A Humbling Summer

Raúl and I at the Ark Encounter in Kentucky

Hello All!

It's been a month of immense love, honestly. We feel so blessed. Here is a rundown of where we've been, who we've seen, and what we've been up to:

Some Time at Home:
Towards the end of June we spend some much-needed downtime with my family, going to the river to play and cooking out as well as just living life together. On of the things Raúl loved was when my dad took him to see some car races in a nearby town. My husband loves all things adrenaline, and this was right up his alley. In the midst of that time, unfortunately, my mom had a fall and broke a bone in her ankle. So, her summer has taken an unexpected turn that has been difficult, but on the flipside of that, it's also meant that we've seen more of her since she hasn't been able to work. During our time at home, we had a small get together for people in our area who have been faithful supporters or who have had an interest in what we do. We're always so blessed by the people who follow our story and take the time to listen. It was a blessing to spend some time with those people and see them face-to-face.



Visiting with My Grandmom:Our next stop was to spend some time with my mom's mom. We enjoyed playing Chinese checkers with her and grilling out. We walked around her yard and got to see her handiwork and plants in bloom. While we were there, Raúl was ever eager to be of help in some physical capacity. So, he built a ramp for her shed and did some maintenance work on her house. I know it can be hard for our loved ones to receive his help especially since he is such a quick and eager worker, but he always feels so much more blessed, fulfilled, and connected to others when he's been able to help in some way. I really enjoyed my time there and my talks with her.



A Fourth of July with Nannie:While it was a short trip, Raúl and I headed back to my Nannie's to spend the 4th of July. We went to the state's largest 4th of July celebration to see the parade. Parades aren't necessarily my favorite, but Raúl loved seeing the motorcycles and decorated tractor trailers. Later that evening, we headed to dinner at my aunt's house where we had some delicious Thai food she had made. And, in the evening, Raúl enjoyed watching the fireworks that my uncle set off. All in all, I think it was a good first 4th of July in the US for Raúl.

A Trip to South Carolina:The next day, Raúl and I headed to South Carolina to see our dear friends, Beth and Chris. They came to our wedding, and we hadn't seen them since then. We felt spoiled with love by them all weekend. Chris took Raúl skeet shooting, which he loved. And we just enjoyed their company and kindness over steaks the size of our heads, delicious tomato sandwiches with tomatoes from their garden, and peach cobbler. No one does Southern hospitality like they do. One of the most precious parts of our trip was getting to meet their foster son. Watching them love on him and care for him was truly beautiful as I saw so much of Jesus' love in their service. They are amazing parents, and I am so proud of them. It was such a delight to see them; they always make us feel like family.



The Ark Encounter and the Creation Museum:The day after driving back from South Carolina, Raúl and I packed up again to go to Kentucky with my parents. My dad had long wanted to go see the Noah's ark replica there, and we were happy to go with them. We went to the Creation Museum the first day where we saw an amazing 3-D depiction of Creation and saw another video in a planetarium showing visually just how vast space is and how small we are in relation to all that is out in our universe. The wonder of God's grandeur is just so humbling. My problems and concerns seem so ridiculously minuscule when I consider the grand scheme of things, but at the same time, God doesn't minimize my problems and takes interest in the details of my life. That kind of love is beyond words. The following day we went to see the Ark, which was huge! It was cool to see something from the Bible come to life, and I also enjoyed the practical information about how Noah could have organized the care for so many animals. It's fascinating to consider just how advanced in engineering they could have been in Noah's time. As a bonus, we also made our way to the kitschy Jungle Jim's International Market near Cincinnati, Ohio. It's a huge grocery store that has a vast section of international foods from nations like Sri Lanka, Vietnam, Italy, Hungary, the UK, and many more.





Now we're back to home base for a while, and as our time is dwindling down, we're overwhelmed by how well people have loved us and how blessed we've been. Saying goodbyes will be hard. As far as conditions in Honduras, things seem calmer. There are still the isolated, occasional roadblock or protest, but it seems like there has been a shift away from some of the more dramatic incidents that had been occurring in past months. Thank you for your prayers for Honduras and for your prayers for us. We value all of you so much.

On the Road

Hello All!

So much has happened since my last update, and the time is flying by far too quickly. Here is a quick rundown of where we’ve been, who we’ve seen, and what we’ve been up to:


Visiting with My Grandmom

 We drove up to see my grandmother and spend some time with her. Raúl, ever eager to be of service, managed to do all kinds of things around the house and yard like putting in fence posts and mulching a flower bed. I think he overwhelms everyone with his work ethic. On the way back, we stopped at Blackwater Falls, which Raúl loved.



My Alma Mater

Our first side trip while being Stateside was to Shepherdstown, where I went to college. It was fun to get to show Raúl around to a town that was home and holds so many memories for me. It was meaningful to me that I was able to give Raúl some physical mental images for many of the places that I’ve included in my recounting of stories. So much of Shepherd University has changed, but many things have stayed the same. It’s still a place that carries an essence of home, but many of the people who made it home for me are spread out in lots of faraway places. Because Washington, DC was relatively close by, we took a day trip, seeing the National Mall and monuments, some of the Smithsonian Museum of American History, and meeting up with a dear cousin for a quick hello. As part of that side trip, we also stayed with a precious family who treated us like one of their own from day one. Raúl felt so at home seeing their cows and chickens, painting with their daughter, and talking about hunting and soccer. We were so blessed by their hospitality and our great conversations with them. And, we had the opportunity to share a bit with their Sunday school class at their church. We also shared meals with some of my friends from college and spent a special lunch with some of the students from my student teaching and both of my facilitating teachers.


