The Value of Wisdom and a Listening Ear: February 2021 Update

 Hello All,



Even avoiding unnecessary trips out or group socialization, this past month was very busy. January and February are always full of administrative tasks, and this year is no exception. I am happy to report, however, that I'm ahead of schedule and starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel in that regard. During the last month, I have also been juggling grad school assignments focused on counseling skills. 
It has felt like a tough class for a variety of reasons, but I have been encouraged by the ability to put some of the things I'm learning into practice with my husband and also within our community of loved ones. I've had some privileged opportunities to be able to offer a listening ear or a piece of advice to some dear friends, and the feedback I've received from them has been life-giving. Many many years ago, when I first came to Honduras and was visiting Alvin Anderson's ministry, I remember clearly his saying that oftentimes what is lacking in a person's (especially a young person's) life is trustworthy relationship with mature people who can offer sound advice. We focus on money or employment or other material resources, but wisdom and direction are priceless. I am in my tenth year (crazy, isn't it?!) of living in Honduras, and I whole-heartedly agree with that statement. There's a reason that Solomon chose wisdom instead of material wealth or fame or even opportunity as his greatest prize. I have been reminded often recently of how much need there is around me in the realm of mental and emotional health. Suicide, areas of great hurt and betrayal, domestic violence, and even just COVID stress and anxiety are present in the people around me, but resources for processing hard emotions and hard situations are very, very scarce. People are desperate for the listening ear of someone trustworthy to be able to vent their burdens, and people also feel frozen and stuck for lack of guiding wisdom. Most of the counsel that takes place in many populations in Honduras comes from pastors who haven't been trained in counseling, who often haven't had healthy parental figures themselves, and who often have a personal stake in the state of the person being counseled because of their involvement in the pastor's ministry. Many pastors do the best that they can just as many missionaries do the best they can, myself included. But, I found many times when I was encountering really serious issues in the lives of people seeking me out for advice that I didn't feel educated and equipped to handle. There will always be times when the Holy Spirit will lead, but I am also grateful for the opportunity to fill my toolbox in such a way as to be much more of a blessing to others. I think the Holy Spirit can lead us to formal education as well. 

Meanwhile, one way we sought to offer support in the form of community this past month was virtually in our annual assembly for the NGO here. It was such a blessing to hear everyone share where God was leading them and see ways that God is knitting our community together through unique talents meeting unique needs. Hondurans and North Americans serving one another and serving others together.

In February, I had the opportunity to speak at an online women’s conference alongside Lindsey. It was organized by Kelley, a fellow missionary who has become a special part of our ministry community. The theme centered on women realizing their God-given value. Women here are very rarely taught their value, how to discover their gifts, and how to live out their callings. Most women here define themselves by their spouses or children. It was a special time, and I felt that many of the women in our discussion groups were sponges, hoping for even more.  

An Update on Marvin
Some of you may remember Marvin, the young man who lived in my home many years ago. He has been in prison for robbery for around 3 years and has some time to go. At the end of last year, he contacted us and has since been in regular communication. He is serving the Lord within the prison and recently asked us for discipleship materials to continue leading others in their group of inmates in spiritual growth. While Marvin’s road has been long, I am grateful that the seeds planted are still growing. Please join us in praying for him and for his future. 

Thank you all for reading, for your prayers, and for your support!
Sarah

A Time to Be Mindful: January 2021 Update

 
At the beginning of every year, I like to have a plan and idea of our ministerial goals for the year. As I write this, I have been back in Honduras for a few days after a couple months to ponder those questions, and I still feel at a loss because of COVID. The medical system in Honduras is under great strain, and I have found myself comparing notes with other missionaries as we wrestle the ethical questions of how to love others well without contributing to COVID deaths and the burden on medical professionals. There are no easy or convenient answers.

Every year, I also ask the Lord to give me one word to serve as a theme to God’s leading for the year. This year, my word is “time.” I don’t know how God will utilize that word throughout this year, but I am increasingly feeling that God is inviting me to surrender my concepts of productivity and planning as they relate to time. Proverbs 16:9 says, “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” We had a lot of plans for 2020, but 2020 didn’t look the way anyone expected it to.

The word “unprecedented” was thrown around a lot in 2020 in relation to US politics, hurricanes in Honduras, and COVID-19. In my counseling classes, I have been learning that the human brain is wired for anticipation. We utilize our past experiences to predict the ways that we should behave. Much of the stress of 2020 and going into 2021 comes from those “unprecedented” circumstances. Our brains are grasping at straws trying to regain a sense of control which is why people are responding very differently to the same circumstances.

