has provided for me both here in Honduras and in the US who have let me cry in voice messages, sit on their couches and process, and have prayed with me as I've been navigating a hard start to a new year. With that said, I am excited for this year! There are a lot of great things on the horizon for ministry, and while Lindsey and I are still working through what a lot of things will look like, we feel God's presence and leading close to us. He is working, and we just want to walk out His dreams in the best way possible.

The Ministry of Wisdom

One of the things that God really emphasized to me while I was in the States is how much we should value wisdom as children of God. We often chase after large crowds for our ministries to impact or pray for miracles and call out for financial provision, and all of those needs are real and important to God. But, I have been reminded that often many of those needs would be served by seeking out wisdom from God just as Solomon did. He does care about the details and wants to give us divine insight into our circumstances. It's up to us to not only include Him but also to prioritize Him.

Speaking for my own life, I have felt so thankful for the wealth of wisdom that God has placed in my life not just through resources like the books that I read but also and especially through people who have life experience and depth in their walks with God. A community of wise counselors is priceless to me and makes withstanding many circumstantial needs so much easier as well as knowing how to make choices to go beyond just surviving to thriving in walking in God's Kingdom. That is why much of what we do here in Honduras isn’t very measurable or tangible because the greatest needs are often abstract—vulnerable community, trustworthy counselors, and someone to just listen. We have found from experience that providing an opportunity for education or employment isn’t enough. The student often stops attending or the employee continues to drown in debt. At the heart of the issue, the student needs to feel that they have hope for a future and the self-esteem to believe they can improve their life through education. The employee doesn’t just need an income; he needs wisdom as to how to administrate and live within his means. All of this comes back to counsel and doing the hard, relational work of earning the trust of others. During the time I was in the States and since I’ve been back, a lot of my time has been spent counseling others and really just being an intentional, good friend. That has looked different depending on the situation, but the investment of time is the greatest gift I think I have to offer. One of the greatest resources that is lacking in Honduran culture is trustworthy relationships. Iron sharpens iron. But when you have no safe people to turn to, people who will give you both grace and truth, often that potential for maturity isn’t met, and cycles of problems continue. Please join us in praying that God would give us the wisdom needed for every person who crosses our path as well as for our own difficult decisions.

Worship Nights

Worship is still really what is fueling this season of life and ministry. For me, it's easy to get caught up in achievement mode even when Bible reading or time with the Lord. Sometimes, I can fall into the trap of just wanting to cross something off of my to do list. Worship, however, keeps me grounded right in this moment. And, the more that I prioritize it, the more that I do hear God's voice and receive the wisdom and hope needed to be a vessel of something life-giving to others. In this month of January, a local church has been having ongoing intercession, worship, and fasting. So, in the spirit of unifying the Body of Christ, we have also been taking our ministry group members to their worship nights. It has provided a chance for those of us who tend to facilitate to also be able to rest and receive in a new environment. And, I have been blessed by God's presence, and all that He has been saying! After January, we do plan to continue worship nights and expand the invitations to others to be present and participate.

Lindsey continues to facilitate worship nights in Ciudad España in partnership with One Day Revival Ministry. We have been growing as we learn how to best structure these worship nights for the population we are ministering to. In the past year, that has looked different at different times--including worship and prayer and some teaching time--but, we have been blessed by how long these nights have consistently gone on and how God has been drawing people unto Himself. Last night's worship night, we had every chair occupied and many kids sitting tight on cushions on the floor. Please join us in praying that God would continue to lead us well and to give us grace as we seek His strategies for Ciudad España.

Esthefanny's Diploma

I am so happy to report that Esthefanny finished her first year in college with a major in journalism. Her studies have gone well, and she has enjoyed her classes so far. However, she has reached a bureaucratic obstacle in continuing because her high school has taken more than a year to hand out diplomas. It sounds ridiculous, but this is often the case here. One person doesn't do their job or doesn't do their job well, and hundreds of students get behind in their studies or future endeavors just because one signature is lacking. It boggles the logical mind, but it's the reality. Esthefanny was able to register for university classes on a temporary provisional condition that she would bring in her diploma as soon as she got it. For over a year, the powers that be in her high school have given her false promises of when that would happen. Since I have been back in Honduras, we have been able to find information about what options she has to speed up the process. But, even so, her high school continues to tell her a new date every couple of weeks, and the high school's director does not take our calls or answer our messages. We are still in the thick of this and are unsure what the outcome will be. How heartbreaking it would be for Stef to have to repeat her last two years of high school because of someone's negligence (especially since she just passed her first year of college!). Please join us in praying that that diploma would be released into her hands as soon as possible and that God would give us divine favor and wisdom as to how continue to pressure for justice.

A Update on Josuan

When I left for the States, Josuan was kind of bouncing back and forth between places. His drug use has closed a lot of doors for places to stay over the years, and the last I had heard, he was living with a friend in Ojojona. While I was in the States, a leader and family friend from Teen Challenge sent me a message that Josuan was in Teen Challenge. Apparently, the pastor saw him on the streets of Ojojona and took him to Teen Challenge directly from there. I am not sure exactly how long he has been there, but it is likely nearing two months because this Sunday is the first Sunday he will be allowed to have visitors. We do plan to go visit him this Sunday, and let me tell you, this full circle situation is so surreal. In February, it will be seven years since Josuan became my kid after breaking his leg on the streets. I have had several moments with God where I have just replayed the last seven years and have thought about what has changed. A lot has changed, and I am encouraged by that, oddly enough, as my son enters rehab (of his own volition) for the second time. When I met Josuan, he had been living on the streets for three years since the age of 12. He had been in and out of government-run homes and ministry homes for street-connected youth. He did not have a community of people who would show him the love of Jesus. He was addicted to shoe glue, crack, and marijuana and often dabbled in alcohol and paint thinner. And he was buried deep in some heartbreaking situations.

