Going Deeper...

Hello All,
I hardly know where to start to update you all on everything that has happened in such a short span of time. I am so grateful that in the midst of so many changes, God never changes, and to be fair, He did give me a heads up that the waters of circumstances would be rising. (It has been pouring here--that's for sure.) In my last update, I mentioned that two of our girls had run away but had returned. Well, only a day later, they left again, taking a third girl from the house with them. We were quite saddened and disappointed but, ultimately, God gave us peace that He was in control. After a few days living on the streets in the rain, cold, and hungry, Blanca returned after lengthy, tearful conversations with Papí Alvin. We were so blessed to have her back in the house. While we were heartbroken that she was on the streets, God was working in her heart because we have seen such a change in her since she has been back--a softening of her heart. God knows exactly what each one of us needs. His love is so perfect. The other two girls, Mayra and Claudia, eventually went to live with Claudia's grandmother and have since found jobs. In their cases, we hope and trust that God worked through us (more so Tía Sally and Mamí Sara than me) to plant seeds that He can harvest in His way and His time.

With all of that said, everyone in the house is now preparing for some major changes. Tía, Mamí, and I joke that we all asked to go deeper into dependency on God, and you have to be careful what you ask for! In truthfulness, we are all so grateful for the ways that God is leading onward into new directions and new adventures. We trust in His best, and we have no interest in forcing our own wills. I find myself thanking God often, especially for the situations that He permits that humble me and remind me of my desperate need for Him (and to swallow my pride to depend on others as well). The biggest change that will be taking place within the next couple of months involves a call of God on the lives of Tía Sally and Mamí Sara. They will be moving to Nicaragua to start a ministry of God's leading. They will be going with Alvin and Nelly's blessing, and I am excited to see what God has in store for them--and, of course, I plan to visit! When discussions about this change were first occurring, I felt at a loss. As I've already expressed, Tía, Mamí, the girls, Nahum, and Raúl are my family here, and the thought of losing my family was quite painful. However, God has His best. He knows what needs to happen for each of us. Originally, Tía and Mamí asked me if I wanted to go with them, but I knew instantly that I had to say no. God has called me to Honduras--even when I don't always know what His specific purposes are. Confirming this immediate response, nearly directly after the moment I said no, my residency lawyer called me after I hadn't talked to him for three weeks or so. He just called to let me know that all of my paperwork is in order, that we're still waiting, but I should have my residency on time. The timing of his call was not a coincidence. In the meantime, we are seeking God as to His best for each of the remaining girls--Blanca, Quendy, and Kimberly. Initially, while Tía and Mamí were committed to being obedient to God, we were all so heartbroken because we didn't know what would happen with the girls although we were all committed to their best interest and protection. God always has His best. His way is perfect, so while no concrete plans have been decided yet, we are encouraged by the ways in which it seems God is leading in terms of where to place the girls in safe and loving environments. Their lives are in His hands, and these changes, though very stretching, I believe, are being used by God to show the girls tangibly and personally how He will never abandon them and how deeply He loves each of them. In the midst of the pain of knowing that our adopted family here is going to be going in different directions, we are all running to God.

This past Sunday at church was difficult but so good. We all just cried out to God together and lay our wounds before Him. I think now more than ever the girls are realizing just how deeply we love each of them. While it is ridiculous, they are often the ones comforting me in the midst of my tears, and when they ask why I'm crying, all I can say is, "I just love you all so much." While we don't have a specific date set on when all of these changes will be taking place (much of the timing hinges on the girls' school year which ends at the end of November), when we all go in our separate directions, I will be moving up to the apartment at Alvin's house. God knows what each of us needs, and I trust that He knows that this is what I need for His ultimate good.

In the same way, God does care about the desires of our hearts as He reminded me in something so beautiful. On Wednesday night, after spending the whole day praying and once again putting my faith in God, my final prayer before I went to sleep was this: "God, I trust You, and I ultimately want Your best and only Your will. But, I selfishly ask that if there is any way possible, please don't take my family here away from me." The next morning, I woke up with peace and a renewed sense of joy about the entire situation. I said goodbye to Raúl as he left for work and began to read the Bible and pray. In the midst of my prayers, only 15 minutes later, Raúl called me which I thought was weird since I had just seen him. He called to invite me to his grandmother's birthday party. On Monday, Roy had taken us to run some errands, and he was telling Sara that on Friday his family was going to have a big dinner with the extended family to celebrate his grandmother's birthday. Roy and I have been friends for two years, so I've met some of his family (they are all so wonderful), and for whatever reason, I had the passing thought, "I would love to go." I didn't even form it into a prayer because in light of the fact that I'm not a part of the family, it seemed implausible and inappropriate. So, when Raúl called to invite me after that fleeting thought and after my prayer the night before, I was ecstatic.

