Another element of the Somervilles' church that reminded me of God's constant hand on my life was the reading of Ephesians 4 during youth group. It is a scripture that God has brought to me time and time again since I returned from Honduras:
"In light of all this, here's what I want you to do. While I'm locked up here, a prisoner for the Master, I want you to get out there and walk--better yet, run!--on the road God called you to travel. I don't want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don't want anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. And mark that you do this with humility and discipline--not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences."
This was the scripture that God delivered to me whenever I had first returned from Honduras. I struggled so much with re-entry. I was heartbroken to leave Honduras, and I felt like an alien in my own home, at my school, in my job. I didn't know how to be a human being in that place, but that was the place that God had me. Thus, because that was the road that God had called me to travel at that moment, that was the place I was called to run.
I like to run. I am by no means a serious runner, but I enjoy the motion of running, the challenge of keeping a pace and traveling a distance that my mind rejects. This scripture is true, though; running can't be done in fits and starts--complacency and energy. In reality, every time we let ourselves slip into a habit of laziness or complacency, we lose time, muscle, conditioning. This is the case in the Christian path as well. I spent a lot of last year going in fits and starts of complacency and seeking, busyness and unity with the Father. I would not consider this past year a consistent run, but the desire of my heart is that this year would be--a dedicated chase after the heart of the Father, ever closer to Him.
Another part of that passage in Ephesians 4 is the following:
And so I insist--and God backs me up on this--that there be no going along with the crowd, the empty-headed, mindless crowd. . . . we do not have excuse of ignorance, everything--and I do mean everything--connected with that old way of life has to go. It's rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely different life--a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces His character in you. . . . Don't grieve God. Don't break His heart. His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don't take such a gift for granted.
So here I am. I won't lie--the heaviness has returned. I am rather burnt out on school. They switched my class today. I'm now in a grammar class that seems to be more of a lower level, but it is also the first Spanish class I've had with other students. I think I've been spoiled by individual attention. It is still beneficial though as I'm reviewing grammar concepts that I haven't had since high school. Not having all of the attention and pressure on me makes the class go so much faster which I appreciate. I still have the same literature class which I enjoy since I am comfortable with the professor and other student, and Marielle and Sam are still my conversation class.
Meanwhile, I am homesick although not for the U.S. I don't even know what I'm really homesick for. When I experience this homesickness, my default is usually that I am homesick for Honduras, but I don't really know what it is I'm homesick for. Perhaps, it is something I've never actually had before. I long for roots and permanence, stability and fruition. But, it is all in God's time. I am here in Mexico. This is the road where God has called me at this moment, so I want to run, not walk, with the purpose God has for me here.
Meanwhile, we have two new girls that just arrived to live in our house. I enjoy having our house full with a makeshift, temporary feel of family. And now, I am off to conquer some homework.
Thanks for reading,
Sarah
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