I remember vividly sitting by his side at the hospital and having a pastor come by and start evangelizing to Josuan. I don't remember exactly what he said, but it was to the effect of, "God loves you and wants to meet you right where you are." And after the pastor walked away, Josuan looked up at me with total sincerity and asked, "Do you think God could actually love me?" And, while I reassured him calmly with my words, I felt fiercely within me the determination of "yes, He absolutely does, and I will do everything in my power to show you what that looks like." Now, seven years later, Josuan has a permanent metal rod in his leg that serves as a reminder when it gets cold of how God swooped in during his moment of need. It's like his Jacob's limp. He knows the Word. He has heard the voice of God in his own heart. He has prayed and seen prayers answered. He has felt God's touch and experienced God's divine, merciful protection and provision. Josuan's family seven years ago didn't have relationships with Jesus, and now, his sister is a leader in her church and talks to God as a best friend. Her mom and stepfather go to a church and got legally married from their newfound convictions and relationships with God. Where there was hurt and confusion in his family relationships, God has started the process of reconciliation, and Josuan's mother prays for him all the time. And, even apart from his biological family, God has provided a community of people beyond myself who love him, have helped him, and continue to fight for him in so many ways.

I don't know why it is taking my son such a long time to have that final breakthrough. I honestly don't know why God has given him so many chances. But, as I've been pondering walking into a familiar place like Teen Challenge now feeling like a totally different person with seven years of wisdom and experience and history with God on this journey, I get an image of myself in a boxing ring. And, I'm on the floor and down for the count, and the Trinity is all around me whispering in my ear, "Baby, you gotta get up! This is round two! Come on! It's time. Let's do this." And as I get up, I am overwhelmed by all that God has walked with me and provided for me in the last seven years. The provision. The lessons and maturing. The piecing together my heart over and over again. And, the community of people He has placed at my side who hold my arms up. I don't know what the outcome of Round 2 will be for Josuan. And there's a part of me that wants to slip into self-preservation and prepare my heart for the worst. But that's not what God's love looks like. And I've only ever come out on the other side a better person, more in communion with the suffering of my Savior, when I've chosen to love with a whole heart.

Personal Finances

In the interest of being vulnerable, one of the biggest difficulties that I walked back into when I got back from the US was the reality of some financial situations and the many large expenses that we have coming up. This is an area in our marriage where cultural conflicts are often present. Coming from a culture that, at least on the surface for those of us who want to be lawful, requires diligence in keeping track of spending and earning in order to file taxes, I operate best in that kind of order. Keeping accurate tallies of expenditures and using a budget and letting the facts of the numbers spent and earned speak in terms of what is wise to cut and what is still worthy of our investment is just logic to me. My husband, on the other hand, comes from a socio-economic culture where you're lucky if you know how you're going to pay for your next meal and where many businesses like his own never make a budget because the consequences for not doing so aren't readily apparent. If they have enough for what they want that day, they can call that success. The mindset is almost always on the present rather than the future, in least in practical steps. This is such a strain for us in navigating what his being a US immigrant and resident means for his having to file US taxes and having to change all of his financial habits to get in line with a new culture and way of doing things. Without going into too much detail, I will say that we aren't there yet (though we have been working toward it), and we need God's grace. I have budgeted and saved and scrimped as much as possible, but the truth of the matter is that I have already experienced even in my own situations how God has provided for things I was not prepared for (often because I didn't know it was coming). As a wife, it can be hard not to freak out when you've warned your husband for a long time that something is coming, and he isn't prepared when it's nearly upon you. "There but for the grace of God, go I." It's easy to want to get angry and place blame, and in some cases, there are lessons that do need to be learned and a greater respect that needs developed. But, in my own walk with Christ, I am choosing to see the situation and our inadequacy as an invitation to mine my own soul to find the deficiencies in my faith.

For a long time, I think I have been in a defensive, self-preservation mode because of the many years when it seemed like it was always something. I felt like I was continuously getting blindsided like someone attempting to stand in ocean waves who keeps getting knocked down. Now, however, I feel the invitation from the Lord to return to discovery mode. Rather than frantically trying to find a solution to this new threat of harm, I can see the situation with the wonder of a child who trusts a graceful Father and who asks, "How will you rescue me this time?" It's a path I'm inching my way down, so some days, faith rises up, and I do feel that way. Other days, it's all I can do to just cry out to Jesus in the midst of my doubt. Stewardship is important, and those of you who have known me a long time, likely know how I'm constantly pondering the best way to steward my time and finances and resources for something of eternal value. I am often my harshest and most demanding critic. But, learning good stewardship doesn't happen overnight. I was blessed to come from parents who both gave me an allowance and also sat me down to teach me that we set aside 10% for tithe as first priority, another percentage for savings, and we are free to use what is left. Stewardship was a value instilled in me from a very young age, and it's a path I've been walking and learning since then. My husband never had that kind of instruction or structure, and his path of learning stewardship is looking different than mine. But God's grace for us both doesn't change.

As we enter this new year, we do have a lot of expenses coming up in a short span of time. Because of Raúl's immigration status, we have to return to the US in the spring which means another round of plane tickets. This is also the first year that Raúl has to file taxes as a US resident, and because of the uniqueness of our situation, we seek out a professional to help us know the best way of doing things. He likely won't have to pay income taxes since the source of his income is Honduras and not the US, but he will have to pay self-employment taxes since he has no withholdings from his income for things like social security in the US. Our desire and plan has also always been that Raúl apply for his citizenship as soon as we have the funds to do so. Unfortunately, the prices for processing citizenship applications will be going up 83% this year. So now, we need somewhere in the ballpark of $3,000 rather than $2,500. I won't lie--after so much difficult effort in saving (and still feeling so far from the original mark), finding out that the finish line was being moved on me, I cried. It's overwhelming, friends, and I ask for you prayers, definitely for provision, but also especially that God would mature us through these circumstances. I want to develop a deeper level of trust in God's provision and in the belief that He does extend us His grace and that He does care about each of these needs. I want to see my husband grow in stewardship, and in our marriage, I want to become more of a respectful team in our finances.

If nothing else has come from this situation, I have felt God's invitation to confront some lies that I struggle with in this area. I am not on my own no matter how I may feel. You would think that eight years with no salary and just living month to month from the generosity of others and the provision of a loving Father would have taught me that, but I still struggle sometimes with feeling like the needs are all on my shoulders. Doubt can sometimes creep in, or I fall into convincing myself that if I have failed to plan and prepare well, that I don't deserve God's provision. And, I share all of this with you because I want to be intentional in vulnerability. Yes, we I am a missionary, and I have said many hard yeses to the Lord. But every day, I am also human and in need of God's grace. And, some days, the yes He requires of me is admitting my inadequacy, confessing my doubts, and leaning into His everlasting arms. So, if you find yourself in the same or similar positions, just know, you are not alone.