It can be tempting to feel like this season is a loss because it is keeping us from normalcy, but God created our markers of time and said they were good. In Ecclesiastes, it says that there is a time for everything; thus, time is not meant to be our enemy. God sees time as good, even this time during COVID and other trying circumstances is full of purpose and redemption even in spite of suffering. During these unprecedented times, I believe God is giving us an opportunity to grasp what it truly means to enter into His Sabbath rest, to abide in His sense of time, and to partner with Him in redeeming time. Rather than the striving question of “Am I doing enough?”, I want to be able to answer “Am I doing and being what God is asking of me for this season?” without making assumptions based on my own insecurities. I have no idea what 2021 will hold, but I am committed to stopping for the One and also deepening my intimacy with God to know how to respond to each person, situation, idea, and need that appears. We can get so focused on what we are working toward in the present, for the future, that we can forget how to be loving, godly, surrendered people today. We can become so focused on fear of the future or how long our circumstances will persist that we can forget to fully live in our current reality. Dr. Curt Thompson, Christian psychiatrist, encourages us to take a cue from Psalm 13 and learn to delight daily in who God is. We can trust that this time is not wasted and that He is utilizing this time for His Kingdom’s benefit and our benefit. The best way that we can partner with God to redeem this time is to align ourselves with His will and character every day. 

So often in missions we can hide behind agendas or mission statements. We certainly need boundaries and cannot meet every need, so having plans and defined goals helps us to know what is purposeful and what may be a good thing but not the best thing. However, missions still start in the heart of our character more so than in our geographic location or our chosen population to minister to. I don't want to hide behind the justification that I distributed food today, so I can ignore my husband's need for patience as he does his English lessons. I don't want to be in such a hurry to check off my to do list that I miss the opportunity to attentively listen to someone whose tone of voice on the phone tells me that they're at a breaking point. I have long believed that missions has to be rooted in intimacy with God, to know His heart, to know the calling He has on our lives, and to make decisions that line up with His vantage point of eternity. This year, probably more than ever before, I feel an invitation to return to that simplicity because of the ethical dilemmas presented by COVID. Right now, I think if we try to apply blanket approaches to our situations, we're going to miss so many opportunities for healing, restoration, and hope. It's uncomfortable to have to make so many decisions with patience and a continually inclined ear toward the Lord, but it's the only place of safety for me. 

Thus, my plan for this year boils down to being mindful and patient to discern with God every day what it is that He is asking me to do--to scoop up serendipitous moments that weren't on my time table, to take the time to be aware of my deeper motivations for both precautions and calculated risks, and to be sensitive to the needs around me with the guiding light of God's perspective of eternity. That's a tall order, and I know there will be times when I miss it. Yet, I feel that I may just look back at this season of missions as being one of the most pivotal. 

With all of that said, January and February are inevitably a time to focus on administrative tasks such as tax preparation and NGO reports for the Honduran government. It's also a time to get our fingers on the pulse of what the greatest needs are within our community and relationships. This year, that is likely going to involve a lot of innovation in order to also keep people safe and to be responsible for any ripple effect our actions may have. As I have been saying, we so need prayers for wisdom. Even with limitations, I feel hope and a certain excitement for this year. One of my counseling professors says, "The obstacle is the way out," and I am holding onto that as we consider new ways of ministering. It's possible that some of the ways we innovate in this season could be a new divine direction toward God's strategy. Thus, I am trying not to see circumstances as disappointing but rather inviting. God is creative, and He gives us the ability to be creative as well. We are committed to still being good stewards and still loving others well, and we're also willing to seek the Lord and be patient to discern what that looks like. 

If there are ways that your ministry, your business, your church, or your family have been innovating in COVID times that are working for you, I'd love to hear about them and learn from you! Feel free to send me an e-mail at sarah.crickenberger@gmail.com . In the mean time, thank you as always for your support, for keeping up with us, and for your prayers. 

All of my love,
Sarah 

Hurricane Eta and Hurricane Iota: (Belated) November Update

 

Hello All,

This update is long overdue. To be truthful, I have been overwhelmed and at a loss for exactly what to say, and November was a perfect storm of travel, hurricanes, heavy homework load, immigration issues, and Thanksgiving. 

To begin, the week we were scheduled to fly out of Honduras, Hurricane Eta made landfall. All of the newscasters were comparing Hurricane Eta to Hurricane Mitch, which hit Honduras in 1998 and left the nation destitute. Just earlier that week I had talked to a young man who had been left homeless as a child as a result of Mitch. In the national history, there is a before Mitch and an after Mitch. When I compared Doppler footage from Mitch and Eta, they looked very similar and scary. We had no way of knowing how bad the devastation would be because it wasn't so much about wind as it was about rainfall--same as Mitch. Flooding and landslides were the primary concern. Our home sits on a hill leading to a mountain top, but because our house was placed in a cleft where the hill was dug out, it sits in the pathway of water flowing downward. This concerned me, so we prepared by digging trenches, emptying our cistern when it filled, and keeping an eye on water buildup. I can say that if we had not had a rock retaining wall behind our house, our house would have filled with water and mud because mudslides behind our house happened before they built the retaining wall. Thankfully, our house was fine, and most of Tegucigalpa was spared though there certainly were some homes that fell victim to isolated flooding and landslides. The rest of the nation experienced widespread flooding with devastating results. The airport was closed the day before we were set to fly out, so we packed but didn't know if we would make it out or not. We did. 

Upon arriving in the US, we received a great victory--we had no issues entering the border despite Raul's having been out of the country for more than a year. We also didn't have to pay a waiver. This was a huge relief and the product of months of prayer. 