Family Reunion

After celebrating our birthdays back at home base with my parents and siblings, we headed to Lewisburg for a family reunion. Raúl got the chance to meet many relatives that I hadn’t seen in years and even some relatives that I’d never met. While Raúl may not speak the language, he generally wins people over with his cheerful personality and his eager seeking to serve.








 Chicago and Indiana Trip

 After some down time at home with my family, we headed north. We had planned on visiting my missionary friend, Stephen, who has been in the US since January as he receives treatment for colon cancer. Since Stephen lives two hours from Chicago, I figured that we’d take advantage of the proximity to show Raúl another taste of the big city. The drive was LOOOOONNNNGGGG, which was a stretch for my hyperactive husband. But, we enjoyed some sightseeing—checking out the views from Skydeck at Willis Tower, visiting Millennium Park and Grant Park, eating deep dish pizza and Chicago-style hot dogs, and visiting the Shedd Aquarium. From Chicago, we headed to South Bend, Indiana, to meet up with Lindsey, another missionary friend, whose family graciously opened their home to us. I had never spent any time with missionary friends on US soil, so it was worlds colliding in the best possible way. It was such a privilege to be able to participate in her world. Raúl especially enjoyed getting to play Aggravation with them—playful smack talk translates across languages. He felt so at home with her and her family. Lindsey also accompanied us in visiting with Stephen. It was so special to have some time to hear his heart and get to hug his neck and spend some quality time with him as we walked around Notre Dame’s campus. I love the people that God has brought into my life who understand me and share many of the same heart’s desires and values. Stephen continues to be in my prayers as he undergoes more chemo and also clings to Jesus amidst his deep desire to return to Honduras to continue the work that he started.



Family Camping

We got back from that trip just in time to unpack, wash laundry, re-pack, and head out the following day for a camping trip with my family. Unfortunately, it rained a lot of the time which put a damper on some of our usual plans. But Raúl still did get to experience kayaking in the river, a four-mile hike, and catching his first fish with a fishing pole (that he then fried up to eat the next day). He and my brother also bonded over catching snakes at the river—including a copperhead (which they didn’t know at the time). Not my cup of tea to say the least.

Visiting My Nannie

From camping, we went straight back to Lewisburg to spend some time with my other grandmother. She took us to see The Greenbrier Resort, where Raúl marveled over the preservation of history and the grandeur of the décor. And we also got to spend some time with a couple we’d met in church that adopted my family when I was around 10-years-old. They’re some of my most faithful supporters, and it was such a joy to see them and share that part of my life with Raúl. We had dinner with my grandmother and my uncle and his family and saw some live music with my aunt.

Now, we’re back for some down time at home base. I truly love getting to see people and places that I hadn’t seen for a long time, but I have tried to space out our side trips some just because, as an introvert, I need some time to recharge and because I so enjoy being with my family.

Overall, Raúl’s favorites so far have been:
Favorite Food—Waffles, broccoli salad, hobo packets when camping, chili
Favorite DC Sight—the World War II Monument and the transportation exhibit in the Smithsonian Museum of American History
Favorite Chicago Sight—the Shedd Aquarium and the view from Willis Tower
Favorite Part about Camping—Hiking, kayaking, and fishing

Honduras Update

In the meantime, Honduras continues to experience upheaval in the form of protests, road blockages, canceled school days and university classes, as well as limited access to public healthcare due to the political unrest that centers on a bill that would affect the educational and healthcare sectors of the work force. In many ways, it’s been worse than expected as looting and property damage has begun. The Tegucigalpa airport shut down flights for a day and experienced some scary circumstances when rioters infiltrated the building. And, rioters (people who use peaceful protests to start chaos) set fire to the US embassy entrance. Overall, it would seem that anyone who has issues with any previous political situation is taking advantage of the mob mentality to send the message that no one is happy. For missionaries, it’s more inconvenient than dangerous, but in general, Honduras needs prayer.

We will continue to be Stateside for the coming month, and we are still processing all that God is showing us and teaching us during this time. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Raúl so rested, and while the language barrier can be overwhelming at times, he has been able to connected with the people around him. Thank you to all of you who have supported us, prayed for us, and welcomed us into your homes or for a meal. We feel truly blessed by all of the generosity and hospitality.

Country Roads Took Me Home

Naomi, Ally (Samuel's fiance), Samuel, me, my Dad, Raúl, my Grandmom, and my Mom


Hello from the US! When I last updated, we were in the thick of last minute preparations--leaving bills paid in advance, making sure all of our students had their expenses covered and school supplies provided, and making sure we had somewhere to leave our car and someone to take care of our house and dog. For the most part, things were already mostly set whenever the Honduran Congress passed a controversial law that sparked public outrage. Since the election in 2017, there have been sporadic protests, but often, they have been limited or with little participation in comparison to the uproar that happened in 2017. The law in question was rumored to affect the whole education and healthcare workforce, and the response was more wide scale than previous protests had been (so much so that Congress later cancelled the law). There were roads blocked across the country with burning tires, and in some cases protesters clashed with police, and tear gas abounded. One woman on the northern coast gave birth in the midst of a protester crowd because she couldn't get to a hospital, and at least one bystander was injured in the crossfire of protests. Where we live, there is one principal road to get to the city. There are several back ways to get to the city if you know the way, but many of those areas are rough neighborhoods or areas also susceptible to protests. In the weeks leading up to traveling, I was having such a hard time sleeping because my brain was too active in thinking of all of the things that still needed to be done or what to do in the worst case scenario.