I love you all dearly and so appreciate your willingness to read and keep up with us. And, I readily invite you to share any and all thoughts and prayer requests you may have so that we may lift each other up. My e-mail address is sarah.crickenberger@gmail.com.

All of my love,
Sarah

Creating Heavenly Hotspots

Hello All!

It's hard to believe that I've been in the US for a month already! Time has flown by. Leading up to my brother's wedding, there were lots of preparations and just kind of settling in. His wedding was beautiful with so many personal touches unique to him and Ally. Ally really worked hard to make it a loving, cozy environment where people could celebrate and enjoy themselves. She did a great job! It was a lot of fun for me to spend time with so many people who have deep roots in my family's history. My brother has had the same friends since he was little, so it was nice to have my bonus little brothers all in one place and meet some of his new friends that he's collected over the years that I've been in Honduras. It was a celebration of Ally and Samuel, and it was also a celebration of community and the people who mold us and shape us.

Since the wedding, my brother went on his honeymoon while my sister returned to university. I have been home with my parents in Christmas mode. We have been Christmas shopping and opening packages from Amazon left and right. We've been wrapping presents and listening to Christmas music and figuring out schedules. With fewer weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas, everything has felt more rushed than normal.

Heavenly Hotspots

In the mean time, I have also tried to keep up with my regular schedule of online teaching through VIPKID. It has been a challenge. It is odd to say, but my internet in Honduras is often faster than what I can find in rural West Virginia. I started out by using a phone hotspot with a pay-as-you-go data plan, and that was working fine. I would roll out of bed and sit on the floor with a Winnie the Pooh sheet as my backdrop. All was well until I was about half way through the monthly GB allotment, and they started throttling the speeds. Miraculously enough, I have only had one IT issue in the whole month because of internet. But, I have had to be resourceful! During Thanksgiving week, the night before Thanksgiving, I was at my grandmother's house, and the power went out. My aunt lives on the next street over, and she still had electricity. So I packed up all of my teaching gear in the dark and headed over to my aunt's to stay the night. I had already set things up when the electricity came back on at my grandmother's. But, I stayed put and enjoyed and evening and a morning with my aunt and her pups. I have taught in my parents' living room with a couch as my background. For over a week, I woke up close to 4am to drive half an hour to teach at a family friend's house. They saved my classes! And thankfully, the weather cooperated. Just this morning, I set my little classroom up on the floor of my sister's bedroom in her apartment with her window curtains as my backdrop. It's been interesting and stressful to say the least!

But, in a time of prayer last week, God used that situation to speak to me about creating heavenly hostpots. Because I wanted to keep my job, I had to go where the internet was. It was difficult to find connections that were fast enough for the teaching platform, but in my desperation, I was willing to do whatever I needed to do to be able to do my job and avoid IT issues. On a regular basis in life, we are around people who have needs whether spiritual, physical, or emotional. Many of these people don't have the resources or the tools to be able to meet those needs, and they feel desperate. . In this year, I want to be conscious of facilitating heavenly hotspots. In the same way that a hotspot makes internet connection faster and more reliable, I believe that we as believers have the power to call down Heaven to the earth and to facilitate an encounter with the presence of God that someone may never otherwise have.

Raúl and I know a devout, Honduran lady who is one of the best examples of that. Her name is Sonia, and she has been in ministry for many years. Every time you go to Sonia’s house, she doesn’t just offer you a beverage or a meal, she always is prepared to give you a word exactly suited to your life in that moment. I don't think I've ever left her house before she has prayed for me. She cultivates the presence of God in her house in such a way that you are nearly guaranteed to encounter Him every time you visit her.

I believe that’s how we’re all called to be as believers. How we cultivate these heavenly hotspots may look different for each of us, but I believe that it starts with deepening our own intimacy with God and seeking healing and fullness in any area that He leads us to address. When we are connected to Him, we recognize our authority to pray for the healing of others. We know the heart of the Father enough to steward our resources with divine generosity. We can receive the words that someone else needs to hear from God. When we create a throne for Him with our worship, we invite others to enter in to the place where He inhabits, and His presence does a transforming work that none of us humans can do. In this new year, I would encourage you to ask God what steps you can take to be and create a heavenly hotspot and to be a facilitator of an encounter with the loving Father, with the Savior, and with the Holy Spirit.

That may look like providing hospitality for someone in need of family. That may look like visiting a sick person not just to pray but also to worship God in their midst and ask for His presence to bring divine healing and comfort. That may look like praying for the people who visit your home before they walk out of your door. Regardless, I would encourage you to join me in pondering with God how I can be more intentional in my relationships to invite God's presence into the moment and provide those around me with the fulfillment of their needs.

Matters of Prayer

1) This month, it came to my attention that Esthefanny still has not received her high school diploma. Guys, it's been a year. Welcome to Honduras. There has been some concern that her school, which has since stopped operating fully, is giving all of the students the run-around. I have done the best that I can to advise Stef on how to proceed in going to the Ministry of Education, etc. But, we need some divine justice and favor! She was told that she should be receiving her diploma by the 20th of this month. She is preparing to finish her first year of university! They allowed her to register with the provision that she later bring them her diploma. Please join us in praying that God would mandate from Heaven that that diploma be released into Stef's hands!

2) Raúl's green card and citizenship. We continue to wait to receive Raúl's green card, and we continue to save up for his citizenship. Thankfully, while I've been in the States, I have been able to save a little bit more, and we are thinking creatively as to how to pay for his citizenship. Please join us in prayers for God's provision.

3) The new year. I am excited about ministry for this coming year. I can't begin to express how refreshing it is to have people in my life who value relationship first and who bring so much to the table in terms of vision and great ideas. I don't know how ministry will unfold this year, but we're committed to taking our next right steps as God leads. On a personal note, I am asking God for discernment. There are many dreams and desires of my heart that I would like to pursue or at least receive an answer from God about. I always want to obey Him and seek His best. I also don't want to waste time. Please join me in praying that God would give me clarity to know how to best steward the talents that He has given me and also the time that I have. I want to choose wisely.