Just a few days later, Honduras was facing yet another hurricane--Hurricane Iota. People had been trapped on roofs for days following Eta. Numerous people were living on the streets because they were displaced and couldn't return to their homes since they were under water. People were missing, and temporary shelters were packed. The government had acted slowly in evacuating people for Eta because it fell in a week that the government had declared a holiday week in an effort to bolster the tourism industry that was suffering greatly due to COVID restrictions that had been in place since March. For Hurricane Iota, however, the government began evacuating early. It was another slow-moving storm though a Category 5. Nicaragua and some parts of Honduras got hit with the brunt of the winds. The rest of the country suffered with the rain. The storm was much larger than Hurricane Eta and enveloped the entire nation. Once again, Tegucigalpa was largely spared, but the areas that were hit the hardest by Hurricane Eta were hit again. 

Because I don't have firsthand pictures, I'm choosing not to publish what isn't mine on this platform, but the pictures that emerged on social media were absolutely devastating. The airport we are set to fly into in January still has standing mud inside as it was underwater. Many people can't even return to their homes to try to salvage anything because the water hasn't fully receded yet. US news hasn't covered the damage nearly at all since I have been here, so you really would have to look to find footage, but you will find it if you search for it. I have seen it estimated recently that it will take a decade or longer for Honduras to recover. For most of the nation, the double damage of Hurricane Eta and Hurricane Iota was a repeat of Mitch. People who worked their whole lives to build a small home or to establish even a meager livelihood lost everything in a matter of weeks. Just to give you an idea of how impactful these events were, here are some statistics published by a national newspaper in Honduras:

1.7 million people were affected
More than 8000 families lost everything
37,000 are in temporary shelters (in the ongoing midst of COVID)
59,406 were evacuated
28,039 people were rescued from the water

A governmental report assessing damage after the first hurricane stated that:

10,326 people are now displaced
46 known landslides occurred
7,556 were either destroyed, flooded, or damaged
79 rivers overflowed
39 roads were blocked

Can you imagine what was added to that during the second hurricane? There are whole communities of people who cannot return to their homes because landslides washed the roads away. There are communities that were cut off from major commercial routes that bring food because bridges were destroyed. 

The Honduran Foreign Minister updated the previous statistics by saying that:

276,000 people were evacuated between the two hurricanes
123,000 people were rescued from the water
130,000 people are now living in shelters
35,000 homes were destroyed or damaged
37 bridges were destroyed
57 bridges were damaged 

According to the UN, of the 9.1 million people in Honduras, there are 2.3 million people in need. It is estimated that $69.2 million dollars will be needed to meet that need in a country where corruption is rampant. Those estimates were made BEFORE the damage of the second hurricane. (All of the above statistics were facilitated by posts from fellow missionaries.) COVID lockdowns were lifted following the hurricanes and have not been reinstated thus far. The nation had been under lockdown since March. Honduras is now experiencing an uptick in COVID cases. 

If you would like to see footage of the devastation in Honduras due to flooding, you can watch these videos:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Q4ve0ZidNs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLhVb1J_oUo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KO3vfX3lK_8

One of the reasons why this update is so belated is that it is so heartbreaking that I don't know what to say. Watching interviews with the people of Honduras who lost everything makes me cry, and there have been many nights when I've been awake at night asking the question over and over, "Where do we go from here?" I don't have easy answers for that as a nation or even as a ministry. The need is great, but it's mostly concentrated in areas that we do not frequent. We don't have close connections or relationships with the communities most affected, and in the midst of COVID, I still have not discerned what the appropriate response is for us personally. We want to love well, and we also want to do no harm. What I know that we can do and will continue to do while we are Stateside is to funnel funds to missionary friends who are on the ground in those communities cleaning homes, distributing food and clothing, and being the hands and feet of Jesus. If you would like to make a donation to those relief efforts of our trusted friends, you can go to www.godsendinc.org to make a tax-deductible donation via PayPal (please just include a note that it is for hurricane relief), or you can send a check to Godsend, Inc. at:
1608 Boulder Road
Buckhannon, WV 26201
(please also include a note that it is for Honduras hurricane relief)

I still can't wrap my head around the need or our role in filling it once we get back to Honduras, but I will continue to pray and seek God's discernment. I would appreciate your prayers for that discernment. 

Since we have been in West Virginia, COVID cases have been incredibly high (as has been the case throughout most of the US). It seems that every week someone else I know has it, is hospitalized with it, or has a loved one who has passed away because of it. We have just been home with my parents, and we thankfully did not contract COVID during our travels. We so appreciated your prayers for our protection, and we will again ask for them for our return trip in January.

One major battle that we faced just last week was accomplishing the fingerprinting needed for Raúl's citizenship application to be processed. For anyone who feels the strong conviction that immigration should be done legally, I hear you, and I also sincerely hope that you have done your homework to know what a challenge that is. I won't get into the details of how difficult it was and how truly truly frustrating the system is for me, but if you'd like to have a better understanding of how hopeless it can be to navigate the system, please send me a message. I wish that more Christians would educate themselves on the matter. Suffice it to say that it was an absolute miracle (after months of prayer) and two kind souls that made it possible for his fingerprinting to be completed. I had called and called the national hotline and had received no help. In fact, two days after I called and received no help, our deadline was inexplicably moved up from February 2 to December 30, or his case would be closed. Now, I feel like I can breathe again, and we settle into the studying portion of the process. USCIS is backed up with cases due to COVID, so while it is estimated that Raúl will have to return in June in order to take his citizenship test, it is hard to know if that estimation is accurate or not. Either way, we appreciate your prayers for his studying endeavors and the process in general. 

