Confessions of a Ragamuffin: Can't Take My Eyes off of You...

Roy boy and I at Mayra's birthday party

Mayra cutting her birthday cake

The Honduran birthday tradition is to have the person bite the cake and then shove their face in it. This moment is captured here.

My beautiful little sister, Quendy

Grandmom with Quendy and Kimberly

Hello from Honduras!
Well, I have officially been in my new home for a week, and what a busy week it has already been! Let me give you a rundown of some of the highlights:

Street Ministry
The first night I was in Honduras, I went with Papí Alvin, some Hondurans, Chad and Trina, and some volunteers from the US to do street ministry. It was absolutely the best way to start my life here as street ministry is so close to my heart because it is sitting with the poor. During the evening, I sat with Heidi (Hay-dee) , a 23-year-old young lady with two kids who was sitting off to herself; talked to Daniel, a young man who talked to me about my occupation and why I’m in Honduras; and held a girl who was very high on glue, trying to help her eat as she smeared beans all over my arms wide-eyed. The heartbreaking highlight of the night, however, had to have been visiting the older people who live on the streets. They were already asleep, but Papí advised us to wake them up to give them a sandwich and some Koolaid. The man who I woke up completely stole my heart. This 45-year-old man was so childlike as he told me, “They hit my head. They tried to kill me while I slept,” as tears streamed down his face. He rubbed the back of his head and showed me the gash where he had been hit with a bottle. He let me pray for his head, and afterwards, I just sat for a while listening to his stories—about how his best friend had been murdered, about all the murders he’s seen on the streets, and about his parents. When we left, he said he’d never forget me, and I never want to forget him either. I have come to value a literal touch. It is such a privilege to sit with the poor, to touch them skin to skin so that they may feel the presence of another human being invading their current condition.

Yuscarán
The second day my grandmother and I were here, we had the distinct privilege of going with a new couple from the church here to Yuscarán, a small town south of Tegucigalpa, the capital, where I live. For some time now, they have been going to the mountains outside of this small town in order to minister to some people who live in poverty and don’t have electricity. Many of their children cannot go to school because they must work to help feed their families. The area reminded me a lot of my students in Chiligatoro, Honduras, from last summer. We took the girls from the Eagle’s Nest as well as some others from the church and also crammed various townspeople and children in along the way to reach the destination where they hold their services—32 people in all in a 12 passenger van. The place where they hold their services is far away from civilization in an area where there are large rock slabs where the people can sit, and we could set up a generator and a microphone/speaker system. The people were so precious. We had a praise and worship service that consisted of dancing with the children in the middle of the road and just entering into God’s presence. It was awesome. Then Papí Alvin shared a message. Afterwards, we visited with the people as a bit of rain began to fall and handed out clothes, shoes, and food—all provided by the Honduran couple, Martha and Natí, who have taken on this endeavor of their own volition and out of their own pockets. They are amazing, beautiful people, and I felt so privileged to be a part of their ministry. I look forward to when I can go with them again. They go every 15 days, and the people count down the days until their return.

