'Til He Appear'd and the Soul Felt Its Worth

Hello All,

I wanted to give you a bit of an update before I get swept up into the realm of last-minute packing for--Honduras!!!! While we were supposed to fly out on Monday, the threat of impending snow (that we never actually got. . .ha ha) cancelled our flight. Thus, we fly out tomorrow, have a layover in Miami, and finally will arrive in sunny Tegus. I can't wait. I haven't been able to sleep much for the past week because as soon as I close my eyes, I'm replaying Honduras memories and excitedly thinking of home. Soon enough, though, I'll be making new memories with Robert and Gabrielle who are coming with me.

I enjoyed my time with my family over Christmas. Just being around them is always a blessing. Sometimes, I forget how nice it is to be completely comfortable with the people that you're around--able to be silly, to wander around in sweats, and to be loud. I also had good visits with my extended family on both sides. It was nice to see the cousins and catch up a little bit. And now that I've had my time with my US family, it's on to my other family!

God had indicated to me a month or so ago that no matter what happens with this rather unplanned trip that we are to approach it all with an attitude of prayer. Therefore, when I heard about the possible snowstorm, I was praying as I drove back to Shepherd, asking God to keep it from snowing and cancelling our flight until. . . God asked me, "Whose trip is this?" Once again realizing that whatever happens, we are being obedient in going and that we can trust in God's best, I began to change my prayers, asking only for God's will this time. When our flight was cancelled, while we were initially disappointed, we chose to see it as God's best and as another part of the adventure. We aren't even in Honduras yet, but God has already blessed this trip in so many unexpected ways. None of us asked for financial help from anyone. We were just trying to be obedient to God's prompting to go. Yet, each of us has received generous outpouring from family, friends, and churches. We are so blessed by this surprise support and look forward to merely being the vessels that carry that blessing on to Alvin.

Because I've been to Honduras so many times now, it is just home. I don't see going back as a compartmentalized "mission trip," and I love it that way. Whenever you travel to a Third World country, the question you always get asked is, "What are you doing there?" And, this is an occasion where we don't have an answer other than "being obedient." We don't have a project in mind. We don't expect to do all of the usual team things that typically happen at Alvin's. We would rather be treated as family, able to serve in any capacity God leads. We do hope to travel to Esperanza so that I can share my second Honduran family, the school where I taught, and my life this past summer with Roy, Gabrielle, and Robert. I am ecstatic to see everyone again.

I feel so unbelievably blessed that God is allowing me to go back so much sooner than I expected. This is about the time of year where my internal repetitions of "I just want to go home" and homesickness for Honduras gets very intense. I don't know if it's something about the cold and the gray that makes me long for the blue sky and warmth of Honduras or what, but the fact that I'm in the height of Honduras longings and actually get to return is so wonderful. I've been told on more than one occasion that when I talk about Honduras that my whole face lights up, so I no longer feel so silly when Gabrielle catches me with an inexplicable grin on my face. That smile has been a permanent fixture for the past few days, and it's also no unusual for me to just start laughing to myself for no reason other than pure joy at the thought of returning home. Oh my goodness. . .I simply can't wait.

One lesson from Christmas that I am carrying with me to Honduras stems from a beloved Christmas carol, "O Holy Night." Have you ever really listening to the lyrics from that song? They really struck me, so let me share them with you:

O Holy Night
O holy night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of our dear Savior's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
'Til He appear'd and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! O hear the angels' voices!
O night divine, O night when Christ was born;
O night divine, O night, O night Divine.
. . .
Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains shall he break for the slave is our brother;
And in His name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! O praise His name forever,
His power and glory evermore proclaim.
His power and glory evermore proclaim.

As I was listening to this song over the holidays, I was struck with the image conjured with the lines, "Long lay the world in sin and error pining, 'til He appeared and the soul felt its worth." I couldn't help but think of the street kids in Honduras or the images of starving children I've seen from Mozambique that are laying there with no hope in the midst of darkness, hunger, and filth. Then I began to think of how it must feel for them to meet someone like Alvin or Heidi Baker who shows them Jesus and also shows them how much they are worth, how much He loves them. There are so many souls in the world who have never felt their worth. Then, I began to feel the weight of the truth that we are the ones called to appear in the world of darkness inhabited by others in order to be Jesus to them and show them how much they are worth to God. As I mulled this responsibility over in my mind, I indeed wanted to fall on my knees in both adoration and in repentance for the times when I am not obedient or faithful in showing other souls their worth to Jesus. It is the life that He calls each of us to. We don't have to travel to a foreign country to find hurting people who need to feel their worth. I think it's also worth pointing out that the song does say "felt" rather than "know." The truth is that we can tell people that they are important and worth something to God all day long, and they can know it logically in their heads without ever feeling it.

I was thinking about gifts a lot over break and asked numerous people the question of what gift has been the most important to them, and my findings were that our idea of a good gift involves some level of forethought and sacrifice--of time, of money, of self. Jesus is obviously the best gift ever given even from a logical standpoint because God had the intuitive forethought to see our deep need for a Savior and chose to sacrifice the dearest part of Himself. Jesus then became deeply and personally aware of our needs as human beings. This Christmas has been a lot of learning about how God defines giving as opposed to how my culture tends to define giving, and the most important conclusion I've come to is that if we truly want to give like Jesus, we have to see past ourselves to the needs of others, choose to feel those needs, and choose to sacrifice--lay down our lives, our time, our money for others. (Are those things really ours anyway?) If we're being honest, simply approaching everyone with a blanket approach of sharing Jesus defies how God defines giving. When we don't seek God's best way of reaching another human being and rely on formulas or what we've always been taught or think we're supposed to do, we're not taking the time to acquaint ourselves personally with the other person's needs, to have the forethought of how to show Jesus specifically to that person, and aren't sacrificing much of ourselves. How much does it cost to give a stranger a standard spiel about the Gospel? How much more does it cost to live as that stranger lives, to embrace their suffering for ourselves, to feel their pain, and them show them Jesus? It costs our lives. That is what God calls us to, and that is the attitude that I want to take with me to Honduras and throughout the rest of my life.

Happy New Year to all of you! I hope it is full of new beginnings.

Lots of love and excitement,
Sarah