One additional praise report and joy for this month was that our sponsored student Estefanny received her high school diploma and also got married to Brayan (another student we have sponsored). It took a year of hassle, dead ends, lies, and frustrations for her high school to finally give her the diploma she earned. This cost her a year of college studies, but we are so grateful to have it in hand at last. I am proud of her perseverance to continue knocking on the door. This month she and Brayan also got married after many years of dating. Brayan is an excellent young man who loves God, and I have been blessed by the way they have honored God in their relationship and in preparing for marriage. I have known Estefanny since she was 13-years-old and was able to witness the way God has transformed her life and the lives of her family members. I wonder what 13-year-old Estefanny (who was so full of hurt and looking for relief in places that wounded more) would have thought about the life she now leads. I don't think she would have believed it was possible. I am so proud of her and Brayan.  



November was a fight or flight month. God proved Himself faithful to us every time, but I still feel like my soul doesn't know how to process all of the grief. Hurricane grief. COVID grief. Grief for my brothers and sisters who find themselves just doing the best they can and wondering if it is enough. As we enter December, I am trying to give myself permission to feel what I need to feel. I hope you'll do the same. Feeling the reality of grief never lessens the faithfulness or power of the Father. We cannot be comforted if we refuse to mourn. 

All of my love, 
Sarah 

Leaning and Depending: October Update

Photo by Dimitri Houtteman

Hello all,

A common sense among churches and, in some cases, missionaries alike is that October is a heavy month spiritually whether that seems to come about through spiritual warfare in circumstances or is simply a heavy blanket of oppression that hovers over Honduras. It seems like every year I remember at the beginning of the month to be vigilant, and by the end of the month, I've forgotten and am wondering why everything seems so full of despair and devastation. Someday, I will wise up the whole month. All of that to say--it's a good idea to be praying for missionaries this month. My little community here has seemed to take so many hits recently that I have found myself wondering how to hold so much suffering.

Recently, I found myself preaching to myself as I encouraged a friend. We were processing grief in general, and I was just struck by the reminder from the Holy Spirit that we're supposed to be dependent. Through various inputs, I have felt so burdened by the state of the world in so many respects, and I've wondered now in our seventh month of lockdown if there is ever an end in sight. While I want to be able to fully sooth and take away the pain of loved ones and the injustice that comes from a sin-filled world, I am left feeling vastly inadequate. Yet, this is the point. I cannot find hope apart from my Creator. I cannot be a source of life for others if I'm not willing to be dependent on God myself first. We were always meant to be needy and to have to rely on God and others for support. It's not my calling to hold all of the suffering of the world or to know all of the answers to the hard "why" questions. It's merely my job to lean into Him--even when angry, even when questioning, even when I'm struggling to hold onto hope. And, choosing to be present in the suffering of others is what it means to take up our cross and follow Jesus. It's the very thing that He modeled for us. He contended with Father God in the Garden, but He ultimately chose to be the Savior. I cannot ease all of the pain of others as I am not the Savior, but I can be present to walk with them through it even when I'm unsure and stumbling myself.

This month, we applied for Raúl's US citizenship. Our intention is to continue to do missions work here in Honduras, so our reasoning for proceeding with citizenship is because there is no convenient provision in the law for our current status. Every time we go to the States, he is at risk of someone questioning why he has residency but isn't residing in the US full-time. Additionally, as a multicultural, multi-country family, we want the security that our family will always be able to be together legally. Applying for US citizenship is something Raúl and I talked about since we got married, but it took us a long time to save up enough money to apply. And, he had to have US residency first. This, however, does not change the fact that we are still missionaries in Honduras for the foreseeable future. I have to be honest--anything related to bureaucracy and government departments makes me nervous because we've had so many negative experiences in both of our countries. I struggle with anxiety because everything feels so threatening, and I feel I have to cover all of my bases and not make any tiny error in the process while we've already suffered at the hands of authorities who have made careless errors that have cost us needless money and time. I have to remind myself often that there is a Kingdom above all kingdoms, and I reside in it and that there is Someone holding us and our process in hands greater than any system. I would ask for your prayers. While it will take months for his application to be processed, and we still have an issue of getting an appointment for fingerprinting, Raúl will have to pass an English writing and reading test, an interview, and a US civics test in English. It's a test that would be difficult for the average US citizen much less for someone who very minimally operates in English as a second language. He started studying when we got married, stopped for a while, and has since started again. Academics have never been an area where he feels confidence, so we're also up against some self-esteem and self-confidence obstacles. I want to see this situation as an opportunity for God to instill some new self-worth in my husband and unravel many years of painful words from teachers and others who told him he would never amount to anything. It just feels like a lot is at stake, and we are so in need of God's grace and divine favor.