The weekend before we were set to leave, Raúl lost a dear friend who died in a motorcycle accident. Raúl headed to San Pedro Sula for the wake and funeral, and he still feels like the suddenness of such a young person's death is too surreal. It's hard to believe that his friend--who leaves behind a wife, a daughter, and a stepdaughter--is really gone. Please join us in remembering their family in prayer. His name was Robert.

Due to the protests and just an overall feeling on my part that we had already faced so much opposition to the whole immigration process and to this trip in general, we decided to ask some missionary friends who live closer to the airport if we could stay with them. They received us with loving hospitality on such short notice, and we started our trip feeling loved and at peace. Overall, our trip, though long, went fine. We had no delays or issues in immigration even though the process of getting approved felt a little nerve-wracking since we weren't clear on what to expect.

It still feels surreal sometimes to have Raúl here. He, meanwhile, has marveled over the dishwasher and has wanted to go down every aisle at Walmart asking me what everything is and what it does and what it's made of. He has been surprised by the tranquility of rural West Virginia and how people can leave all kinds of things in their yard or outside their businesses and no one steals them. He's also had some challenges in adapting to having down time. My husband is very hyperactive, and he loves to work. Relaxing is hard for him. Not having a pressing task at all times to keep him busy has been stretching, as I knew it would be. But, as he is constantly asking my dad what he can do around the house, he has push mowed lots of grass and is preparing to chop some wood even as I write this. My family is reluctant to give him jobs to do, but life, in general, is more peaceful for him and me if he can be in motion. Other times, when dad doesn't have a task for him, he has been reading--a first for Raúl, really. He's been enjoying a book about marriage that my mom got him. Overall, having been in similar seasons, I know that when we are uncomfortable is often when God is working the most, speaking the loudest, and transforming our lives from the inside out. So, while I sympathize, I'm also conscious of not entertaining him constantly and asking God to use this time well.

We hit the ground running a bit when we got here. I had to renew my driver's license, and we ran some errands with my dad. And two days after we got here, my brother proposed to his girlfriend, Ally. It was such a blessing to be able to be a part of such a special day that my romantic brother had planned to a T. He took Ally hiking and collaborated with one of his best friends to take pictures as he asked her to marry him. She said yes! The rest of the evening was spent in a surprise party at a popular café where the live band played a song they danced to. And, one of his best friends flew in from Denver for the occasion, while two of her best friends surprised her by flying in from Chicago and Baltimore. Watching my brother and Ally dance brought tears of joy for my family and me. We love Ally. She has fit in with our family pretty much from day one, and she loves my brother well. I usually miss these kinds of occasions, so it was priceless to experience my brother's deep happiness. True to Ally's disposition, even though it was her special day, she took the time to sit down with Raúl for a while and use some Spanish to communicate with him. He later commented how she made him feel much more at ease.

On Sunday, we headed to church with my parents and then drove two hours that evening to speak at my cousin's church. It had been a few years since I had had the chance to visit with that congregation, and they received us with such welcome arms. Raúl even felt at ease enough to share some of his own testimony, and true to Raúl's disposition, he was so genuine and charming that I think they loved him immediately. We finished the evening in a time of fellowship eating many of the delicious pies they had made.

Since then, we've been resting at home but will soon gear up for another round of visits. With all of the running and driving and busyness, I needed some time to just settle in and be. Thankfully, we have had some slower days recently where we've been able to do just that.

In the mean time, Raúl's brother continues to maintain the business and care for our house and dog. We are very grateful for his willingness to care for our life in Honduras so that we can participate in life here.

Later this week, we'll be headed to my old college stomping grounds. I have wanted to take a trip there for several years and just never make it to that part of the state. So, I am excited to revisit some beloved places, see some people I love, and get to share a part of my life with Raúl that has always been dear to my heart. We will also be doing some sightseeing around the Washington, DC area, so Raúl can have some more cultural experiences and get a sense of the grandeur of the US beyond rural West Virginia.

Overall, we feel so blessed to be here and are enjoying the time with family. My brother recently graduated with his master's degree in occupational therapy, and we were able to be present at the ceremony. I caught myself unexpectedly weepy as the whole coliseum sang "Country Roads" at his graduation because I'm proud of my brother and also proud of where I am from.

This is the first time probably since I was 18 that we're all living under the same roof again as Naomi is home from college for the summer, and my brother is waiting to take his license exam. It's precious time that God orchestrated perfectly. I hope to see many of you all while we are here.

