A New Kind of Love

I've always wanted to have my kids artwork on my refrigerator, and now I do! These are pictures colored by my sons at 21 at Christmas.

Hello All,
I just wanted to take some time to keep you updated on life here in Honduras and as an adoptive mom…


Update on My Sons
For those of you who have been reading, here is a little update on my sons:

John Allan: He has been in Teen Challenge since before Christmas, and there are no words for how proud this mama is of her boy! The day before he went to Teen Challenge, a church came to have a service in his house, and that night, he decided to accept Jesus into his heart. He hasn’t been the same since. God is working to restore his family, and the changes I see in him when I visit fill my heart with hope for others. This boy was known as “The Devil” on the streets, but the call of God on his life is huge. He is a natural leader and a servant, and I’m so excited to see what God to do to heal his past and illuminate his future. I just saw him yesterday, and we had a little conversation about how he is the oldest of my sons and the oldest brother, so he has to be the example. Honestly, I feel better sending my sons to Teen Challenge because I know how John is—he has a natural way of taking others under his wing like a father. Please keep praying for him and his family, that God would break generational chains of drugs and would also start paving the way for him when he leaves at the end of his year in Teen Challenge.


Elvis: Elvis is currently in an orphanage called El Buen Pastor. I haven’t seen him in months and months because I haven’t had transportation and don’t know where the center is. But, as soon as my car is fully fixed, and it’s a visitation day, the plan is to go visit him. The directors of the center visited 21 and showed the office pictures of Elvis smiling and playing with friends, which makes me so happy.


Gerson: He is in La Ceiba. When he left, he was supposedly going to go back to the center he grew up in with his siblings. But, IHNFA (Child Services) messed up somewhere along the line, and for a while, neither the center nor the staff at 21 knew where he was. (And the staff at 21 wouldn’t have known he was missing if it wasn’t for me calling the center to check on him.) He is currently living with a foster family because the center wouldn’t take him back due to his behavior. My only meager contact to know he’s okay is with the director of the center who occasionally visits him. But, he doesn’t have my number, and I don’t have his, and La Ceiba is far away. But, I hope to visit him if God opens a door at some point. At any rate, I haven’t forgotten him, and he’s always in my prayers.


Carlos “Mexicano”: I miss my baby so much. I have no idea where he is. At the beginning of January, he was transferred from 21 to a center where he’d lived before, Crea. But, he escaped from the first moment he stepped out of the vehicle. He had left me a phone number to contact him of a friend he’d met while he was in Crea. I was expecting it to be the family of another street kid, but it turned out to be a director of various homes in the city for street kids. When I finally got in contact with the guy, Carlos was living in a home for adults who’d lived on the streets in a bad neighborhood. Alvin took me to go visit him, and I was so happy to see my baby. He told me, “Did you come to take me away from here, Sarah? They’re mistreating me here because I’m so little. I don’t want to be here. This is worse than 21.” He wanted to be in another center, but I didn’t have the authority to take him there. And, I was getting ready to be away at camp for a week. But, I called and called the director of the home and was never able to get a hold of him. When I got back from camp, though, the director finally called me back to tell me that Carlos had escaped. I haven’t seen him since the beginning of January, and I haven’t heard anything from him either. This little boy has felt like mine for such a long time that my mother’s heart aches for him. I hate not knowing where he is or if he’s safe. Please pray for my baby. My heart’s cry has been that God would bring protect him and bring him back to me.


Jonathan: He prayed to receive Jesus before Christmas in 21. But, the holidays were really rough on him because his brother didn’t come visit him. So, he escaped. I didn’t found out until I got back from camp, and all I could do was cry. There had been death threats out for him in his neighborhood while he was in 21, so I was so afraid for him. But, he hasn’t returned to his neighborhood and is living on the streets. I know his location, though, and the last time I went to the streets at night with Nati and Martha to hand out food to the street kids, I saw him and was able to talk to him. I love this kid so much. He’s wrapped up in some really dangerous stuff, and I want to help him, but I have to wait until he’s really ready to be helped. Please pray that God would have mercy on my son and bring him into His arms of radical love.


Ramón: My special needs son is in bad shape, to be honest with you. He’s spent the past several months sick in some form or another, and he doesn’t receive as good of care at 21 as he did at Casitas Kennedy. 21 is really not a good place for special needs kids. I believe he knows who I am because he always comes near me, holds my hand, and sometimes, likes to sit on my lap. But, I have also found that what Mami Nelly told me is true—he has a demon. He comes close to me looking for love and can be perfectly fine, but not long after sitting with me, he starts going crazy, biting and hitting himself with wild eyes. It has broken my heart so much to see his little arms covered in infected wounds and scars from his own teeth that I’ve just started doing the only thing I know to do (I have so much to learn!) which is pray in tongues for him when he comes close to me. When he gets close, I pat his back and love on him while praying in tongues, and when I’m praying, he can’t stand to be close to me. He starts screaming and hitting himself and runs away for a while. But, he always comes back looking for love. When I’m not praying, he sits peacefully with me, so I don’t always pray. But, now, it’s gotten even worse. When he comes near me, I love on him always, but I’ve also started just repeating Jesus’ name over and over again quietly. And, it’s gotten to the point that not only does he initially run away, but then he comes back and hits me or bites me, which he never used to do before. Like I said, I have much to learn about the supernatural realm, so please pray for my son and that God would give me wisdom as to how to love him in such a way that leads to his healing from this demonic torment.


