Everything I Once Held Dear, I Count It All as Loss

The Liberty Bell

LOVE Statue in Philly

Brotherly love wth my brother, Sammy

A little piece of home in Philadelphia

The farmhouse where my dad grew up

I am so excited to see these people (Roy and Mamí Sara)!

Hello All,
It's obviously been a while since I've updated. The rest of the trip with Samuel finished well, and I've just enjoyed time being home, recharging, and packing. I have less than a week until I move, so I am in full-fledged packing mode.

To finish the trip updates, let me say that Samuel and I left from New York and headed to Philadelphia. We really liked Philly. We stayed in Apple Hostel in the older part of the city, and it was probably the nicest hostel I've ever encountered. We enjoyed walking around the city, seeing the Liberty Bell, Independence Hall, and the like. We also found a free outdoor jazz concert at Penn's Landing along the river which was really enjoyable. Once again, I couldn't help but feel like God was serenading me as the sun set over the water, and the moon was rising. After the concert, Samuel had his first adventure with making a new friend who wanted help, "Mister." He was a drunk guy stumbling around asking for food, so Samuel and I hung out with him for a while. My brother and I both agreed that meeting "mister" (that's all he'd tell  us his name was) was one of the highlights of our trip. After letting Sammy take pictures with the Rocky statue and run up the stairs of the Philadelphia Art Museum, we headed to Washington Crossing to meet up with a friend who used to live in Philippi and to see Heidi Baker speak. There is a lot I could say about that amazing experience, but I'm not sure how to explain other than to say that it was the perfect last stop in a summer of road tripping. She spoke from Colossians about how God wishes to not only give us faith and blessings but also patience and endurance. She also mentioned that the best news of that passage is that God qualified us. It was a perfect word for me as I move, knowing that I am entering a new adventure that I will also entail much development of patience and endurance. After praying all summer really wondering if I am truly prepared for everything I am about to do and see and be a part of, it was such a God-given comfort to be reminded that God has qualified me in a way that no seal of approval from another human being ever could. After the service, we had a very long drive home and ended the road trip around 4:45 AM on the 14th.

The summer was absolutely amazing, and I feel so blessed that I was able to travel to so many amazing places. I wondered toward the end of the trip what God's purpose was in the trip because it's not like I had any super spiritual agenda in traveling. Many people assumed I was going to drum up support for moving, but that simply wasn't God's leading. In fact, as I prayed about what God had done during the trip, I found that one of the biggest purposes was just draining me of me. The fact that God had me spend money not on something overtly spiritual (which would be much easier for me and easier to justify) or on others, but on myself simply out of obedience, was very difficult for me. But, it also taught me that my reasoning for doing anything should be obedience and out of dependency on and trust in God--not because it logically makes sense to me or others. God provided for this trip every step of the way, and as I'm about to enter a missionary lifestyle where I don't have a steady paycheck or the illusion of security in many ways, this was the exact preparation that I needed. It was difficult and stretching, but God proved to be so faithful as He promised He would be in His Word. It was also a summer where God was once again leading me into an even deeper love for Him and wonderfully lavishing His love on me. Brennan Manning helps me explain this sense in his book, The Rabbi's Heartbeat:
Coming to interior stillness requires waiting. Any attempt to hasten the process only stirs up the water anew. Guilt feelings may arise immediately. The shadow self insinuates that you are selfish, wasting time, and evading the responsibilities of family, career, ministry, and community. But silent solitude makes true speech possible and personal. If I am not in touch with my own belovedness, then I cannot touch the sacredness of others. . . . When I allow God to liberate me from unhealthy dependence on people, I listen more attentively, love more unselfishly, and am more compassionate and playful. (42-44).

Recently, I headed to the farmhouse where my dad grew up and where we had stored many things after our move ten years ago. The farmhouse has always been synonymous with my childhood since we used to go with my grandmother and cousins during the summers or with my parents to camp and tube down the river. I hadn't been there in years. As I drove away from the farm with boxes of childhood in my car, I began to cry, but it was a sweet cry. I just began to offer all of my past things, memories, and self to God as an offering. Here are my very first fruits, Papa. May they be pleasing to You. I am so pleasantly at rest. Parts of this life change are undoubtedly going to hurt, but my eyes are on Jesus. He's my hiding place. I am secure in His ultimate good and excited to see what He wants to do. I have no plans or expectations of my own. It's all mystery and open horizon.

Going through the boxes of my childhood (I kept everything!) was fun and encouraging because in the midst of that continual wonder of whether or not I'm prepared to move, I was able to see how God's been preparing me since I was very young. Ultimately, the best preparation has been realizing that all the preparation means nothing if my eyes aren't on Jesus or if I'm not saturated with His presence. And in the midst of loss and goodbyes, I have come back to Luke 14, which is entirely a good chapter, but here's an excerpt:
If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his [own] father and mother [in the sense of indifference to or relative disregard for them in comparison with his attitude toward God] and [likewise] his wife and children and brothers and sisters--[yes] and even his own life also--he cannot be My disciple. Whoever does not persevere and carry his own cross and come after (follow) Me cannot be My disciple. . . . So then, any of you who does not forsake (renounce, surrender claim to, give up, say good-bye to) all that he has cannot be My disciple. (Amplified Version)

And, my heart's cry, as a friend so appropriately sent to me, is Philippians 3:8:
Yes, furthermore, I count everything as loss compared to the possession of the priceless privilege (the overwhelming preciousness, the surpassing worth, and supreme advantage) of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord and of progressively becoming more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him [of perceiving and recognizing and understanding Him more fully and clearly]. For His sake I have lost everything and consider it all to be mere rubbish (refuse, dregs) in order that I may win (gain) Christ (the Anointed One). (Amplified Version)  

Naomi and I watched the movie, The Help, last night. It was a good movie and particularly appropriate for me at this time. I like the message and truth that when someone is willing to be courageous and take a risk, it empowers others to be brave risk takers as well. Life with Christ is always a beautiful risk, and I only hope that my impending life adventure spurs others on to have their own. I am in a most joyous state of brokenness as I receive phone calls from Mamí Sara, e-mails from Roy, and text messages from Papí Alvin. I have waited for this move for four and a half years; I am indeed ready to go home.

Waiting for my real life to begin (there's not much longer to wait now)...
Sarah