All my love,
Sarah

Eight--The Year of New Beginnings

It occurs to me that I’ve written several times over the last several months that I’m in a season of seeking God’s strategies. The reality of missions is that oftentimes we enter a situation with an idea or a vision or a hope or a plan, and nothing goes according to that mental image or our projections. I have had many different seasons of ministry that have all looked very different, and in some ways, they haven’t seemed very cohesive. That makes me all the more grateful for the people who have been so faithful in believing in who I am as a person, who God is leading me to be, rather than putting their faith only in what I do. I understand clearly that it’s much easier to get behind a defined, detailed vision. We like to know that we’re investing in something that makes sense, and believe me when I say that I myself have struggled to believe that who I am is good soil because what I do has seemed disjointed at times. What I can say, without regret, is that my heart has always been set on obedience to God above all else even as I’ve been frustrated at the lack of a clear path. At times, I have felt just a little bit envious of those missionaries who set out to do something specific and then do it. They develop the plan, they raise the funds, and then they put it all into action and see measurable results. My story hasn’t really ever been like that.


But, I am learning that whatever I have walked—fruitful or not, purposeful or not, meandering or truly divine—has been an ongoing circumcision of the heart. I grew up being the good church girl. I was the person who was always available, always willing, and often thrust into doing things that were beyond what would normally be expected of someone my age. Because of often being told I was mature for my age and because of my ingrained personality, I have often demanded much more of myself than anyone else is demanding of me, or I have taught others to treat me as such by denying that I have needs. I have struggled with striving. I was the kid who cried over a B. I was the Christian kid who was always on some kind of a mission. And, for a long time, I didn’t know that I had permission to guard my heart or to say no. Much of my life story with God thus far has been an unraveling of beliefs I was either taught or that I absorbed myself. It has been a journey of unlearning—unlearning that I have to earn God’s love with my good ministry; unlearning that being a whole and healthy person can’t just consist of ticking off all the boxes of church attendance, Bible reading, and prayer; and unlearning the misconception that having needs within the Body of Christ makes you weak or unworthy of being used by God. I made a commitment before I became a missionary, after much internal processing with God and stripping of my own ego even then, that I would not be busy for the sake of being busy. Though I wouldn’t have put it into these words, I have been committed to the idea of respecting God’s no in my life and acknowledging that His no is protecting me somehow. For that reason, I have not rushed forward in these seasons that have felt like absolutely nothing is moving forward or producing fruit. I have continued to be faithful. I have continued to seek. But I have resisted jumping into something only to be able to justify my existence as a missionary.


It’s been extremely hard to be true to who I am in ministry, and I don’t know that I’ve passed that test with flying colors. Often, I have struggled with the expectations of others, my own projections of the expectations of others, and the cultural pressures I’ve encountered that I never expected. I have walked seasons of being so desperate for community and relationship in ministry that I have let aspects of myself slide for the benefit of others, or I have convinced myself that I don’t have enough anointing, authority, and spiritual strength and need to let someone else tell me who to be. Sadly, but at the same time, rightly, all of that has been only to find that many of the people I have internally placed on a pedestal are just as human and fallible and weak in some areas as I am. We’re all so in need of God’s divine favor, direction, and grace.


In September, I will complete eight years of living in Honduras and being a missionary, so I’ve been wondering and investigating what significance that number eight has in the Bible. What I have found is this: It means resurrection and regeneration. It means new life. If the seventh day is the day of completion and rest, the eighth day is about a new start. When God flooded the earth, He saved eight people to start over. (1 Peter 3:20) Eight also represents the circumcision of the heart (Genesis 17:10, Leviticus 12:3)—God’s cutting away all of those things that aren’t reflective of His heart or His strategy or His vision or who He wants us to be. When I look back over the last seven and half years, I see a lot of the ways that God has been whittling down the things in my life that weren’t healthy. Some of those things relate to not knowing how to have healthy boundaries and how to take care of the temple of the Holy Spirit within me. Some of those things were related to my personality and ego and my own desires to be validated by what I do. And, the greatest conclusion in my search for strategy has been this: I have reached the end of myself, and I have ended up exactly where I knew I always needed to be—the secret place of intimacy with the Father. The knowing that if He does not move, there is no other option. The acknowledgement that prayer and worship and ministering to His Person in relationship has to come first.


I have known with my head even before becoming a missionary that the key to it all is in relationship with the Holy Spirit and in putting Him and our relationship first. Before moving to Honduras and in listening to many messages from Heidi Baker even after moving, I learned that God can do more through our dependency and intimacy than He can ever do through our striving and strength. But it’s taken me a long time to transfer that from head knowledge to heart action. I’ve certainly had seasons of close intimacy with God and feeling Him direct my every move. So, it hasn’t been a situation of going through the motions. But, I have often deterred myself from making intercession and worship the be all, end all priority above all else because I’ve struggled with wanting to do, to produce, and to be able to tangibly justify my life in Honduras and my ministry. How do you measure the impact your worship has on the heavenlies? How do you quantify how your intercession is opening Kingdom doors for salvations and healings and transformations? How do you compose a PowerPoint presentation about your fruitfulness when your time is primarily spent seeking God’s face rather than giving, helping, and serving people?


