Romans 12

Romans 12:
So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life--your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life--and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity; God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

I have learned that any time in my life when I feel as if I am struggling, fighting myself or my circumstances, or simply not resting in the sleep of God's will, I am not fully surrendered. I need to let go of the illusion of control of whatever it is I'm grasping too tightly. Sometimes, it is health--thinking I can will myself to get better, instead of trusting God to heal me. Sometimes, it is just trying to do too much--instead of letting God control my time and commitments. Sometimes, it is my finances--worrying for no reason when I know fully that God has always provided for me. Sometimes, it is holding too tightly to people that are dear to me--instead of surrendering them to the hands of God. A lot of times, it is unconscious, and it is only when I get still with God that I see it. His yoke is light, and the more I let go and put in God's hands (even when it means surrender and sacrifice of my desires and control), the more peace I have. Life is not a struggle when I trust every last detail to Him.

Yesterday, I read Revolution in World Missions by K.P. Yohannan. I would definitely recommend this book. I was fighting tears throughout the entire thing because it is so convicting. I can't even put into words everything that God showed me from this book because it hasn't all fully sunken in yet. All that I can really convey is that it reminded me of the true heart of missions--reaching those that are lost or in darkness with Jesus. It's just that simple. It's not about humanitarian work or education programs (although I know God can use those). It's not about food or handouts (although God can use those as well). It is just about Jesus. Period. With this in mind, the load of missions is lifted, because it's His work, not ours. We are only called to be obedient with reckless abandon. We are just the vessels, the mouthpieces. In some cases, our humanitarian work and the meeting of physical needs is a "good" thing that proves to be an obstacle for His best thing--the simple sharing of Jesus, salvation of people right where they are.

I've really been searching, seeking God as to what He plans for me to do when I move here. I imagined trying to drum up financial support with a complete loss for what I was going to "do," where that money would "go." In short, it was a fear of mine. Through that book, though, I learned that this is the way it needs to be for me. This is not my work, it's His. If it is all surrendered to Him, I don't need to "do" anything; He will make the way. Being a missionary is quite simple--it's sharing Jesus with people that don't know Him. I don't have to have a task or a title or even a plan. It's just Jesus. He will always show me where to go. I know this.

I find myself in the refiner's fire here. I am being stripped of my own ideas and plans, and I once again, find myself in the place of Abraham. God has given me a gift, a blessing for which I have prayed and waiting diligently, and now He is asking me if I trust Him and love Him enough to lay the very thing He gave me on His altar. It is difficult and painful. But I want His perfect best. I don't want to settle for the "good" at the expense of His best. Thus, all is surrendered to His altar. And once again, I feel peace.

I encourage you that if there is something within your life that you are fighting--as demonstrated by worrying about it, constantly bouncing thoughts about it around in your mind, feeling torn about it, or not being able to imagine your life without control over it--to surrender it. Understand that this kind of surrender is accompanied by obedience. There is no way around it. We can't give something to God with our own conditions. "God, I'll surrender this aspect of my life, if this happens. . ." or "God, I'll be obedient in letting go of this problem, if you make the circumstances go this way. . ." It doesn't work that way. Surrendering means obedience with reckless abandon. You don't know how it's going to work out. You are totally in the dark. But you believe and trust that He is a God who loves you desperately and will always work His best for you when you allow Him to do so. It's just that simple.

I want to walk the road of Romans 12. I am placing all of my life on the altar as an offering to the Father. I don't want to struggle against myself or my circumstances. I want to gladly embrace what He does for me--in my health, in my finances, in my future, in my relationships, in my daily activities, in EVERYTHING! I have learned that our obedience or disobedience or even hesitation to obey does not just affect us. It will inevitably affect someone else. I want to be obedient and wait for His best not just for myself, but because I know that the lives of others, the well-being of others, are related to my decision of surrender. God doesn't need me. I am not so important that He can't do His work without me, but I want in on it. I want to be whatever it is He has called me to be--humble, obedient, a servant for His kingdom, forgetting my own.

With humble love,
Sarah