4) Josuan. I received a message from a Honduran friend and former leader at Teen Challenge that Josuan is now in Teen Challenge. He has been there for less than a month, but I am encouraged that he is there. He has continued to struggle with drugs all of this time and has bounced around from place to place. I don't know what it's going to take for Josuan to have a true breakthrough. I wish I could make that choice for him. But, God recently comforted me that my efforts haven't been in vain. Nearly seven years ago, Josuan had no hope that there could even be another path for his future. He didn't know that God loved him. He didn't have any healthy community. Now, he knows at least on a head level that God loves him. He has people who he knows loves him and have fought for him. And, there are people who pray for him. I hope you will join me in being one of those people.

Merry Christmas to you all! I hope it is deeply blessed.

All My Love,
Sarah

Thank you all so much for how you continue to stick with us in prayer and support and even just reading and knowing what we're up to.

The Vision

Raúl, me, and Lindsey

Hello All,
This past month was a whirlwind in many ways just in terms of teaching and tying up loose ends before I headed to the States. As I write this, I am sitting in my parents' living room curled up in a blanket with a space heater beside me. It was nice to see the last little bit of color on the leaves as I flew in, and I am enjoying the coziness of the season. Not a whole lot has changed in the last month in terms of the ongoing routine and responsibilities. But, I have started considering what some of the steps are to move forward going in to next year. It occurs to me that while I have touched on the blessing that some new community has been for me, I haven't really covered in depth the ways that ministry is shifting as a result of new community and connections that God is making. So, I will do that now.

Back in 2014, a few things happened that set the stage for a lot of the new things God is doing now. God is the great Author of all stories, and His foreshadowing never ceases to amaze me. The year 2014 was when we started the Honduran-registered non-profit Ministerio Familia de Promesa. Honestly, I didn't have a five-year plan or even much clarity on our purpose. I was just in the midst of working with socially at-risk youth and knew that we needed some legal covering and also felt like part of the "family of promise" set-up needed to include a support system that went beyond my little family of foster sons. Around this same time, I came to understand that one of the biggest needs in Honduras that undoubtedly needed to be addressed was unemployment. At that point, I had lived in Honduras for about three years and had experienced first-hand how well-meaning handouts just contributed to a cycle of poverty and perpetuating a victim mentality. I committed to leading my foster kids to work and to have dignity and ownership over their goals, responsibilities, and futures, but I knew that the element of employment and business would need to be present on a larger scale in ministry at some point. With this in mind, I bought a trailer that could be used as a location from which to sell food or other products. I really fought God on the purchase because I didn't see business as being my strength, and I had no idea how I would make it worthwhile. But, because of the purchase, we purposely included in our non-profit bi-laws that we wanted to be able to provide employment through various businesses including food services. Honestly, since then, the trailer has only seen some action, and I'd be lying if I said that I'd even broken even financially. However, every time that I've had an offer of someone wanting to buy it, I never felt peace about it. So, I held onto it.

In 2014, I also was seeking God as to what the long-term purpose of the non-profit ministry was to be. What would make us different than so many other ministries or what was even the reason I specifically was called to Honduras? Most of life and ministry to that point was really just stopping for one person and letting the Holy Spirit lead from opportunity to opportunity, and from need to need. But, while at an Iris Global conference in Nashville with my mom, God started giving me a larger, more long-term vision. One of the biggest things I understood deeply was that many well-meaning ministries place the needs of people as the highest priority and operate their vision from a place of meeting those needs. While that has good intentions, I was already experiencing firsthand how quickly those in need could quickly become demanding and entitled and how quickly I could lose focus from what God was nudging me to prioritize just because I was so swamped with putting out fires and meeting unending needs. I was quickly burning out and knew that something had to change. What God communicated to my heart through numerous means was that He had to be first priority. If we don't want people to depend on us, they have to know that they are not our first priority--He is. Our very first ministry is to the Person of God, loving Him well, being in deep relationship with Him, hearing His voice, and carrying out His plans. As I came to this conviction, I also began to have a vision of worship and intercession going before all else.

I still felt a heart for Honduras and for street children and needy neighborhoods. But, I also knew that I had no strategies within myself. I had already been trying on such a small scale with my kids, and so many of my efforts felt futile at times. If anything was going to be able to change, it had to be with His strategies. So the mental image I kept coming back to was worshiping God in the darkest of places. We all are worshiping someone all the time whether we're conscious about it or not. When love and compassion, pure motives, and genuine relationship with God are present even just in one person, God shines down on that place. We can see that in the Bible so many times--Esther was the conduit of God's rescue, the Israelites were walking testimonies of the true God and His mercy, David's worship in Saul's presence changed the atmosphere to peace instead of oppression. When evil is allowed to take place in a location, it becomes a pattern until someone interrupts it with God's love and presence. Areas become known as points of drug sales or places where people are tortured and murdered. There are dark corners where people know are dangerous, or there are whole neighborhoods that people are afraid to enter because they're controlled by gangs. And those precisely are the places that not only contain the most need in terms of people but the most need in terms of spiritual warfare. I have seen time and time again that we can enter and try to evangelize or give people resources or opportunities, but there are just certain strongholds that have to be broken before those people will even begin to value themselves enough to take hold of the opportunities before them.

So, the vision I had looked like a team of people worshiping and interceding together. There was a map on the wall, and we began to ask God where to go. We started with Tegucigalpa and prayed over the places God led us to. Then we went to those places and walked just like the Israelites did for Jericho, just praying and worshiping. This team started in a centralized location like Tegucigalpa, but eventually, it expanded in going to different departments of Honduras, and eventually, it led to equipping Honduran missionaries to be sent out to other countries. Armed with this vision, there were many steps that I've taken over the years to try to be obedient in bringing the vision to pass. And, I will be honest in saying that my endeavors have felt like they haven't gone anywhere.

We started by taking a small group of people to the streets to worship. That never really panned out into anything constant, and it was just my kids, myself, and one other person. We were not spiritually prepared to say the least. The next try a while later was a partnership with a church and many people from the church. My mom and my sister were in the from the US. We bought clothing to hand out on the streets and made some food. We assigned people to be intercessors and had a team for worship. But, while there was much zeal, there wasn't much maturity or understanding of the vision. The people who were helping to lead the worship were doing a good job, but I hadn't communicated well enough that the point wasn't to get the people involved. The worship is for Him and Him alone. If anyone else on the streets sings or worships or not isn't the point. I really loved seeing the potential of many of the people that we involved that evening, and some of those people have continued to be a part of the non-profit in the last several years. But, while many of the team were amped up about how many plates of food we'd given away or all the places they ended up preaching, I knew that the vision wasn't being carried out as God intended. Once again, we'd allowed people to be the focus rather than God first.