Don’t get me wrong—the giving, helping, and serving is important. It’s not to be ignored or dismissed. It is vital to the Kingdom of God. However, it should be done from a place of being fueled in and directed by the secret place. Speaking from experience, the giving on human terms often does not lead to salvation, at least not necessarily in that the sower also harvests. The helping often causes dependency on we humans rather than dependency on God. And the serving can cause a ministry’s purpose to be de-railed when the needs of the people dictate the whole direction. We can take cues from the needs around us. Those needs are important. But, when ministry gets flipped upside down, and we forget that we are called to minister to the Person of God first, not only do we end up with nothing left to minister to the Person of God in relationship, we also end up having nothing of value with which to serve the people. When your heart is empty of love, giving is no longer a joy and a conviction as a result of relationship with our Heavenly Father but an obligation to resent. And, along those lines, we also don't want to teach dependency on us or a sense of entitlement or a victim attitude.


But, oftentimes, ministry is a merry-go-round spinning so fast that you can’t get off even enough to get your bearings. Raúl and I have maintained ourselves, and I can say that because I found Ladies Bible study and friends who have accepted me with so much love and understanding, I am in a much healthier place than I’ve been in in seasons past. But, I would also be lying if I said that we aren’t tired. The reality is that every day we are presented with needs. Every day, we are placed in the complicated position of discerning what is helping and what is hurting. And, without the Holy Spirit, it’s an impossible task. I can’t say that we always get it right, and I’ll be the first to say that I usually don’t make good decisions under pressure. And, more often than I’d like to admit, we’re also facing disappointments, betrayals, and sorting out the emotions after we’ve given and then been mistreated. Even if we entered into it with an attitude of giving as unto the Lord and not unto solely unto others, it still hurts. So, we are in need of a reset, a refill, and an encounter with the love of the Father.


It’s a relief to me that those who have been praying for us feel like this upcoming trip to the States will be just that. And, in my own time with God, I also have felt like this will be a time of renewal as well as re-commissioning. I am entering this time with hands wide open for whatever God wants to take off of my plate or put on my plate. But even before entering into a time where I will have the chance to gain some new perspective, one theme is emerging—returning to the secret place. Choosing to be secure in my identity as a missionary even if I’m being called to a season where my primary purpose is actually worship and intercession above all else. The truth is that I welcome it because I’m at the end of myself and am out of ideas. Raúl and I can’t transform anyone. We can’t provide for everyone. We don’t have all of the answers…sometimes, we don’t have any of the answers. And, there are some things that are so deeply rooted in this country (as it is in all countries) that without spiritual warfare and God’s perfect intervention, there will not be change no matter how many people we educate or employ or evangelize. Prayer truly is the lifeblood of ministry.


So, that is my confession for the month and this last update before we head to the States. I am full of hope and honestly excited for what God has in store. In the meantime, my husband is still running himself ragged trying to get everything in order before we go. Prayers for that and for a smooth passing through immigration are greatly appreciated.


As a side note, we also had cause for celebration this month as Esthefanny finally got to partake of her high school graduation ceremony. It came late, as she was already done with her first period of college classes, but welcome to Honduras. It was quite the accomplishment, and we are so proud of her. She continues to be a joy to my life, and I look forward to the amazing things that God has for her future.




By this time next month I’ll be writing to you from the US. I hope to see many of you while we’re there. Much love to you all. We are so thankful for your continued prayers and support. We do not take it lightly the way that you have invested in us as people and have believed in us even when we may have struggled to believe in ourselves. Thankfully, “I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in [us] will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 1:6.

Trucking Onward

When I was in middle school, about a month or so before Christmas break, in that season after we'd already had a taste of freedom during Thanksgiving, our poor teacher (small private school...just the one) struggled to motivate us. One day, she half-lectured us even as she admitted that she was also fighting to not mentally check out. I think Raúl and I are in the same boat at the moment. We're so excited to have time with my family and in the US before too long, and at the same time, as we're in the middle of the hot and dry season, our outward surroundings are reflecting the condition of our souls. Raúl feels like a sponge squeezed dry. There are still people and circumstances trying to get some kind of last moisture from him, but my dear husband, who has served alongside me and dealt with many of the same emotional pains and spiritual battles, has never had the kinds of breaks that I have. And, it's showing. I look forward to when the switch gets flipped for him from the perpetual "gimme gimmes" to the "let me love on yous" that I generally experience in the States. It's startling in the best kind of way, honestly. As compared to years past, I don't feel emotionally burnt out. I feel quite hopeful, really. But, my soul is tired. I feel a bit like the world is spinning too fast, and I want to get off. My life feels a bit like that afternoon slump when drumming up energy seems futile. With all of that said, we actually are trucking along if only for the promise of an upcoming break and also because we simply are ourselves with each need and circumstance that arises, and being ourselves often means counseling, providing, correcting, encouraging, and whatever else the situation demands.

Raúl is in the throes of preparing his business to be cared for by his partner/brother while he is gone. As is often the Honduran way, they've had years to do this and have waited until almost the last minute. My opinions on that I'll just keep to myself, but it's made for Raúl working many later nights in the process. In the mean time, I have been saving, saving, saving in order to leave our students with their semesters paid for in advance and have continued to progress as much as we can in English classes before we leave.

