La Esperanza--The Hope

Hello All,
Sorry for the blogging hiatus. It has been a necessary time of personal reflection and God-guided changes. Once again, He is showing me so much of Himself and His plans in this place. I feel overwhelmed with joy and find myself laughing for no apparent reason, much to the confusion (or shared joy) of others around me. While my first couple of days here were a time of testing, where God was asking me if I was willing to give up Honduras and put my heart's deepest loves and desires on His altar (I was), the past few days have been burdens lifted and a sweet soaking in of His tender love. His time is infinitely perfect! I have been reminded of several words that God gave me last summer: Although I have been accustomed to being pushed around, God's touch is gentle. He is taking His time with me--not because He wants to be cruel, but because He knows I will wait for Him and because He wants to take the time to woo me. It's a marvelous thing, and I want to savor every part of the journey. His stories are always the best, with each intricate detail simultaneously working for His glory and working to impress me with His keen eye and meticulous hand. His stories aren't the kind to be devoured and dismissed. Stories that merely entertain and eat time lack cleverly woven plots. God is an author with an expertise in symbolism and foreshadowing; you can't devour His works because you'll miss some element of their beauty.

I have received further, deeper, confirmation that I do have a calling to be a missionary, and that I am, indeed, called to Honduras. I don't feel called to a specific task here at this time. I don't want a position. I don't want a title. I don't even really want a niche. I don't even know that I will teach. I only feel led to be irrelevant, a servant, the least of these. I feel very called to those that are forgotten. I feel called to the places where no one else wishes to go so that I can bring the love of Christ to those who have fallen through the cracks. It is not a complicated work. It involves no plans, no programs. It's not about funding or about mission statements. It's just about intimacy with God, obedience to Him without self-importance, and an extreme dependency on the Father at all times, in every moment. I am reminded of Matthew 10:
Go to the lost, confused people right here in the neighborhood. Tell them that the kingdom is here. Bring health to the sick. Raise the dead. Touch the untouchables. Kick out the demons. You have been treated generously, so live generously. Don't think you have to put on a fund-raising campaign before you start. You don't need a lot of equipment. You are the equipment, and all you need to keep that going is three meals a day. Travel light.

God has been so good in showing me the depth of His love, and I've once again been stuck in Isaiah.
Isaiah 43:
But now, God's Message, the God who made you in the first place, Jacob, the One who got you started, Israel: "Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you. I've called your name. You're mine. When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. When you're in rough waters, you will not go down. When you're between a rock and hard place, it won't be a dead end--because I am God, your personal God, the Holy of Israel, your Savior. I paid a huge price for you: all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in! That's how much you mean to me! That's how much I love you! I'd sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you.
Isaiah 44:
So what is coming next? Anyone want to venture a try? Don't be afraid, and don't worry: Haven't I always kept you informed, told you what was going on? You're my eyewitnesses: Have you ever come across a God, a real God, other than me? There's no Rock like me that I know of.
Isaiah 45:
I'll go ahead of you, clearing and paving the road. I'll break down bronze city gates, smash padlocks, kick down barred entrances. I'll lead you to buried treasures, secret caches of valuables--confirmations that it is, in fact, I, God, the God of Israel, who calls you by your name. It's because of my dear servant Jacob, Israel my chosen, that I've singled you out, called you by name, and given you this privileged work. . . . Clearly, you are a God who works behind the scenes, God of Israel, Savior God. . . . Who told you, and a long time ago, what's going on here? Who made sense of things for you? Wasn't I the one? God? It had to be me. I'm the only God there is--the only God who does things right and knows how to help.
Isaiah 46:
From the very beginning telling you what the ending will be, all along letting you in on what is going to happen, assuring you, "I'm in this for the long haul, I'll do exactly what I set out to do." . . . I've said it, and I'll most certainly do it. I've planned it, so it's as good as done.

God knows all the plans that He has for me. His will is rich and humbling. It's so unbelievable all that He has planned, and I know from the Scriptures above that He will carry it all out in His time. I only have to wait and rest in His extravagant love. What a privilege to be prepared delicately by a perfect Father.

Finally, I was incredibly blessed by Isaiah 50:
Listen to me, all you who are serious about right living and committed to seeking God. Ponder the rock from which you were cut, the quarry from which you were dug. Yes, ponder Abraham, your father, and Sarah, who bore you. Think of it! One solitary man when I called him, but once I blessed him, he multiplied.

With today being Father's Day, I am especially touched by Isaiah 50. I am blessed by the ripple effect of the obedience of the fathers in my life. My very own father is an amazing man, and I feel blessed beyond words that God granted me a father who points me to the Father first and foremost. My dad has taught me many things--how to be a strong and not governed by emotions, to seek out the outcasts and love the unloveable, to be content and not high maintenance, and that I only need to depend on one man--just Jesus. I am quite grateful that my father has also been missions-minded, for he planted many seeds in my life that are now coming to fruition for God's glory. I was cut from the rock of my parents, and they have had immeasureable, beautiful effects on my own life.