In a matter of weeks, we will be traveling to the US. This will be the first time I will see my family in almost a year. I am so excited to see them while I know that life there and this trip in general is going to look very different from how it normally does. We appreciate your prayers for safe travels and health in the process. We're used to taking precautions because Honduras has been a lot stricter than the US in many respects. But, as always, there is risk involved.

Before we go, we will be distributing one more round of provision bags to bring the total to around 310. Businesses have re-opened for the most part, and the need related to COVID in our community is lessening though the country has taken a drastic economic hit throughout the pandemic that will impact poverty levels for years to come.

Meanwhile, I just finished my second class in my master's program. I have reiterated over and over again just how astounded I am by God's faithfulness and provision in allowing me to study during this time because I feel so grateful. But, this month especially, lockdown has been wearing me down, and I have felt quite clearly that having assignments and class and this reason to get up in the morning that is tied to learning, community, and hope for the future has been a lifeline for keeping me sane. Human beings are so geared for purpose, and most of my purposes have been stripped or greatly renegotiated. Yet, counseling has continued through friendship, giving advice, and being supportive through limited meetings, phone calls, and messages. Thus, I feel blessed to be able to operate in and already put into practice the things that I'm learning in an area that has been an ongoing need now more than ever.

We are so appreciative of you and so aware of our dependency on our community. You lift us up when we're struggling, and you are woven deeply into our story.

All of my love,
Sarah

Steady: September Update

                                            Photo by Austin Neill

This past month marked nine years of living in Honduras and six months of being on lockdown. I can hardly believe either of those things. I honestly feel like the lockdown time is getting to me. If I didn't have so much of my time occupied by grad school, I think I would be feeling a lot more desperate for more fresh air and space and feelings of freedom. Things are beginning to open back up again, but we are still only allowed to go out on certain days based on our ID numbers. Yet, celebrating nine years of living in Honduras has also served to put all of life into perspective. God has been good and faithful for so long, and it is outstanding the things I have lived through in the last nine years. If He has carried me this long, this season is no different. It has felt a bit like being on a ship in the middle of the ocean. I don't know what is going to emerge on that horizon. It could be tumultuous or it could be saving grace. Regardless, I feel oddly steady in the midst of the uncertainty. I have to believe He will navigate me through this as well. 

Immigration Testimony
We have great news! The exact same day that I wrote my last update asking for prayer that Raúl would receive his US residency card soon, it arrived! Some new missionaries offered to bring it down to us, and it is now in hand. Since it has already been too long for Raúl to have been out of the US, we have to make a trip and will be doing so for the Thanksgiving/Christmas holidays with some added quarantine time in November. Traveling during this season is a bit daunting, but having a unique immigration situation also paints you into many unexpected corners. We would ask for your prayers for our protection and also for favor with Border Control. The US Embassy is still closed, so filing returning visa paperwork for Raúl would have been impossible. We are asking God for His favor in not having to pay a hefty waiver upon entry as a result. The other aspect of travel that is a challenge is that I will still be in grad school classes, and figuring out how and where to have reliable internet in rural West Virginia can be an adventure. Honestly, though, I am so ready to see my family for the first time this year, and I am eager to be able to breathe in some fresh air outside of the four walls of my house. 

COVID and Provision Update
While businesses are now fully opened, a full-time curfew is still in effect in Honduras which means we are still only allowed to leave our houses once every ten days unless we obtain a special permission (which is not easy to get…we’ve tried!). So, at this point, ministry still looks like food distribution as we are up to 266 provision bags total, and it looks like maintaining relationships as much as we can. 

Longstanding Relationships
Some of those relationships we are taking care of are those with my kids. Josuan is living nearby and working with Raúl, and Marvin has started calling me from prison. He is supposed to be released soon. He has been involved in a group of Christians within the prison and an inmate pastor took him under his wing. Jorge recently celebrated a birthday, and his mother could use some prayers as she was hit by a car and is recovering from her injuries. Meanwhile, Stef and I still communicate, and God has given some good opportunities to share life together. A lot of my recent interactions--virtual and otherwise--have reinforced my decision to study counseling. Giving advice, listening, and being a dependable presence is something that I've already been doing. I don't know what ministry is going to hold in the aftermath of COVID. I don't know how much longer it will be before we actually enter into the aftermath part of the story. It seems like we're still in it, so it's hard to tell what life is going to look like. What I can say is that I've been noticing how many businesses appear to be closed for good and how many more people are on the streets asking for financial help to buy food. Poverty was already an issue before COVID, but I don't really know what the damage is going to be and what my home is going to look like as we emerge from this. I want to be wise and sensitive as a missionary to discern what God's strategies are along with the shifting circumstances. Meanwhile, we continue prayer and worship. And I continue my grad school classes. I am enjoying what I am learning, and so far, it is going well. 

Personal Update
This season of COVID has presented a lot of stress for everyone, myself included. I am trying to keep in tune with how I am doing and be pro-active in self-care. That has been challenging at times with periods of insomnia and other stress-related ailments. So, all of that to say, I am looking forward to some time in the States. I know that the entire world isn't really normal right now, so going to the US isn't an escape from reality. But, I am eager for a change of scenery and a feeling of refuge with my family and the hills of West Virginia. 