I had no idea what to expect when we went. I thought perhaps other guests would be invited as well, but when Raúl and I arrived, I was the only non-family member there. Raúl and Nahum took me around to meet everyone, and (while I imagine they knew I was coming before) no one questioned why this random gringa was at their family event. I met half of Roy's mom's side of the family, including aunts, uncles, and cousins--the Rovelo side. Everyone was so wonderfully accepting. As I met some of the aunts, they said, "So this is the famous Sarah!" A year ago (I can't believe it's already been a year), Roy tried to get a visa to visit me in the States, and while he wasn't able to get a visa, his family did hear about me as he completed various steps in the process. One of the uncles said, "So you want to join the family, huh?" I laughed and said, "Of course! Why not? It's such a good family." The whole evening I was so blessed because I felt so at home. The Rovelos didn't treat me like a gringa outsider. They just treated me like another catracha, like family. They all joked with me and included me, and I was so amazed by how I so immediately felt like I belonged. They are such an affectionate family, and I love being around them. Raúl already made the comment that I have to come for New Year's as well. In light of the fact that my adopted family here will likely be dispersed by then, I am so grateful. When I was leaving, I gave one of the little cousins a hug, and her mother said, "Be sure to give her a hug because she's your godmother. She's part of the family." When the family was taking pictures with Abuela María, they took one with just Roy's branch of the family--his grandmother, mom, brothers, and sister. Everyone in the family said, "Sarah! Go get in the picture!" I hesitated because I'm not family, but they insisted. I imagined I'd only be on one, so I mentioned to Raúl, "Ok, now one without the gringa, right?" And he said, "No, Sarah, you're part of the family. You have to be in all the pictures." When I got home that night, I was so grateful to God and so blessed by my new adopted family. God always knows what each of us needs.

Every day here tends to be different, but when I have free time, I have found great joy in going to visit Raúl and the boys at his business. I know that it is quite a silly sight to see a blonde-haired gringa sitting in the midst of stacks of tires and oil-covered men, but I am so blessed that my brothers here not only allow me to come visit, they thank me for keeping them company. The most important thing in ministry and life in general, to me, has always been relationships. I was blessed to find myself yesterday talking with Richard (Roy's brother) and a pastor about being a missionary and the beauty of Christ. Jesus can have His way anywhere and in any conversation. We just have to be willing to invite Him.

Thanks so much for reading and please continue to keep all of us here in Honduras in your prayers. This is especially needed as the rainy season is in full force, and many people are facing flooding, mudslides, and other difficulties as a result. We also will be having a medical team here starting tomorrow, so I look forward to loving on people and showing the love of Jesus by touching physical needs.

All for Jesus,
Sarah

Ezekiel 47

Don't let them fool you--they do actually smile...just not in pictures.



The girls with our brother, Raúl

 Hello All,
It has been a while since I updated about anything, and I have now lived here for over a month. I can't believe how quickly time passes here (and really in general). I am slowly building a life here with more roots than before. It's interesting to shift from the attitude that I'll only be here for a summer or a couple months to really investing in making a life. Every day has the potential to be different in terms of where I'll be going and what I'll be doing. I love that fact about my life. With that said, there are some aspects of things that are helping me settle in. I have started painting my room here in the Eagle's Nest--a bright yellow to bring in more light, etc. It's like walking into a room full of sunshine. I love it. I have also been so blessed by Raúl who has so willingly helped me with everything--puttying the holes in the wall, painting, taking me to buy paint, etc. I am excited to finish so that I can move into my own space. I also have started running in the mountains every Thursday with Nahum. I love it. Even though when 4:45 AM rolls around, I dread exiting the warmth of my blankets, because I have the support of a running buddy, I go. And, once we finish, I love it and feel so much better throughout the rest of the day. I need to start running more than just one day a week though. It's all a process. Step by step. Little by little. Nahum also gave me my first lesson on the motor bike--until Roy butted in and took over, and before too long, Raúl wanted in on teaching me as well. There aren't a lot of women here who drive motor bikes, but they are so much more convenient than cars that I definitely want to learn.