Those classes are going well, by the way. We've been adding students to our numbers in the past few weeks, and while there are those who have dropped out (which is inevitable here), we've certainly had our core group that has continued to make great efforts and strides. It's also been a blessing for Raúl to once again be learning in a classroom setting. He is so social that, while he's my hardest student to keep on task, he does actually learn better when others can help spur him on. Classes are also an encouragement to me because they provide some sense of results and tangible forward motion that the rest of my life can often lack.

The students we sponsor with our non-profit are doing well. Though it seems counter-intuitive, Esthefany will have her high school graduation ceremony in just a week even as she is wrapping up her first trimester of college classes. She loves her classes in university and so far feels confident that she has picked a major that sparks her interest. Meanwhile, her brother, Josuan, hasn't been near us since December. He made some poor choices, and it became evident to us that we needed to place some new boundaries so as not to fall into enabling him. He just turned 22 last month. He has been in contact with us periodically, though, and from what we can tell, he's been with some of his family members. Marvin, as far as we know, continues to be in prison. I recently had lunch with Jorge who is doing very well. He continues to live in a transition home run by a missionary family that works for the same organization that heads up the children's home where he grew up. We had some great conversations about how he's learning to navigate family dynamics. After years with little to no connection with his biological family, he's been thrown into meeting all of the family members and observing how years of some dysfunction have played out in his absence. I imagine it would have to be so bizarre to develop an idea of what family should look like and then finally meet your family and have it present challenges you never expected. With that said, Jorge knows Jesus and is often receiving good advice from the missionaries he is living with. He is also taking some barber classes because he'd like to start his own small business and be independent.

All in all, a lot of normal life is going on for us. That looks like small group and meetings with young people for counseling. That looks like preparing lessons for English classes and Spanish tutoring. That looks like getting our electricity issues checked out and taking our dog to the vet. It looks like washing dishes at the pila and mopping the floors. It looks like standing in line at the bank and balancing the checkbook. It looks like Bible study with my missionary ladies and grocery shopping. It also looks like unexpected visitors and invading respiratory viruses. It looks like previously unannounced needs and plumbing woes. And it looks like a lengthy to-do list of all kinds of things I need to tackle before we leave.

On a personal note, since I am picking up on my own compassion fatigue and just overall need for a break, I'm giving myself some permission to pull back and remember some elements of my own identity that don't revolve around being a missionary. Permitting myself the room to breathe is giving me the strength and determination to push through what I do need to keep up with and prepare to leave things in the best working order they can be.

So, if you're keeping track, here are some areas of prayer for us:
*The energy and time management we need to prepare everything that is lacking to be able to travel.
*God's protection and direction over the business while Raúl is gone (and that they'll prepare well in the mean time).
*Esthefany as she wraps up her first semester and as she'll start her next one.
*Josuan--God's continued protection and mercy over him and pursuit of him
*Marvin--the same
*Jorge--God's continued direction and open doors as He leads Jorge to be the man he's called to be.
*Our trip--that God would already start setting things in motion to breathe on our dry bones and give us greater clarity for our future in ministry.

Love to you all,
Sarah

Staying True like Joseph

Photo by Alex Block


I've been encouraged by the story of Joseph recently. What must it have felt like to have to carry a dream for so long and see not only no fruition but also seemingly little forward motion toward that dream? We don't feel the anxiety of it when we read it because the beginning and the ending of the story is all right there at our fingertips. We might have to hold our breath for a page turn, but that's about it. It's possible that when he reached Potiphar's house he started to feel like, "OK, finally, this is my ticket to being someone worthy of having his siblings bow to him. I'm finally getting somewhere." Then the rug is ripped out from under him in the worst way possible when he's not even guilty. We don't get to see the inner workings of Joseph's thoughts during all of these plot twists. We're only presented a very saintly, good guy Joe--always doing the right thing, always impressing everyone, always maintaining a close enough relationship to God to hear Him. As a fellow human, I wish I could get a glimpse into his inner struggles. I find it hard to believe that he never would have had a moment of, "Hey, God, did I just eat some bad lamb that day I had that dream? That's not really a thing that's going to happen at this point, right?" Or "Um, God, I know You do what you want, but this whole prison thing is pretty unfair. I mean, you really blessed my grandfather with a lot of wealth, and my dad has a whole lot of success. So, uh, are You mad at me or something?" And those examples are tame, apt for the saintly, seemingly unfeeling Joseph we're introduced to. (He seems to develop much more emotions whenever he's in charge and meets his brothers. I'd say, obviously, this isn't really a reflection on Joseph but on the writer.) Given the nature of the culture of Joseph's lineage, it also doesn't make sense to think that Joseph is the kind of guy with no foresight who just lets life happen to him. If he were such a fatalist, I don't think he'd put forth so much effort as to always end up in charge everywhere he goes. No, he grew up in a tradition of birthrights and family blessings and the stories of his grandfather, Abraham, actually receiving promises from God. So, my point in all of this is that Joseph had to walk many years of his life in the tension of choosing to hold onto a dream from God while walking through frustrating, seemingly futile circumstances.