Jorge: Jorge is now back where he has always grown up—El Buen Pastor with Elvis. I still haven’t had a chance to visit. But, Lord willing, the next visitation day next month (there’s only one a month), I want to go see my sons. Jorge blessed me so much because during his time at 21, he started taking care of my special needs son, Ramón. When I first met Jorge, he was hitting Ramón. Nothing upsets me more than when the boys are hitting the special needs kids, but my usual way of handling it (depending on the child) is to block the hits by wrapping the offender up in a big hug and asking him, “What is going on in your own heart that you feel like you need to hit someone who can’t defend himself? Just as I would never want anyone to hit you because you’re my son, and I love you, I don’t want anyone to hit Ramón either because he’s my son, and I love him.” That doesn’t always change the situation (again, it depends on the child), but sometimes, it does. And, in the case of Jorge, it did. After Jorge saw how much I love him and how much I love Ramón, he took Ramón under his wing, bathing him, changing him, and being his friend. They got so close that when I went at Christmas with Raúl, Raúl thought they were brothers because of how well Jorge took care of Ramón. No doubt Ramón misses him now.


Jesús: Once Jorge left, Jesús took Jorge’s place in taking care of Ramón for me. That is something that has really blessed my heart—seeing how God has used my love for one to start a chain reaction to love another. (Now, I’m not sure who is taking care of Ramón.) Jesús has now been in Teen Challenge for a little over a week now. I went to Teen Challenge yesterday to visit my other sons. Jesús isn’t allowed to have visitors yet, so while I did see him, we didn’t hang out too much. John Allan has taken him under his wing and his discipline and tells me that Jesús is rebellious and rude, which doesn’t surprise me. I know that these boys who are often so sweet with me are indeed street children and gang members, which means they do have lots of things within them that are going to come out even if it’s not with me. But, it’s still early in the process, and I feel better knowing that John is looking out for him and treating him like a little brother. And, through dealing with Jesús’ attitude, John is learning patience and compassion.


Marvin: He is still in Teen Challenge and will soon have permission to visit his family on the weekends. My precious little boy with the sweet, dimpled smile is tremendous! He is such a character who keeps me laughing, but there is nothing more that blesses me like seeing him and John at Teen Challenge and seeing how God is working in their lives and hearts. Sometimes, it is easy to get discouraged working with the “hopeless” cases and dealing with so many who have escaped and are living on the streets, but God continuously encourages me through Marvin and John. Please be praying for continued strength for them and for a house/way to support and disciple them once they leave Teen Challenge.


Joshuan: My fantastic son is still doing well. He has spent every Sunday since he got out of 21 with me. We go to Yuscaran (often his sister comes to), to church, and yesterday, he went to Teen Challenge. He is going to school, and as far as I can tell, he is doing his homework. He continues to make bracelets to sell. And, I have been blessed that he has been able to connect with Hermano Nati, which takes the burden of parenting him a little off of me. I can’t be a father to him, but Nati has a father’s heart, and seeing him hugging my son or teaching my son how to tie a tie fills my heart with joy in a way that I can’t express. He turned 16 just this past week, and we went out to eat and just spent some time together. And, I am so grateful to God that after spending his last birthday on the streets that this birthday finds him healthy, living with family, and with a heart more open to God than ever before. Please pray that God would give me wisdom in parenting him because I feel like he needs so much, and I need to spend more time with him. And please pray for his protection and that God would continue to work in his heart and life.


Juliano: After God provided the money to send Juliano to Teen Challenge, and I was just waiting for him to say yes, that he wanted to go, he escaped. It breaks my heart because my child is living on the streets, filthy, skinny, high, and in danger. His heart is so wounded that it’s difficult for him to feel anything or to believe that his life could be worth something. I got a tip about where he is though, so the plan is to look for him when we go to the streets to hand out food tomorrow night. Please keep my son in your prayers. I so long to see him healed alongside his best buddy, John, at Teen Challenge. The call on my baby’s life is so huge; he just can’t see it yet.


Gustavo: Gustavo is a newly adopted son. Although he’s a little thing, he is a live wire who likes to be in the center of attention, practicing his English words. We haven’t really had too much time to get to know each other yet, but I can see that there is much sadness in his heart. I first saw him on the streets when I’d go with Alvin and teams to hand out food. He ended up at 21 initially, but he was sent to Casitas Kennedy because he lacked a month to turn 12. But, he escaped. He was raised by his grandmother but turned to a life on the streets whenever she was murdered. His mother lives nearby with his other younger siblings, but his mother can’t/doesn’t control him because he has drug addictions. I also don’t get the sense that his relationship with his mother is loving. Although it’s not confirmed yet, I would venture to say that he’s living in Casa Amber, a house for street kids established by another North American. It’s possible that if we go to the streets tomorrow night that I’ll see him.


