In the Spirit

Roy's family after Waldina's graduation

My new apartment

Hello All,

I have now spent over three months here in Honduras, and I am still so overjoyed to be here. Sometimes, it hits me in the midst of eating eggs, beans, and mantequilla or when I’m watching Raúl eat an ice cream cone like a small child or when I’m soaked from handwashing my laundry in the hot sun that I can’t believe how blessed I am to be here. I can’t help but laugh at God’s goodness. I am now living in the apartment adjacent to Alvin’s house, and I love living here. I love having my own sense of home. A few weeks ago, I had a bit of an independence day which made me really realize that I do, in fact, live here. Sometimes, my lack of independence in terms of not having my own means of transportation and the like is very stretching for me. I don’t like to ask others for help, and I have always been wildly independent, so the rare times when I am able to do things by myself is so invigorating for me. A few weeks ago, I drove the car to Quendy’s graduation (of fourth grade—we are so proud of her!), dropped her off to work with a family from our church, and then headed to the mall to try to buy some items for the apartment. I bought a cabinet to hold our dishes and food (the first and only furniture I think I’ve ever bought), and I had the guys from the store load the giant thing into the van. Then, as I was heading home, I missed the exit to go toward Danlí. Here, the roads are difficult to navigate for me because many are one-ways, and it’s like the interstate—when you miss your exit, you have to keep driving and driving to be able to turn around. Well, long story short, I got myself really lost. It was the perfect combination of elements to be lost—I was low on gas, I had a giant cabinet in the car and couldn’t see out of my side window or my rearview, it was rush hour in the middle of the city, and I was totally alone. I loved it because it was one of those rare, perfect occasions when I could depend on God alone. It reminded me of road trip adventures and brought me so much joy. I ended up calling Roy who thankfully was able to direct me in the right direction until I was in the middle of a place where I recognized. He was astounded by how lost I had gotten myself—ha ha, me too.

A week or so ago, I was back at the Eagle’s Nest (Raúl still lives there) washing Raúl’s clothes. I was listening to a Heidi Baker podcast that I had downloaded before I moved but had never listened to. In the beginning of her message, she was just saying the names of various people who were in the audience or listening at home and giving them words of knowledge from God. As I was scrubbing at the pila, I just had a random thought of, “How cool would it be if she had a word for me even a year after the fact? God isn’t bound by time.” I had no sooner thought it than she said my name: “Sarah, you’re coming into your destiny. Sarah, you’re coming into our destiny—your destiny as a laid-down lover of God. Your destiny in ministry and missions, and it’s like I feel like the Lord’s just saying today that as fish of many kinds come home that He’s going to do the cleaning Himself, and He says don’t be worried about the past. Just come into the future. Come into the future now. Come into your destiny. And let Me love you and let Me call you home. And let me pour My grace upon you. There’s an amazing blessing this morning for grace. I just hear that—immense grace.” I was dumbfounded and so blessed. How cool is God?! Living back up at Alvin’s house has been like walking down memory lane, remembering all of the precious moments I have had with God over the years at this place. I have found myself rereading old journals and reliving that first year when I was learning just how much of a romantic God is. He still is—the old flame for my first Love is still there. He always so beautifully knows what I need and want so much better than I do. He still has a knack for romancing me in the smallest of details and in the most unexpected places as was evident in that message that morning.