I am so grateful for the ways God has blessed me here in Honduras, led me, and allowed me to be a vessel of His love to those around me. I don’t know what the future holds here in Honduras especially with COVID, but my desire is to remain faithful and to discern how the Holy Spirit continues to lead. Thank you so much for sticking with us in your prayers and support all of this time. Nine years is truly a celebration that includes you since I wouldn’t have been able to last here so long if it wasn’t for the support system of the Body of Christ both in Honduras and in the US. We love you all dearly!

Sarah

Attuning: August Update

Hello All,


COVID and Provision Update

Life here slowly seems to be emerging to more of a sense of normalcy. We, in Tegucigalpa, have moved from Phase 0 to Phase 1 in re-opening. I'd give you more of a context on that except that I don't actually remember how many phases there are in the plan. What that basically means at this point is that the airports are set to re-open on Monday. However, we haven't heard word on whether or not anyone except Honduran citizens and residents will be allowed back into the country. More businesses are open at this point, but unless you are working and have permission, you're still only supposed to go out once every two weeks based on your ID number. Some government offices have started opening, but the US embassy remains closed. We're up to 49,042 cases. Even though the nation is beginning to open up and people are returning to work, we continue to give out provision bags because there is so much unemployment at this point. We are starting to process how long we stay in this mode of providing relief. Thus far, I am heartened that we haven't created a dependency on us just because so much of the time line in obtaining elements of these provision bags is out of our control. Due to that and our relatively small budget, we haven't been able to handle out weekly. We haven't handed out to people in a predictable pattern either. We keep a list of people that we have in mind and check in on them, trying to keep in mind how long it has been since the last time they have received from us. The government has also periodically distributed provision bags. I believe our neighborhood has received four times since March. We always want to keep track of our ministry community, but we've developed enough trustworthiness in relationship with them that we can ask them how they're doing, and they will respond honestly whether or not they actually need provisions or not. At this point in time, we have provided 216 provision bags, and we are in the process of buying the elements to make more. Overall, we want to give a blessing from the Lord that provides relief during this time of hardship, but we don't want to create a situation where someone plans on the provision they receive from us. We still want to see people innovating creatively and seeking the Lord as to how to provide for their families. 


Immigration Situation

As the airport is opening again and this year is just flying by, Raúl and I have been trying to discern whether a trip to the US is plausible for this year. I would love to see my family especially for the holidays. But, Raúl's current situation is that he doesn't have the paperwork needed to enter the country again. Last year, when we entered the US, an error was made on Raúl's green card, and he was given a two-year card instead of a ten-year card. In the process of petitioning to fix this mistake, we had to turn in his two-year card, and the only physical evidence that he has residency that we had was a stamp in his passport. That stamp expired May 1. At this point, he would have to have a returning immigrant visa, but the US embassy is closed and not issuing visas. Or, he would have to have his corrected green card in hand. We have been waiting for over a year to have his green card. A week ago, our lawyer just checked in to see where USCIS is in the process, and he was told that the card was approved but hadn't been sent to the printer yet and could take two weeks to go to the printer. Just a few days ago, we received notice that the card had been produced and was under quality review. Now we are waiting for them to send it to my parents' residence. From there, we have to figure out a way to get it down here to Honduras before we can travel. Meanwhile, plane ticket prices right now are feasible, and it would be a good time to buy. But, with Raúl's immigration situation being so uncertain, I'm having trouble discerning how to move forward, whether to buy plane tickets (in which the dates could be changed) or not. In this realm, we would so appreciate your prayers that Raúl's green card would reach my parents' house much sooner than the estimated time we were told, that we would find a safe and reliable way to get that card down to us, and that God would grant wisdom and discernment in terms of what to do about traveling and plane tickets. 

Grad School

This past weekend, I started my master's in Christian counseling through the Townsend Institute at Concordia University. The first class was an online kickoff conference over the course of four days. There were some great teachings from some excellent speakers including Dr. John Townsend, and I also participated in some process groups with my peers. I feel so blessed by the people that I met in my process group and the way that they are developing into friends and a support system. The program I am doing lasts for three years (provided I don't have to stop for financial reasons) which feels daunting and like a long time, but I love what I'm learning. I am still finding a rhythm of time management and balance since I've been out of school for nine years and wasn't a wife and a missionary and an online teacher during my last season of schooling. In the midst of it all, I have seen God's hand on this decision however intimidating it can feel sometimes. He has been so faithful in financial provision and also in resources and solutions right when I need them that I feel Him championing my schooling as much as I'm working toward it. 