Residency and Settling In
While most things in Honduras can take a very long time, especially when related to the government, it seems that my residency perhaps will not. Papí has a very good lawyer who is going to be filing my paperwork and residency application. He is a godly man who prays before every job that he starts and who is very helpful and accommodating. This past week was a frenzy of paperwork gathering before Papí left to spend some time in Nicaragua. Thus, much time was spent zooming around on the motor bike from office to office getting needed signatures, pictures, and the like. I now have my own bank account here in Honduras, and as soon as my Honduran background check comes through on Tuesday, I will have all the paperwork I need for my lawyer to start the residency process, which he says shouldn’t take longer than two and a half months. If you’re ever in need of getting Honduran residency, I could now help you out! Another adventure has been driving. Once I get my residency, I have 90 days to take my driver’s license exam to receive a Honduran license. Until then, I can drive using my US license, which I have also been doing somewhat. I drove to the church with the van full of my girls, Grandmom, and Mamí Sara. I thought Grandmom was going to pee her pants, but when driving an automatic, the traffic doesn’t scare me after having driven in numerous major cities. (I mean we only almost hit a bus, a taxi, etc. … not because of my driving but because that’s just the way the traffic works here.) I will, however, say that I need some practice with a stick shift before I’m road worthy or prepared to take a driver’s exam (you have to use a stick shift). The last part of settling in has perhaps been the easiest thus far—living at the Eagle’s Nest. I lived there last summer, and three of the girls who were like my little sisters last summer (and two from the summer before as well) are still here. I absolutely love my girls—Quendy, Mayra, Claudia, Blanca, and Kimberly—and I feel so blessed by how they and Mamí Sara have accepted me into their home and daily life. I have been so blessed to already be able to listen to the struggles they have, help them with math homework (trying doing that when you don’t know math vocab!), and share late-night giggle sessions. Mamí Sara, as always, has been so wonderful in easing my transition and in making me feel at home. She is truly a wonderful woman, and I am so blessed to have to counsel me, teach me, and encourage me. In some ways, I feel completely prepared to be here because of my past experience—handwashing clothes, eating rice and beans, speaking Spanish, etc. are completely normal for me. But, at the same time, there is still SO MUCH for me to learn! I am so eager to learn whatever I can from whoever is willing to teach me. I am excited for how this adventure unfolds on a daily basis.

Lessons
The greatest lessons so far have been primarily in ministry and are things that God teaches me in the quiet of daily life. He continuously reminds me that every element of life is spiritual—from sickness to hostility between the girls, from fear to worship. It’s all spiritual, and now, more than ever, I need spiritual eyes to guide me in making choices that reflect the deep belief that God’s Kingdom is reality and the most important thing in life. Surrounded by so much emptiness, darkness, sin, and past pain, I am so awake to the truth that there is absolutely nothing I can do within my own strength. Nothing. I could strategize all day long about how to counsel young people to make right choices. I could fundraise until I’m blue in the face trying to raise money for the poor. But none of that is ever going to hold any fruit if it is not God’s will and His best. Furthermore, as my dad and I were recently discussing, the Bible says in Matthew 26:11, “For you always have the poor among you, but you will not always have Me.” (Amplified Version)

Now, more than ever, I know the importance of coming to God helpless in prayer, confessing the pain and poverty, the sin and darkness, before Him and admitting that there is nothing I can do. When I look at the circumstances, I am absolutely overwhelmed. When I try to even think of how I could fix anything or make a difference on my own, I am consumed and stressed. But when I draw near to the Father and put my eyes on Him, all of that stress melts away. There is still a lingering sense of urgency, but it’s an urgency of prayer and spiritual warfare—not busyness. I take rest in my Father and trust that He is changing me from a Jacob (a trickster or deceiver) or an Esau (a doer) to an Israel (one who knows that it God who strives, not me). It’s not always and easy process, but my First Love is so beautiful. I have once again come to find Him in every detail of my day—from chrysanthemums to tamalitos, from motor bike rides to fuzzy blankets. I am so privileged to be here and be a part of what He is doing. The current song I’m stuck on may seem like an odd choice, but it warms my heart each time I listen to it. It is Damien Rice’s “The Blower’s Daughter.” I cry with joy nearly every time that I hear the lyrics, “I can’t take my eyes off of you,” because I really can’t take my eyes off of Jesus. He is so beautiful.

I leave you with these words from the Heidi Baker book I am currently reading called The Hungry Always Get Fed:

Ministry to the poor involves vastly more than becoming a provider of food and clothes. It means much more than healing bodies and generating wealth. Bringing the kingdom means a supernatural kindling of that most fundamental quality of revival—a hunger and thirst for righteousness. (131).

But when all hell breaks loose you have a choice. You can either go deeper into the river of God’s presence or you can retreat from the water and try to figure out what to do in your own strength. . . . The deeper you get into the river of God’s glory, the more you discover how good He really is. He turns out to be so much more beautiful than you can imagine. Don’t worry today if you feel you are in over your head. Something fresh and powerful can begin to flow through your life when you allow yourself to soak in the river of God. Surrender to Him and let the river flow! Go deeper still. (140).

All of my love,

Sarah