The other element of life that has been such an amazing blessing has been Roy’s family. Recently, Roy’s sister, Waldina, invited me to be a part of her graduation. She is the first of her siblings to graduate from university, and we are so proud of her. She received her licensure as a preschool teacher. I felt so special to be included in their family’s celebration. I don’t even really know why they invited me, but I was so blessed to be able to spend the afternoon with all of them, joking, laughing, and just watching their family dynamic. I have been so blessed by how their family has adopted me. Nahum and Raúl come here often to visit and have dinner with me, and I obviously see Roy everyday because he works here at the house for Papí. Roy’s mom, Sonia, told me that she would let me come visit her when she is making torrejas and nacatamales (typical Christmas food of Honduras) so that I could learn how to make them. The boys and I plan on spending Christmas together as the 24th and 25th aren't really as widely celebrated as the 31st, and Raúl invited me to come with him to his family's New Year's Eve dinner. I never know what God has in store for me here, but I look forward to my first Christmas here in Honduras and with this precious family who I love so much.
Meanwhile, I am always learning. Nearly a month ago, Papí said he’d been praying for me, and God told him something for me—He brought to mind Hebrews 5:8:Although He was a Son, He learned [active, special] obedience through what He suffered.Alvin thought it was interesting that Jesus had to learn obedience because we tend to think that it came with the package of being the Messiah, but here, the Bible clearly says that He learned obedience through His suffering, and Alvin felt as if God was saying that this is the place that God is calling me to right now but that I should also remember that Jesus Himself had to suffer to learn obedience. It is true—this is where I find myself now. I am learning obedience and oftentimes it is in the midst of suffering. My life right now is a rainbow. The beauty and full spectrum of color of life is only visible when humble tears are present. It is stretching for me to be in Honduras finally and still feel as if I am not going to least of these, to the streets, to the dump, etc. But, at the same time, I don’t feel released to “do” anything. The other day, I was walking through Villa Vieja, our neighborhood, and I caught the eyes of a young man with bloodshot eyes and a lost expression. As soon as our eyes locked, I heard God say in my spirit, “There are people in this neighborhood who don’t know Jesus.” As I turned that truth over in my head, my instinct (as so terribly is the case) was to start trying to figure out a way to reach those people who don’t know Jesus. My thoughts already had turned to what I could do only seconds after God told me this. But, God didn’t tell me to do anything. It is as if God tells me a secret, and the first thing I want to do is run out and make it happen, but maybe He hasn’t told me all of the secret yet. Nearly a year ago, when I was here in Honduras, God kept bringing to mind the scripture dealing with worshipping God in spirit and in truth. God made it clear before I left that it is often much easier for me to worship Him in truth than it is in spirit. Part of worship, to me, is how we live our lives and how we treat the Jesus we see (or don’t see) in others. God made it clear that it is much easier for me to see a way to share the truth with someone and to boldly tell them what I see—it’s often much easier that way because as soon as I say the truth, I am free; the burden is lifted; and I am no longer responsible. It is much more difficult for me to worship God and love others in spirit, but it is necessary to be like Jesus. While Jesus was on the earth, He saw so many people suffering. He saw so many people sick. He saw the wounds of everyone around Him. But, although He had the power as God’s Son, He didn’t heal them all. He didn’t take away the pain of them all. He didn’t prophesy over them all or reveal the future for all of them. He only did what the Father led Him to do. He was only obedient to the Father. So, what did He do with all of that pain, suffering, sickness, and loneliness He saw in others? I think we tend to think that Jesus’ greatest point of pain was when He was on the cross and when He had taken on all of the sin of the world—perhaps, this is likely true. But, I think that we can focus so much on that moment that we forget the suffering Jesus passed through during His entire time on earth. He wasn’t driven by the necessities of others as much as He was driven by obedience to the Father. In so many cases, rather than healing and alleviating the pain and suffering, He merely suffered with them. Recently, I was listening to a different Heidi Baker podcast, and she said that God calls us to suffer like Jesus did. Suffering is not having to depend on God for our needs—that’s the adventure. Suffering is not persecution because the Bible says we can count that as pure joy. Suffering like Jesus means seeing as He saw. It means seeing the pain and suffering of others and not being blind to it, but at the same time, not going off in a frenzy of action and strategy to alleviate it. Suffering like Jesus means only doing what God tells us to do in obedience in the midst of seeing the pain of others. Suffering like Jesus means embracing the helplessness and offering all that we see with His eyes up as an offering of prayer and intercession to the Father so that whatever He chooses to do will be His work for His glory—not ours. This is worshipping the Father in spirit. Blessed are the poor in spirit. This lesson is very difficult for me. Sometimes, I feel so useless. Sometimes, I feel so overwhelmed by the need here and by the quiet and seemingly ineffective life I lead here. But I also know that I don’t want to do any work of my own. I only want to be a willing vessel for the Father’s Kingdom. Time is of no bearing for Him; He is not bound by its dimensions. Thus, I have no need to worry over what I may humanly see as wasting time. As I recently told Roy, if we are in God’s will, we are never wasting our lives. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. What matters is that we are seeking God, His will, and His Kingdom first.

Lots of love,
Sarah