I think if there were to be some kind of a job application for being a missionary, this should be some kind of prerequisite or disclaimer: Are you willing and prepared to give years of your life, your sweat, your tears, and all of your resources with no guarantee of any outward results or making any outward headway? Are you thoroughly prepared to live and serve with no guarantee that life will be fair? Actually, if we're getting down to the nitty-gritty of it, this could and probably should apply to any Christian. I'm not talking about personal growth. I'm talking about dealing with other humans. I'm talking about those forces beyond our grasp. We have no control over what other people do with their lives no matter how we long and and fight for them to see their potential. We have no control over when someone decides to cheat us or falsely accuse us or gossip about us. We have no control over when a government decides to take our foster child from us or when a young person we've helped decides to steal from us. We cannot force our loved ones to stop doing drugs or obligate our neighbors to respect us. We can't control the outcome of an election or prevent a diagnosis from reaching a loved one's ears. But, the one thing I'm learning in the loudest way from Joseph is that he never stopped being himself. As a shepherd and son, he was faithful and obedient. As a slave to Potiphar, he was reliable and hard-working, honest and upright. In prison, he was trustworthy and a serving leader. As a counselor to Pharoah, he was humble but spoke the truth. And, when he reached a position of power, he was all of the things he'd always been--just with more power and wealth at his disposal. And that is when his dream was fulfilled. The key to seeing God do what God already told him He was going to do wasn't about striving or fighting his circumstances. It wasn't about earning God's love. Even the effort he tried to make of telling Pharoah's servants to remember him didn't pan out near as well as it probably should've, because, well, humans. Out of sight, out of mind. No, Joseph reached the promise by slow and steady, humble and serving, never losing sight of who he was or who God is.


If January sparkled with energy and new possibilities, February, so far, is dulling the sheen with the wear of reality. Part of this, if I'm honest, is because I have a trip to the US on the horizon and because I'm feeling that edge I get when I need a solid break to get some fresh perspective. The other part is that I'm in a sitting season. I'm not literally sitting as in doing nothing. Most of my time actually is filled. But, I am in a season where I'm still seeking divine strategies. And, maybe at the heart of it all, God is once again refining my definition of ministry. If I'm candid, I currently am asking God the question, "What do I do when it seems like no one is interested?"


A lot of times, the viewpoint for those sending is that the biggest need for the mission field is resources. If the people just had a job and a steady income, they’d be fine financially. If they just had an education, they’d be able to advance in life. If they just had a church, they’d surely follow God. If they just had a healthy family, they’d stop acting like street children. I’ve learned over the years that while that is a hopeful mindset, it doesn’t provide for the complexities we humans bring to the table or the deep need we have for God that we don't even understand. Just to give you some ideas—we’ve seen people be given jobs and act entitled in their workplace and frivolous in their administration, thus keeping their finances in the same situation. We’ve given people scholarships for an education, and they take the opportunity for granted. Then they get angry when we choose not to sponsor them again. And, we’ve provided a sense of family but as soon as we’ve put any sort of limits in place, sometimes kids decide that family has to let them do whatever they want with no consequences. It is easy to convince yourself that healthy family has to look however is convenient for your whims when you've never had a healthy family. You can define family however you want to fit your desires. All of this isn’t a Honduran problem—it’s a human problem.


The desire of my heart is to see people encounter Jesus, grow in all aspects of life, and reach their full potential as God created it. But, a lot of people aren’t actually interested in any of that. As a missionary, I can hand out money and resources and feel busy, like I am doing something. I could also emotionally coerce others to behave a certain way. Some people will be at church every time the doors are open because they’re afraid of people gossiping about them or because they’re afraid the pastor will be mad at them. But, the root of that decision is fear of man, so if anything, I fight for everyone to feel free in making their own decisions when it comes to our ministry. Poverty does look like something outwardly, but it’s also a mentality that invades all of our behaviors. True growth has to start with real relationship with God and others—a choice to trust, not fear. Change has to start at the root in someone’s heart and is often elusive when the person can seek out any kind of rescue without any nudging towards personal responsibility. How many people did Jesus heal who really only wanted their healing for that day, with no interest in their eternity? How many people of the 5,000 ate that miraculous meal and weren't interested in the Bread of Heaven? How does it look for me as a missionary to continue to lovingly pursue people with the hope of the Gospel without slipping into enabling and even becoming a stumbling block to truly seeking God? How can I practically walk the tightrope of genuinely caring about people's needs and also calling them toward personal responsibility? How do I lead others to Jesus and not to myself? These are the kinds of questions that Raúl and I have to ask ourselves all the time. We may not consciously ask them on a daily basis, but on a daily basis, we are navigating the answers to those questions without having the answers just because we're thrust into circumstances that require a response.


All in all, the only real answer I have for myself is to be like Joseph--keeping my eyes on Jesus and being my true self. February hasn't looked much different than January--I'm still teaching classes and writing, our students are still studying, we're still having small group, and needs are constantly presenting themselves. But, in the secret place of my heart, there is no movement. There is no doing. There is no striving or convincing myself that I have the answers. I am just on my face before Him, still. I surrender. I don't have the answers. I can't make anyone grow. I am here, and I'm going to walk with You, and I'm going to lean into Your presence as I continue to just be myself, limitations and all. It is a sweet place to be even if the dream is never fulfilled.



Photo by rawpixel

In the mean time, your prayers are so invaluable. I have felt so incredibly blessed in my life with people who invest in me as a person even more so than they invest in what I do. There is a kiss of freedom to knowing that you're valued for who you are and not for your striving. And though we will do what God asks of us, we feel so loved and fortified by those of you who only ask that we keep close to our Father and His will. It is a delight to seek to always be good stewards of your prayers, your donations, your belief in us, and of the selves that God made us to be.