During that same season, I joined the worship team at the church we were at. I had known since 17 that part of my calling was in worship. Actually, God called me to worship ministry before He called me to missions. But, it was a part of my calling I'd never walked out. It was an area that I felt fragile in especially because I always wanted worship to remain a sacred space with God and not let it become a battleground for religion and people-pleasing. It was absolutely a blessing that I joined the worship team and had that experience. I learned so many things that I needed for the next season, but it did indeed become a battleground for religion and people pleasing, and before long, I knew that the season needed to end so that I could re-focus my heart.

My next try at assembling a team was last year when I started the small group at my house. The whole point was to foster community and to be able to teach my group how to be a team that operated with the leading of the Holy Spirit but also with hearts that were made whole. Things started out well but soon took a detour when my board members stopped coming, and my husband starting inviting neighborhood kids. It wasn't a bad season to have the opportunity to share about Jesus and love these young people well. It just wasn't what I'd started out with in mind.

I share all of this because since 2014 I have struggled with wanting to put the vision in motion and feeling like failure was a constant result. There have been times when I've questioned God's motives in sending me to Honduras. There have been times when I've doubted my ability to hear His voice. There have been times when I've wanted to shut out everyone because it seemed like the greatest burden to bear was the constant letdowns from other people. Raúl will attest to the seasons in which I've wanted to pack it up and just move back to the US. But regardless of anything that I am feeling, I always let God have the last word. I know that I only have one little life to live, and I want my life to have eternal value. I want to spend my time well. So, I persevered as best as I knew how.

Around the time that I was planning my wedding, I was in the midst of some cultural burn out. I felt so alone, and with so many expectations being stomped on for the wedding, I began to associate Honduras with disappointment and betrayal more than anything else. I knew that I needed someone who could understand me culturally if I was going to be able to continue in Honduras with a healthy heart. In Honduras, there is an organization that unites missionaries from all over Honduras, providing community, resources, etc. I knew about it but wasn't a part of it. So, I looked up their website and started looking at the profiles of missionaries. There are a lot! But, I came across Lindsey's profile, and something in my spirit knew that she was the right person to reach out to. I found some of her blog posts and just felt more confirmation that out of all of these missionaries, she was the one I needed to reach out to. So, I found her on Facebook and sent her an awkward message basically trying to indicate that I wasn't a crazy person and that I'd like to be her friend. We had mutual friends in common, so she gave me a chance. The first time we ever went out for coffee, we talked for around three hours about so many things! And she quickly connected me with more places and people with whom to have healthy community.

During our nearly three-year friendship, we both have felt that we were connected in ministry in some way, but we've loosely held what exactly that means or looks like, letting the Holy Spirit just develop anything in His own way. When I went to the States with Raúl in the summer, I was at the end of myself. It was the first time when I really had no Plan B up my sleeve. I had no more ideas in relation to ministry. We were still doing our best to love others well and to be a part of healthy community, but I just had no idea how to try again. All I knew in my return to Honduras was that I needed to stay close to Lindsey and also to Jen, another missionary she had been working with. I felt like God was cultivating something in Ciudad España, where Jen's ministry is located, and I just needed to be a part of that community.

In the three years that I've known Lindsey, I've known that her focus has been on building community, worship, and starting a coffee shop as a sustainable ministry. She has also had her share of processes and times when she thought that where God was leading her would be the THE fulfillment of the vision when it turned out to be a time of preparation for what was next. But, she has also persevered in obedience and continually just seeking God's voice. When I left for the States, Lindsey's plan was to find a house in Ciudad España and move there to be an active part of Jen's ministry, One Day Revival. But, no house ever became available to rent. Months were spent looking and knocking on doors, and Lindsey continued to be an active part of Jen's ministry. But, the way ended up seeming not as paved as she thought it would be. In the midst of the questions of whether she was just supposed to wait or what exactly all of this meant, a friend of hers approached her with the idea of a mobile coffee shop via a food truck/trailer as a means of evangelism. Lindsey had long known that coffee, community, and worship were all supposed to be tied together. She just didn't have clarity as to how. But this new idea was something worth praying about. As Lindsey began to pray about it, it became a means of expanding the vision. Yes, God was cultivating something in Ciudad España, and yes, Lindsey and coffee and community and worship were a part of it. But, the vision wasn't confined just to Ciudad España, and the idea of a mobile coffee truck starting making that vision grow. In the time that Lindsey was pondering what her ministry should look like, she never wanted to start her own non-profit. She didn't feel like that was her strength, and she is the kind of person who enjoys being a part of a network of support. As she was considering her legal options in starting a ministry that also included a coffee truck business, she wondered about being under another non-profit. And, it occurred to me that our articles included a specific clause that could make it possible for her to work under our umbrella.

That became the door that has led so much more than what we were expecting. In the last few months, God has made it clear that He has been knitting us together from the get-go. We feel as if God gave us snapshots of the same vision, just from different angles. And, if He is revealing the way that He has been connecting us (and all of the other people who has placed in our hearts), we hope to steward this new understanding as the opportunity to try again now with something new.

The vision looks like this:

1) Prayer and Intercession -- Our next step in moving forward is to form a ministry team of people who understand the value of worship and intercession. Just as we've been meeting for prayer and worship on Monday nights, we would continue but with a more focused purpose of praying over Ciudad España and asking God for specific strategies. There may be a period of time where we learn together what this kind of Holy Spirit-led intercession looks like and just develop a strong sense of unity among ourselves. We can't foster community for others if we aren't modeling it ourselves. When God leads, we would also start being purposeful about praying and worshiping in Ciudad España through prayer walks, etc.

2) Discipling Others in the Areas of Prayer and Intercession -- Over the last three months, Lindsey has been working with Jen to have worship nights for the community within the mission house that belongs to Jen's ministry. Recently, we have shifted gears to include some discipleship about what worship is and why we worship as well as doing our best to share about Who we worship. Jen's goal is to have a 24/7 prayer room, and we feel like it's important to lay a foundation of understanding and to give the community the tools to know what a relationship with God is. The desire is that the prayer room would be led and sustained by the same community and not by missionaries. Thus, it's imperative that we lead others from Ciudad España to understand that God hears their voices just as much as He hears ours and to know the power of their own prayers and to cultivate their own intimate relationship with God.