I am always learning here and having to learn to depend on others which isn't always easy for me. About a week ago, I was driving Sally's van up to Nelly's house in the pouring rain, and ended up in the ditch when I moved over for pedestrians and didn't see that the torrential rain had washed out that part of the sand/gravel road. All I could do was call Roy who came down and helped for close to two hours with a bunch of his friends to tow me out of the ditch. He laughed and was having the time of his life being in charge and rescuing me--partially because he knows how much I hate asking for help and, yet, I had to rely on him. Then, of course, all of the neighbors came out to see the crazy gringa stuck in the ditch, and after laughing, they all helped. It was very humbling and hilarious. The car was fine, and to be fair, the neighbor told me that the same thing happens to others all the time. I was overwhelmed to tears with the love that God showed me in all of the kindness of the neighbors, Raúl who came to help in the midst of all of it, and Roy who was running the show. I am a very independent woman, so not having my own means of transportation, my own social life (other than my boys), etc. is a stretch for me, but it does make me depend on God (and others) more. Yesterday, I didn't wait for Raúl to come home before putting the second coat of paint on my room. He came a bit later and said to Mamí Sara about me, "This one won't depend on any man, will she?" I told him that it wasn't his room. It's mine, so it's my responsibility. Plus, I'm not lazy, so I'm going to do what work I can do. But, he does have a point. I hate asking for help and having to depend on others. If there's a way that I can do something myself, I generally will try to find it and do it. This isn't always the best quality to have, but I'm grateful for the patience that my boys show me. They're pretty good about letting me think I'm independent in the midst of quietly helping me. I am so appreciative of that.

I have also been so blessed by how God helps me in every detail of my life. I had a difficult couple of days last week. I kept coming to God and asking for Him to work in my heart and remind me of His love, to help me know that I am being obedient and that He approves of me. The greatest desire of my heart is that I am obedient to God. Nothing else really matters. As long as He approves of me, I am content. We have a traveling evangelist here from Canada who is having nightly meetings, speaking at the church, etc. We went to one of the meetings not far from Feeding Center #1. During worship, I just had my eyes closed and was once again, just surrendering everything to God, asking Him to work in my heart and assure me that I am following His will. All of the sudden, a little girl I had never met in my life was in front of me, rubbing my face and petting my hair. She jumped into my arms and stayed there for the rest of the night. There is nothing quite as sweet as the love of a little child, and what a beautiful demonstration of God's love that was for me. I felt so blessed by little, 5-year-old Kenia.

Church last Sunday was also very good. God obviously had my number. I love corporate worship, and as Mamí Sara and I often discuss, when there are struggles in our hearts that need a touch from God, it is usually in worship that God fixes those things wordlessly. Then, Chuck Price, the evangelist from Canada spoke from Ezekiel 47. As soon as I heard the text from which he was speaking, tears came to my eyes again because that passage has been on my heart since I got here. I keep hearing what Heidi Baker mentioned in the book I read--when the waters of the river of circumstances keep rising, we can either try to figure things out on our own, or we can come deeper into God's presence and depend more on God. Everything that was happening and continues happening is an invitation from God to come deeper with Him. When I look at circumstances with that mindset, I have peace and feel so privileged because the more difficult the circumstances, the more God is inviting me to come deeper. And, I so want to go deeper with Him--more than anything else.

This idea brings me to our latest challenge. Let me make clear--it is always a challenge to have the wisdom to deal with the girls in the Eagle's Nest on a regular basis. They are precious, and they do all come from difficult, terrible backgrounds. However, as is often the case in this country, they have also become skilled in manipulation for survival. It is so difficult to daily have the discernment necessary to keep from enabling our girls. We always want to treat them with godly love and compassion, but after many experiences, I have had to learn that we can never make assumptions about what God's love looks like for an individual. We always have to seek God as to what His love is supposed to look like specifically, how He means to reach a person. God lavishes affection on us, but He also disciplines us. Real love is not only candy, cookies, entertainment, hugs, new things, and fun. Real love is also counsel, correction, instilling work ethic, consistency of relationship, and high expectations for improvement amidst difficult life circumstances. God's love is the perfect demonstration of the love needed in this house, the love that we humbly try to provide. God is so faithful to provide our needs. When we are constantly conscious of His love, we recognize the sweetness like rainbows, little children, and affection from others as the fun part of His love. But, He also treats us as children--when we are disobeying, He allows us to have consequences even as He forgives us. Yesterday, two of our girls ran away in the middle of the night. They are now back, but in the midst of this upheaval, all of us in the house are in a place of deeper seeking of God because we recognize that in and of ourselves, we can't do anything. In and of ourselves, we don't have the wisdom we need to best love these girls. We want the absolute best for them, but we are wise enough to know that often what they think they want is not actually the best for them. All of us in the house want to go deeper into dependency on God, and the waters of circumstances are rising. We feel like we're at a loss, but at the same time, we trust that in our surrendered state, God is working in ways that we can't see.

Please keep me and everyone within the Eagle's Nest and the ministry here in your prayers. We are so desperate for more of Jesus. Only He can do the work in each one of the girls' hearts and lives. No amount of persuasion, etc., on our part is going to do touch their lives in the deep places as only God can do.

Thanks for reading,
Sarah