Ministry

Apart from food distribution, ministry consists primarily of two prongs right now: 1) prayer and worship and 2) relationships. Lindsey and I still get together once a week to spend time in prayer and worship, and those times have been a lifeline in keeping in tune with the Father and our own callings during these trying times. Relationships right now have also been key, but they are being conducted more through voice messages, texting, and video calls than in person. We still don't know exactly what stays or starts as we transition into less restrictions, but we're learning to lean into that mystery. One of the skills that we have been learning a lot about in my grad school class is attunement. Attunement is being present with someone else, entering into their experience, and offering empathy through our body language and through genuinely listening. Attunement is not rushing into giving advice, commenting "encouraging" cliches, or problem solving. It is letting the person know that their feelings are valid and that they are not alone. As I have been trying to be intentional in sharpening this skill, I've been struck with the question of how often I attune to God. I want to get better at just being with God, listening sincerely, and letting our time together be about presence. So often, I think we can pursue God because we want a word and need an answer or have a need. During this ongoing time of COVID stillness, I've been learning to just sit with the Lord, giving the invitation of "What do you want to say to me today?" I want to posture my heart toward Him in a way that lets Him know I care about His Person more than I care about His answers or His gifts. I want to be a trustworthy friend. 

Here are the playlists we've made this month and the music that has invited us to just be with God in the places where He leads:

Intercession - Part of having empathy for God and entering into His experience is being willing to enter into the experiences of those He cares about and to intercede on their behalf.

Reunited by Lindsey - One of the desires of God's heart is unity within the Body of Christ. They will know we are Christians by our love. 

Beloved - As I have been learning about the four aspects of character structure (Attachment/Bonding, Separation/Boundaries, Integration/Reality, Adulthood/Capacity), I began to wonder what the Body of Christ would look like if it were healed in each of these areas. This playlist focuses on bonding deeply with God. 

Dependency by Lindsey - Continuing the same theme of having a solid attachment to the Lord, this playlist focuses on how our trust and confidence in God's goodness makes it easier to run to His presence for any reason. Our natural response to being loved is giving Him our lives. 

Stand - This list stems from being able to recognize how God has made us as individuals and to stand securely for our calling, valuing what makes us different from the rest of God's creation. When we know who He is, we have the confidence to trust Him. When we know who we are and who we aren't, we can have boundaries, state our needs, and say a whole-hearted yes that stems from love and security rather than from obligation and insecurity. 

All of my love,
Sarah

Psalm 23 -- July Update

Photo by Timo Wagner


Hello All,

COVID and Provision UpdateWe had a huge jump in cases this month. We’re up to 27,583 cases and 771 deaths. Those seem like just numbers, but when I compare them to last month’s newsletter, it’s astounding the explosion of cases we’ve experienced. Our re-opening efforts have ceased at least in the capital of Tegucigalpa, and we remain on lockdown. Hospitals are still in crisis with patients sleeping on the floors and in office chairs or relegated to flimsy tents outside of the hospitals in the middle of the rainy season. We have now reached the point where people we know here are infected, and we’re getting calls about families needing money to buy caskets. A friend of Raúl’s passed away from COVID. This past month, Raúl lost some of his sense of smell and had a low-grade fever for one day. I eventually got tested after having a low-grade fever for two weeks, but I tested negative. The fever also went away thankfully. In the midst of all of this, some of our family members and neighbors have had health situations arise that have nothing to do with COVID, but given the state of the medical system (at least here), it's been difficult to navigate getting help and appointments for other issues. Yet, God has been faithful in opening doors and providing healing. In the missionary community, a lot of us are noticing signs of stress like insomnia and tachycardia, lethargy and headaches. It’s just all been a lot to take in, and we’re fighting to keep the hope some days. Meanwhile, we continue to distribute food to needy families. We’re up to 180 bags, but the price of staple items is increasing. Due to the drought we had last year, beans especially are scarce. Raúl continues to spearhead the efforts of buying food and distributing. We don't know how long this kind of relief giving will go on because we don't know how long we'll continue to be on lockdown and how long people will be out of work. So, we continue to give as we are able because that's the current next right thing to do.

Anniversary
In just a few days, Raúl and I will celebrate three years of being married. We currently don't have any grand plans for celebrating at home, but we have started comparing notes in the evenings of what we're observing in our world and how we feel about it. The conclusion we've come to even in the midst of so much injustice and heartbreak is that God is faithful, and we feel deep gratitude. Despite the circumstances, we have managed to grow in our marriage during this time of quarantine. We've had all that we've needed and enough to be a vessel of provision to others. Raúl has been able to continue to work, and I have been able to continue to work from home. While last month brought some uncertainty and nervousness in regard to health, we've truly been okay. We still continue to try to be wise in our precautions, but it's a balance of serving and taking care as the Lord leads. Throughout our three years, we've had experiences together on both ends of the spectrum of joy and pain, but we've continued to choose one another and to fight to grow. This is worth celebrating.