3) Establishing Prayer and Worship Centers -- We view Ciudad España as a place that God is indeed cultivating many things, but we hope that as we learn through our experiences in Ciudad España that we will also learn how to best put these ideas in practice for other communities in Honduras. The desire is to establish prayer and worship centers where people of all churches and denominations are welcome to fuel the flame of revival. We purposefully are not church planting because our desire is for unity within the Body of Christ. We hope that these physical prayer and worship centers can be a neighborhood refuge for people from all walks of life who need an encounter with Jesus. And, we know that prayer and worship are the ongoing fuel for any other ministry to the needs of people. We have to build and maintain a throne where God can reign in the midst of the darkness before we can hope to light candles in the people around us.

4) Ministry to People via Coffee Truck -- When God has released us to begin to reach out to people, this is where the coffee aspect comes in. Our hope is that the physical prayer/worship/community centers can be self-sustaining through a coffee shop. That very well could start out with bringing in a mobile coffee truck to start building relationships with the community and perhaps hosting community outreach events. As we develop relationships and become acquainted with people's specific giftings, callings, and needs, we could begin to expand our ministry to include training people for employment (like running a future coffee shop in the community center), education through tutoring for higher learning or English classes, and also setting up a Bible/missions school to help people develop their God-given callings.

5) Raising Up and Sending Out Leaders -- Our goal is to be able to empower people to carry out their God-given callings with the healthy help of community. Our desire is to be able to eventually hand off the day-to-day operations of the worship/community center and the coffee shop to local leaders. And, we would act as a parent with an adult child--we would continue to care and always be ready to give advice and a listening ear as well as to check in and make sure everything is going all right, but we would lead our leaders to the feet of Jesus. The goal is never dependency on us as humans but a commitment to serve one another mutually as the Body of Christ and to seek Him first for all of our collective needs. Some of the leaders who are raised up may stay in their own communities. But, some of the leaders may feel led to be missionaries to other communities in Honduras or to other countries. Regardless, we want to equip them and send them out with a system of prayer coverage and familial support.

Obviously, this is the big dream. We have no concept of how long, but we understand that this is long-term. Yet, I have a deep understanding that much of the time frame and our success as a whole depends on how unrelenting we are in our commitment to keep God as our very first priority above even ministry itself. We want to be worthy of His trust, and we truly want to behave as His friends.

In this coming year, Lindsey and I feel that our next step is forming that ministry team of people with the desire to worship and intercede. People can often be the hardest resource to come by, so please join us in prayer that God would send us the right people and that He would teach us how to lead them well with principles of Kingdom culture rather than US or Honduran culture.

Some other things you can be praying for are:

1) The speedy arrival of Raúl's ten-year green card and God's provision for Raúl's US citizenship. We have currently been waiting four months to receive it. Our hope is to be able to apply for his US citizenship this coming year. Currently, we are still lacking $2,100.

2) That God would speak to me during my time in the US. There are various areas where I am seeking His direction--especially in relation to the when/how of starting my master's program in Christian counseling.

3) For Raúl during this time that I am away. That he would also hear from God and be taken care of as he holds the fort down in Honduras.

4) My brother's upcoming wedding and marriage!

In this month of Thanksgiving, I would just like to say that I am so thankful for each one of you who reads and remembers us, prays and supports us. You are family and our community, and we bless you!

All my love,
Sarah

Great Is His Faithfulness

Hello All,

As this last month marched forward, in the midst of normal routines, we were reminded of God’s faithfulness and provision.

When I last updated, Honduras was in crisis mode because of drought. I am thankful to be able to say that after weeks of rain being in the forecast but only some droplets falling, precisely on the night that we had purposed as a group to contend in worship and intercession for rain, it started pouring even before we started. It should be noted that all across Honduras people had been praying, including a group of missionaries who banded together from across the country to stop every night at 8pm to pray for the nation. And, as my mom’s pastor told her as many in the US were also praying, it did indeed break. Since then, we have had pretty steady rain, and our pila has continued to be full. The rainy season normally comes to a close around November, but I am praying that the rainy season will be a bit extended this year to make up for all of the drought. There will be repercussions with crops and the like that we will see next year, but as always, God showed Himself to be so faithful in this, and He will continue to be faithful.

Another area where God has been faithful in giving us a seed has been in Raúl’s citizenship. Business has been down since we’ve been back from the US, and money has been tight for me as well. As much as we want to be able to save for the list of things we have—especially for Raúl’s citizenship—we have actually ended up living off of savings for a few months rather than being able to bolster our savings. However, a beloved family member contributed $400 to Raúl’s citizenship fund, so that puts us that much closer to being able to start the process. Now, we’re at $2,100 lacking. God is faithful, and we will continue to do our best to be faithful in stewarding what He provides!

As I’ve previously mentioned, I have a great desire to get my master’s degree in Christian counseling via an online program. I am committed to not going into debt, so my next step in being able to save for that goal was getting an online teaching job. That way, all of the income from that job can go directly to tithe, taxes, and my master’s degree. I am happy to say that since I last updated, I applied and was hired by VIPKid, an online company that facilitates English classes for Chinese students. The application process was RIGOROUS, let me tell you! But, the job itself is going well so far. Generally, the first months can be slow monetarily because employees are technically independent contractors. Teachers open up their available slots for classes, and parents pick the teacher and time slot. As you can imagine, in a community of 90,000 teachers—some of whom have five years of being on the platform—it can take a wile for a newbie to prove herself. So, classes have been slow, but I do have a couple of students who have consistently signed up with me, and they are so sweet! Because the classes operate on Beijing time, sometimes the hours can be rough since they are either very early morning or at night, but the kids make it worth it! I am hoping to get certified in more areas through the platform to generate more clients. From what I understand, only 6%-10% of applicants actually get hired, so I feel like God provided this opportunity for me and is continuing to open doors for my future studies.

This past month, Esthefanny finished a semester and started a new university semester. It’s not always easy to balance all of the needs that she has for school in terms of transportation, materials, and the ongoing tuition, but I am proud of her perseverance. She loves her major of journalism and has been given a lot of unique opportunities as part of her major. As she continues, I look forward to seeing what doors God continues to open for her.