Just One Little Life
This month makes a year that I’ve been going to 21 de Octubre. It has turned my life upside down in the best way possible. My life is also incredibly busy compared to how it was just a year ago. My life is consumed with my sons and with opening my heart wider and spending more time at other centers as well. The population at 21 right now is really difficult to work with because my heart in being there has been for the ones who have been there for a long time, who have practically grown up there, or who have no one. All of those boys, though, have left for other centers or have escaped. Right now, the majority of the boys there is older, new, and will likely not be there longer than a few weeks. Many of them have family, and they don’t know me enough to know how to respect me. While I always want to be there for the special needs kids who truly often have no one, for the time being, the population at 21 isn’t too conducive to my being there to help. Plus, my psychologist friend just got transferred from 21 to Casitas, which means that it’s a bit more difficult for me to help simply because I won’t have that connection helping me with individual cases like she did with Joshuan and Jesús. So, I’m seeking God as to what my schedule needs to look like. I never want to abandon 21 especially because I never know when Carlos, Juliano, or Jonathan will end up there again, but I want to be sensitive to God’s leading. So, I’ve also started going with Nelly one day a week to Sagrado Corazón, the girls’ juvenile detention center, and Casitas Kennedy, the temporary, government-run orphanage. Once I get better at driving and have a better sense of direction, I’d like to start spending more time at Sagrado, even perhaps spending one night a week there to be able to build relationships with the girls who are all there long-term. This has been on my heart to do since I moved here; it’s just been a matter of timing and transportation. My Sundays are spend going to Yuscaran twice a month, church once a month, and Teen Challenge once a month. But, once Jesús can have visitors, I may try to go more often to Teen Challenge since I’ll be his only visitor. So, life is busy, and team season hasn’t even started yet!


And, as I mentioned, Nati, Martha, and I have decided that we want to start going to the streets as often as possible to hand out food and start developing trust with the street kids. I already know some of them because of meeting them in 21, and it gives me a good opportunity to search for my sons who have escaped. The only deciding factor right now is money because we’re never going to go empty-handed. We always want to take food to give them, which costs money. We share the expenses, but sometimes, we just have to wait until we have the money to go. God has been so faithful with me though. I have found that the more I open my heart to love, the more I give of myself and my finances in faith, the more God gives me. He astounds me with not only His amazing provision but His amazing generosity that I often feel I don’t deserve.


I’m also overjoyed to have people like Nati and Martha in my life who share the same heart and vision as I do. Words cannot express how healing it has been for me to be around them and to have true, Christian fellowship with them. They are some amazing, very special people who I love very much. Raúl and his family also continue to be one of my greatest support systems. Nahum has helped me greatly with my car, and I’ve gotten closer with Walter and Waldina as well. Raúl has met almost all of my sons, and he asks me about them, gives me advice in parenting them, and has been there for me to listen, to drive me to visit them, and to be the friend I so often need to feel like a normal 23-year-old when being a mom gets overwhelming. And, when we go places with my sons and his following (he always has at least one or two guys who are constantly under his wing), we just end up naturally helping each other financially and emotionally in parenting them. He’s protective and offers me perspectives I don’t always see, and I do the same for him. And, his following of guys often come to me for advice and to talk as well. Truly, for the first time in living here, I feel like I’m finally starting to get to do the things that have been my dreams since before moving here. It has all been a matter of God’s perfect way and timing. And, it is obvious why God sent me to work with Papi and Manos Extendidas because Papi Alvin and Mami Nelly teach me on a regular basis through their advice, experiences, and example. I want my heart of adoption to echo their heart, and I want my work to depict the same vision of selflessness and compassion that Papi and Mami have portrayed all of these years. I am incredibly blessed and proud to be learning from people who are so real and who so long to be like Jesus.


Meanwhile, my Papi God is so good to me. While He asks much of me in being an adoptive mom, what He supplies to fulfill my needs and the needs of my sons and what He teaching me about His love through this unexpected motherhood doesn’t compare to anything that I give. The love I feel for my sons carries a weight and a depth that I never knew existed in love before. My heart to fight for them, to do whatever is necessary to show them I love them, and how proud and privileged I feel to be able to say that they’re my sons and know that they accept my adoption of them enough to call me their Mami as well is something I can only explain supernaturally. It’s a love that only God could have placed in my heart because it has a stamina and a strength that never could exist apart from Him. I look back at how I hid from four little neighbor boys because I was so overwhelmed, and I see just how many sons I have now. And I know how much God has healed my heart in the year plus that I’ve lived here and how He has taught me to open my heart without fear even in the face of heartache and rejection. It’s been a process that no one could have pushed to be completed within me except God, and going through my own process of opening my heart has given me hope and patience for the process of my sons and my loved ones around me.


Thank you so much for reading, for your support, and for your prayers! Words cannot express my gratitude. And, know that if you’re ever interested in coming to Honduras to be a part of what we do, you are welcome!


All of my love,
Sarah