Another father that has had unspeakable impact on my life is Alvin Anderson, the man who started Manos Extendidas (www.mehonduras.org). If it wasn't for his obedience to come to Honduras 14 years ago (the anniversary just happens to be my birthday. . .accident? I think not!), I wouldn't be here today. It brings me to tears to think of all of the intricate details of obedience that God orchestrated for me to be here and be who I am today. Alvin echoes Isaiah 50. He was one solitary man when he was called, but God has multiplied his servant's heart in mighty ways. I see his obedience everywhere here--in Quendy, in Mayra, in Blanca, in Sara, in Kevin, in Bladimir, in Roy, and in my own life. Alvin's prayer echoes 2 Timothy 2: "Become the kind of container God can use to present any and every kind of gift to his guests for their blessing."I can't remember which time it was when we were here, but my dad, Joe, asked Alvin what we could pray for him, what needs he had. Alvin's response blew us away because instead of asking for money for a project or help for a plan or program, he merely asked that we'd pray that God would purify him to be a clean vessel for others. I find that this is now also my prayer.
And knowing with great gratitude from where I was cut, I lovingly wish these--my two fathers--a very Happy Father's Day!

Meanwhile, it's been a little bit of a rocky time here at the house, and we would appreciate your prayers. For whatever reason, the public school here gave every school child 400 lempiras which is roughly the equivalent of $20. With this in her pocket, Blanca decided to leave us. She got it into her head that she would leave, would go back to live with her grandmother (who left her with Child Services to begin with), and eventually would find a job in the US. Blanca is 13. As a minor, she had to be taken to the police station to be processed with Child Services again. However, they don't work on Saturdays--which is when all this transpired. Thus, after Roy and Sara had carted her down there, they carted her right back with her three trash bags of stuff. Blanca had a conversation with Papi Alvin and decided to stay instead of leave. I don't know what sparked this desire to leave, and prayers for Blanca and the situation are still needed.

This is most definitely a house of women--strong-willed ones at that. There are times when the girls butt heads or argue with Sally and Sara. It is an interesting environment. All of the girls crave male attention. We can all be sitting in our shared back bedroom, and the second a male voice passes through this place, every single girl is up and running to see who it is. There is unending talk of Papi Alvin and Roy--the two loving men who care for these girls on a regular basis. Papi is the one who brings the girls here, who adopts them, who disciplines them, loves on them, and encourages them. Roy is the one who takes them to school, offers them a smile and a joke, and quietly protects them within the neighborhood (whether they're aware of it or not). It is a good environment here. While Sally does not speak Spanish, she does keep the household running with her no-nonsense practicality and with her grandmotherly charm. Sara, meanwhile, governs the girls with a fiery but delicate disposition. She demands utmost respect, but she also loves with abandon. And, the girls are escaping their pasts as a result.

I don't know Blanca's story specifically, but I know she has a past. Quendy was sexually abused by her own father and abused physically by her mother. Mayra, my little Spanish-spewing fireball, was sexually abused by the man who is both her father and grandfather. She is the one who turned him in once she learned how babies are made. I love all of my girls here. They are my adopted little sisters. Mayra especially has blessed my heart while she's been here. We've had several conversations about how she doesn't need a boyfriend although boys may want to date her. She wants to focus on her studies and wants to further her future. She is the first one to serve, always cleaning, always caring for others, and every spare moment that she has, she spends reading her Bible. Let that soak in long enough, and it'll be convicting. I know it is for me.

I went to church again today. It was much different than last Sunday. It's hard to explain, but it left me with a peaceful sense that God knows what He is doing. He is shifting that congregation. He is moving in that place. And I welcome the work of His hands and marvel that He allows me the privilege of sharing in it.

Anyway, while I have loved this short span of time here, the time has come for me to venture to La Esperanza for the next part of my adventure. It will most definitely be out of my comfort zone. Even just that short bit of time spent trying to teach Roy, my 23-year-old student, showed me just how difficult teaching English will be. I have no experience and no lesson plans. I don't even know what age group I'll be teaching. In short, I am in over my head. But I know that when I am in rough waters, I will not go down. Ultimately, God works best when I am the one lacking. Bring on the weakness and may God have all control. I will meet the director and an incoming volunteer at the airport tomorrow. From there, we will spend a night in La Valle de Los Angeles for orientation, and on Tuesday it's off to La Esperanza by bus.

I don't believe that it is any accident that I am going to La Esperanza--"The Hope." I believe I've already mentioned the dual meaning of "esperar"--to wait and to hope. It is an appropriate place to be in for me at this time. I am waiting on my Father, on the fruition of all His good works, and as I wait, I reside in The Hope. I hope that you do too.

Thank you for reading my transparent confessions and for all of your prayers offered up on my behalf. I don't know what internet access will be like at this new place, but I will do my best to keep you updated.

Los quiero,
Sarah