Faithful community continued for us in many forms. Every Monday night, we continue to have worship nights and to experience God’s presence and leading alongside those who attend. Every Tuesday morning, I continue to go to Bible study with fellow female missionaries. I had quite a few moments last week just marveling at God’s goodness in connecting me with these women. It’s a delight to have a space where I can be myself, where we can laugh and cry together, and where there is mutual understanding. It has truly been a lifeline for me, and I treasure the relationships that have emerged and deepened because of that Bible study. Wednesday afternoons, I continue to accompany my friend Lindsey in Ciudad España for worship nights and fellowship afterwards with Jen and her ministry family. It’s been special to be a part of the community that Jen has pioneered and built and to come alongside her and Lindsey with the desire to just be a supportive friend for what God is doing in that place.

One of the things that Lindsey and I have been processing together is just how important and what a blessing it is when we each find the role in ministry that we were meant for. I’ve been reading a book that studies the five-fold ministry, and I’ve been reminded of how God’s strategies and organization is infinitely wiser than whatever we tend to come up with as humans. And, along with learning, I have been reminded that God gives us such grace to operate in trial and error even within ministry. As I look back on my last eight years here in Honduras, I see so many false starts and so many times when I thought that ministry would play out a certain way, and it didn’t end up even coming close. Yet, I have continued to take risk, to learn, to open myself up to God’s correction and leading, and while I still don’t know that I have narrowed down any kind of five-year plan or step-by-step clarity, I do feel like God has seen my loyalty with eyes of love. It is in the same way that a parent watches as their child tries to put a puzzle together and turns the pieces around in circles or grabs different pieces trying to get them to fit. Even as I sometimes struggle with the embarrassment of past attempts that have failed, He looks on me with kindness and joy because, through it all, I am learning. Through it all, I have kept taking risks, kept giving Him my best, and have stayed willing even when nothing seemed to be going as I wanted it to. While my hope for the future is to finally find some kind of sweet spot where the vision moves forward, the right people are in place and in motion, and the resources are provided, at the end of the day, the condition and motivation of my heart are what He’s most concerned about. If I have been faithful in the small things, I trust that He will be able to entrust me with greater things.

I continue to teach two English classes—one on Thursday nights and one Saturday afternoons. As I have a full plate, I sometimes ask myself how much longer I should continue to teach English classes, but it all comes down to the students. When I have people who are eager to learn and who make the effort to do so, I want to go the distance with them as much as I can. Watching them learn is a blessing to me!

In a little over three weeks, I will once again be headed to the States. My brother is getting married, and since I was already going to be spending on a plane ticket and making the trip, I wanted to spend the holidays with my family. (I so missed spending the holidays with them last year!) When I left the US in August, I wondered why exactly God would have me once again in a position of rest or perspective change so soon. Now that it is fast-approaching, I get it. The word that God gave me for this year was “abundance,” and this year has been true to that word. I’ve experienced an abundance of community. An abundance of opportunities. An abundance of learning and connecting the dots. An abundance of healing from the compassion of others. And, I have an abundance of new questions moving forward! With a new job and new responsibilities, and trying to figure out new ways to balance my time, I welcome the opportunity to take a leave for a bit in the cold of West Virginia. There’s a special kind of silence that is possible when I’m cozy in my parents’ home that doesn’t happen for me in the day-to-day here in Honduras. I want to steward that time well.

As we continue to pray, here are a few things you can be praying with us:

1) For continued rain as long as possible.

2) For God’s provision – that God would provide for Raúl’s citizenship expenses, for our plane tickets whenever we have to return for a visit to the US next year, and for the money for my master’s degree in whatever ways He sees fit! This also could include that God would provide me with a full teaching schedule with VIPKid and more consistent clients.

3) For grace and wisdom in community and ministry -- We want to love others well and be brave enough to have open communication and to be able to navigate relationships with grace and with honor. As we consider many new ministry opportunities, we also want to do so with a posture of humility and with God’s wisdom. We want to whole-heartedly wait for His strategies because they are better than our own.

4) That God would speak to me, teach me, and lead me during my time in the US – whatever that looks like and whatever that ends up meaning.

5) For my brother’s upcoming wedding and marriage – It’s a new season for my family, and I am so excited for all that God has for my brother and his fiancé. I love my future sister-in-law, and I always want to be a vessel of blessing to their lives. My family is one of God’s greatest gifts to me, and I ask that God would show us as a family with extending branches, how we can serve Him together and fulfill the callings that He has for each of us.

All of my love,
Sarah

Bring Your Rain Again

Photo by Red Charlie


Sow righteousness for yourselves, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the Lord, until he comes and showers his righteousness on you.
-- Hosea 10:12

You heavens above, rain down my righteousness; let the clouds shower it down. Let the earth open wide, let salvation spring up, let righteousness flourish with it; I, the Lord, have created it.
-- Isaiah 45:8


Hello All,

Twelve years ago, during my second short-term trip to Honduras, I was asked to share for about five to ten minutes at Alvin's church along with my fellow short-term team members. As I was praying about what to share, at 17, I was in a season of listening to the song "The Rain Song," by Day of Fire. As I closed my eyes and adjusted my headphones connected to my CD Walkman (Ya, I'm old), I knew that this song was for Honduras. If you want to give it a listen, here is a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4gZrAfWVe0
The lyrics go like this:

Bring rivers in this wasteland
Clouds into this sky
Bring springs of life into the wells
That have been run dry

Rise up in this city
Gather in this light
Fall down on your people
Your glory and your life

Rain
Lord, we thirst for water
Rain
We are desert land
Rain
On your sons and daughters
Rain
Bring your rain again

Speak dreams into this water
And vision to this land
Let oceans be divided
And bring forth life again

Rise up in this city
Gather in this light
Fall down on your people
Your glory and your life

Let the tide roll in
Washing over our lives
Let your water fall again
Bring rivers in this wasteland
Clouds into the sky
Bring your rain again
Let your water fall down
Bring your rain again now

I shared the song with the congregation. I don't really know that I expected anything else from there, and honestly, I hadn't thought much about it since then--until Wednesday night of this week when God reminded me, and how timely.

