Ezekiel 47

Don't let them fool you--they do actually smile...just not in pictures.



The girls with our brother, Raúl

 Hello All,
It has been a while since I updated about anything, and I have now lived here for over a month. I can't believe how quickly time passes here (and really in general). I am slowly building a life here with more roots than before. It's interesting to shift from the attitude that I'll only be here for a summer or a couple months to really investing in making a life. Every day has the potential to be different in terms of where I'll be going and what I'll be doing. I love that fact about my life. With that said, there are some aspects of things that are helping me settle in. I have started painting my room here in the Eagle's Nest--a bright yellow to bring in more light, etc. It's like walking into a room full of sunshine. I love it. I have also been so blessed by Raúl who has so willingly helped me with everything--puttying the holes in the wall, painting, taking me to buy paint, etc. I am excited to finish so that I can move into my own space. I also have started running in the mountains every Thursday with Nahum. I love it. Even though when 4:45 AM rolls around, I dread exiting the warmth of my blankets, because I have the support of a running buddy, I go. And, once we finish, I love it and feel so much better throughout the rest of the day. I need to start running more than just one day a week though. It's all a process. Step by step. Little by little. Nahum also gave me my first lesson on the motor bike--until Roy butted in and took over, and before too long, Raúl wanted in on teaching me as well. There aren't a lot of women here who drive motor bikes, but they are so much more convenient than cars that I definitely want to learn.

I am always learning here and having to learn to depend on others which isn't always easy for me. About a week ago, I was driving Sally's van up to Nelly's house in the pouring rain, and ended up in the ditch when I moved over for pedestrians and didn't see that the torrential rain had washed out that part of the sand/gravel road. All I could do was call Roy who came down and helped for close to two hours with a bunch of his friends to tow me out of the ditch. He laughed and was having the time of his life being in charge and rescuing me--partially because he knows how much I hate asking for help and, yet, I had to rely on him. Then, of course, all of the neighbors came out to see the crazy gringa stuck in the ditch, and after laughing, they all helped. It was very humbling and hilarious. The car was fine, and to be fair, the neighbor told me that the same thing happens to others all the time. I was overwhelmed to tears with the love that God showed me in all of the kindness of the neighbors, Raúl who came to help in the midst of all of it, and Roy who was running the show. I am a very independent woman, so not having my own means of transportation, my own social life (other than my boys), etc. is a stretch for me, but it does make me depend on God (and others) more. Yesterday, I didn't wait for Raúl to come home before putting the second coat of paint on my room. He came a bit later and said to Mamí Sara about me, "This one won't depend on any man, will she?" I told him that it wasn't his room. It's mine, so it's my responsibility. Plus, I'm not lazy, so I'm going to do what work I can do. But, he does have a point. I hate asking for help and having to depend on others. If there's a way that I can do something myself, I generally will try to find it and do it. This isn't always the best quality to have, but I'm grateful for the patience that my boys show me. They're pretty good about letting me think I'm independent in the midst of quietly helping me. I am so appreciative of that.

I have also been so blessed by how God helps me in every detail of my life. I had a difficult couple of days last week. I kept coming to God and asking for Him to work in my heart and remind me of His love, to help me know that I am being obedient and that He approves of me. The greatest desire of my heart is that I am obedient to God. Nothing else really matters. As long as He approves of me, I am content. We have a traveling evangelist here from Canada who is having nightly meetings, speaking at the church, etc. We went to one of the meetings not far from Feeding Center #1. During worship, I just had my eyes closed and was once again, just surrendering everything to God, asking Him to work in my heart and assure me that I am following His will. All of the sudden, a little girl I had never met in my life was in front of me, rubbing my face and petting my hair. She jumped into my arms and stayed there for the rest of the night. There is nothing quite as sweet as the love of a little child, and what a beautiful demonstration of God's love that was for me. I felt so blessed by little, 5-year-old Kenia.

Church last Sunday was also very good. God obviously had my number. I love corporate worship, and as Mamí Sara and I often discuss, when there are struggles in our hearts that need a touch from God, it is usually in worship that God fixes those things wordlessly. Then, Chuck Price, the evangelist from Canada spoke from Ezekiel 47. As soon as I heard the text from which he was speaking, tears came to my eyes again because that passage has been on my heart since I got here. I keep hearing what Heidi Baker mentioned in the book I read--when the waters of the river of circumstances keep rising, we can either try to figure things out on our own, or we can come deeper into God's presence and depend more on God. Everything that was happening and continues happening is an invitation from God to come deeper with Him. When I look at circumstances with that mindset, I have peace and feel so privileged because the more difficult the circumstances, the more God is inviting me to come deeper. And, I so want to go deeper with Him--more than anything else.

This idea brings me to our latest challenge. Let me make clear--it is always a challenge to have the wisdom to deal with the girls in the Eagle's Nest on a regular basis. They are precious, and they do all come from difficult, terrible backgrounds. However, as is often the case in this country, they have also become skilled in manipulation for survival. It is so difficult to daily have the discernment necessary to keep from enabling our girls. We always want to treat them with godly love and compassion, but after many experiences, I have had to learn that we can never make assumptions about what God's love looks like for an individual. We always have to seek God as to what His love is supposed to look like specifically, how He means to reach a person. God lavishes affection on us, but He also disciplines us. Real love is not only candy, cookies, entertainment, hugs, new things, and fun. Real love is also counsel, correction, instilling work ethic, consistency of relationship, and high expectations for improvement amidst difficult life circumstances. God's love is the perfect demonstration of the love needed in this house, the love that we humbly try to provide. God is so faithful to provide our needs. When we are constantly conscious of His love, we recognize the sweetness like rainbows, little children, and affection from others as the fun part of His love. But, He also treats us as children--when we are disobeying, He allows us to have consequences even as He forgives us. Yesterday, two of our girls ran away in the middle of the night. They are now back, but in the midst of this upheaval, all of us in the house are in a place of deeper seeking of God because we recognize that in and of ourselves, we can't do anything. In and of ourselves, we don't have the wisdom we need to best love these girls. We want the absolute best for them, but we are wise enough to know that often what they think they want is not actually the best for them. All of us in the house want to go deeper into dependency on God, and the waters of circumstances are rising. We feel like we're at a loss, but at the same time, we trust that in our surrendered state, God is working in ways that we can't see.

Please keep me and everyone within the Eagle's Nest and the ministry here in your prayers. We are so desperate for more of Jesus. Only He can do the work in each one of the girls' hearts and lives. No amount of persuasion, etc., on our part is going to do touch their lives in the deep places as only God can do.

Thanks for reading,
Sarah