Get Up and Go

One of the things I've always liked about January is the sense of getting down to business. There is such a contrast between the extravagance and lounging of the Christmas season and the freshness and energy of January. I loved the time of year when classes would change because it meant new engagement for my mind, crisp white pages of new notebooks, and a new challenge ahead. January is still like that for me. I am always challenging myself, and just as a creature of habit, a lot of those new challenges start in January. But, aside from that, life in January here also just kind of demands a faster pace and navigating obligations and new experiences.

The Honduran school year starts in February for most high schools and in January for a lot of the colleges. So, this season is when you'll see school supplies front and center in every store and students clamoring around getting registered. Last year, we devised a new application process to treat our "educational help" as more of a scholarship, giving a bit more gravitas and ownership to our students as well as a bit more sense of responsibility. Perhaps, then, I shouldn't be surprised that we only had two applicants--two of whom we sponsored last year. There is still time, and we may have some last-minute stragglers seeking help. We'll see. So far. Brayan will continue to be sponsored in his music education. He's been a faithful student with excellent progress. And, we now have Estefanny not only registered but already in her second week of classes at a private university. Given the cost of private university, we're actually spending just as much if not more on our educational sponsorship than what we did last year. I am excited for Stef and am proud of how she is pursuing her goals.

In the mean time, another way that we are seeking to educationally aid our students from small group is by starting a new English class at level one. I'll be honest--I don't love teaching level one English. It's a speed bump for many interested in learning a new language. That initial introduction to something that feels so foreign really requires perseverance But once a student gets through my level one, usually they've found a good rhythm to continue learning. So far, our two sponsored students, Raúl, and five of our small group members are part of the class. They show a lot of promise.

So, that makes three English classes I am teaching--my level 5 class and I had to take a break when my transportation situation was iffy. Now, we're picking back up again. And, my level 2 class continues to do well.

January is also the season where we file reports for our non-profit with the Honduran government. It's not that extensive of a project, but it does require some time just compiling information and meeting with the accountant who will do our formal financial reports. We will celebrate our fifth anniversary as a non-profit this month! This is also the season when I start getting my US tax information compiled to work with the accountant in the US to get things filed and squared away. Like I said, this is a get-up-and-go season.

Amidst those tasks, I've also started a new personal goal for myself. I have joined Hope*Writers, an online community that provides support, education, and healthy encouragement toward writing endeavors. I have been blogging for a long time on this site as a place to update on missions in Honduras and just overall information about my life. Last year, I started a new blog because I wanted to transition myself into less newsletter-style writing and more lifestyle writing on a much more regular basis. So, the fruit of that goal was benchchats.blogspot.com if you've never visited there. And I try to write on that page on a weekly basis about much broader, more personal, and also some more lighthearted topics. Here, I continue to write on a monthly basis with general updates about life and ministry in Honduras.

I love to write. I wanted to be a writer from a very young age, and while the concept of publishing a book someday is both intriguing and scary overwhelming, I do want to steward this interest well within my current season. So, for right now, that looks like joining Hope*Writers, developing a more consistent writing habit, and educating myself on what a career as a writer is actually all about. So far, I'm enjoying the way that this is shaping my life and habits in some new ways.

As for our small group, after being socially saturated in December, it was clear to me that I needed to take a hiatus for a bit to take a step back, seek God, and catch my bearings as to whether or not we should continue in the same format or need to alter things to better go in the direction of God's leading. So, for the month of January, while we still see a lot of our small group members often, we aren't having small group. During this break, so far, I feel like God is giving me small clues as to what real community means and looks like and is fostered. My desire in starting a small group was to develop deep community--a place where we all can share and contribute and be vulnerable. We started out with people we were close enough to, that, I believe, that would have been possible. But things shifted. A lot of those people stopped coming because of personal situations, and a lot of new people we didn't know that well, especially teenagers, started coming. If nothing else, it has helped me to remember and acknowledge that what we set out to create wasn't created, but that something else entirely (and still good and important) has been created. I think we have set a positive framework of community, but this year, I'd like to still try to facilitate deeper relationship among our members. That is easier said than done in a country where people just generally don't trust each other emotionally. But, I am started to feel like the first step is in putting more of a focus on topics related to emotional and relational maturity, healing from old wounds, and how to be more of a genuine person with Jesus as our example. That's quite an endeavor, and it won't go anywhere without God's divine leading. So, we appreciate your prayers in that!

But, in terms of my own sense of community, I am happy that Ladies' Bible Study has started back up again, and I can once again see some brave, amazing, compassionate ladies on a regular basis.

This month, Raúl and I are also looking at plane tickets and starting to plan our trip to the States for the spring/summer. If you're interested in seeing us or visiting us while we're in, please let me know at sarah.crickenberger@gmail.com! We really want to make the most of our trip in prioritizing connecting with people.

My January is off to a good start even as I'm still leaving room in the margins to ponder where God is leading us, what ministry needs to look like for us, and how I can best serve Jesus here in Honduras. As always, we want to be open to your prayers, your words of encouragement, or even whatever it is from God that you may want to share with us.

Much love,
Sarah