Honduras, especially Tegucigalpa, currently is experiencing a serious drought. The government has started rationing water for those who have public water, and for those, like us, who have to buy our water from tanker trucks in order to fill our tanks and cisterns, there is no option at this point in time because the government has stopped selling from their reserves. I have seen reports that we're a mere few weeks away from no water. All of this is happening in what normally is the height of our rainy season. Generally, from the end of May until the beginning of November, we never have to buy water to fill our cistern because it always fills to overflowing with more than enough rain water. Each week, I've kept an eye on the forecast, and it has seemed over and over that there is rain on the horizon except that very little to none ever falls. As of right now, Raúl and I have an empty pila (cistern) which is normally the water we use for washing dishes, bathing, and washing clothes. All we have are our tanks of water (that are dirtied with algae because they are wildly difficult to clean because it involves disconnecting plumbing) that feed our bathroom sink and toilet, and a little more than half a barrel. We have been conserving as much as possible, and I'll confess that I've had the conversation with God of, "God, I know that I'm always allowed to ask, and you can do all things that are seemingly impossible. Please send rain for the benefit of all in need. But also, do you think you can keep that barrel from miraculously not running out until our pila is full?" He can do it, and I am open to all of His creativity in providing for us. As it stands, Raúl and I have been blessed to see or hear of people in the community helping one another in this time of need. It's a unique and oddly beautiful position to be in to feel so pressingly our dependence on God in this way. Water is so often something that people take for granted.

Since my last update, Raúl and I started a worship night in our house on Monday nights for a small group of people who we know want to seek God's face. We have honestly been astounded by the ways that God has visited us in this time and space. We don't give a lesson or have a program. But, each week, I ask God what it is that He would like to do and what songs coincide with His heart for that day and the group of people who will show up. Each week, I have felt His presence in ways that I haven't for a very long time. It feels like He is stirring the heavenlies and like we are standing on holy ground. And, as we take the time to minister to His heart first, He begins to tell us the things that we should pray--over one another and also over Honduras. I would be lying if I said that I know what He is doing, but it feels special to put our ear to His heart and begin to speak life to the driest and darkest of places as He leads.

Our very first worship night, I felt the strong need to pray for the finances of those who were present, including our own. We repented of the ways that we have tried to depend on our own strength to provide or our own administration to keep us afloat. We confessed our need for God's divine provision. And we invited God to teach us how to be both good stewards and also children who can rest that they have a good Father who delights in giving His children good things. Starting the very next day, it seemed like so many things that could financially go wrong, did. It's been a month in which Raúl's business has seen a dip in revenue, and my finances have been tight. I got into a fender bender and had to pay the damages. And, while they were checking for damage to our car, they found several things that needed to be fixed that had nothing to do with the accident. Overall, it's just been a month of stretching our faith. But, because God started the month with asking me to depend on Him for finances and to be more proactive in praying over them, I have known in the midst of it all that He is at work.

Even as I have felt the uncertainty of a lack of water and of the dance of trying to make every dollar stretch as far as it can, I have felt my soul continuously replenished. I have seen the ways that God is connecting people in vision and ministry, how He is slowly putting the puzzle pieces together and showing us His secrets. I am excited and feel the anticipation of all that He is stirring over Honduras. Thus, as I have prayed for this coming Monday's worship night, I have felt strongly that like Jacob wrestling the celestial man--whether God or angel--that there are promises that we are called to contend for. There is something in the heavenlies that we need to call forth, and something to be birthed. We are called to proclaim our dependency on Him for physical rain. But we are also compelled to proclaim our desperate need for His presence to bring the hunger for salvation and healing to Honduras that we as ministers and missionaries absolutely cannot stir up ourselves. And this is why "The Rain Song" is relevant. Twelve years ago, before I moved here, before I knew the depths of the culture, God gave me a key, a borrowed prayer to prophesy over Honduras. And, if He is bringing that song to mind, it's because something is coming full circle. And, when you're going through a season of drought whether literally or in finances or health or relationships or whatever other area, there is no better catalyst for prevailing with fervor than feeling the pressure of your own helplessness and need.

In the midst of political turmoil and questions, ongoing protests, broken families, ongoing poverty, a literal thirst for water, and souls internally crying out to be loved by a Savior, there is no plan B for Honduras. We need Jesus so desperately. While we are willing, our strategies in ministry have reached the end of themselves. He is the plan, and we hold this promise as true and worth contending for:

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. -- 2 Chronicles 7:14 

Sometimes, I think we try to convince ourselves that for a people or a place to change that they have to decide to leave evil behind or that they have to get clean and and abandon their selfish tendencies. But, the mandate here is clear--He is calling for His people who are called by His name to repent. Maybe that repentance is on behalf of the ones in our sphere of influence, and we do stand in the gap to plead for forgiveness for the blood that was shed in homicides and violence. We do plead the blood of Jesus to make Honduras innocent once again. But, part of that repentance is also about admitting that we have tried to do things in our own strength, that we have lost our way in building our own kingdoms, and that we have let ministry sometimes be driven by our insecurities and egos rather than by His love. It's about asking God to forgive us for the ways that we've failed to demonstrate the person of Jesus in our attitudes and actions. It's confessing that He can do more with five minutes of His presence than we could do in five years...and asking Him to do it. It's not about being lazy. We are still called to be people who actively move to reach others and love others in tangible ways well. We are still called to provide solutions and hope. But, we should do so with hearts set humbly on His greatness above our own.

As we continue to pray, here are a few things that you can also be praying with us:

1) For Honduras -- that God would begin to move in miraculous ways to minister His love to the people here that we know He loves so dearly.

2) For rain -- We are a dry and thirsty land here in every sense of the word.

3) For provision for Raúl's US citizenship. -- It's our desire for Raúl to have US citizenship mainly just because it's the most permanent solution in the midst of a tumultuous time for immigration. When we have children, we want Raúl to seamlessly be able to travel back and forth as a whole family. Raúl paid for the entirety of his US residency from his own savings. And, he is currently eligible for applying for US citizenship. But we can't move forward until we have saved up the $2,500 needed. Given our current financial challenges, we are throwing wide the doors and inviting God to surprise us with His creativity in providing for this need.

4) For God's continued movement in showing us how to move forward in ministry, who we're supposed to be connected with, and how to be faithful in all we are stewarding.

All of my love,
Sarah

Do any of the worthless idols of the nations bring rain? Do the skies themselves send down showers? No, it is you, Lord our God. Therefore our hope is in you, for you are the one who does all this.
--Jeremiah 14:22