Found

Hello All,

I am always so amazed at the ways that God can find me even when I have buried myself in work or am dwelling in despair. He always manages to knock on the door of my heart when I need it most. It has been a difficult week for various reasons--the easiest way to explain it is merely be reverting back to the old theme which is loss, loss, and more loss. In the midst of feeling abandoned by various humans, I found myself questioning why God loves me and struggling to know in my heart that He never abandons me. After spending some portion of every day this past week in tears and pain, God found me today in the midst of my 13-page Spanish paper--the last assignment of the semester.

I was listening to Pandora when a live version of "Blessed Be Your Name" by the Newsboys came on. Already a theme song for this week and year, I listened a little more intently as the lead singer began to quote scripture at the end. It hit home. http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLycgKxlgc0

The scripture that he recites is from Isaiah--one of my favorite books anyway--and they were words that I so desperately needed:
from Isaiah 40-41:
"So--who is like me?
Who holds a candle to me?" says The Holy.
Look at the night skies:
Who do you think made all this?
Who marches this army of stars out each night,
counts them off, calls each by name
--so magnificent! so powerful!--
and never overlooks a single one?

Why would you ever complain, O Jacob,
or, whine, Israel, saying,
"God has lost track of me.
He doesn't care what happens to me"?
Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening?
God doesn't come and go. God lasts.
He's Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath.
And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God will get fresh strength.
They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don't get tired,
they walk and don't lag behind. . . .

"But you, Israel, are my servant.
You're Jacob, my first choice,
descendants of my good friend Abraham.
I pulled you in from all over the world,
called you in from every dark corner of the earth,
Telling you, 'You're my servant, serving on my side.
I've picked you. I haven't dropped you.'
Don't panic. I'm with you.
There's no need to fear for I'm your God.
I'll give you strength. I'll help you.
I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.

"Count on it: Everyone who had it in for you
will end up out in the cold--
real losers.
Those who worked against you
will end up empty-handed--
nothing to show for their lives.
When you go out looking for your old adversaries
you won't find them--
Not a trace of your old enemies,
not even a memory.
That's right. Because I, your God,
have a firm grip on you and I'm not letting go.
I'm telling you, 'Don't panic.
I'm right here to help you.'

"Do you feel like a lowly worm, Jacob?
Don't be afraid.
Feel like a fragile insect, Israel?
I'll help you.
I, God, want to reassure you.
The God who buys you back, The Holy of Israel.


Then, moments after hearing this scripture, I was sent a convicting text from my friend, Robert, who will be going with me and my cousin to Honduras in a couple weeks. He reminded me of the scripture 1 Corinthians 7:17 which I normally read in the context of marriage versus being single. However, that scripture in isolation was a nice, needed wakeup call for someone who has been counting down the days till Honduras for well over a month and who has a constant ticker tape of the thought, "I just want to go home [to Honduras]," running through her head. Sometimes, Honduras becomes a mental escape for me when I know that in reality any problems I have here are also present (and often magnified) in Honduras. Thus, this scripture was God's gentle reminder that home is always Him.
from 1 Corinthians 7:17:
And don't be wishing you were somplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there.

I can't help but be thrilled that I am going back to Honduras in 17 days; however, this is God's trip. I don't want to have any expectations or set plans. He is the one that organized all of this--it wasn't my plan--and I want Him to have full control to do His will. It's funny--I had no plans to go back to Honduras before I move, and I had pretty much determined that I was strong enough to be able to go that long without being home (still Honduras, can't help it). But, it is such an amazing blessing that when I find myself struggling greatly, telling God once again that I have nothing left, that I am just a lowly shell, and that all I want is to go home whatever that may mean, He has already made the way for me to go back. He knows my weaknesses and heart's needs far better than I do.

For that, I am infinitely grateful. I have made it through my second to last semester of college. Next semester is student teaching, and after that, college is over. I marvel at how fast the time has flown. I marvel at all that I've learned. And I marvel at the balance of loss and enthusiasm for the future that overtakes me on a regular basis, and in the midst of the pendulum of emotions, God reminds me to live and obey and love right here. That's the whole purpose of life, anyway. It's always been that simple.

With Love,
Sarah