Grad School 
One way that I am fighting to grow in this time is through grad school. As I believe I've mentioned before, for over a year, I have had a deep desire to get my master's in Christian counseling. I've been a missionary for almost nine years, and I have learned that so much of what we see in ministry has root issues that need to be addressed. We have offered many educational opportunities to young people over the years, but oftentimes, the opportunities haven't been carried to their greatest fruition because the young person is struggling with addictions or has low self-esteem or has trauma that has never healed. We want to see the people in our ministry fulfill their God-given callings and potentials, but I have learned that it's not a matter of just extending a hand up in terms of education or a job or evangelism. I have come to believe that the most effective ministry has to consider and reach the whole person--past, present, and future--and spiritually, emotionally, and physically. While I have tried to minister with this mindset, in many cases, I have felt ill-equipped to counsel in circumstances of drug addiction, past sexual abuse or incest, and so many other issues. I have done the best to let myself be led by the Holy Spirit, but I also believe in being proactive in education. Thus, last year, I got the VIPKID online teaching job with the goal of saving money to start grad school. Hilariously, it became evident that the job alone was not going to cut it. But, God has been dealing with me in healing my ideas of His provision. So often, I feel like His provision depends on my administration and efforts. Good stewardship is very important, and it's something I always want to be diligent about. I also always want to be a hard worker. Yet, being responsible can also become an idol of ego. When I am determined to make something happen in my own strength, I can feel like I'm doing the right thing because I'm being so responsible, but in actuality, I'm trying to choose self-sufficiency over God's supernatural provision. This adventure of finances for grad school has been a great lesson that I don't want to be the one solely responsible for my dreams or for His dreams. While I always want to steward well, I don't want to strive to make things happen in my own strength. So, in true Father form, God has so richly granted me the ability to save more money than I ever thought possible. I am still working and stewarding my abilities to generate income, but I also have seen the Lord intervene in ways that my efforts weren't covering the need. As I have been seeking the Lord about how to best prepare for the next season--the aftermath that the world will be facing of so much loss and uncertainty and suffering on a global scale--this is the path I believe He is leading me in. I want to prepare myself to serve others in their healing process, to be able to connect in their relationships with God and others, and to meet the potential that God has always had for them. Therefore, I applied to online grad school at the Townsend Institute at Concordia University-Irvine in California and was accepted. Starting grad school in quarantine was not on my radar at all, yet God has opened doors and provided confirmations that this is how He is leading. I start classes on August 3rd, and I would appreciate your prayers: 1) That God would continue to provide the funds for my studies. 2) That God would be the center of all that I'm learning, and that I would grow to fulfill the potential that He has placed within me. 3) That I would be able to navigate and discern how to balance my time to be able to complete this program and also fulfill the other roles I have going on in my life and in ministry.

 Psalm 23
This month, my ladies' Bible study has been meeting online to study Psalm 23. It's a familiar passage, but it has felt relevant during this continued time of lockdown. Even though some days feel like the movie, Groundhog Day, this truly hasn't been wasted time. I can look back and see ways that God has been teaching me and speaking to me. He provided rest at the start of this quarantine when I needed it and needed to take better stock of the priorities of my time. Even though my physical paths to walk are quite limited, He has led me in learning and growing and in what my focus should be throughout this time. He has given me permission to admit when I'm in a valley. I don't have to put on a brave face and act like everything is okay when I'm actually having a hard day or struggling to have hope. That's the beauty of the testimony--being able to recognize that I'm in a valley but still finding that He is with me. Being able to be honest with God and others about how I'm really feeling has led to comfort and growth. And, as troubling as circumstances have been, God has prepared a table in the presence of our enemies and has demonstrated just how His goodness and mercy pursue us. Starting grad school seemed impossible even in the most normal of circumstances, so being able to start fulfilling a dream that felt impossible in the midst of such a hard season for the world is honestly so humbling. It's a gift that I have struggled to receive, but I believe that it is ultimately for God's glory. We want to be missionaries that are able to be sensitive to and serve the immediate need, but we also want to be missionaries that can see beyond current circumstances to prepare for future needs as Joseph did in Egypt. I believe that equipping myself to counsel others with wisdom and greater education is part of being diligent in seeing God's bigger picture and allowing Him to lead in preparation even though it can feel sort of selfish to me.

Prayer and Worship
A common thread and solidifying practice that we have kept up throughout quarantine is prayer and worship. While our egos are dying from lack of "doing," we're also becoming more aware of how much we have underestimated the power of prayer and worship. We cannot control government corruption that is siphoning off funds for COVID patients, but we can pray with the authority of a higher kingdom. We may not be present with those who are isolated in hospitals, but we can pray to send ministering angels to comfort. We can walk through the valley and yet still feel intimately close to Him, and we can intercede for the world with the persistence and faith of those who marched around Jericho. Here are our worship playlists from the last month:

Lord, Have Mercy  by Lindsey -- This list was geared especially toward praying into the situations of racial injustice in the US and around the world.

O Church, Arise by Lindsey -- God is calling His Church to be in tune with Him and His will during this time and to arise to take our place as the Bride of Christ.

Valley -- Based on Psalm 23, this list is about being able to name our valleys but still remaining in the faithfulness of God. We don't have to pretend that everything is okay; we can be honest with the Lord. He responds by being present with us, and in His presence, we find the strength to walk through trials to our next mountain.

The Battle Belongs to the Lord by Lindsey -- It doesn't matter what battle we are facing because we have victory in our Savior. This song is about perseverance in worship and prayer.

Intercession -- This list is about coming to Lord willing to declare who we know Him to be and to ask Him to stir greater compassion for others in our hearts. We want compassion to be what stirs us to intercession. We also want to recognize the authority God has given us in spiritual warfare to join in with the angels who are warring on behalf of the world for God's diving purposes.

Thank you for your continued support and prayers. We so appreciate it.

All of my love,
Sarah